Crimson Winter
by DecemberSnowfall
Summary: His stare as well as his grip remained unyielding. "Know this. If you run again, wherever you go, however far you manage to get.. I will find you, Katarina." His tone rumbled dangerously. He wasn't just threatening me, he was making a promise. Bucky Barnes/OC
1. A fateful encounter

Growing up my Mother used to read to me every night before bed, rain or shine, sickness or health she was there to read me a bedtime story. She inspired my love of books, and as I got older and could read them myself, I couldn't get my hands on enough of them. Nothing ever compared to how she would read them though. The way she would use different voices, and act out certain scenes to my delight, that was the best.

My favorite stories were always the ones full of fantasy and magic, the ones that had a happy ending with a prince and a damsel in distress living happily ever after. Everything was always so simple in these books, there was black and there was white, there was right and there was wrong. If only life would have stayed so simple..

My name is Katarina Rosewood. Middle name? None of your business. I'm twenty-three years old, and I am a librarian with a rather disruptive hobby of tinkering with electronics. I have long, wavy red hair that frankly is a pain in my ass and always manages to somehow look messy, a trait I sadly inherited from my Dad. My eyes are a gun-metal gray in color, my skin an 'do-you-ever-go-outside' ivory. I'm a very intimidating five foot two in height, with a slender but curvaceous form and I have been an orphan since I was seven years old.

I lost my parents in a horrific car accident, I was the only survivor. My Dad, my Mom, and my Aunt were all declared dead on arrival. I was told over and over again that it was a miracle I was alive.. Though I didn't exactly come out of the wreck in perfect condition. My entire right arm ended up being horribly scarred, though I did end up covering it up with tattoo sleeve when I turned eighteen. I also have two scars on my face, the first and the biggest stretches from underneath my chin and follows the right side of my jawline before crossing over onto my ear. The second intersects off the first, going across my chin and cutting into the right side of my bottom lip. Constant reminders of a day I could never change.

I spent the rest of my childhood and adolescent years living with my grandparents... though they both passed shortly after I turned seventeen, and then it was just me and my books. In my mother's honor, my taste in books never varied.. They were always filled with handsome heroes, and epic adventures. My Mother used to assure me when I was little, when I would 'ooo' and 'ahhh' over the grand love stories, that I would eventually be swept off my feet and fall madly and dangerously in love.

She however failed to mention that said man would be a kidnapping, manhandling, murderous, super-soldier-assassin with bad social skills, and a metal arm. She must have wanted that part to be a surprise...

\- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

Washington D.C was in complete and utter chaos. Far too many people were dead or injured, and nobody could completely understand what the hell was going on. Three Hellicarriers had been blasted out of the sky and had crash landed, Captain America was all over the news along with a masked man, and police were strongly advising everyone to stay indoors.

I thought I had moved here to get away from this type of shit? I seriously have the worst luck.

My previous address was Manhattan.. and boy did that end just brilliantly! Aliens literally invaded, and a good portion of the city was reduced to nothing but rubble. Including my former place of employment... Completely smashed to the ground thanks to a giant fucking 'Alien-Whale' landing on top of it when Hulk took it out of the sky.

If that doesn't prompt someone for a relocation, I really don't know what would.

I hurried down the sidewalk, eager to heed the warnings and get indoors. Sirens seemed to be blaring from every direction, but this side of town was seemingly bare of any and all foot-traffic.. Either everyone was stuck in all the traffic jams in the heart of the trouble, or they were already safely tucked inside their homes.

Lucky for them.

I ducked into a side alley, opting for a shortcut home rather than the main roads, the quicker I got off the streets, the better. I played with a frayed thread from the forming hole in my jeans as I walked, trying to keep my mind from overthinking what was going on in the city. The events surrounding our nations 'superheroes' were always a fun and scary topic to follow. While they were indeed vastly interesting, danger seemed to follow them everywhere, and a lot of the time civilians were caught in the crossfire.

A thump and a groan wrenched me from my thoughts, stopping me in my tracks. Glancing up I first noticed the numerous bodies spread out around the alley, some of their limbs were twisted at odd angles, and others had blood leaking from their forms. But all of them, all of them were completely still. Except one.

 _He_ stood in the center of them all; tall, muscled, and imposing. An impressive and intimidating man, dressed tactically in all black, with long dark hair that fell to his shoulders. While his right hand held a knife, his left hand is what caught my attention, it was silver. My eyes trailed up his left arm, taking in the details.. what the fuck...? He had a metal arm, a contrasting red star was printed at the shoulder.

The gasp left my mouth before my brain could compute that making noise was a horrible, horrible idea. His head snapped up instantly, his cold, blue eyes meeting my own in a calculating and dark gaze.

Oh, fuck me.

Panic flooded my body, I turned and bolted back the way I came towards the main road. Away from the dead bodies, away from that, away from him. I just barely registered footfalls behind me before a thunderous weight crashed into my back. There was no way he closed the distance that fast! That was impossible, I should have had a head start! I shrieked before we hit pavement, the air violently leaving my lungs. I scrambled and twisted as his large hands gripped onto my arms, completely encasing them. My struggles didn't seem to matter any to him as he flipped me onto my back, his weight pressing into my legs, digging them into the pavement, successfully pinning them down.

His metal hand wrapped quite suddenly around my delicate throat before I could so much as take another breath to scream. My eyes widened as his grip slowly started constricting, cutting off my air supply. I reached up, desperately clawing at his wrist with as much force as I could muster, but the smooth, cool metal was unmoving no matter how much I struggled beneath him. I shifted my hips, trying to get some sort of leverage, but his thighs tightened on either side of me in response. I yanked hard at his arm, he didn't even blink.

Of fucking course! I was going to be killed by a madman with a metal arm! What a fucking way to go, I escape being flattened like a pancake by an alien, only to be killed in a back alley by some murderous psycho.

I shifted my gaze to the face of my attacker, he seemed to be analyzing me, watching me carefully as he took his sweet time strangling the life out of me. I vaguely registered that he was handsome... which just kind of added insult to injury.. Of course my killer would be eye-candy, because why the fuck not? If I was gonna' die, he might as well be hot right?

Fate is an ironic asshole.

His blue eyes were void of any emotion, just calculating orbs that viewed me as a threat. Rugged facial hair accented his annoyingly beautiful face, and I took note that his messy, hair was a dark brown.. He had a small cut near the right side of his jaw, and another up on his left cheekbone. He looked... familiar? Why did he look familiar?! What were the chances that I would know my attacker?

His grip tightened suddenly, pain flooding my brain as spots appeared and mockingly danced in my vision, his eyebrows furrowing as he stared me down.. A memory flared in my brain, he looked.. he looked like.. from the... I couldn't focus, my brain was cloudy, the memory just barely out of reach. What was his name... he was friends with...

"Barnes?" I gasped weakly, my voice raspy and pained. His entire body tensed on top of me, his grip loosening just a fraction on my neck, allowing me a moment to greedily gulp in as much air as I could as he froze in place.

Focusing once more at his face, I was surprised to find he now looked shocked and rather dazed. His eyes looked glossy and far away, as if remembering something... He was seeing right through me. Hope swelled in my stomach, this was my chance, probably my only chance while he was distracted.

Looking left and then right, I searched for anything that could help. A weapon, something, anything! I spotted my opening not even a moment later and hastily seized it. Reaching over I grasped clumsily onto an old, red brick laying almost perfectly within reach.

I didn't bother to think about the fact that I was about to attack a man not only much larger than myself, but also incredibly dangerous. No, I just thought about getting out of his would be death-grip, and putting as much distance between him and myself as I possibly could. Just because I had seemingly shocked the hell out of him by saying his name, didn't mean he was going to suddenly change his mind on killing me. No, I couldn't afford to take that chance.

Grunting, I swung my arm up, smashing the brick into the side of his face. Pain shot through my hand as his head snapped to the side, the brick crumbling from impact as it connected perfectly. His reaction remained impassive, as if I had done nothing but smack a pillow into the side of his head.

However, his hand released my throat and I practically threw myself away from him. Rocks dug harshly into my palms as I twisted around and dashed forward on all fours before launching myself to my feet, stumbling slightly as I took off running.

If I had bothered to look back, I might have seen him sitting calmly on his heels, no new injuries on his face. If I had bothered to just throw one cautious glance over my shoulder, maybe.. just maybe I would have watched him tilt his head to the side curiously before he raised fluidly to his feet and started after me.

* * *

Alright, here it is! The first chapter to my James Buchanan Barnes(Bucky) story. This story takes place directly after the events of The Winter Soldier, I of course want some major plot points and all that to be a surprise. I will however say now that I am going to be heavily playing on the fact that Bucky pretty much has two different personalities in his head.. There's the man, James Barnes.. and there's the Winter Soldier. So anyone looking for a fluffy-vanilla story, this one isn't for you(Though, when have I EVER wrote anything fluffy and vanilla, haha.) Anything else will become clear later on! I hope you guys enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you to all of my readers who have stuck by me and motivated me through my long and horrible writers block. I do have plans to continue my other stories after editing them, as well as starting new ones.. For now, I'm a bit Winter Soldier obsessed. Read and Review! More reviews, the quicker the next chapter!


	2. Breaking and entering

I didn't stop running until I got about two blocks away, when the stitch in my side and the burning of my lungs became too much to handle. My breathing was labored and I was sweating profusely.. I felt exhausted, but I didn't stop moving. I just continued on at a much slower pace. For the most part the streets were calm and quiet, night was falling and the sirens were far off in the distance now. I had successfully put enough distance between me and today's events, but my heartbeat refused to slow.. My unease stayed with me, every small noise had my body tensing and my stomach rolling.

I was beyond paranoid.

It wasn't much longer until my apartment complex came into view, and I once again quickened my pace, taking some of the stairs inside, two at a time. I just wanted to be home, safe and tucked away in the confines of my apartment, where I could hopefully forget the entirety of my day all together.

Unlocking my door, I quickly rushed into my darkened apartment and shut and double locked the door. Everything was quiet now, the only sound being my own harsh breathing.. Turning on the lights as I moved, I headed towards my bedroom. What I needed was a really, and I mean really long, hot soak in the bath. I was hopeful that maybe I could just wash today's events away.

Gathering up some comfortable clothes, I moved into my adjoining bathroom and started to run the hot water. My only luxury in my small, one bedroom apartment was the garden tub. It was my saving grace, always calming me down after extra long days.

Stripping in front of the bathroom mirror I first took note of the numerous scrapes and cuts decorating the palms of my hands, next up was the irritated looking road rash decorating my knees, as well as my forearms. Least I had only come out with a few cuts on my face.. that tackle could have gone a lot worse.. He had been so heavy..

My gaze zeroed in on the bruise forming around my throat.. The angry purple color was starting to distinctly look like a large hand print.. I cringed and pulled myself away from the mirror, practically throwing myself into the tub with a hiss as the hot water licked at my fresh wounds. I sank beneath the hot water, letting the heat attempt to sooth my sore muscles as well as my mind.

That man.. he must have been the one on the news, the one in the mask.. The one Captain America had been fighting in all those news clips that dominated the TV. Was he really Barnes? It must have been straight up dumb-luck that I had went and visited the Captain America exhibit at the Smithsonian just a few weeks ago...

Bucky Barnes.. best friend of Captain America.. The only one in Cap's old team to have given his life.. I had recognized his face from his memorial piece in the exhibit. His hair was longer, but there was no mistaking it.. that had been the same man. He hadn't aged a day.. How was that even possible?

Steve Rogers had been enhanced by a serum, and then frozen.. what had happened to his friend to put them on opposite sides? I shook my head. No, no.. I needed to forget the entire thing!

I had just been in the wrong place, at the wrong time.. Nibbling on my bottom lip I found I couldn't get the image of him to leave my brain.. I swallowed thickly.

He had killed people before I had arrived... Wonder which side those people had been on?

Sighing, I sunk lower into the water, leaning my head back against the side of the tub. I stared blankly at the cieling, his face swirling around over and over in my brain.

He had looked so surprised when I said his last name.. But why? Ugh, just my luck. I almost get murdered by the guy, and now I can't stop thinking about him..

I spent the remaining time in the bath scrubbing carefully at my skin, cleaning my injuries and doing my general routine of shaving and washing my hair. I forced myself not to think of his searing blue eyes, or the way he had almost choked the life out of me.. Instead I mentally took apart and put back together my living room clock. It was an older clock, and a favorite of mine. One I regularly messed with. It was soothing and helped to ease my troubled thoughts, my version of counting sheep.

I dressed in a pair of small, red and black plaid shorts, as well as a black tank top and exited the bathroom, I had bandaged the injuries that needed it, specifically my arms, and my knees. Leaving the rest to heal on their own. I carried my towel with me, still fiddling with the ends of my hair, working the water out of it, too lazy and far too hungry to worry about blow drying it.

My muscles protested as I made my way out of the bedroom and down the hall into the living room, all I really wanted to do was to crawl into bed and sleep for the next two days, but my hunger wasn't going to allow that to happen. I frowned as I once again thought of the reason behind my aches.. maybe I should buy a taser?

A figure sitting calmly on my couch stopped me in my tracks, sending my heart hammering violently against my rib cage. My towel fell from my hands and fluttered to the floor.

 _Him_.

My breath caught in my throat as I stared at him, he met my gaze evenly, but didn't move so much as an inch. He was almost comically out of place as he sat casually on my couch, just as intimidating as before. His large form was over six feet, his shoulders wide with a tapered waist, his legs long and powerful looking.. His face was just as stupidly beautiful as before.. I glanced at the side of his face, the one I had struck.. he didn't even have a fucking scratch!

Whoever had hit him before obviously had hit him a lot harder than me.

Fuck, how the hell? How did he even find me?!

He followed me; that was the only explanation! He must have broken in while I was in the bath.. I never even heard him... How long had he been out here, just waiting for me to come out? Well, least he was considerate enough to not just barge in on my bath.. I shuddered at the thought.

I tensed, ready to run, ready to scream. He must have noticed my body language.

"Don't." He warned, speaking for the first time. His voice was deliciously deep, with a gravely undertone. His hand twitched at his side, drawing my attention to his side where I noticed the gun sitting next to him on the cushion. A suppressed pistol maybe? I didn't have a perfect look, his metal hand covered most of it, but the threat rang loud and clear.

If I made to run, to even scream.. I'd be dead before I could complete the action, or at the very least, in a lot of pain. Swallowing harshly, I forced my legs to remain where they were.. my hands trembling at my sides.

"What do you want?" I muttered weakly. His head tipped slightly to the side as he studied my face.

"How did you know that name?"

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. What?..

"Barnes?" I questioned unsurely.

He nodded once, stiffly.

"Do you know him?"

Him? What did he mean? Was he talking about himself? Did he not think that was his name, was I wrong?!

"What?" I inquired abruptly.

"Steve Rogers." He ground out. I was even more confused now.. what did Steve have to do with his name? His eyes glinted dangerously, he was getting angry at my lack of response I realized.

"No, no! I don't- I don't know Captain America..." I shifted nervously.. "The name, it's.. you.. I saw it at the Smithsonian museum." I explained horribly. He watched me for a few moments before he finally nodded his head. At least he believed me enough not to shoot me, yet...

Did he not.. know who he was?

"Show me." He demanded.

Wait, what? He wanted.. no-no-no! Not in a million years was I going anywhere with him!

"What? Now?!" I glanced at the clock, it was well past open hours for one, and two.. just NO! He stood, gracefully and silently, it was almost unreal how fluidly he moved as he walked around the coffee table... His boots barely making a sound on the hardwood floor.

"Yes. Now." His tone dared me to argue.

I let out a long breath as he watched me, gun in hand.

"Can't you just.. go yourself?" I supplied, shrugging my shoulders and forcing a shaky smile onto my face. His eyes darkened and he took one solid step towards me, and then another. I glanced from his eyes to the gun, and back again.

Okay, he tracked me down because I knew something about him.. and he obviously wanted me to take him to the exhibit.. and then logically he'd let me go right? Well.. that or he'd kill me..

I stuck my hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay!" He halted immediately, watching me wearily. "Can I change first though?" I pointed to my attire, causing his eyes to sweep from head to my toes and back up again, almost lazily.

"Five minutes." He commanded.

I nodded hurriedly before turning and practically tripping over myself in my hurry to get towards my room.

Oh god, oh god.. this was totally not fucking happening.. Why did he follow me? How did he follow me so easily? Fuck.. I was so dead..

Steeling my resolve I quickly pulled on a pair of dark faded jeans and some black socks. I stripped off the tank top, threw on a bra and grabbed a loose fitting red tank top. I settled on a black pullover hoodie, and some smart high-top converse. Grabbing a hair-tie I quickly gathered up my still-damp hair and pulled it in a quick messy bun, just as my door violently jerked open and he strode inside.

"Time's up." He growled. Reaching forward he latched onto my upper arm with his metal one, his gun now in his normal hand as he dragged me forward towards him. His grip on my arm was almost too tight, I suppressed a wince. There would be another bruise for sure.

His towering form crowded me in the narrow hallway as he guided me ahead of him, forcing me to walk at a slightly awkward angle, I put extra focus into not tripping over my own two feet. No need to make this go worse than it already was. This was obviously going to be a very long night...

* * *

So, I was going to wait a bit longer before giving you guys the second chapter while I worked further into the story.. buuuut I couldn't help myself! So here it is, I hope you all enjoy it. As I said before this story takes place right after the events of The Winter Soldier. Steve's in the hospital, Hydra and Shield are running crazy, and the city is in shambles. Now, this being said.. my story isn't going to exactly line up to Civil War.. creative freedom and what not.. Also a reminder that I'm going to be heavily playing on the fact that Bucky has two personalities in his head.. The Winter Soldier, and James Barnes, so I'm sorry to the vanilla-fluff lovers, but this story probably won't be up to your standards. Anyways, I hope you guys like the plot and twists I have planned! Read and review! The more reviews, the quicker I'll post the next chapter. Till next time my lovelies! ~


	3. Questions without answers

It wasn't bad enough that my would-be murderer broke into my house after I escaped him, no, no of course not. It couldn't just end there! That would have been too simple. Of course he would end up manhandling me all the way to the Smithsonian to see the Captain America exhibit!

Would we go see it during open hours? Of course not!

We just had to break in.

Because nothing could possibly be simple with this man.

I was starting to figure out that everything needed to be done on his schedule.

Instant first impression? He wasn't a patient man in the slightest.

"Which way?" His voice growled from my right.

I gestured towards the darkened left hallway and he nodded, dragging me forward with him. I eyed the video cameras wearily, whatever he had done outside, had disabled the cameras temporarily.. I was guessing a man with his skill-set didn't really have a problem breaking into places.. My apartment being a prime example.

He didn't slow his quick pace until we neared the first of the Captain America exhibit.. his hand tightened on my arm, I winced but kept silent as he looked over the darkened displays, obviously reading. Shifting my weight onto my other leg I risked a glance at his face, he remained vacant of emotion as he looked over his supposed best-friends history.

"Yours is over there." I murmured quietly, pointing down the hall. He glanced down at my face, his eyes scanning my face for a moment before he nodded and pulled the both of us forward. I walked slightly faster, taking the lead. His hand never wavered in it's vice like grip even as I moved ahead of him. He obviously didn't trust me not to bolt if he let go.

Couldn't say he was wrong.

We halted in front of the grand display, his face took up one half.. It was as I remembered, his hair was cropped short, and his facial hair was tamer.. But it was definitely the same man.. I focused on his eyes in the photo.. He looked...

I snuck a quick glance towards the same man standing next to me.. He didn't look so.. haunted back then. What had happened to him...?

If he noticed my gaze, he didn't acknowledge it, his eyes were analyzing all of what was in front of him. His history.. a history he apparently didn't know.

Tearing my eyes away from his face, I glanced towards the display, taking a moment to read over the text.

 _James Buchanan Barnes_ , also known as Bucky.. Born _March tenth, Nineteen-seventeen_. Damn, he's pushing a hundred... Looks pretty good for his age..

His grip on my arm was starting to constrict again, was that a subconscious movement? Because fuck did it hurt... I bit my lip and glanced towards his metal hand. Okay Katarina, you can do this... distract him without upsetting him.. If you don't, you mind end up like him.. And I seriously doubted I'd get a cool metal replacement.

"Do you like Bucky or James better?" I inquired softly.. His body went rigid next to me, I watched a tick form at his jaw as he clenched his teeth. His eyes almost looked pained as his gaze slid to mine.

"James." His voice was hoarse as he spoke, as if it took effort to get the name out of his mouth.

I nodded slightly. Alright, James it is. I took a deep breath and willed my stomach to stop twisting. This was way too weird. First the guy tried to kill me just for being there. Next, he breaks into my house because I recognized him... And now I was on a first name basis with him while he kept me hostage at a museum..

I really don't think it's possible for this day to get any weirder. I was probably going to need therapy after this.. Well, if I survived that is.

James' head snapped to look towards the other end of the darkened hall and suddenly I was behind him, the grip on my arm gone. I shrieked as he threw his metal arm up and blocked a bullet that would have hit where I was previously standing.

"Get down!" He growled. His hand shot out and connected with my chest, sending me flying back behind the display of himself. Pain blossomed from my sternum as I crashed to the floor. Wheezing, I looked up to see guys in black stepping out of the shadows..

What the fuck?! Was everyone a super stealthy assassin but me?! Who were these people?! How had they found us?! Wait...

I shifted to look towards Bucky, he was standing calmly, staring at them all, as if daring them to move first. He was so... formidable looking.

They were here for him.

Chaos erupted as they all advanced towards him, some wielded what looked to be stun batons, while others seemed to have nothing but their fists.

They wanted him alive, I realized... They only used a gun for me...

I shrunk back against the wall as they moved, in what looked to be a perfectly rehearsed, violent dance. They swung, he dodged. They closed in, he evaded.

They moved with impressive precision, but it wasn't enough. He was in a completely different league. He blocked their punches before delivering his own much harder ones. Knocking several of them out flat.

Gasping, my heart lurched into my throat as a stun baton flew through the air, aimed for his neck.

My worries weren't necessary.

He grabbed a hold of the guy's wrist and smashed his fist into his elbow, my stomach rolled as the bone snapped.

One of the men turned towards where I was hiding, obviously having heard my gasp and deciding I was an easy target to eliminate. Bucky however, didn't let him even finish the thought. His hands appeared on either side of the man's head, twisting until his head was turned at a sickening, unnatural angle.

He turned and met his next attacker with ease, his hand wrapping around his neck and squeezing until blood gurgled from his mouth. His boot caught the next in the chest, sending him flying and crashing into a different display.

And then he was at my side.

"Time to go!" He commanded angrily, his hand encircling my wrist as he hauled me to my feet. We took off running as more men smashed in through the windows. Where the fuck where they all coming from!?

I couldn't keep up with James' speed, it felt like he was ripping my arm off at the shoulder as he dragged me behind him. I cried out as he abruptly stopped, sending me crashing into his firm back. His head whipped back to stare at me for a moment. His gaze shifted behind me, back towards the Smithsonian, he let out a harsh, irritated breath before he pulled us down a side street and took off running again.

We zig-zagged through various streets and alleys, running like the devil himself was at our heels.. But everything was silent behind us, I couldn't see anymore of those men.

He didn't stop, not even for a moment.

My apartment complex came into view.

He practically shoved me up all the stairs to my floor. I was huffing and puffing and he was just fucking fine. The only emotion that was flickering on his face was determination. How the fuck was he not tired?

He so wasn't normal...

He didn't bother letting me unlock the door. Shoving me to the side, his metal hand gripped onto the doorknob and twisted violently, breaking the entire handle as he shoved open the door.

"Hey!" I protested. He responded by shoving me through the doorway, my foot caught the carpet and I tripped into the coat rack. "Was that really necessary?" I growled angrily, turning to glare at him. He walked past me, his shoulder brushing mine slightly as he moved to check out the confines of my apartment before walking over towards the dinning room window to gaze outside.

"Don't ignore me!" I was frustrated, beyond frustrated actually. "What was that?!"

He slowly turned to stare at me, his blue gaze harsh and frigid. "Pack your stuff." My heart stuttered in my chest as I froze mid-step.

"What?" It came out breathy and uncertain. Furrowing my eyebrows, I felt my muscles tense.

"Pack. Your. Stuff." He repeated dangerously. He pulled himself away from the window and took a solid step towards me.

"What?! No!" I wasn't going anywhere with him! Who the fuck did he think he was?! He couldn't just show up and turn my entire life around!

"Katarina." He warned.

I blanched. How did he.. how did he know my name? I took a small step backwards, he took a larger one forwards. I never gave him my name...

"How do you know my name?" I muttered.

"Your mail." He spoke offhandedly, as if that was a perfectly normal response.

He had gone through my stuff?!

Of fucking course he had! He must have looked through the entire apartment while I was bathing.. I suddenly felt naked underneath his gaze... Oh my god... oh god.. I was going to throw up.

I hadn't realized I had kept backing up until my back connected with the hallway wall. He loomed in front of me now, gazing down at my face. I could feel his body heat rolling off of him as he blocked off my only means of escape.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." I spoke angrily after a moment, my voice sounding a lot braver than I felt.

That tick in his jaw returned as he scowled down his nose at me.

"Do you want to die?" He challenged. The blood in my veins iced over.

"N-no." Honesty..

"Then pack your bags." He snarled. His patience was wearing thin I realized.. I was walking on very, very thin ice. "Those men, they're Hydra. They've seen you and they will kill you." His tone was void of any and all compassion, it was like he was reciting practiced lines. My heart lodged in my throat.. Oh god.. I was going to die.

One way or another... I was dead.

Man, I just couldn't catch a break.

He took a small step back from me as I pulled myself away from the hallway wall. I was moving on auto-pilot. The last several hours were playing in an endless angsty loop in my head. Why was this happening to me? Why was he doing this to me? Why did he come after me? Why couldn't he just have left well enough alone?

* * *

Alright, here it is, chapter three! I hope you all enjoy it as usual! Sorry if the violence is a little graphic for any of you, the story is rated M for more reasons than just language and smut later on. For a long while in this story, Bucky is going to be very much 'The Winter Soldier'. It's gonna' take a little bit for 'James Buchanan Barnes' to start showing through every so often. So he's gonna' be more than a little rough around the edges. Mind you, he's never going to completely go back to being JUST 'Bucky'. He's not JUST that man anymore, he's both James Barnes and The Winter Soldier.. Those two sides of him are going to clash together and mesh, because he IS both. That being said, I do have tons of little plot points for this story that I'm excited to slowly unfold for you guys, like Bucky's motivation for keeping her alive. Read and Review! Reviews make my world go round and the updates faster. Till next time lovelies ~


	4. The differences in Devils

I walked to my bedroom in a daze, barely registering his nearly silent bulk moving behind me, shadowing me as I moved. Probably making sure I was doing as he demanded.

Logically I knew that if he was telling me to pack my bags, it meant he was trying to save my life.. He didn't have to do that.. he could just leave me to get murdered by these... Hydra guys or whatever.

What kind of fucking name was that anyway?

Hydra.

What a silly 'evil organization' name. Who decided that? Someone clearly had a thing for Greek history. I shot a glance at Bucky as he stood in my doorway, he took up the entirety of the door frame. His eyes were observing me intensely, as if every movement I made was interesting and new.

Did he handle everything in his life with that level of intensity? My mind flashed back to how easily he had handled himself against all those men at the Smithsonian. That was a definite yes.

I gathered up a large red duffel bag and began to shove clothes into it. Bras, panties, various pants, shirts, sweaters, socks, a couple changes of shoes. Next I gathered up my bath products.. probably not important, but whatever.. I wasn't good at packing to go on the run from people that wanted to kill me. Shoving a hairbrush inside the bag with a huff I doubled back to grab my favorite little tool kit, as well as my first aid kit.. The latter was probably going to be needed a lot.

Turning, I almost ran into his chest. Gods! He really needed to stop sneaking up on me, I wasn't sure my heart could take much more of his shenanigans.

He reached past me and grabbed onto my bag, his other hand moving to resume it's grip on my upper arm. I had a feeling I was going to have to get used to this type of behavior.. Sadly my traitorous hormones were starting to enjoy his proximity, it really was unhelpful how attractive he was. My mind however was a different matter entirely.

"Come on."

His voice had lost it's angry edge. He seem to have managed to calm himself down in the time it took me to pack. I let out a deep breath as he started guiding me out of my bedroom. I bit my tongue harshly, letting the pain aid in keeping me silent. It was taking everything I had to not argue with him. Common sense was telling me that he was trying to protect me from the danger he had dragged me into.

My stubborn side however knew that all of this was his fault to begin with.. Best to not bring that up now.

At least I didn't own a cat or something..

The only people that were going to eventually notice my absence were going to be my landlord, co-workers, and my best friend Autumn, whenever she got back from vacation... I shot a quick glance back towards my room, where I had left my cellphone sitting on the bedside table.

I had seen enough movies to know that phones were a definite no-no when on the run from nefarious organizations. Sighing, I turned back around as he lead me into the living room.

"Damn." He muttered coolly, halting abruptly.

Glass shattered around us.

I screamed as every window from my dinning room to the living room burst inwards, the frames breaking as men in tactical gear smashed in through the windows. We were surrounded! These had to be more Hydra agents? Bucky had been right, they had seen me and they'd come after me. All to get to him.

Where was Captain America when you needed him?! Ugh.. probably cleaning up the big disaster in the city, or fucking incapacitated knowing my luck, or lack thereof.

James' grip on my arm tightened before he quite suddenly yanked on it, sending me spiraling into his solid chest. The gears in his metal arm whirred as he raised it just in time to deflect a series of darts aimed for the two of us. His chest rumbled and then I was moving again. He shoved me away from his body, just like he had done at the museum. This time he sent me tumbling behind my large, plush accent chair into the hardwood floor. He really needed to start giving some sort of warning!

I was definitely going to be sore tomorrow.. holy fuck. Glass cut into my skin through my pullover hoodie as I slid along the shards.

Groaning I shifted to peak up over the back of the chair just in time to watch James' boot-clad foot connect brutally to a guy's chest and send him flying back out the window he had come in at. Turning he caught the next guys wrist, a glimmer of silver caught my attention. He skillfully twirled a knife in his hand before surging forward and sinking it into the man's jugular. Blood spurted across my living room, staining what was left of my curtains as he ripped it back out of the man's throat.

My stomach tightened as bile rose into my mouth.. Oh my god...

One of the Hydra agents caught James in the side with his stun baton, the electric current tearing up his side. James rabidly bared his teeth as he grunted. He spun and smashed his forearm into the guys chin, knocking him to the floor. He flipped his knife into the air and caught it in his other hand, arching through the air to stab the next unlucky man in the chest.

He dashed forward and ran the guy into the opposite wall, my old family photos crashed to the ground, ruined. He flipped, dodging a tranq-round nimbly. He grappled onto his next victim, swinging him up and over his shoulder, he slammed him down onto my coffee table, crushing it. I watched as he flexed his normal arm for a moment, as if something about it was irritating him.

Three men swarmed him all at once, closing in on each side. Bucky's fist smashed into the first's collarbone, shattering it instantly. The second lost no time and quickly swung a stun baton up between Bucky's rib cage, Bucky smashed his forehead into his attacker's, sending him sprawling out into the dinning room. The third, still a reasonably safe distance away raised his tranq-gun, taking aim.

Anxiety rippled through me.

 _Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't_.

Dashing from my hiding spot, I scooped up my fallen couch cushion and flung it at the man's side. It connected and his gun went flying out of his hands. Startled, both Bucky and the man turned to look at me as if they had forgotten all about me. The man looked angry, Bucky however.. looked taken aback.

Oh shit..

The irritated man rushed towards me, Bucky lunged in front of me, intercepting. His menacing form offering protection. He swung his metal arm in a dangerous arc, catching the other shorter man in the face, mid-run. Fracturing bone almost made me heave the contents of my stomach onto the floor as the man's face caved inwards.

The wall off to my right exploded, sending me crashing into James' back, his arm instantaneously reached backwards and steadied me against him as debris rained over us. My ears were ringing painfully. Keeping his hand securely on my upper back, he twisted and backed the both of us up away from the massive hole in the wall.

Across from us at the adjacent apartment building, three more Hydra men were standing purposely on the deck. Bucky's warm hand left my shoulder as he propelled forward as one of the men lined up his shot. Grasping onto one end of my loveseat-couch he hurled it into the air, launching it across the gap towards the opposite apartment building.

No. Fucking. Way.

It spun through the air before colliding into the men, sending two of them crashing through the glass door, and the last right off the edge of the deck. A one way ticket to the ground.

Oh. My. God. He just.. he just threw my couch at the next apartment building, like it was nothing! What was I even still doing here?! These men were trying to kill me and capture James! Panic flooded my chest and I bolted across the living room, just as two men rushed past me towards James.

Jumping over a few bodies, I made my way out of my demolished apartment and started heading down the hallway for the stairs. I had to get out of here!

Two gunshots resonated from behind me, back from my apartment.

I froze and twisted around to look back towards my door. Had he fired those shots, or had they?

Nothing..

Nothing..

Silence...

And then James was charging at me from down the hall, my duffle in his hand, his hair flying wildly around his handsome, determined face.

I gasped as he bent at the waist, only slowing down marginally as he neared me. My world spun until everything was upside down as he quite literally threw me over his broad shoulder. I struggled as his normal arm wrapped tightly around my thighs to keep me in place.

"I have legs you know! I can walk!" I protested angrily as my vision swam. He was moving impossibly fast, practically flying down the stairs, taking several at a time.

"Too slow." He grumbled loud enough for me to hear. He landed gracefully as he bounded off the last of the steps, barely jostling me in the process. Sirens were sounding in the distance.. Someone had been smart enough to call the authorities.

And then he was running. Streets blurred as he moved, I clawed at his top, the leather cool against my fingers as I held tightly onto him. Vertigo set in as I became dizzy from the speed he was moving at. This continued for several minutes. He never slowed, never faltered. It was like my weight didn't matter to him in the least.

It had to be late in the night by now, darkness still clung heavy in the air.. the streets were empty and silent. Streetlights flickered in and out of my vision as he ran.

And then we stopped.

I used his back for support and slowly sat up, my head angrily protested.. I glanced backwards the best I could and watched the back of his head out of the corner of my eyes. He glanced side to side and stepped backwards into the shadows, away from the streetlamp.

He gently pulled me off of his shoulder and sat me upright on the ground, my vision twisted and turned, finally focusing in on his face. His hair was messy and tangled, but for all the fighting he had done, he looked perfectly fine, his hands remaining firmly on my shoulders.

Superhuman asshole..

My body ached, and my head pounded violently. He watched me for a moment, scanning over me carefully. He was obviously taking stock of all of my injuries.. The ones he could see anyway.

"You ran." He accused dangerously.

"No shit!" I snapped. "You didn't honestly expect me to want to stick around through all that?"

His eyebrows furrowed slightly, irritation bleeding into his gaze.

"Don't give me that look, we were being attacked! Again! And you-"

A stinging sensation prickled at my neck.

My vision abruptly swam, my legs suddenly felt like jello. I turned to see a half-empty syringe in his normal hand. He must have taken that off a Hydra agent.. Oh god he-

"You dru- drugged-" My legs couldn't support me any longer, my words slurred. I grasped weakly at his one-sleeved-vest, fisting the firm fabric. He watched me carefully as I slumped against his body. His arms wrapped securely around my small form, drawing me further into his chest.

His expression was unapologetic, the edges of my vision darkened considerably. Swallowing thickly, my head rolled to the side, he never broke eye contact with me.

And then everything was dark.

* * *

Alright here it is, chapter four! This will be the last violence filled chapter for a little while. Like last chapter, it was needed for plot points, so I'm sorry if it was too graphic for any of you. Bucky is still very much in 'Winter Solider' mode for the most part, and well.. we all know that he was trained very well. Still no answers on why Bucky is taking her with him, but don't worry, all shall be revealed in time. Like I've said before this story is definitely not going to keep to the events of 'Civil War', but everything from the ending of 'The Winter Soldier' is the same. Steve's in the hospital for now, but him and Falcon will be on the search for Bucky later, Hydra cells are still active, and SHIELD is a mess. Also, I hope me switching between calling him 'Bucky' and 'James' isn't too weird for you guys. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, I had a lot of fun writing it.. Particularly the ending, haha! Thank you all to have reviewed so far, I actually am quite ahead in chapters for this story, so the more reviews, the faster the next chapter! Read and Review! ~


	5. Ready or Not

I jostled awake, my eyes fluttering weakly. My limbs felt so heavy.. and my eyes.. gods it felt like ten pounds of sand was weighing them down. I blinked tiredly.. was I in a car? I tried to look around, everything felt sluggish.

Definitely a car...

I turned my head to the side and found _him_ , he was driving. I was curled up in the passenger seat of the truck cab, leaning against the door... My legs were outstretched towards his thighs. He must have noticed me moving because he spared me a glance before looking forward out the windshield again.

When did we get in a car?

Darkness bled into my vision again, everything started turning fuzzy. I groaned pitifully, I couldn't keep my eyes open..

So exhausted...

Darkness welcomed me again.

The next time I woke, I wasn't in a car. In fact, I wasn't outside at all. My vision kept swimming in and out of focus as I blinked wearily up at a tall ceiling. Where was I?

Warmth surrounded my chin, as a pressure descended upon my skin. I blinked hard, attempting to focus. I found myself staring into curious blue eyes as he leaned over me.

 _Bucky_.

I groaned as he used his grip on my chin to turn my face left and then right.. What was he doing? I tried to move my arms to swat at his hand, but I couldn't even lift them.

"Katarina?" He questioned quietly, trying to get me to focus on him.

"What... doing?" I couldn't form an entire sentence, my tongue felt like sandpaper in my mouth. I tried to shift, but my body protested. Was I on a couch? Sure felt like an uncomfortable fucking couch..

He let go of my chin and disappeared out of my view, I turned my head to try and follow his movements. He was sitting in front of me on a metal chair, my arm was pulled into his lap and he had tweezers in his hand. My arm was red and irritated, various cuts and bruises decorating my skin.

Was he pulling glass out of my arm?

I remembered the fight in my apartment.. all the glass on the floor.

He was cleaning my wounds?

Where was my sweater?

"Go back to sleep." His voice was soft, which was different for him. I wanted to argue, I wanted to tell him to shove it. He had fucking drugged me. No way in hell was I going to listen to him now!

But my body was already heeding his suggestion.. what the fuck was in that syringe?

The familiar darkness took me again.

When I awoke next, my brain felt way less foggy, and the numbness in my limbs was almost completely gone. Disadvantage of that was that the aches and pains were fully settled in.

Literally everything hurt. I was pretty sure even my hair was hurting.. I shifted, stretching out my legs. I was laying on an old, beaten down couch in what looked to be an abandoned old warehouse...

My mind flashed back to the car ride, and then when Bucky had been cleaning my wounds. I shuffled to sit up. Bandages decorated my arms and hands.

"Good, you're awake." I nearly jumped out of my skin.

He was sitting at a rickety table, putting back together what looked to be an assault rifle. He was dressed differently now. The one-sleeved-vest I had gotten used to seeing was gone, in it's place was a plain black t-shirt that stretched distractedly across his wide chest. He wore similar tactical pants, but the lack of blood and dirt told me that it was a different pair. The cuts he had on his face were gone, like they had never been there at all.

"I was beginning to think I had overestimated the dose." Rage flared in my chest.

"You drugged me!"

He didn't respond.

I shifted to stand, but my legs didn't agree. A green plaid blanket slid off my legs.. Where were my jeans?

I was blushing, I know I was.. He had changed my clothes while I was out.. I was in a pair of my comfortable shorts as well as one of my more oversized shirts. Several bandages decorated the skin of my legs. Sitting up, I could feel some more on my stomach.

He had... dressed all of my wounds.

I glanced back up towards him, he wasn't looking my direction. Instead he was playing with another gun, fitting pieces back together.

"How long have I been asleep?" I tried to keep the irritation out of my voice. I failed.

"About thirty hours." I froze.

What?!

Well, that certainly explained how he had the time to find new clothes, as well as weapons from the look of it.

He set the gun he had been working on down onto the table and stood up. He grabbed a small bag off of the table and headed for me. I let out a long breath and sunk back into the cushions as I watched him approach.

He kneeled down in front of me, balancing on his toes. He reached into the bag and pulled out an enticing green apple, outstretching it towards me. My stomach growled at the sight. I gingerly took the apple from his hands, twirling it between my fingers lightly. He reached back into the bag and produced a water bottle.

"Eat that, and then drink all of this." I raised an eyebrow. "All of it." He emphasized again, before tossing it next to me on the dingy couch.

I nodded in understanding.. My body probably needed it after being drugged with whatever-the-hell-that-was. I'm guessing he was familiar with it, I scowled at the thought.

He stood and moved back to his previous seat, I took a bite into my apple, practically moaning in delight.

Oh god, it's the small things.. it really, really is.

James watched me carefully as I ate, only half of his attention on the guns spread out before him. I tried to pretend like his watchful gaze didn't bother me.. but I think my constant shifting told him another story. He didn't stop however, he just continued to observe me quietly while I ate my apple.

"So, this.. Hydra or whatever." I watched him tense out of the corner of my eye. "Are they the reason you can't remember your past?"

He nodded once.

"Did you.." I paused as I finished my apple, setting it down next to me. "You 'worked' for them?" I used air quotes over exaggeratedly.

Another nod.

"And now you don't?"

His jaw clenched tightly.

"I won't go back." His tone was dark... dangerous.

I drank all of my water, letting his words sink in. Whatever they had done to him, he hated them for it. With how they had mercilessly come after us, I couldn't say I blamed him.. He had handled them so easily though.

He was a walking weapon.

Bucky's gaze finally shifted away from me after I finished my water. I furrowed my eyebrows.. he had waited to make sure I finished it? He really was concerned with my well-being it seemed. A weird notion considering he had tried to kill me when we 'met'.

He stood again, startling me out of my thoughts. He moved towards me purposefully, watching me carefully, as if I was a timid little rabbit. What was he doing?

He stopped in front of me and reached down to grasp my arms, he pulled me off the couch carefully. My muscles ached, but the movement felt surprisingly nice. I grunted as he started to pull me across the warehouse by one of my arms.

"Hey, hey! You're manhandling me again!" He ignored me. "I can walk on my own!" This argument felt familiar.

Silence.

I huffed in annoyance.

We stopped in front of some old piping and a chair. What the hell? I glanced around us, trying to see any reason he would have dragged me over here, I saw nothing. I was at a loss.

Cold, metal encircled my wrist.

I snapped my head to look at my wrist.. Handcuffs.

I shifted my eyes to look towards him, he met my stare evenly. Fury coiled through my body.

"What are you doing?!" He sighed and held out his other hand, I eyed it wearily. What the fuck was he waiting for?

Did he.. did he expect me to just offer up my other wrist to him so he could handcuff that one too?! Fucking no chance in hell! I tried to step back from him, but he just jerked on the other end of the handcuff, stopping my momentum easily.

"It's for your own protection."

I snorted.

"Yeah, because that makes sense!"

He shot forward before I could argue further and grabbed a hold of my other wrist. I struggled and twisted but he didn't care. He maneuvered me over until I was standing next to the piping, he looped the chain around one of the thinner pipes and latched the other cuff around my wrist.

God. Dammit.

Trying to protest anything with this guy was like arguing with a brick wall. He didn't listen, and he didn't move. I hated him, that's it.. he literally was the most annoying pain in the ass I had ever had the unfortunate pleasure of knowing!

I yanked on the cuffs, but all it did was cause the metal to dig into my skin, I turned to glare at him. He shifted the chair closer to me with his boot. I sat down with a huff.

"I'll be back in a while." He informed me, not letting my anger deter him.

"You're leaving?!" No-no! He couldn't just leave me here like this! What if someone showed up!? I was a sitting duck!

"Not for long." He paused as he turned to leave. He shot me a look. "Don't go anywhere."

"Oh, real funny!" I snarled sarcastically at his retreating back, my anger boiling over.

He sauntered away from me, stopping briefly to grab several of his guns along with a black mask. I watched curiously as he secured it on, it only covered the bottom half of his face, leaving his blue eyes visible. I recognized that mask.. he had been wearing it in those clips from the news...

He turned his head just enough to look at me out of the corner of his eye, and then he was gone.

* * *

Sorry for the short chapter! I hope you all like it despite that. Bucky and Katarina are definitely off to a pretty rocky start in their relationship! This story isn't going to be just jumping into all the smutty goodness, it's gonna' have some build to it. Personally, I hate stories that get to the 'good stuff' too quickly. Sure, old Bucky was good with the ladies.. buuut a lot has changed.. he's also The Winter Soldier now.. he doesn't know who he used to be or anything like that. He's gotta' try and find the old him. That being said I'm never going to have him go ALL the way back to just being James Barnes.. What happened to him, all the training, the torture.. it's gonna' stay with him.. The Winter Soldier and Bucky Barnes have to learn to mesh into one man if that makes sense.. and well if it doesn't, you'll see it unfold throughout the rest of the story. That being said, I'm not gonna' make you lovelies wait too long for ALL of the fun stuff, I'm not that mean. Now, as for this chapter.. Bucky handcuffed her for a reason.. she's a stubborn girl, a flight risk, and he's not exactly the most trusting man. I hope that answered any of the current questions, asides for plot ones that I can't give you yet, haha. You know the drill, read and review. The more reviews, the faster the next chapter. Thank you for reading ~


	6. Threats and Promises

Well, he obviously didn't trust me at all.

I guess after my little running act from the apartment I couldn't really blame him... But to do this? I shook the handcuffs slightly, they didn't give. This, I hadn't expected. The guy had serious trust issues.. This was being way over protective. He was completely dedicated to his whole 'keeping me safe' mission.

But how was he so sure that Hydra wouldn't find me here? All alone...

Paranoia crept in.

Without James, I stood no chance in surviving a Hydra encounter.

Fuck, it was official, I had to be bipolar. First I didn't want be anywhere near him, and now I dreaded his absence.

I glanced up towards the high warehouse windows, daylight was still streaming in. Alright, morning or afternoon.. Not sure which.

I needed out of these handcuffs.

I yanked hard on the handcuffs again, nothing gave. Not the pipe, and not the metal restraints. Fucking shit.. Alright, I could do this.. I just needed to find something suitable.

Glancing around I looked for anything that I could use to get out of this situation. Paper clip.. maybe.. a bit too far away though. Rock, not helpful... Crinkled sticky note.. useless.

Aha!

A thin piece of sheet aluminum lay tauntingly on the dirty, warehouse floor just a bit away. Glancing at the cuffs with a huff, I slid off the folding chair onto the cool cement. I shimmied until I was laying down on my side, stretched out as far as I could manage while still being held hostage by the pipe. I nudged the metal with my big-toe, inching it closer.

I grabbed onto the pipe with both hands and started to drag myself into an awkward sitting position, making sure to keep my toe firmly pressed into the metal to pull it along with me. Shifting back against the chair, I swung my leg back in front of me, the metal screeching against the concrete as I pulled it within range.

Once it was close enough, I carefully picked it up. It was crude, the edges jagged and sharp, but it would do.

The next eight or so minutes were spent with me trying to jam the thin piece of metal between the cuff barbs and the chamber that the cuffs locked into. Couldn't say that it was a speed run exactly, but then again I had never had to escape out of handcuffs. I had managed to get several cuts on my fingers, the blood making my task that much harder as my hands kept slipping.

The first cuff finally sprang free.

Flexing my now free wrist, I adjusted my position to get a better angle at the second cuff and repeated the action.. I bit my lip and dealt with the pain of the metal eating into my fingers.

It was worth it. It was worth it. It was worth it!

At least it was better than the alternative.. Being found here, all alone, chained to a pipe.

The second cuff came loose and I slipped my wrist free.

I looked high and low for my bag, but I couldn't find wherever he stashed it. I however did find my converse and quickly slipped those on. Running around barefoot was not very high on my to-do list.

The first two doors I tried to leave out of where completely bolted shut, it took me about five minutes total to find a workable exit. Cringing, I stepped out into the afternoon light, the sun stinging my eyes after so long of dim lighting.

I didn't recognize the area we were in, which wasn't that surprising, considering it mostly seemed to be abandoned industrial buildings. I glanced backwards into the warehouse before continuing forward, I couldn't stay here.. What if he wasn't even coming back?

Conflicting thoughts battled in my brain.

Part of me wanted to stay put, I was in danger.. Part of me wanted to bolt. Bucky was a walking threat.. I just wanted to go back to my normal, boring life. Back to my job at the Library, back to my quaint apartment, and back to my routine of spaghetti on Saturdays.

Making up my mind, I exited the warehouse and began walking. It didn't take me too long to find a busy street and follow along it. I didn't recognize anything, where the fuck had he taken me? A sign made me pause.

We were in Virginia?! We had left the state?! He must have drove all night... He got a lot done in thirty hours.. without my struggles and arguing to slow him down.

"Kat?" I froze. I didn't know anyone in Virginia?

Turning I met the face of one of my co-workers, an older woman, with graying hair, and an upturned nose. I nearly groaned.. out of all the people to run into in a different state it had to be her. The woman had a knack for being nosy and disapproving.

"Susan..." I grimaced. She eyed my attire, or lack thereof with distaste. Great, now she was going to assume I ran around in my pajamas on a regular basis. She eyed the bandages covering my legs and arms and raised both of her eyebrows.

"Where have you been?" She stepped closer, going into rant mode. "You haven't been into work in two days, though this certainly explains it! Goodness, if I hadn't been over here visiting my sister, would anyone know what had happened to you?!" She scoffed. "Police came looking for you, you know? Said your apartment was demolished, and it appeared you had been involved in illegal activity! Said you were last seen with a suspicious character. Now, Kat, I know you don't have much of a social life, but this is no way for a lady your age to behave. Choices like this will follow you your whole life you know!"

"Sus-"

"You need to put this silly behavior behind you and find yourself a nice young man and settle down. You're not getting any younger you know." She shook her head, and put her hands onto her hips. God I hated this woman! I've been missing for days, and she lectures me! Out of all the fucking people I could run into, it had to be the most unhelpful person on the planet!

"Look, it's not like that. I-" I paled as I glanced over her shoulder.

Heading straight for us was an enraged _James Buchanan Barnes_.

Oh hell..

Susan started talking again, no doubt scolding me some more, but I was way past paying attention to her. Bucky looked murderous, I had never seen that much anger on his face before. Not when I argued with him, hell, not even when I ran from him before. He had always seemed so calm and in control of himself, his emotions barely leaking in through his eyes.

This time, this time he was furious. He had warned me he wouldn't be gone long, but I hadn't considered he would be that quick! I had purposely went against his commands and escaped out of the warehouse.. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

He was gaining ground fast, his hands flexing at his sides, his gaze only for me.

Susan wouldn't shut up, I couldn't deal with her any longer.

Turning on my heel I bolted, I could hear Susan shout in surprise as I quite literally ran away from her.. little did she know I was running from the outraged Super-Soldier behind her. Quite possibly saving her life in the event that she tried to get in the middle of our inevitable scuffle.

My luck however, she would have probably thought him charming and asked when the Wedding was going to be.

My lungs burned as I pushed myself as hard as I possibly could, my legs ached and resisted, but I didn't stop. I tossed a quick look back and instantly regretted it. He was chasing after me, and he was gaining ground.. extremely fast!

Fuck, I'd never outrun him!

I abruptly turned and threw myself down a side street, and then another. My only possible chance was to lose him with all the turns. I continued this routine for several minutes, surprised that it seemed to be working.

I threw another cautious glance backwards.

Nothing.

No sign of him, I couldn't even hear his boots on the pavement.

...Where did he go?

Turning back around, I screamed as he quite literally dropped in front of me. Where the fuck had he come from?! The roofs?! I couldn't slow my momentum fast enough, and he knew it. His arms opened almost mockingly as I collided into his chest. His arms wrapped around me, caging me in.

He only gave me a moment to catch my breath, and then his grip switched. His hands latched onto my upper arms in a bruising grip as he quite literally lifted me up swung me through the air and shoved me into a wall. I groaned as my head smacked into the bricks.

"You stubborn girl!" He snarled through his mask, his voice was rough and muffled. I had no choice but to look up into his volatile blue eyes as he pressed me harshly into the wall. His long hair framed his masked face enticingly. He looked intimidating like this, I think it was the mask that did it.. It made him seem.. inhuman in a way.

I winced as he grip tightened. Something flickered in his eyes, behind all the rage.

Concern.

Surprise flooded my brain. Had he.. had he been worried about me? Guilt pooled in my gut.

"Why?" He demanded suddenly, anger dominating his gaze again.

"You left." The argument was weak, even to my own ears.. But he froze.

His gaze was far away for several moments as he stared right through me, and then determination swelled in those stormy blue depths and he was looking at me again. He had decided something then, and I wasn't sure what, but it didn't look good..

His glare seared through all of my defenses in an instant.

Letting go of one of my arms, he reached up and untied the mask from his face, he let it drop carelessly to the ground. The change was instantaneous, he seemed different from just that simple action. It was like he was human again, normal, though his stare as well as his grip remained unyielding.

"Know this. If you run again, wherever you go, however far you manage to get.. I will find you, Katarina." His tone rumbled dangerously. He wasn't just threatening me, he was making a promise.

My heart lurched in my chest, hammering violently against my rib-cage as my eyes widened. I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my head. His conviction practically poured off of him in waves, that level of determination was startling...

"Do you understand me?" His eyes flickered over my face, observing my reaction.

I nodded slowly. This was the most he had ever spoken in a row, and it had knocked my entire world askew.

"I won't try to run again.." I mumbled after a moment.

He took a step back from the wall, pulling me with him.

"We'll see."

* * *

Sorry for not posting sooner, my internet has been really crappy lately, and it's super annoying. But here you go! I hope you all enjoy this update. The reason behind Bucky's caring nature towards her will be revealed in time, just for those of you who are wondering. He's gonna' have a 'hot and cold' thing going on in this story when it comes to her depending on which part of him is most in control at that time, if that makes sense? After all, Bucky and The Winter soldier are meshing into one man now that they're out from under Hydra's thumb.. so it's gonna' be a bit of roller-coaster of emotions when it comes to how he is around her. After all, he's not a very stable man. I will say that whenever Bucky gets that kind of far away look in his eyes, he's remembering little pieces of his former life, just so you guys better understand what's going on with him. I hope that answered everything.. If not it'll be explained later, promise. Till next time you wonderful beauties, enjoy! Read and Review!


	7. Game Changer

James wasted no time in getting us back to the warehouse, he was practically ripping my arm out of the socket as he dragged me behind him. He kept glancing down sidestreets and alleyways as we moved, clearly watching for any suspicious behavior.

"You don't have to drag me, you know." His fingers tightened on my arm.

"We have to be quick." He muttered almost like an afterthought as we headed into the abandoned warehouse. Confusion swept through me.

"What do you mean?" Weren't we staying here for now?

"That woman you were talking to." He replied, finally letting go of my arm to retrieve my cleverly hidden duffle, along with a few other bags. "You knew her?"

I felt like it wasn't a question so much as a statement, but I nodded anyways. He watched my confirmation and nodded his head once in return, cataloging the information in his head. He walked around and gathered a few items that were spread along the surfaces nearby, stuffing them carelessly in our bags.

"She's probably told her friends and family by now. Informed your boss." He turned and headed my way, gripping onto my arm again to steer me towards a different door than the one we had entered. He pulled open the door, revealing an almost completely empty garage. The only car that occupied it was a large, dark blue truck. My mind flashed back to waking up to him driving.. So he hadn't dumped it, yet.

"There's a chance Hydra has heard the chatter." He explained at my still-confused face. He opened the passenger side door and gestured inside with a slight tilt of his head. "Get in."

He had a point.. Susan wasn't exactly known for keeping anything to herself.. He was just being cautious. I wondered how long this would go on for.. we hadn't been on the run long and we were already moving locations again. Would this happen often? Would we ever be able to stop running? Or at the very least stay in one place for more than a day or two?

I pulled myself up into the cab of the truck, he hovered at my side until I was buckled in. Vaguely I wondered if he was attentive because he was being thorough, or if it was because he obviously didn't trust me not to take off again.

My guess, was that it was a bit of both.

He disappeared out of my vision, I could hear the rattling of a chain being pulled on, and then what sounded to be a large garage door opening. I glanced back through the rear view window to see him striding up to the drivers door. He opened it and tossed our bags into the backseat, before climbing into the truck.

We drove for quite a while in relative silence, he seemed to have a good idea of where he wanted to go.. Which surprisingly wasn't all that far from the industrial district. He weaved in and out of residential blocks much to my ever-growing confusion, he drove slow, glancing at each house carefully. What was he doing?

Finally he sped up and left the area.. We drove a couple blocks over and he parked the car on the curb of a semi-populated street. Various makes and models of cars were parked in driveways and along the curb like we were. He grabbed our bags and hopped out of the car and I followed suit.

"We walk from here." He informed me, evidently knowing I had no idea what he was doing. I met him on his side of the truck, he was slipping into a plain, black zip-up hoodie, obscuring the view of his metal arm. Guess that made sense, it did kind of stick out like a neon sign.

Once he was done, he collected all of the bags with his metal arm and then wrapped his normal one around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. I tensed at the unfamiliar action. I had expected him to grab my arm like he usually did, not this.

Always a step ahead of me, he explained himself.

"Would look a bit odd if someone saw me.. how did you phrase it? 'Manhandle' you?"

I snorted. So he did actually listen when I yelled at him.. He just didn't care. Until now anyway.. Well, it was a valid point. Although evening was descending upon us, it didn't mean someone wasn't bound to glance out their window and see us walking by. Like this, we just looked like a casual couple. At least for the most part anyway.. The bags were a little peculiar.. but not completely out of the ordinary.

Still, having his arm draped casually around my shoulders was more than a little distracting.. It radiated heat.. How the hell was he so warm? The weight of it was heavy, but not unpleasantly so, it just reminded me of the bulk he was hiding under the loose sweater.. He really did have nice mus-

No!

No, stop it. Don't even think it Katarina!

Alright, it was official.. being in close proximity with someone for extended periods of time definitely affected you.. Stockholm Syndrome was starting to make a lot of sense to me.

He guided us along, back the way we had drove until we reached a lovely, light-blue, two-story house with a 'for sale' sign planted into the yard.

I glanced up at the side of his face. "Are we staying here?"

He nodded, surveying the area. "Working utilities, vacant, no alarm, in plain sight but not expected." It was like he had a check list in his head of 'okay' places to lay low.

Oh man.. thinking about it now.. That was probably right on the mark.

He lead me around to the back of the house, out of the view of any potentially nosy neighbors.. Only glancing back twice to check if we were being followed. We apparently were good because he continued forward towards the back door.

Removing his arm from around my shoulders he grasped the doorknob and repeated the action he had done at my apartment. He twisted the handle till the lock broke and the door easily swung open.

The insides of the house was completely bare, the only things lying around were a few paint cans, some tools, and a few swatches of carpet.. The air smelled vaguely of fresh paint and pine sol. Bucky reached down and grabbed one of the still-full paint cans and pushed it up against the broken backdoor, shutting it.

I went to move forward, but his heavy hand descending upon my shoulder, stopping me. He walked in front of me, taking the lead again.

"Follow." He commanded simply. I scowled at his back but shadowed him all the same.

Despite how abrasive he came off when he gave orders, I was slowly learning that there were reasons for everything he did, and how he did them. His training, however he had received it.. Was ingrained very strongly in him. It effected everything he did. He analyzed and calculated situations quickly and efficiently. Everything he did was precise, and planned, even when he had to adjust on the fly.

At least until he got emotional.

Whenever his emotions caught up to him, he was unpredictable, unstable even. It was a very risky combination.. a man trained as he was, losing the careful control over his emotions.

However, just because I was starting to understand him a little.. didn't mean that I was completely okay with the situation he had forced me into. All the same, after his very serious threat earlier, I was doing my best to behave.. And understanding why he did things, seemed like a good starting ground. Maybe then it would make it easier to listen to his orders. Maybe.

We walked through each room, clearing it and moving on. I noticed that he seemed to be taking in everything, while never being unaware of me.. His movements were slow, deliberate, and every so often, his gaze would flicker back to me, as if reassuring himself that I was still right there with him.

Once he had deemed the house safe enough, he dropped our bags in the upstairs hallway. It was nearly dark now, my eyes were fighting to adjust to the dim-lighting. I glanced off into the bathroom to our right.

"You said working utilities, right?" He turned to look at me, and followed my gaze.

He nodded.

"Thank gods, I'm going to shower!" I declared.

I went to move towards the bags, but he stepped in front of me, blocking my path. He crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at me with a distrustful gaze. I scoffed.

"Really?" I questioned, exasperated. He remained silent, but rose his eyebrow as if saying 'convince me'. "You really expect me to attempt to escape while I'm showering?" I gestured around us. "I can't stay dirty forever... Plus, we're on the second floor, you can stay right here in front of the door, to make sure I behave."

He scrutinized me for a moment longer before stepping out of my way, it seemed my 'request' had been cleared. I rolled my eyes and reached down into my duffle, pulling out a fresh change of clothes, along with the one towel I had packed.. Opting for more comfortable attire since it was getting late.

Speaking of which, it was getting awfully hard to see... I doubted we'd be allowed to turn on any actual lights, they were bound to be seen from the streets, even through the blinds.

"Uhm, do we have any sort of light-" A durable, electric lantern appeared in front of my face as he dangled it in front of me. He was always ahead of me, it was both awesome in some cases and horribly annoying in others. "Thank you." I took it from his hand and gathered up my clothes and my small bag of bathing supplies, stepping around him to enter the bathroom.

"Kat." I jumped with a squeak, not expecting him to speak. I turned to see him glancing at me from the corner of his eyes.. "You have twenty minutes."

Demanding, demanding.

I set my stuff on the counter and mockingly saluted him. "Yes sir." I shut the door before he could give me any sort of look in response to my sass. I set the lantern on the back of the toilet and flicked it on, warm lighting filled the dark room evenly. That's better.

I spent the first several minutes of my allotted time peeling all of the bandages off of my skin, revealing slow-healing angry cuts and scrapes. Hopefully none of them got infected.. But I doubted it, they all looked to have been meticulously cleaned by him.

Stripping, I examined myself the best I could in front of the bathroom mirror.. Nothing major had changed, my hips were still a bit big for my frame, my thighs a bit thick, my hair was still long and naturally messy, I could still make out the pink scarring underneath my tattoo-sleeve.. The only real differences was that I looked like I had taken a tumble down a very large hill.. Bruises decorated my skin in various colors.. Purple, blue, yellow...

I sighed and moved into the shower, bringing my various items in with me, thankful for the plain shower curtain that was still here. I pulled it closed and started up the hot water...

Oh god, that felt sinfully good.. It was amazing how much I had missed taking a shower when I hadn't even been awake for the better part of the last two days.

I scrubbed delicately at my skin, careful not to agitate any of my cuts and bruises, I was sore enough as it was. Next I worked the shampoo and conditioner into my hair, making sure I cleared out all the dirt and grime. The familiar scent of vanilla soothed me as I went to work on shaving off all the stubble that had come in on my legs. I was starting to feel more like myself. I didn't wanna' go that long without being clean ever again!

As much as I wanted to stay under the hot spray, I knew that my time limit had to be approaching fast, if I hadn't accidentally gone over it already.. Though, if I had, I was sure I would have heard about it.. I had worked fast, but efficiently. I dried off quickly, pulling on a clean pair of panties as well as a comfortable pair of black sweats, a bra, and a gray tank top. I hurriedly brushed my teeth.

Gathering up all of my supplies as well as my dirty clothes, I walked out of the bathroom, the towel wrapped up in my hair.

"Sorry, I tried to hurry." I explained, worried I had taken too long. He was reclining against the wall next to the bathroom, his arms crossed over his chest, he had ditched the sweatshirt. I moved past him, tucking my dirty clothes into the side of my duffle. I pulled the towel out of my hair carefully, letting the wet strands fall down my back.

Turning, I noticed him quietly observing me. He seemed to do that a lot.

"Do you want to shower?" I pointed back towards the bathroom, I knew I had left plenty of hot water and I was pretty sure he hadn't been clean in longer than I hadn't.. He rose his eyebrow at me again, obviously not feeling very talkative.. All his talking earlier must have used up his weekly quota, I inwardly rolled my eyes.

"Are we doing this again?" I took a 'wild' guess behind his hesitance to shower. I scowled at him and stood up with a sigh. "I will stay right here, with the bags.. I imagine you'd hear me if I tried to leave the hallway.. and honestly, the last thing I need is you chasing me down while naked.." I flushed at the imagery, I needed to get off that topic fast. "What would the neighbors think?" I joked weakly.

Amusement flickered in his eyes and I found that I felt a small amount of accomplishment at the display of something other than anger. So he still had a sense of humor buried in there somewhere? I could work with that... If I was going to be stuck with him, might as well as try and make it tolerable.

His threat kept repeating over and over in my head..

"Plus, you probably smell." I shrugged nonchalantly and both his eyebrows shot up this time. "You can use my towel.. It's a little damp.. but it's the only one we have.. I think. Oh! And my soap if you want.." I furrowed my eyebrows, unsure what was in all his bags.. One of them was probably just weapons.. the others.. I wasn't so sure.

He pulled himself off the opposite wall and stepped towards me, his face back to it's impassive mask, all previous light-hearted humor gone like it had never been there. He reached down and pulled up his shirt, shrugging out of it casually. My breath hitched in my throat as my heart skipped in my chest, all of my previous thoughts flew out of my head.

 _Oh_.

His muscles were defined and alluring. His shoulders were broad, his chest wide, his pectorals overly distracting.. and his abs made me temporarily forget what I had even been trying to get him to do in the first place. My hands twitched, I had to fight the urge to reach out and touch his skin.. Oh god.. Not good, not good...

 _Too good_.

His metal arm was the last thing I noticed, it was perfectly sculpted and shaped to look like his normal one. The metal formed every muscle identically and made it's way all the way up to form his shoulder before it ended and his skin began again. Fierce scars pointedly cut away from the metal into his chest.. The scarring was deep and jagged, but it did nothing to deter from his physical beauty.. If anything, it only added to it.

He stepped in front of me, shoving his shirt into my hands and taking the towel and my bag of bath supplies out of mine, his blue eyes glued to my gray ones as he looked down at me.. God he was tall.. He was an entire foot taller than I was.. I felt ridiculously small in front of him in this moment.

If he noticed my blatant ogling of him, he didn't comment, or even show one sign he noticed. He just turned and walked away from me into the bathroom, giving me a delicious view of his firm back before he shut the door behind him.

I slid down the wall until I was leaning on the bags on the floor, my mind dazed and distracted.. Well, even if I had wanted to run before while he was in the shower.. I certainly didn't now.

I was so screwed.

* * *

Sorry this chapter is so late! I've had one hell of a busy week. Buuuut I hope this longer than normal chapter makes up for it! I also hope that particular scene was an added bonus. I know I certainly enjoyed writing that part, hahaha! To answer a few questions, yes, Bucky's hot and cold emotions are definitely going to mess with Katarina a LOT. He's going to be keeping her on her toes most of the time, if not completely catching her off guard. I'm also glad several of you noticed the tid-bit with his mask. I'm going to be playing on that quite often. Mask-on Bucky is a definite indicator of 'The Winter Soldier' part of him. Mask off, is more 'normal' James, more humanized. Also him being 'nice' to her, is kind of going to go back and forth like a light switch too, just like the two different sides to him. He is going to escalate in his possessive, protective, angry behavior. But I'm also going to mix in some 'old' Bucky too. It's just gonna' be one hell of a roller-coaster ride, so buckle in lovelies! Read and Review! Reviews make my world go round! XOXO.


	8. Compromising

I didn't move the entire time he stayed in the bathroom, I just leaned against the bags and listened to the sound of the shower running, I was trying very hard not to think about him shirtless, I was failing miserably. The mental image was burned into my brain... Then there was the fact that he was naked just several feet away, the only thing that separated us was a door...

I idly wondered if he was using my shampoo as well as my soap? I hoped he didn't mind the scent of vanilla and Shea-butter.. Good thing I had packed two toothbrushes. I doubted personal hygiene had been in his head when he had gathered supplies while I was drugged. At least I was slightly helpful to him...

The man was an enigma.. a gorgeous, tantalizing enigma, but a mystery all the same. How was he alive after all this time, and still so young? He only looked a couple years older than I was. What had happened to him to make him so.. shut off..? Why did Hydra want him alive so badly? My only guess was that he was a valuable asset. They had definitely put a lot of work into him in order to make him so... _lethal_. I shuddered.. not because of how much violence the man was capable of.. Rather how much he was starting to affect me.

Fucking hormones.. they were going to get me into a lot of trouble. I was suddenly wishing I had opted for a cold shower.

The bathroom door opened, I glanced up through my eyelashes to see him standing in the doorway looking at me. His skin had a damp sheen on it, his hair hung wet around his face, and fuck if that wasn't way worse than before! My tongue was heavy in my mouth and I felt my cheeks heat up. Was he aware he was beautiful? Or was he just conveniently unaware of said fact?

Why was he just staring at me?

His gaze flickered from my face, to the bags I was leaning against. Oh!

"Oh! You need your bag!" I swallowed thickly, scrambling to stand up. He walked forward then, brushing past me to reach into his bag, I shuddered at the minimal contact. _Warm_. He pulled out a black wife beater and pulled it up and over his head, followed by a red and black long-sleeved plaid shirt, but didn't bother to button it. He grabbed a pair of dark jeans and walked back into the bathroom, shutting the door. He quickly re-emerged again, now in the jeans as well as his usual boots.

He was trying to kill me, it was official. He had changed his mind from a quick death, to a drawn out, torturous one..

I watched dumbly as he gathered up all of the bags and deposited them into one of the empty bedrooms, next he walked back into the bathroom to retrieve the lantern, he then set that in the bedroom too.

He came back out for me then, I couldn't help but keep blatantly staring at him. He looked different dressed so casually. He had pushed the sleeves of the over shirt up to his elbows, the entire look was different than what I had become used to. The man looked damn good dressed so informally.. But that wasn't meaning to say that he didn't also look painstakingly good in his tactical gear cause he did.. Gods did he ever...

There was just something so.. fascinating about seeing him out of tactical styled clothes, it was almost odd in a way. Like seeing snow in March. It was still beautiful, just.. unexpected.

I felt like floodgates had been opened ever since he had stripped off his shirt before his shower, I couldn't help but notice his beauty now.. I needed sleep.

He grasped onto my arm in his usual fashion and steered me into the bedroom he had set up for us to stay in for the night. He stopped me in the middle of the room and let go of my arm, veering off to go dipping through the bags again.

I barely caught the blanket he tossed my way before it hit me in the face. I scowled at the back of his head before moving towards the far wall. I arranged myself as comfortably as I could while leaning up against the wall, I covered my legs with the blanket and watched as he pulled a few more items out of the bags. I was thankful to be paying attention this time when he tossed a bag of jerky at me. I caught it quickly and turned it over in my hands.. It was my favorite...

How did he..? A memory surfaced to the front of my brain... I took a deep breath, trying to steady my conflicting emotions.

"So..." His head tilted slightly to the side, it showed he was listening even as his back remained facing me. "How much do you know about me, exactly?" He knew my name, I knew that.. and he apparently knew my favorite snack.

He turned his head to look at me, his long dark hair slightly obscuring his face as he remained in his crouched position. He didn't miss a beat.

"Your name is Katarina Elaine Rosewood." I cringed at the use of my middle name. "Twenty-three years old. No living relatives. Librarian. Loner. You enjoy Italian food, beef jerky, and elk jerky. Previous home city, Manhattan." It was like he was reading a memorized list in his head, I was completely floored. "You love books, and playing with electronics. You enjoy organization and long baths, your favorite color is blue." He gave me a calculating look then, almost like he was wondering if I wanted him to continue on. He had.. figured out all of that?

"You.. you got all of that from my apartment?" I guessed.

He nodded his head and stood up, walking over to me. "And more." He breathed almost ominously. He moved until he was seated next to me, just about a foot in between us now. "You were in the bath a long time that night." He confirmed.. Basically owning up to the fact that he had gone through my entire apartment while I had been in the bath.. analyzing everything I owned.. learning about me.

I opened my bag of jerky and ate a couple of pieces.. I quietly passed him some and he took them without saying anything.. opting to let the silence continue until I decided to break it again. I turned to look at his profile, his hair was drying slowly. It looked soft.. I wanted to touch it, I frowned at the intrusive thought.

"When did you decide not to kill me?" I inquired quietly, almost afraid of the answer.. His eyes flickered to meet mine, there was a dark sort intensity behind them, it made my heart stutter painfully in my chest. His jaw clenched and it was then that I knew he didn't plan on telling me the answer to that question yet.. But why not?

We kept our staring contest up for several minutes, and that's when I finally noticed it. His stormy blue eyes were bloodshot, and he had dark circles under his eyes. He looked so utterly exhausted in every sense of the word.. Like he had lived ten lifetimes and was just sick of it. When had he last slept? I paled at the thought.. I don't think he had slept the entire time I had known him. My eyes widened and I leaned in closer to him, observing his face.

He watched me carefully, but didn't comment on my weirder than normal behavior. I scanned over his face a few more times, making sure I was seeing it all correctly.. I had been so blinded by his attractive features that I hadn't noticed the weariness before. Guilt pooled in my stomach. I hadn't helped him any, in fact I had done nothing but make his life harder since he met me.

He had gone out of his way to help me, to keep me alive.. Albeit he was very aggressive and demanding about it, didn't much offer a choice in the matter. But he had still done it. And here he was, overly worn out and tired.. He needed to sleep.

"When was the last time you slept?" I breathed, my eyebrows furrowing in concern.

"Don't know." He commented, his voice a bit scratchy. Those two words made me feel even worse. He was only human after all, superhuman sure, but still just a man.

"You need to sleep." I demanded, sitting up away from the wall.

"No." It was dismissive, but I was not about to let the issue get tossed away so easily.

"What do you mean no?! You're dead-tired! You need to rest." His eyebrows furrowed and he was now glaring at me as if I was plotting against him.

"No." He growled again.

"You'll be no good to either of us if Hydra attacks with you like this." His frown deepened, his glare burning into me.

"I sleep, you run off." He accused. The guilt stabbed my chest this time. Fuck, he wasn't sleeping because of me. I sighed and looked away from him, there had to be some sort of middle ground, something that I could do to make him relax enough to sleep...

Oh!

I shoved the blanket off of my legs and stood up, walking quickly to the bags. Kneeling down, I started shifting through the supplies he had gathered while I was out.. there was no way he didn't have some...

"What are you doing?" He questioned suspiciously.

I spotted what I was looking for...

Rope.

"Compromising." I replied honestly, turning back around towards him. I closed the distance between us again, moving to sit down next to him, closer this time. He eyed the rope in my hand and then my face, waiting for me to elaborate. "I trust you know how to tie a knot?" I raised an eyebrow and outstretched my wrist and the rope.

Understanding passed over his face and he nodded.

"Well then, get to it.." He studied me for a moment, obviously mulling over what I was suggesting. Finally, he took the rope from my hands and unraveled it, I shifted closer to him, my knees nearly touching the outside of his thigh.

He went to work, weaving the rope around my wrist in complicated patterns, I turned to look at the far wall and waited.. He was taking his time, my guess was he was making sure it was well done and as complicated as he could manage, so I couldn't manage to escape it like I had the handcuffs.

"Done." He breathed.

What? How was he done? He didn't tie up my other wrist? Confusion swept through my veins.

I glanced down between us, and that's when I noticed what he had done. He had tied my wrist to his, the knot was elaborate and strangely interesting... What a clever man.

He had one-upped my plan to help with his own distrustful nature.. Now if I moved, he would definitely know about it. I tried not to let my surprise show on my face, but I was sure I had failed.

"Now will you sleep?" I watched his face, he already seemed more relaxed.

"Yes."

I smiled softly and shifted until I was leaning against the wall again. I reached down and grasped onto the blanket. This time I pulled it up and over the both of us. He shot me a look, but didn't object. I was just happy he was agreeing to rest.. He couldn't keep us both alive very well if he was practically falling asleep next to me.

He flipped off the lantern, casting the room into darkness, I shut my eyes and tried to relax.. Can't say I was used to trying to sleep while sitting up, but I was too exhausted to care.

It didn't take me long to fall asleep...

* * *

Alright, chapter eight! Been stupidly busy lately, but now with everything settling down again, hopefully I can sit my ass back down and throw out several more chapters to stay more ahead than I am. To answer one question, they will be moving around a lot. This is not a permanent place for them, they're on the run from Hydra, they won't be staying in one place for long. This place was just convenient and nearby, but it's only temporary. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and like the compromise Bucky and Katarina came to, haha, I know I did. As I said last time, Bucky's possessive and protective behavior will escalate as he gets more attached to her, she's in for one hell of a crazy ride with him. He plays things pretty close to the vest and keeps things to himself.. until he gets angry. Until next time lovely readers! Read and Review!


	9. Nightmares and Warnings

I wasn't sure how long I had managed to sleep before I woke up to mumbling. I shifted my head, confused at what I was hearing, my brain was foggy with sleep and I couldn't quite focus enough to hear it. I was leaning against something warm and firm.. huh? The mumbling grew louder, I couldn't understand what was being said.. what was going on?

I slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes with my free hand. Somehow in the last few hours I had managed to slump against James' shoulder, my back was stiff and my neck ached. I glanced around, it was still very dark, but my eyes had adjusted somewhat.

I turned to look at James, he was asleep, his head slightly tilted to the side, his hair was in his face, he was mumbling in his sleep. Was that... Russian?

His muttering got louder, his words coming out faster, his hands twitched at his sides. He cringed and bared his teeth.. Oh god, was he.. was he having a nightmare?

He started yelling.

It climbed in volume..

He was _screaming_.

I jumped at the agonizing sound, my heart plummeted into my stomach. His face was tortured, like he was in unimaginable amounts of pain. I had never seen that sort of look on his face, not even when he got tazed twice in a row by Hydra men.. This was something entirely different, and he was only dreaming.

He wasn't calming down, his arms were locked and tensed at his sides, his hands clenched into tight fists. He dug his boot heels into the carpet and locked his legs. He needed to calm down, he was going to draw the attention of the whole neighborhood with his yelling! Well, if he hadn't already... I had to do something!

Gods this was probably a terrible idea..

"James?" I questioned quietly, trying to make him stir.

He yelled in agony again, his head thrashing side to side. My heart accelerated in my chest, the sound echoed painfully off the walls. Oh god, oh god!

I hesitantly reached towards him, my free hand hovering lightly over his shoulder as I hesitated.

"James!" I tried again, this time louder. I finally let my hand fall onto his overly-tense shoulder, grasping onto it firmly.

His eyes snapped open.

Before I could move, hell, before I could even take another breath his metal hand snapped over quicker than I could follow and wrapped around my throat. The world twisted as he quite literally pounced on top of me, sending me crashing into the floor with him on top, straddling my legs.

I grunted as his other hand, the one still connected to mine grasped onto my wrist and secured it next to my head, his metal hand squeezed harshly and I gasped for breath. His eyes were wild, defensive, panicked.

I reached up and pulled weakly at his metal wrist, the action reminding me of our first encounter with each other. I moaned weakly as spots danced in my vision.

I couldn't.. breathe.. He was going to...

His eyes widened as he stared down at me, clarity returning to those sapphire depths. His grip left my neck abruptly as he stared at me, I gasped for breath, my lungs burned. His eyes looking haunted, his expression tortured and pained as he stared into my eyes. That indifferent mask of his was nowhere to be found.

I had never seen him look so... vulnerable. My heart tugged painfully in my chest at the look of pure anguish on his face.

His other hand that still gripped onto my wrist was shaking, he swallowed hard. Slowly and carefully he unclenched his hand from my wrist and pulled himself off me to crouch on his toes. I shifted to move my legs out from underneath him since he couldn't actually go very far from me with our wrists still tied together.

His eyes never left me. They just kept searching my face and then dropping down to look at my neck. This action repeated several times. That distressed expression was painted so clearly on his face, his breathing was labored, his chest rising and falling rapidly. For once, he was the one that looked ready to bolt.

My stomach twisted and in that moment I understood.. This man.. this dangerous, aggressive, over-protective man hadn't just been trained to be the perfect weapon.. He had been tortured, tortured by Hydra.

He must have been dreaming about it, about something they had done to him.

I shuffled closer to him. He didn't move, he just watched me close the gap between us, his eyebrows furrowed and his expression somber. I didn't like to see him this way..

Despite the fact that he had attacked me, I knew he hadn't meant to this time, he proved that as soon as he had become fully lucid.

I reached over and touched his shoulder again, the same action that had gotten us into this precarious situation. He tensed again, and took a deep, steadying breath through his nose.

"It's okay." I breathed. "You're okay..." I repeated.

I shifted closer to him, moving to sit on my knees between his legs. He said nothing as I invaded his personal space, I could feel his breath fan against the top of my head as I moved to wrap my non-tied arm around his back the best I could. I pressed the side of my face against his chest and listened to his strong heartbeat, it was fast and his whole body was tense and hesitant as I hugged him.

How long had it been since he had experienced such basic human contact like this?

I wasn't sure if I should pull away or continue.. I had no idea if I was making him feel better or worse. I had no idea how to deal with him in this state. This was entirely new. The manhandling super-soldier I could at least sass and argue with.. even though it was normally a very one-sided argument. This, right here, was entirely new territory for me.

Just as I was about to pull away, his metal arm coiled gently around me, bringing me further against his chest. Over the next few minutes, his grip on me got tighter and tighter, caging me against him. I didn't protest, and I didn't move. My mind was going a hundred miles per hour in all sorts of directions, but I wisely stayed silent.

It felt almost surreal this moment.. I was so used to him being one way, and being constantly frustrated with him.. That this vulnerable version of him almost didn't seem real. He leaned his chin on top of my head, I nearly jumped but I managed to contain my surprise, thankfully. I felt my cheeks heat up, and I was suddenly very thankful he couldn't see my face. He really didn't need to see my blush right now.

"You shouldn't have woke me up." He rumbled above me. I almost couldn't make out his words as his chest vibrated against my ear, making his voice sound deeper than normal.

"You were screaming.." I whispered, hoping he could understand why I had to.

"I could have killed you." He whispered bitterly into my hair.

"But you didn't." I reminded him. "You stopped." He hadn't been in his right mind when he woke up..

I didn't voice how utterly terrified and helpless I had felt.. There was no need, we both knew I was no match for him. Even now as I hugged him, he was much larger than I was.. and he was much stronger than even the strongest human male, I was fragile to him.

"You need to be on guard.. even from me." He scolded. " _Especially from me_.." He muttered above me after a moment.

I scoffed against his chest. He smelled like my body wash... he smelled like vanilla.

I doubted that even if I had been fully on guard when I woke him up, that it would have mattered.. The situation would have still ended the same, if not even worse if I had been defensive and struggled. His nightmare had really messed him up. I didn't regret my actions though, he needed someone right now.. and I was here... Despite how much shit had gone down between us in such a short time.. I couldn't ignore him when he needed help.. he hadn't ignored me after he put my life into danger. If he had, I'd be dead by now.

Buried in some unmarked grave by Hydra.

"Unless you're willing to sleep without us attached at the hip so to speak..." I trailed off.

His chest rumbled lowly in response. His way of telling me that there was no way in hell that was going to happen.

"Didn't think so."

I wasn't sure where I was finding the strength to remain so calm.

He started to move then, shifting the both of us into standing position, I slid down until my feet touched the floor. I tried to pull back then, but his grip remained unrelenting on me as he shuffled me backwards towards the bags.

Guess he was liking the hug?

He let go of me long enough to lean down and grab something, then he was using our tied-wrists to direct me where he wanted me to go.. back towards the wall we had fallen asleep at. This time however, he tossed his sweater and mine onto the floor, balled up.

He pulled me down to the ground with him easily. I finally understood what it was he was doing. Make-shift pillows.

I grabbed the discarded blanket and pulled it over us again as we laid down, the hoodie was lumpy.. but it supported my neck a bit, which I was thankful for.. Maybe I could convince him to get a real pillow soon? We'd work on it...

* * *

Here it is, lovely readers! Chapter nine! I know this chapter was a bit short, but that's only because several of the ones coming up are quite long. This is one of the chapters I like to refer to as 'the calm before the storm', after all, gotta' have some calm chapters. They'll make Bucky's flip-outs later that much more fun, hahaha! (If that doesn't give you guys a hint, I don't know what will...) Now, it's been asked of me why Kat isn't asking about her future yet, about what's in store down the road. Well that is simple, despite this spanning nine chapters so far, they haven't actually been together that long. She's completely overwhelmed and is just kind of compartmentalizing everything, which is very, very bad of her of course.. Because the longer you bury your emotions, the worse it will be when they finally come out. I hope you all enjoyed this rare glimpse of a vulnerable Bucky, I bet you all know what he was dreaming about... Until next time lovelies! Read and Review! ~


	10. Dressed to Kill

It had been a little over two weeks since the eve that his nightmares began. We had settled into a routine of sorts, we never stayed anywhere for very long.. He was constantly moving us around, making sure we stayed ahead of Hydra and anyone else that might be looking for us. He had an uncanny ability to find abandoned and vacant locations.

Our sleeping arrangements stayed relatively the same, he wouldn't sleep until he had been up for a few days, or had pushed himself a little too far. And even then, he'd only sleep if we 'compromised'. Which always ended up with my wrist tied to his, that way if I tried to escape, he'd know.

Two weeks and some change had not helped his distrustful nature.. If anything, it seemed like it was making it worse. His over-protective tendencies were getting more and more frequent. It didn't seem to matter to him that I had, for the most part, behaved and not tried to run from him...

He hardly ever took his eyes off me, and rarely did he let me wander more than few feet away from him.

His nightmares hadn't stopped. Whenever he slept, they plagued him. Some nights were worse than others. No matter how many times he had demanded that I stop getting so close when I woke him up, I never listened. I knew he felt guilty when he reacted negatively some of the times he woke up, but I had no other way to wake him.. When he screamed.. he couldn't hear me yelling his name. Touching him was the only guaranteed way to rip him out of a nightmare.

So I took each bruise, each tumble with danger as best as I could..

Thankfully, I wasn't dead yet.

Each time I blatantly ignored his orders and woke him up with my touch, he got angry with me.. His manhandling the next day would be more aggressive, his stares a lot harsher.. But he no longer waited for me to hug him after each nightmare.. He just pulled me into his arms until he calmed down enough to go back to sleep.

It was the least I could do.. offer that small bit of comfort to him when he needed it. He kept me alive, kept me fed, I could hug him during those vulnerable moments after a nightmare. Whenever I tried to ask him what he was dreaming of, he'd close off instantly and ignore me for the rest of the day. Whatever he dreamt.. it was bad, and he didn't want to share.. I did my best not to push the matter.

Part of me wondered if it was because he didn't want me to know, or because he didn't want to give voice to what was haunting him. He seemed to play everything very close to the vest, so to speak.

It was a bitter-sweet situation with him, honestly. My hormones hadn't died down any in his presence.. if anything they had only gotten much, much worse. His proximity was really starting to affect me.. I suppose it was only natural though, he was the only person I was able to interact with.

I knew I was lying to myself though.. I would have been drawn to him even if he wasn't the only person I was around twenty-four-seven. I couldn't help it. Everything about him drew me in. His voice, how he looked, how he moved... Even if for the most part, he was completely unapproachable.

It's not like he was a chatter-box or anything. I wasn't even sure how he was able to tolerate me. The man had to have a ridiculous amount of patience built up to deal with my constant rambling about anything and everything. The only time I was able to aggravate him quickly, was when I started to argue with him, or didn't listen to a direct order. He was quick to anger. I knew he tried not to be, but it was just who he was.

After a couple days, he started giving me books to read and electronics to take apart and play with. I was thankful for the distractions, it was oddly considerate of him.. I noticed that he kept doing stuff like that.. making sure I had food I liked, even if for the time being we were stuck with packaged food. He tried his best to make sure we had a comfortable place to rest, and get clean.. Which I knew was entirely for my benefit.

He was surprising.. in a good way.

Adjusting to life with him was difficult, but not overly so.. I missed basic things the most, like being able to cook a real meal, and sleep in a nice bed. But he had been right about me.. I was a loner with no major attachments. The only person my gut twisted thinking about was Autumn.. she had to be worried sick about me by now.

I tried not to think about it.

It wasn't like I could get word to her to let her know I was okay and safe... ish. Bucky didn't allow me to leave his sight, and he certainly didn't let me near any communication devices. I just had find comfort in the fact that Autumn had several people around her to comfort her about my disappearance.. she'd be okay.. I hoped.

\- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

I watched him out of the corner of my eye, his back was to me as he went through the bags. He was wearing a tantalizing shirt again, one that stretched across his broad torso teasingly.. Mocking me to have even more less than appropriate thoughts. He was crouched on his heels, proving once again just how graceful he was.. he was unfair.

His muscles tensed in his arms and he let out an aggravated sigh before turning his head to look at me, his forearms balanced on his knees. He didn't seem the least bit surprised to see me looking at him already, almost as if he knew I had been watching him the entire time.

His facial expression was dark, moody. His eyebrows were furrowed, his lips in his usual frown.

"What's wrong?" I questioned curiously.

"We're running low on supplies." His deep timbre never ceased to send delicious tingles up my spine. I hated it.

"Oh." Well that certainly wasn't good.. "What do we do?" I was out of my depth with shit like this.

He watched me for a moment, just scanning my face. He was contemplating something in his head, I could almost see the gears turning around in his brain as he stared at me.

"I remember a Hydra safe-house.. Not too far from here." His voice was quiet, unsure. "We could clear it.. and restock some of our supplies there."

Unease fluttered in my stomach.

He wanted to.. he wanted to go into the heart of the beast? After we had spent so much time running from them?

Something clicked then.

 _He remembered a Hydra safe-house_.

"You.. remembered the Hydra base?" He nodded, his eyes not leaving mine.

We hadn't exactly talked about his amnesia.. I knew he couldn't remember much of anything.. and if he had started to remember anything, he certainly hadn't shared it with me. I knew how much he struggled with the frustration of not being able to remember his old life, and even his second life with Hydra. I couldn't even begin to imagine how he felt..

So the fact that he was remembering anything.. it was progress.. and I was weirdly proud in that moment.

"Have you.. remembered anything else?" I inquired tentatively.

He swallowed hard then, shifting his gaze away from me. There it was again, that vulnerable look in his eyes. It was a rare thing to see his eyes look like that. I hadn't seen his eyes look like that since the night his nightmares first began. He had been careful since then, to not let his emotions flutter across his face when I woke him up from his nightmares..

He clenched his fists.

"It's like I have _two_ people in my head." He whispered. "There's the man I was before.. _James Barnes_ , and there's _The Winter Soldier_. They clash in my head.."

I tried to keep the surprise off my face, had that been what he was called while he worked for Hydra? I tucked that information away for later.

"Hurts." He grunted, pressing two of his metal fingers against his temple roughly.

My heart twisted in my chest at the information. He hadn't let on about any pain.. not once.

"I remember him sometimes..." He clenched his jaw. "Steve." He clarified. "But he was.. smaller?" He shook his head in confusion then, cringing. As if the memory felt wrong and weird to him.

His hair fell in front of his face.

"Why is he smaller?" He asked, almost brokenly.

I got up and moved towards him then, making sure I kept my movements slow as I approached. I stopped and sat down at his side, leaning my head back to get a good look at his face. He was already watching me, as he always was.

"You and Steve were friends before he was injected with the Super-Soldier serum.. At least that's what the exhibit at the Smithsonian said.. Of course you'd remember him smaller than he is now." I reached forward and laid my hand on his forearm.

His eyes slid to look at my hand on his arm intently, he seemed almost puzzled.

I almost took my hand back.. Almost.

"You'll remember it all in no time, I'm sure of it." I smiled softly and squeezed his forearm gently.

His eyes found mine then, there was a flicker of surprise there.

"Thank you.." He muttered. This time it was my turn to be surprised.. he had never thanked me before. I wasn't quite sure what to do with it.. I flushed under his gaze.

"Uh.. no problem.." I cleared my throat and looked behind him at the bags. "So, about this Hydra safe-house, or whatever.."

"We'll leave tonight." He confirmed.

I nodded my head, accepting the information. I wasn't happy about it, but it was needed.. and he had remembered it on his own. That was really good.

"Look at me."

It wasn't a request, I heard it in his tone. He had gone from zero to sixty again, all the tenderness in his voice was gone. I moved my head to meet his stare again.

"Stay close to me the entire time, do you understand me?" His eyes were fierce as he stared me down, imploring me to understand the importance of what he was asking. His jaw tick was back as he waited for me to respond.

"I understand." I mumbled.

" _Good girl._ "

\- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

We left our current location under the cover of darkness, night had fallen and Bucky had moved us out. We had driven for a long while, passing many towns on our way.

When he had mentioned the 'safe-house' was nearby, I thought he actually had meant nearby.. But apparently to James, within one hundred miles was 'nearby' enough.

Thankfully he let me fiddle with the radio to calm my nerves, I ended up flipping back and forth between two stations.. one was playing classic rock, and the other electro-swing. I had noticed he had perked up a bit at the sound of the electro-swing.. He seemed, curious almost.. His gaze a bit clouded.

When he finally stopped the car we were in a rather large town, but not one I had ever been before, it was old fashioned almost. The streets were empty, the shops all closed up for the night. James turned to look at me, eyeing my form.

"Put your hair up." He ordered suddenly, his fingers tapping lightly against the steering wheel.

"Why?"

I played with the hair-tie I always kept on my wrist. His lips were in a firm line, he arched his eyebrow slowly. Ugh, this man... Why couldn't he just ever explain his thought process for once?

I pulled my hair up into a high, messy bun. A few strands escaped and fell down near my face but I didn't move to fix it. I turned back around to see him eyeing me with approval.

"Happy?" I muttered sarcastically.

He didn't respond, instead he moved to pull his mask out from the back, the one that only covered half of his face. I tensed, but said nothing as he secured it on.

At first whenever he put that mask on, I wasn't sure what it was about it that unsettled me so.. But ever since earlier today when he had confessed a little about his mind to me.. I understood. Whenever he put that mask on, his eyes would empty, he removed his emotions out of the equation. He was primarily goal driven, he had a mission and he had to complete it, by any means necessary.

He became that one side of him.

 _The Winter Soldier._

He didn't look at me as he exited the 'new' truck and went to the back of it to pull out his arsenal, I waited several moments as he armed himself to the teeth with his 'tools'. Then he was at my door, looking as formidable as ever.

My stomach twisted at the sight of him... He really did look good dressed to kill.

Fuck, something was definitely wrong with me.

"Out." His voice was back to that growl of his, the one that sent my brain spiraling in lewd directions. I did my best to ignore my obviously fucked up thoughts.

I climbed out of the truck, he shifted to stand directly in front of me, only a couple inches separated us as he stared me down.

"Remember what I said, you move when I move. Do not leave my sight unless I say so."

I nodded. He reached forward with his gloved hands and grabbed onto the hood of my sweatshirt, pulling it up and over my noticeably red-orange hair, concealing it.

I could only hope that this 'mission' went as smoothly as all the others.

* * *

Another of the 'calm before the storm' chapters.. Just a fair warning however, this is about to get a bit **darker.** I did promise some escalation of his behavior after all... wonder what sets that in motion? Hahahaha! Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter as well as the pace I'm setting for the story, the plot is slowly going to unfold more and more as the story continues on.. I have some wonderful things planned for you guys! Read and Review! Reviews make my world go round and the next chapters to come out a lot faster! Hope all of you are well and happy, until next time! ~


	11. Bloodshed and Accents

He was just sitting there, sipping his over-sized cup of coffee like he had no cares in the world.. His head was swiveling from side to side as he watched the quiet town as carefully as he could while also glancing down every so often to the book leaning against the steering wheel.

Poor guy.. Least he had a nice hobby.

Bucky's arm smashed through the driver's side window of the van, the knife in his fist sunk deeply into the unsuspecting man's throat, ripping across his jugular, blood splattered across his book and the windshield.

Shame... wonder what he had been reading?

I tried not to focus on the blood, anything but the blood. I could do this, I could remain calm during this situation.. I had to.

Bucky reached over, past the now-dead man and grabbed the shotgun that had been sitting next to him, pulling it into his own hands. He gave it a once over, and then turned and headed for the building across the way.

A Jewelers?

This was a Hydra base? Talk about hiding in plain sight.. cocky bastards.

James moved calmly, almost leisurely as he crossed the road and headed towards the front door of the Jewelers, I trailed behind a few paces.. My silhouette hidden easily behind his tall form. He looked daunting as he advanced forward, his boots barely making a sound on the pavement. He cocked the shotgun.

Was he just going to...?

He shot the handle, blowing the lock to pieces. The sound was loud, jarring, I winced but didn't hesitate to follow him as he shoved through the door. He let the shotgun fall to his side, switching to hold it in just one hand. He pulled the pistol from the holster on his thigh, he didn't even look to the side before he shot in that direction. A groan and then a thump let me know that he had hit his target.

Damn.

He sidestepped once and shot two more guys that rushed up from a far hallway, they were dead before they hit the ground.

The main room was dim, the only real source of light was from inside the display cases.. There were gorgeous and extravagant necklaces, bracelets and rings.. I was a bit in awe at all the beautiful stones that decorated the pieces.. I tore my gaze away to make sure I was following James closely enough, he was moving quickly, wanting to hurry up and clear the entire building. It didn't look to be too heavily manned.

He did another quick sweep of the main floor with his 'way-better-than-average' eyes, and then moved to go up the staircase towards the office levels.. Logically whoever was up there would have heard us coming right? How was he going to surprise them? I worried my lip between my teeth.

I glanced behind us once, nothing moved in the dim, main-room. Bucky cocked the shotgun, drawing my attention back to him, he was looking at me.

"Against the wall." He murmured at me.

Without questioning him, I slid to one side of the wall and flattened myself against it. Seeing that I had listened, he turned forward once more.

Raising the shotgun, he took aim and fired, not once, but twice. The door flew inwards and then James was gone, I scrambled up the last few steps and into the room he had entered.

A body flew past me, narrowly almost taking me down with it. The man rag-dolled down the stairs and crashed into a display on the sales floor, shattering it. He wasn't moving.

I watched nervously, there were seven more guys in the large room, all of them poised in different positions around the room, seemingly frozen at the sight of him. There was a moment of stillness, nobody was moving, not even Bucky. The other men were staring slack-jawed at Bucky, surprised and terrified to be facing him.. if the looks in their eyes were anything to go by anyway.

Everyone but me was armed.

And then Bucky was advancing, he darted forward, slamming his body into the first man. He grabbed the guy's gun in his hand and shoved it upwards, just as the man fired on instinct.

The room went dark as the overhead light shattered.

Panic swelled in my chest.

I couldn't see what the fuck was going on, I could only hear all the grunts and erratic movements.

Something gripped onto my arm and tugged.

I couldn't even choke out a scream as my body tumbled violently down the stairs. Someone had pulled me! My head smacked into the banister as I tried to catch myself, my ankle shifted and rolled underneath me, pain shot up my leg as I smashed into the floor. I took in a gulp of air and groaned as pain flared in numerous places.

Glass bit into the skin of my hands and face.

"So, you are the girl accompanying the Winter Soldier?" The voice was heavy with a German accent, his voice spoke disapproval. I willed myself to my feet, ignoring how the glass cut into my palms as I stood, putting most of my weight onto my left leg.

The man from before.. the one that had been tossed! He was the one that threw me down the stairs.

Had I been so heavily engrossed with watching Bucky that I hadn't even heard him come up to my side? I swallowed thickly as I looked at him in the soft lighting. He was injured.. one of his fingers was bent crudely, and blood was leaking from a gash at his temple... But he was still much larger than I was.

"You do not look like much." He confirmed, sizing me up like I had just done to him.

"Coming from the guy that got chucked down the stairs." I quipped.

"So did you." He smirked. I hated his smug face.

I scowled. Was it common for bad guys to banter with potential victims? I thought this only happened in the movies.

He rushed towards me and my heart stuttered in my chest, I dove to the side, avoiding his fist.

Too close, too close!

My ankle screamed it's protest as I swirled around and faced him again. I heard a guttural shout from upstairs. The man seemed to realize his window was closing, he wasted no time rushing at me again.

This time I wasn't quick enough.

His hands latched onto my arms and then I was flying backwards, away from the staircase, in between the displays. Did everyone need to fucking manhandle me?! I tried not to whine when I smashed into the ground. Wincing, I once again pulled myself up.

Adrenaline pooled into my veins, it was the only thing keeping me going, I had to survive long enough! He didn't look armed, but he was definitely trained. He was toying with me.. I was easy prey.. I just needed to survive a bit longer. What was taking Bucky so long?

He advanced on me again, I screamed when I tried to take a step on my ankle. His hand wrapped around my face, smothering my scream.

I bit down desperately, latching onto his hand.

The skin of his palm broke and blood flooded my mouth, the taste of iron assaulting my senses. He shouted angrily and ripped his hand from my teeth. The back of his hand collided with my face, sending me crashing to the floor again. He was on me then, both his hands wrapping around my throat and squeezing tightly.

Unlike Bucky, he wasn't wasting any time.

I twisted underneath him, and clawed at his hands, ripping some of his skin. But he held on. There was a twisted, sick gleam in his eye.. a grin on his face.

He was going to kill me...

I glanced around frantically, the entire floor almost seemed to be glittering.. broken glass, and various pieces of jewelry littered the floor. I reached out and grasped onto an object, seizing it into my hand. It was an overly fancy calligraphy pen, with a sharp golden point.

Spots danced in my vision, my lungs burned.

With the last bit of energy I possessed, I swiftly swung my arm up and sunk the pen into his eye, burying it deeply into his eye socket.

He screamed and rolled off of me, he tried to pull the pen out of his eye, but I had sunk it too far in. Thick blood oozed down his face. I greedily gulped in as much air as I could manage, wheezing.

I was alive.. I was alive.. Oh god, I stabbed him, I stabbed him in the face... oh my god.. I had... Bucky had... and now me.

I heaved, but nothing came up. I hadn't realized I was crying till drops fell onto my shaky hands.

Bucky was there then, he practically flew down the stairs. His gaze caught mine first, he was beyond livid. His chest was heaving as he breathed deeply, trying to calm himself down. He was staring at me with such a dark intensity that I froze under his stare. His jaw clenched as he turned his glare towards the wailing man on the floor. He lifted the pistol in his hand and with a quick pull of the trigger, the man's tortured screams were gone.

I shook as he approached me, I couldn't stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks.. I hadn't been close enough to him.. I had let my guard down.. That man could have easily killed me before Bucky could have gotten to me.

He must have... he must have had a hard time keeping himself safe while taking on all those trained men.. I hadn't been careful enough.. He told me not to leave his sight.

I choked down a sob when he crouched in front of me, his winter-blue eyes were filled with concern as he studied my face. His eyes swept over my body, taking stock of the injuries he could see. Finally, his eyes trailed back up to my face.. I could tell he was fighting to not be angry.. anger was definitely his go-to emotion.

" _Come 'ere, sweetheart_." He whispered.. His voice rough, and muffled behind his mask. The slight twinge of a Brooklyn accent startled my brain back into working.. He.. he never had an accent. Confusion clouded my mind.

He reached forward and gathered me into his arms carefully, one arm to support my back with the other sweeping under my knees. He shifted and hauled himself into a standing position with me tucked carefully in his arms.. I reached up and wound my arms around his neck tightly.. Taking the slight bit of comfort that I could. He didn't object. I could feel myself shaking, and I couldn't get the image of blood splattering out of my head.

He walked across the room, over to some chairs I hadn't noticed were tucked in the corner. He lowered me down gently, depositing me in the plush seat.

"Close your eyes." He whispered. I did as I was told. "I'll be right back, do not open your eyes till I tell you to, and don't move." He kept his tone soft, but I could hear the masked aggression in his voice, all traces of that very New York accent were gone, as if it hadn't even happened. Was I so fucking messed up that I had imagined that? Was that just my brain's way of coping? I had watched Bucky tear a knife into a man's throat tonight.. I had stabbed another man in the eye in self-defense...

I shrunk in on myself as I listened to him walk away.. I knew the sound of his footfalls were for my benefit.. he wanted me to hear him. To take comfort in the fact that his presence was nearby.. And I did.

* * *

Alright, as promised, a very early chapter eleven! Now, to clarify something I said in the last author's note that brought up a few questions, let me be clear. There will be **no** rape in this story, I find it to be a very overused plot point and I don't agree with it. That being said, when I mentioned things were going to get darker, I meant stuff like this and more. Katarina is going to find herself in some twisted situations... Situations where she has to watch Bucky hurt and kill people, where she has to hurt people to survive.. where she gets hurt. And then there's going to be the escalation of James' behavior. He's going to get very possessive, territorial... Even to the point of upsetting her. He's not going to be a gentle, vanilla guy.. He's going to be rough and aggressive, especially as his feelings for her continue to grow. Both sides of him are starting to get quite attached to her... I hope that answered the current questions.. Thank you all for reviewing and making this early update happen, you're all wonderful! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and that it helps brighten your days! Read and Review please!


	12. Dark Confessions

I kept my eyes closed the entire time he moved around the now-empty building. I heard him head up the stairs at one point, and then I listened to him come back down.. his footsteps sounded heavier when he came down, but I didn't open my eyes despite my curiosity.

I just focused on my breathing.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

I heard him drag something fairly heavily across the floor several times and furrowed my eyebrows.. What was he doing?

Finally warmth radiated in front of me. _James._

"Katarina.." He ground out quietly. "You can open your eyes." That poorly veiled aggression was still in his voice, but I didn't comment on it for now.

Opening my eyes I found him standing tall in front of me. As soon as my eyes locked onto his he was bending down to my level, pulling me into his arms once again. Bridal style. I flushed, but wrapped my arms around his neck once more, thankful for his warmth.

The adrenaline had worn off in the time it took him to do whatever the hell he had been doing. The aches in my body had started to flare up considerably and I was fighting to not focus on what I had just done... My head felt hazy, and I briefly wondered if I had hit it hard enough to give myself a concussion?

That would just be the literal topping on the fucked-up cake that was my night.

I glanced off to the side as James walked us to a far hallway I hadn't been in yet. The bodies that should have been scattered on the sales floor were gone.. All that was left was expensive jewelry, glass, and blood.

He had moved the bodies... Had he done it for me? Warmth fluttered in my chest. He was concerned about me, more concerned than he had let on.. He had me close my eyes so that I wouldn't have to see him move that particular body, to dwell even more on what I had done to survive.

I had never considered someone moving a body to be sweet before, but in this situation I found the action endearing.. Which prompted me to once again consider the concussion idea...

Killing was easy for Bucky, I knew that.. He had been trained to be a perfect weapon. And yet.. he recognized it wasn't easy for me to do. I knew that technically Bucky was the one that had ended the man's life, but he would have died from the wound I inflicted if he hadn't got help in time, and he wouldn't have. I wonder, if Bucky shot him to be more efficient, or to take the weight of the mans death onto his own shoulders.

I doubt he'd tell me if I asked.

James moved effortlessly with me in his arms, walking down the long narrow hallway before coming to a thick, metal door that was shoved open. I noticed the fancy scanners to the side. He must have found a way in while I sat waiting for him. We descended down a long staircase, heading into the basement level. I supposed this was the place we'd find the supplies we came for.

Bucky's hair tickled my arm as he walked, the hanging locks were soft as they brushed against my skin. I itched to run my fingers through his hair. It took all of my remaining willpower to resist, it was maddening. Instead I glanced up at his face, studying it wearily. His eyebrows were drawn down, furrowed.. His eyes were dark and furious. His entire body seemed tensed and ready for a fight.. He didn't spare me a glance.

Instead he just finished the walk towards the large backroom, pausing in the entrance way. I blinked owlishly.. Holy fuck. We were surrounded by high-tech gadgets, most of them were weapons. Off on the far wall was an overflowing desk, papers were messily spread across it's surface, files were haphazardly stacked off to the side. Closer to us was a work station, various tools and expensive jewels were lying in piles on the surface.

Who the hell kept piles of gems laying around?

Well, this was supposed to be a jewelers.. Guess they needed it to be a proper front? Sapphires, Ruby's, Diamonds, all tossed casually like they didn't even matter.. I was momentarily distracted by their beauty. I wasn't one for expensive jewelry.. but even I couldn't deny they were eye-catching.

Bucky moved forward and lowered me down until I was sitting on the edge of one of the tables, away from most of the weapons. He dropped into a crouch in front of me, still not bothering to actually look at my face, I noted. He reached out and pulled the edge of my jeans up, revealing my injured ankle. His shoulders went rigid, his eyes stormy.

Was it that bad?

I leaned over slightly, bending my knee to see what he was looking at. I cringed when I saw my ankle, It was swollen and bruised. I had twisted it good. I peeked up to glance at Bucky's face again, it was hard to tell exactly what was going on with his face.. the bottom half of it was still covered, much to my dismay.

"Sweatshirt off." He clipped suddenly, startling me out of my thoughts.

I shifted to comply, wincing slightly as I moved. I was beginning to realize I was crazy good at acquiring injuries. I pulled my hoodie up and over my head, setting it down next to me on the table. Bucky's hands grabbed my wrists and twisted my palms up, checking my arms and hands. He let go and grabbed my chin in a less than tender hold. He shifted my head side to side, checking each side of my face. Finally he tipped my head back, making me stare at the ceiling. I groaned as my vision swam, and my stomach knotted.

His hand stilled immediately and tensed, his fingers biting into my skin.

He stood up, towering over me once more. This time his fingers prodded at a tender spot near my temple, I gasped and jerked away. That had been the spot I had hit on the stair banister..

His chest rumbled in a displeased growl, but he said nothing as he moved away from me. I watched as he disappeared down the hall, heading into one of the other rooms we had passed on our way into this one. He came back a few moments later, his arms filled with medical supplies, as well as his mask. He had removed it, leaving his face bare to my gaze.

I could finally see the angry set of his mouth, that aggravated tick of his jaw. I swallowed nervously.

Yep, very, very upset.

Bucky wrapped my ankle first, his fingers were far more gentle than the look in his eyes. I found I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

The way his body kneeled before mine.. he was twice as wide as me, and towered over me by a foot when both of us were standing. He was hard muscle, where I was soft and pliant. His hands were large, his normal one was calloused, rough. The metal one was smooth and unyielding, cool to the touch. He had strong legs, a tapered waist, a wide chest, and broad shoulders.. I knew all this.. and yet I couldn't stop staring at him like it was the first time I had ever seen him.

The way his dark hair fell a little messy around his face, the way he almost always wore a scowl.. The winter-blue of his eyes and how they made my blood boil, even when he was just scanning the perimeter. The way his stubble accented his strong jaw.. And those lips.. always turned into a tight frown...

Bucky moved on to picking glass out of my hands, an action I had grown a bit used to. I wasn't sure if it was because I was concussed, shocked, or too busy focusing on him.. But I barely felt him pull the glass from my skin, barely noticed when he cleaned all of the blood from my hands or rubbed ointment into the cuts and bandaged them.

His eyes studied my neck briefly, I no doubt already had a bruise forming, again. He turned his attention to my temple, once again not looking at me.

My chest tightened painfully.

He always looked at me.. Far too much actually, and now he was blatantly keeping his eyes off of mine. It was pissing me off, I could feel the rage building in my body. Why was he so angry with me?

He stood up then, stepping between my legs to get to my head injury. My legs were now on either side of his hips as he stood between them, I could feel the heat of him. My mind flat-lined, my cheeks burned.. Don't think naughty, don't think naughty.

He's ignoring you!

You're upset at him!

Do. Not. Think. Naughty.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

I don't think there was a single pure thought in my head.

Why did he have to effect me so much? You think I would have gotten used to his presence in the last two weeks.. not become more easily affected by it.. And here he was, impassive and pissed off. It was monumentally unfair.

He gently and methodically cleaned the wound at my temple. When he pulled the cloth away from my head, I recognized dried blood. I would definitely need to shower later to get rid of the blood that was no doubt knotted into my hair.

He set the medical supplies down next to me, and stepped away. Distancing himself without a word. I couldn't help but scowl at his form as he started to inspect the items around the room, mainly the weapons. He seriously wasn't going to say anything? No grunt about how I couldn't sleep for a while? No quip about me almost dying? No threats? Seriously?! The silent treatment?!

No. No. We were not doing this. The idea of him ignoring me bothered me more than it should have.

"What's wrong?" I tried to keep my tone of voice soft.

He grunted, but didn't turn to look at me. While the view of his back was undeniably lovely, I could feel my frustration climbing.

"Seriously, James, what is your fucking problem?!" I snapped.

His body tensed, his fists clenched at his sides, and then he was looking at me. His blue eyes glaring into mine with such rage I flinched.

"You almost died!" He snarled. As if that explained absolutely everything and justified his anger. His vacant mask, the one he used to cover up his emotions was gone. In it's place was an almost unrecognizable man, one with raw, violent emotions. This was a side of him I had only seen once before, back in the alley.

He twisted then, pivoting to the side. His metal armed whirred, and the plates shifted as he surged forward and smashed his metal fist through the wall. The wall gave way easily, crumbling under the force of his brute strength. He was a loose cannon when angry, but I threw caution to the wind.

"It wasn't my fault!"

He jerked his fist out of the wall with more force than necessary and whirled on me again, taking one solid, dangerous step forward.

"You were supposed to stay near me!" He growled low. "To not leave my sight."

"I tried!" I explained, desperately. Surely he knew that I tried!? I still wasn't used to these situations! Not even now, everything with him was all still so new. I didn't know when we entered that room how far away I was supposed to stay, where I was supposed to move to. Everyone was armed, and I didn't want to get into the way.. didn't want to become a target.

And yet, I hadn't paid enough attention to my own surroundings.. I had been so concerned about him, surrounded by all those men that I hadn't been aware of anything else. I had almost gotten myself killed..

"You should have tried harder!" His voice was thick with emotion, eyes wild and desperate. I paled... he was... he sounded.. He sounded mad at himself.. He must have known the minute I wasn't in the room anymore.. but if he had tried to go after me without taking care of those other men.. He could have gotten injured, or worse.

He had played the situation out tactically.. and he was mad at himself for it. I had no doubt that he put some of the blame on me, maybe a good portion of it.. but shinning in his eyes for the first time ever was guilt.

The information my brain was processing from his behavior was too much, too confusing. I couldn't understand it, why did he care?! Why was he so upset?! I was just some girl that he had saved on a whim... wasn't I? I couldn't settle my volatile emotions. He was taking all of his rage out on me.. it was unfair.

"Why do you even care? I don't get it! You've kept me alive, all this time and you won't tell me the reason! Why does my safety mean that much to you?! You wanted to kill me when we met, hell, you almost did! Why the fuck did you suddenly change your mind!? I'm just some random gir-"

" _Shut up!_ " He roared.

"Answer me!" I screamed brazenly back at him.

He was on me in an instant, he moved impossibly fast. His hands wrapping tightly around my upper arms as he shoved me further onto the table. The table rattled dangerously as he shoved himself between my legs again using his grip to shake me lightly.

" _It's better with you!_ " He bellowed.

My heart thundered painfully in my chest.

"What?" I breathed, completely confused. That had not been the answer I had been expecting.

The pressure of his hands increased. I winced, but he didn't let go. His blue eyes burned into mine as he stared me down.

"I'm calmer with you!" He ground out sharply. "When you're around my head hurts less, the memories don't feel like a bomb going off in my brain. When you're out of sight, I feel unbalanced.. _Like I might loose my footing and destroy everything around me_!"

Ice slithered through my veins, and yet my arms burned where he touched. My breath hitched in my throat, I was completely frozen. His words had taken my anger and tossed it away like it was nothing.

I swallowed harshly, it felt like there was a rock in my throat..

"How.. how l-long have you felt that way?" I tried to keep my voice steady.. But I failed miserably.

He took a deep breath through his nose, trying to regain some of his composure, trying to calm the rage burning through him. He released my arms carefully, flexing his fingers as they fell to his sides. He took a calculated step back away from me, but his gaze didn't leave mine.

"It started becoming exceedingly evident after you hugged me the first time." He grumbled.

"Why did you.." I trailed off.

"Save you?" He supplied, his expression dark.

I nodded.

"There are enough innocent people dead because of me. You will not be one of them." The way he said it, reminded me of that day in the alley.. when he promised he would hunt me down if I ran again. There was so much promise and conviction behind his words...

He cared about me.. I helped him.. He was better with me..

"And that day in the alley?" I probed further, needing to understand.

"I meant what I said." He forced out between his teeth. "I won't let you run, you're safest with me."

His words were on repeat in my brain.. The way his anger had exploded out of him because of my near death experience. He had been afraid he failed.. An idea was slowly forming in my head, I shifted nervously.

"Why don't you just teach me some defensive moves?" He was more than capable..

"No." His response was almost instant. I reared back, shocked. What? No? Just.. just no?!

"Why not?! You can't be there to save me all the time!" I tried to reason.

"Yes. I. Can." He snarled, gnashing his teeth.

"What about this time?!"

That was a bad thing to say, he was literally seething, his gaze ferocious. I scrambled to continue.

"It-It makes no sense not to! I'm not asking you to turn me into a master assassin! Just how to defend myself a little.."

He still didn't look happy, not in the slightest.

"Just in the rare case that I need to survive long enough for you to save me!" I spat out quickly. Trying to appeal to his over protective nature.

He eyed me for several moments, his gaze scrutinizing my face.. He clenched his jaw and let out a long breath.

"Fine. Not now." He clipped tersely.

Well.. it didn't help his mood any.. but it was a start. Least he was speaking to me now..

* * *

Well, that was fun! Hahaha! I hope you all liked this chapter, especially that it was a bit longer, I had a lot of fun writing it. I also hope it appeases your guy's need for a look into Bucky's brain. I can't do a chapter in his POV right now because one: Half the fun is the mystery on his side of things. And two: His mind is really, really fractured right now. But here it is, some insight into Bucky's feelings and his side of things! Thank you guys for loving this story and inspiring me to continue. Please continue to read and review lovelies! Reviews make my world go round! ~


	13. The ties that bind

Bucky and I slipped into a.. well I wouldn't call it a comfortable silence, but it wasn't bad either. I wasn't exactly sure what to say in response to his honesty.. And I think he figured he had said more than enough, more than he had planned to probably say ever...

My mind was like a hurricane of emotions.. The entire day seemed to be on a constant loop in my head. Almost dying, stabbing that man in the eye with a pen, Bucky's rage.. Him spilling some of his hidden feelings and reasons behind keeping me alive all this time.

I felt oddly warm and flustered every time his words floated through my brain again.

This definitely did not help my hormones any. The way my gut twisted and fluttered as I watched him move around the room, inspecting the tech.. I knew I was in some deep shit. I was painfully aware that I was attracted to him on a physical level. I would have to be really stupid not to realize that he was aesthetically appealing.

But I was starting to realize I was attracted to far more than just his looks, and it terrified me.

I was a little too giddy at the revelation that I brought him comfort, helped him balance The Winter Solider part of him. And what was worse, was the loss I had felt when he moved further and further across the room. I wanted to be closer to him... I wanted to feel his hands on my skin. I wanted to hear him talk in that rough voice of his.

I wonder what his laugh sounds like?

"Kat." His quiet rumble pulled me from my thoughts.

"Hmm?" I hummed, still a bit lost in my head.

I hadn't moved from my spot on top of the table. I couldn't, not without his help anyway. My ankle was aching, and I knew that if I tried to put weight on it, I'd be buying myself a one way ticket to the hard floor. It seemed like I was sitting here till Bucky decided otherwise.

He walked over to me, carrying a couple of items in his hand. The first was a fairly-long, thin length of what looked like rope, but it was some sort of metal alloy? But it was.. bendable? What the fuck? My curiosity went into overdrive. The way it coiled in his hand, I could see both end pieces were similar. I was guessing they would fit together if you connected the ends.. A lock of some sort?

He handed it over to me. I turned it over in my hands, trying to figure it out. It was extremely light weight, but when I pulled on each end, I found that there was no give. Whatever it was, it was ridiculously strong.

"What is it?" I questioned, amazed.

Bucky shrugged one shoulder in reply, apparently he didn't know either. Why did a super-secret, evil organization have cool unknown metals?

I couldn't help but glance at Bucky's arm.

Right.

For making cool shit.. Got it. Stupid question.

"Can you change the lock on the ends?" My eyebrows shot to my hairline in surprise. I glanced up at him, unsure. His gaze was mostly impassive, like it usually was when he was calm, but there was curiosity there. He wanted me to change how it locked? I was flattered he thought so highly of my skills...

"Change it how?" I questioned.

"Voice activated."

"To unlock with a certain word or phrase?" I wanted to make sure I knew exactly what it was he was trying to get me to do.

He nodded in confirmation.

"I'll need some parts..." I trailed off when he showed me the box in his other hand.. full of metal pieces, data chips of all kinds, and wires. Oh, well that would do.

"I think I can manage it..." I trailed off, a bit uncertain of myself.. Sure I loved to tinker with electronics.. but I had never tried something like this before. It was a bit out of my league.. What did he even need it for? I was tempted to ask him, but I doubted I'd even get an answer.

James took the weird metal-rope-thing out of my hand and dropped it into the box and moved away from me. He grabbed some tools off of another table and took all of it over to the desk on the far wall, setting it down.

He turned back around and headed for me, I stared at him as he neared me. He really was breathtaking, I wonder if he knew the affect he had on me.. Maybe he just thought girls of this time were weird and liked to stare a lot.

He stepped up to my side, bending to put his metal arm under my knees.

"Wrap your arms around my neck." He ordered.

His voice startled me into moving, I had been too lost in my thought process to do it before he said anything.. I shifted forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself closer to his chest. His normal arm wrapped around my back and hauled me easily into his arms.

He crossed the distance of the room in just a few strides, much to my dismay, depositing me carefully down in the chair at the desk. The chair was tall, and my legs dangled a bit. Lucky for me, I wouldn't have to set my ankle down on the floor. I craned my neck to look up at James.

"You start working on it, I'll take care of things upstairs. I won't be gone long." He was hovering behind me, watching me carefully. I wished I could have stayed in his arms longer.. but I found I was strangely relieved he was back to looking at me far too much.

At first, his constant observation of me had unnerved me.. He noticed literally everything, it was hard not to get flustered when his eyes were constantly locked onto me. But something had undoubtedly shifted, I was starting to enjoy his attention.

Of course I still didn't exactly understand why he watched me constantly. Sure, he said I was comforting to him.. but that didn't mean I was the most fascinating thing ever. And yet, he stared at me as if I was the mysterious one, not him.

"What are you doing upstairs?" I asked curiously.

"Making sure no one comes in here in the morning."

I nodded, that made sense..

He left the room silently, leaving me alone to work. I ignored the feelings that twisted in my chest at his departure.. It's not like he was going to be gone very long, get it together girl.. I found that ignoring it was harder than it should have been.

My emotions were horrible, there was no doubt anymore. I was one fucked up chick.

I could not crush on Bucky Barnes - My kidnapper and savior.

I forced myself to get to work, to focus on what I had officially dubbed 'weird-metal-rope-thing'. Taking the lock apart took me longer than I would have liked to admit.. Giving me a sneaky suspicion that when the two pieces were actually 'locked' they'd be next to impossible to take apart. This thing was designed very well, and it was a bit creepy.

I wonder what it had originally been designed for..

James came back down not too long after I had taken the locks apart, he didn't say anything to me.. But he made his footsteps audible enough that his presence didn't startle me. I was grateful, the pieces in this lock were so small and intricate that I needed completely steady hands to not completely fuck something up.

I started digging through the box of parts he had given me.

Alright, I could do this.. Just needed to find something that had a voice chip, get it to react to the locks instead of it's current inner working that looked to react to some sort of frequency. I inwardly groaned.. I only sort of knew what I was doing. This was already making my head pound.

But I wasn't going to give up, even if I was completely out of my depth.

I worked silently for the next several hours while James inspected the weapons in this room, along with the contents of all the other rooms in the hallway. He came back frequently to check on me, but never once disturbed me. He didn't talk, didn't come up to see how it was going. Nothing. He just let me work, but I could feel his eyes drilling holes into my back.

In all honesty, this project he had set me on was just what I needed. Sure, it was difficult as all hell. The inner mechanics of this lock were beyond anything I had seen before, and it took me forever just to figure out exactly how it worked.. not to mention to start changing it. But it was mind-numbing, which is exactly what I needed..

I didn't have a moment to think about what had happened upstairs.

It must have been close to morning by the time I finally finished. There were no windows or clocks down here, so I wasn't sure if my guess was incorrect or not. But it sure felt like I had been working all night. I tested and retested the lock before I reset the voice command, making sure to leave the last metal piece off so that Bucky could set it to whatever he needed.

Speaking of said gorgeous man... By the time I finished he was no longer in the room with me, and I couldn't hear him moving about. Maybe he was in one of the other rooms? I could only hope so.

My eyes felt heavy and they were stinging horribly.. Maybe I could just close my eyes for a few minutes? Surely he'd be back soon? I knew he would have no trouble waking me up if we had to leave. I picked up the finished product and set it further away on the desk, shoving a few papers along with it.

Leaning forward, I rested my cheek against the desk. My neck ached with the movement, but I didn't care... stupid bruise.

Sleep welcomed me easily.

\- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

I don't remember much about what I dreamed about, only that I was back in the library I used to work at. Surrounded by tons of tall bookshelves.. The smell of books and old wood permeating the air around me.. Bucky had been there, he was always there nowadays.. Never leaving my thoughts for anything.

Seems I couldn't escape his watchful gaze even in my sleep.

He had invaded every aspect of my life, even my subconscious.

I jerked awake, but I couldn't quite figure out what had woken me up? Asides from the obvious fact that this desk was definitely not soft or comfortable.. Oh god, I had drooled! I sat up quickly, a paper stuck to my cheek. I swatted it off my face in annoyance, it fluttered back down onto the desk.

I snatched it hastily, pushing it up towards the messy stack of files while glaring at the drool stain in the center of the page.

That, however, isn't what caught my attention next. A few words practically jumped off the page at me.

Bio-hazard.

Hydra.

Test Subjects.

Nuclear Bombs.

Project Insight.

Scepter.

Human Trials.

I snatched the paper closer to me again, quickly scanning over all of what I could understand on the page.. Which honestly wasn't much, but what I could figure out was bad.. very, very bad.

I reached out and snatched a few of the files from the stack, quickly flipping through them.. The more I read, the worse it got. Tons and tons of plans and ideas were scrawled on the pages in neat, flowing handwriting. It was almost an insult how nice all of this was written down.

If even one of these plans were to be put into effect... thousands of people would die.

"James!" I croaked.. My voice raspy and dry.

It seems the swelling from almost being choked to death had finally settled in, fantastic! Combined with not having drank anything in quite a while, I sounded awful. I turned when I heard his footsteps heading towards me. Something slid off my shoulders, momentarily distracting me.

A blanket?

When had that gotten there? I glanced back up to see Bucky next to me, leaning over my shoulder, studying the reason behind my panic. Had he..? He must have.. He covered me up when I was sleeping? I finally noticed the project I had spent all night working on was no where to be seen. He must have taken it when he noticed I had finished it, as well as wrapped the blanket around my shoulders.

Those stupid, traitorous butterflies were back in my stomach.

I glanced back up towards his face, his expression hadn't changed. He was vacant, not showing any outward signs that he was the least bit effected by what he was reading on the pages.. He turned his head to look at me, still no reaction.

"So?" I pushed impatiently.

"This is what you're upset about?" He questioned, his tone of voice slightly disapproving. I frowned.

"This is bad!" I gestured to the papers impatiently.

"It's not our problem." He deadpanned.

I tensed.

"What? This is most definitely our problem!" I argued.

He pushed away from the desk with his normal hand, standing up to full height. What was his problem? Why wasn't he more worried about what was written on these pages? Sure he had taken out this Hydra safe house, but there had to be more, right?! Any number of them could decide to put these plans into action! People were in danger!

By the looks of it, Project Insight had been what had happened in Washington D.C the day I met Bucky.. So we no longer had to worry about that one... Which was more than good, because I would be dead by now if it had succeeded.

But the other plans, they most definitely were cause for alarm.

"It. Isn't. Our. Problem." He rumbled again.

How could he not care? Realization hit me then like a couple bricks to the face.. Of course he didn't care.. He had been trained not to care.. Sure, we had made some progress, but not enough. He was only remembering bits and pieces of his former life.

So far the only thing he really seemed to care about was...

Me.

"We need to do something." I stressed.

"What do you expect me to do, drop these off at that Avengers tower?" He questioned, flatly. Gesturing to the stack of files. I had a feeling that wasn't actually a question, I was guessing he was being sarcastic. I was only mildly surprised he knew about the Avengers.. But then again, this was James we were talking about.. it had literally been his life to be prepared.

"If anyone could do it, you can." I shrugged my shoulders, I was being honest.. He was outrageously good at everything he did.

"Doesn't mean I'm going to." He replied, not missing a beat.

"But you should!" My frustration was building again, my throat hurt.

"No." He growled. He was getting annoyed too.

"James, please." I couldn't just sit back and wait for one of these events to happen, I'd feel completely awful. Maybe I was stupid, maybe I was being too noble.. but dropping these files off with the Avengers seemed like the right thing to do.. They would handle it. Handle Hydra.

"Katarina." He warned, clenching his jaw.

"Put it this way, if the Avengers are off taking down Hydra.. Wouldn't that move them to the top of Hydra's list, not us?"

James stilled in front of me, mulling over that information.. He sighed angrily.

"Fine! But not without a proper plan. In and out, no interactions." I nodded eagerly, just glad that he had given in. This was the right thing to do!

Bucky's face darkened as he clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth. The sudden spike of his anger had me on edge.. He turned slightly, adjusting so that he was further behind me, instead of right behind my shoulder. He was still very close, the heat of him scorching my back. His hand descended onto my shoulder gently.

I had to twist in my chair slightly to keep looking at his face, and even then I had to crane my neck up to look at him properly.

The gentle action didn't fit the expression on his face.

My insides melted at his touch, his large hand was very warm.. He squeezed my shoulder softly, his eyes never leaving mine as he shifted and bent down to my level. The tension in my neck eased as I adjusted to keep looking at him. What was he doing? I was torn between being worried about his anger, or enjoying how close he was.

"Look at you.. in constant company of a murderer, and yet still so noble." His voice was bitter and he all but growled his words as if he disapproved very strongly of my morals.

 _Bucky Barnes was not looking at me_ , _The Winter Soldier was_... I could see it in the cold tint of his eyes, the determined set of his jaw.

 **Click!**

A weight settled around my throat, I jumped as whatever it was, settled lightly against my bruised neck. Bucky stood abruptly, silver glinted in my peripheral vision as his metal arm moved away from my other side. I hadn't even noticed his other arm! What had he done?!

I swiftly reached up and felt around my throat.. it felt like.. a choker?

"What did you do?" I questioned, instantly anxious and suspicious.

I glanced around for anything that I could use to see what was now resting around my neck. I came up with nothing, there was absolutely nothing that had a reflective surface near me! I twisted in my chair, rounding on Bucky. He was twirling a small mirror in his hands casually. When did he get that? Why did he have it on hand?

I glared at him, about to demand he give me the mirror.. But he stepped forward and adjusted the mirror effortlessly so I could see what he had done.

Around my neck was what looked to be a very normal-looking choker.. It was simple, the majority of it looking like black fabric tied neatly around my neck, only about an inch wide.. In the middle however, front and center on my neck was a large, beautiful Sapphire set in an intricate, spiraling, silver setting. My eyes widened and my heart lurched in my throat..

What?

It was extremely beautiful and well thought out.. my favorite color.. But why would he..? Dread dropped heavily into my stomach. I followed the smooth black fabric with my fingers until I reached the back of it, where a clasp should have been.. I recognized the feel of the lock instantly.

The lock I had made... for him. He turned it into a necklace only he could take off... Why?! What was the point?!

"What did you do?!" I snarled again.

I jumped to my feet before I had time to think about it, I had forgotten all about my ankle in my rage. It gave out instantly. I shrieked as I started to fall.

In a flash, Bucky had set the mirror down and caught me in his arms, pulling me roughly against his chest. I glared up at him, and he stared evenly right back.

 _"I compromised."_

* * *

The plot thickens! Any guesses on what's up with that choker? - I promise that will be explained in the next chapter. As for you guys asking if Bucky 'feels' for her like she does for him. The answer is yes, but he doesn't quite understand it yet. It's gonna' start showing up in weird and not always so pleasant ways, because both sides of him don't understand what he's feeling(because he hasn't felt that kind of stuff in forever). Which is also a clue as to what's up with that new accessory of hers! I can definitely promise he didn't force it on her just because it looks pretty on her neck, haha! Also for you guys wondering how Bucky is going to react with other people around her - especially other males. Well, I can promise this - they aren't ALWAYS going to be isolated. And the 'sexy, fun' times are coming, I swear - its just building right now. I do have a lot of plot and deliciousness planned for this story. Anyways, read and review lovelies! Maybe I'll gift another early update! Until next time ~


	14. Ball and Chain

"What do you mean you compromised?!" I growled angrily, my hand flying to my throat once more. I could feel the weird-metal-rope-thing inside the black fabric.. All he had fucking done was decorate it!

I tried to pull away from him, to get back to my chair but he held-fast. His arms might as well have been bands of steel for all the good that it did. In one swift movement, I was up and in his arms in the bridal carry that I was slowly getting used to.

This time however, I was far too angry to enjoy it.

He set me down gently on top of the desk, letting my feet come down to rest on the chair I had been previously sitting in. He shifted my pant-leg up to glance at my wrapped and swollen ankle.

"You need to be more careful." He growled at me, trying to keep his composure.

He was obviously not pleased how easily I had forgotten about my injury in my anger.. I had been careless, however, at this moment I found I really didn't fucking care.

"James!" I snapped, pulling him back to my earlier question. I was not about to let this go.

I was gripping onto the edges of the desk, my nails digging into the underside of the wood, his frosty-blue gaze met mine with an aggravated sigh.

"It's a tracker." He supplied finally, eyeing the choker for emphasis, before sweeping up to look at my face.

My mind momentarily went blank as I let that sink in.. He.. he used the weird-metal-rope-thing.. to make a necklace, so he could stick a tracker in it? And now said necklace could only be removed by him. Briefly I realized that he must have been turning it into a necklace while I slept.. He had taken time to make it look beautiful and seemingly normal. Why hadn't he just kept it simple with the black material masking the metal insides? Why had he taken the time to add the sapphire when it served no purpose?

"A tracker?" I repeated.

He nodded again, studying me carefully. If I wanted to, I could lash out and kick at him.. But I doubt I'd actually connect. He was too agile, too determined to let me properly lash out at him.

"Why?" I ground out through clenched teeth.

"So I can find you if I need to. If you run, or if Hydra or anyone else gets their hands on you." The way he spoke.. there was no emotion behind it, he had detached himself from what he had done. But why? He had to have known I'd be angry, he-

Oh.

 _Because I'd be angry_.

I needed to calm down, I had to calm down.. I knew his protective instincts were escalating, I just never figured he'd go this far. To step over this line. My head swam as I processed the information of the last several hours. James had confessed that I helped him, that he was better with me.. Revealing that, being honest with himself, out loud.. his protective instincts must have heightened even more than they already had been.

He really doesn't handle his emotions well, that's for sure.

He wants me safe, and close. Doing this.. was reasonable to him?

Fuck.

Why did he have to be so goddamn difficult?! I had never had to deal with someone like him.. he was certainly a one of a kind man.. and a fucking frustrating one too!

"Why the sapphire?" I had managed to make myself sound a lot calmer than I felt. Kudos to me.

I had no idea if I was correct in my assumptions of him or not.. That all this was, was his way of handling his newly released feelings.. But right now, in this moment, it was the only option that made any sense to me.

"Blue's your favorite color." He grumbled. He was glaring at me, like it was my fault he had actually chosen to admit that out loud.

My traitorous heart skipped in my chest.

Did he have to do that? Honestly?!

Only he could make me so impossibly angry, and then ignite stupid fluttering butterflies in my stomach! He went from hot to cold so fast that I was pretty sure I was getting whiplash. My thoughts were conflicting, I was angry.. more than angry, and yet it was strangely sweet.

Fucked up! I was so fucked up! There had to be something psychologically wrong with me..

"Don't suppose you have plans to take this off?" I questioned flatly, the reality of it all finally settling on my shoulders.

"No." He clipped.

Didn't think so.

I sat there and silently seethed for several minutes, and he let me. I wanted to yell at him, to scream, demand he take it off.. I was not a fucking dog! But I did none of those things. I seriously doubted me throwing a fit would get me anywhere.. Not with him. If anything it would just make this situation worse and make him angrier.

For a long while, I thought of how he managed to get it around my neck without me noticing. I knew that he was more than capable of being sneaky, but this was overly impressive to me. He had distracted me with that one hand to my shoulder. Had he done that because it seemed logical in the situation? Or because he was aware of how much his touch affected me?

He was always so observant of everything, and I was usually his favorite thing to study. I'd be surprised if he didn't know.. But then again, its not like he had a lot of experience with girls from this day and age. But on the other hand, he's by no means a stupid man.

I wanted to ask him which it was, but I felt like there was a rock lodged in my throat.. If he didn't know, I'd be giving voice to how I felt about him... I couldn't do that. He found me comforting.. it wasn't like he wanted to jump my bones, not like I wanted to do to him.

Dammit.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Fate really was an ironic asshole, it was making me fall for a man born nearly a hundred years ago.. A man that couldn't process his emotions in normal ways. A man, who had two conflicting personalities in his head. A normal, already pretty dangerous man, and a cold, trained fucking assassin. I was so fucking screwed! It was almost laughable... Almost.

Doomed to fall for a guy that manhandled me at every turn and was turning out to be very protective and possessive. This was just.. fucking swell.

"We should leave." He spoke quietly, probably making a conscious effort to not startle me.

I glanced up towards his face, confused.

"I packed all the supplies we're taking with us while you were sleeping. We need to move."

He glanced over my face, and then down at my ankle. The gears in his head were definitely turning, I wasn't going to be able to walk out of here on my own. Taking a deep breath through his nose, he stepped up next to me slowly, reaching past me to grab all of the files that we had looked over into his hands, retrieving the dropped blanket as well. Turning, he deposited them into one of the bags that I hadn't noticed sitting on the floor and zipped it shut.

He stood and turned his attention back to me. You know, having his one hundred percent focus on you.. is actually really intimidating? Just the way he looked at me, the way his eyes scanned everything and missed nothing at all.. it was unsettling, inhuman..

He lightly tipped his head to the side as he mulled over the best way to get me and the supplies out of here. I felt like more dead weight than normal.. I was always slowing him down, making shit harder for him. Hopefully that changed once he taught me a few defensive moves.

I could really go for not getting injured as much... A traitorous part of me whispered that if I didn't get injured, I'd have no real excuse to be held by him, I shoved the thought down as hard as I could, burying it deeply - right alongside my anger about the tracking choker.

Bad Katarina, you're furious with the man, and yet you still can't stop with the hormonal thoughts? Really?!

He sauntered over to me, gazing down at me coolly before turning and crouching down, presenting his back to me.

"Hop on." He instructed.

Wasting no time, I gracelessly tumbled off the desk onto his back, he caught my thighs easily in his large hands and hoisted me up further as he moved to stand. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, making sure I had a good grip and wasn't gonna' fall on my ass.

"Wrap your legs around my waist." His deep voice made his harsh whisper sound ridiculously sinful.

The order made my abdomen clench delightfully, my mind spinning with less than appropriate thoughts. I did as I was told and wrapped my legs tightly around his midsection, trying not to imagine him saying those words in a different scenario.

I didn't succeed.

He moved forward once he was sure I was secure, easily picking up all the bags into his hands. We made our way out of the building quickly, and quietly. As usual my weight didn't seem to effect him in the slightest, I was getting used to the notion that I apparently weighed nothing to him. Lucky for me I had been kidnapped by a Super-Soldier.

I could feel the way his muscles flexed and bunched as he moved, hell I could practically feel how much raw power he held in his body as we walked outside.. it was very, very distracting. And as usual, he was ridiculously warm. For a guy called The Winter Soldier, he sure was a fucking space heater.

It was a bit past dawn when we stepped out of the jewelers. The sky was dreary and overcast, the clouds an angry gray in color. The town, at least in this area, hadn't begun to stir for the day yet. Which was good, because I had no doubt in my mind that James and I looked very odd like this.

He studied the area around us, making sure that no one was watching us or worse, waiting to ambush us. I glanced back towards the door of the Hydra jewelry store, there was a paper taped under the 'Closed' sign now. In annoyingly elegant handwriting it read: 'Had a break in. Closed until further notice.'

Well that wasn't very eloquent, James had 'such' a way with words.. I snorted as I gazed at the broken lock and door handle.

"So.." I started as we moved forwards down the road, away from the jewelers. "Why use the shotgun?" I questioned, having no doubt he'd know what I meant. Out of all the ways we could have broke in..

"Never seek alternatives to a shotgun entrance." He deadpanned.

I tried not to, I really, really did. But after the night I had just had.. I couldn't help it. I busted out laughing. He sounded so fucking serious and committed to that answer and I just lost it. My laughter echoed off of the streets and I vaguely realized I was being far too loud and quickly, without thinking, tucked my face into the side of Bucky's neck to resume my hysterical giggling - just a bit more quietly.

I didn't notice the small smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth as we headed back towards our truck. Nor did I notice the way his hands gripped just a bit harder onto my thighs..

* * *

Yay! An early update! Thank you all so much for all of the reviews, I was amazed by how many I received! You are all, simply wonderful! Here is the anticipated answer to what was up with the choker. A tracking necklace made of strange metal that only he can take off - what fun! If it wasn't clear, The Winter Soldier side of him is the part that thought up the tracking necklace.. The James half of him, decided to at least make it pretty! A joint effort - a double edged gift if you will. One question I received was someone asking what her tattoo sleeve was of - and while I do answer this a bit later into the story, I'll also answer now. It's a fantasy themed sleeve, full of magical creatures both light and dark. In honor of the magical stories her mom read to her as a child. I hope that answered all the current questions, if I didn't address any, I apologize I have a splitting headache at the moment. Anyways, I hope you all love this chapter and I'm sorry it's a bit short. If it makes you feel better there are several long ones coming up. Read and Review, lovelies!


	15. Getting Darker

It had been a week and a half since I had convinced Bucky to drop the Hydra files off at the Avengers tower. In that week and a half we had been meticulously going over the bottom floor plan of the tower.. It was the least secured of all the floors and the only one we really needed to worry about. The plan was to go in, in the morning when most of the staff was coming in for their shift.

We didn't have to worry about any of the other floors, which was good.. because based on the intel Bucky got, the top ten floors were the main 'Avengers' floors.

Our goal was to get our footwork down good enough that we could get in and out of the building without any of the cameras catching our faces. We just had to get in, drop the files off at the front desk and get out..

Piece of cake!

Or at least I hoped so.

Bucky hadn't gotten any less angry about actually having to do this, but he didn't go back on his word either. With how hard he was pushing me to remember every single camera and every security guard I was starting to wonder if he was hoping I'd back out. Like maybe if he pushed me too hard, made it seem too difficult I'd just cut my losses and join him in the whole, 'it's not our problem' way of thinking.

If that had been his goal, it had most definitely not worked in his favor. I sat through every random 'pop-quiz' he threw at me, even when they happened at ungodly hours of the morning. Thousands, maybe even millions of innocent people dying? That wouldn't be on me. We were doing this.

We were on our way to New York, we had been for the last several hours now. Bucky had ditched our last truck and acquired a nice, fairly new SUV. It was definitely different from his general preference for trucks, which I think was the point? We were going to the Avengers tower, a tower that tended to be filled with people that could actually give Bucky a legitimate run for his money.

I glanced towards him out of the corner of my eyes, he wasn't in his 'mission ready' clothes. He was dressed far more casually than that. He looked more like a civilian and less like a man that could kill you in an instant and probably with his eyes closed. But I knew better than that.. I could see how his shoulders tensed, see the rigid set of his jaw, see how he was trying very hard not to break the steering wheel in his hands.

He was so edgy, it was making me nervous.

He turned off the main road and into a small, isolated gas station. Guess it was break time, thank gods! My legs felt cramped and restless, we had been in the car for hours now, and he had been absolutely deathly quiet the entire time.. Sure, naturally he was an overall quiet guy, but this was a bit much, even for him. I felt like he really tried to push the record on how quiet he could be.

The last time he was this quiet was when he had been ignoring me before his blow up.. when he admitted some of his feelings. A rare glimpse inside the jumbled, guarded mind of James Buchanan Barnes. Ever since that day, even counting what happened later on, I was practically starving for more details about him, more clues to how he worked, what made him tick.. I wanted to know everything about him.

And I knew it had to do with the fact that I was crushing way hard on the man.

It really was a bitter-sweet situation, liking a guy that didn't know too much about himself, and what he did know, he kept to himself.

I practically jumped out of the car when he parked next to a gas pump. I was anxious to stretch my legs and get some snacks, my stomach was about ready to start eating itself. I met Bucky on the other side of the car, he stood there like he was waiting for me, which he probably was. He held up three twenty dollar bills in between his fingers for me to take.

I hesitated.

"You're letting me go in there by myself?" I questioned, confused.

I knew that I would only be a few feet from him, but I would partially be out of his sight, and Bucky very rarely ever actually let me out of his sight.. Not unless he could help it.

He leisurely tipped his head to stare down at me and quirked an eyebrow.

"You run, I follow." He stated simply, glancing down to pointedly look at the choker decorating my neck.

I reached up and touched the gemstone at the hallow of my throat. Right, this thing.. I had gotten so used to it's weight that I was starting to forget it was there. I had tried several times in the last week and a half to get it off, but nothing worked.. Only he knew how to remove it, and he had zero plans to do so.

"So, I don't have to constantly be watched now?" I questioned, probing further. Trying to get a glimpse of his thoughts, of his plans.

"I didn't say that." He growled.

I was pushing my luck.

I tentatively pulled the money from his fingers and stuffed it into my jeans pocket. I turned on my heel and left him to refill the gas tank.. I would have to pick up some snacks for him too. He had an extremely bad habit of forgetting he needed sustenance sometimes. I had realized this only after being with him a short time, so I started making an effort to make sure he took care of himself. He ate most things I put in front of him. However, he wasn't a big fan of junk food, and especially not candy. He liked chocolate though.. which was oddly endearing. But maybe I was just biased?

Pushing the front door of the gas-station convenience store open, I flashed the lady at the counter a small smile before heading down the first aisle that caught my eye. I grabbed a couple bags of jerky, a bag of chips, a couple candy bars, and a few bottles of water before heading up to the counter. I was getting ridiculously sick of easy meals and junk food, but it was all we could manage at the moment so I would just have to deal for now.. Hopefully we would find some place suitable enough where I could actually cook a real fucking dinner or something..

Now there was a thought.

Setting all of my items onto the counter carefully, I waited patiently for the older woman to ring up all the items. She was a very friendly looking lady, with short cropped brown hair and just one of those faces that generally set you at ease. She rang up the total and I handed her the money. She flashed me a toothy smile and looked over out the windows, I followed her gaze.

Bucky was leaning against the SUV waiting for me, his arms were crossed impatiently over his broad chest. To most people, he'd look relaxed, comfortable.. But all I could see was the irritable and restless look of his eyes..

"You two are an absolutely adorable couple, you know that? You're one lucky girl." She gushed in that motherly-soft type of tone.

I blushed tomato-red under her gaze, completely flustered. Couple? She thought we were a couple? I nervously glanced out the window towards Bucky again, his gaze met mine.. He had been staring at me. I swallowed thickly and turned towards the lady as she pushed my bags toward me.

"Uh.. we, we aren't a couple." I corrected, cringing as I said it.. The words felt wrong and heavy in the air.

She smiled pointedly at me and raised a nicely manicured eyebrow and side-eyed Bucky's impressive form again.

"Well if you aren't now, you will be soon." She spoke almost smugly. My eyes widened and I took a sharp intake of breath. "Oh, don't look at me like that.. the way that man looks at you..." She giggled as she trailed off. "Well off with you dearie, he looks like he's about to come in here to get you himself." She sighed almost dreamily, as if the prospect of 'young-love' was just the absolute best part of her day so far.

I practically ran out of the store and into the truck. Bucky was shooting me curious looks but I was ignoring them the best I could. He buckled in, his eyes on me as I fiddled with my own buckle nervously.

"What took you so long?" He questioned suspiciously.

I gulped and shifted to look up at him.

"Sorry, the lady was really nice and chatty..." I explained meekly. His eyebrow rose and he tipped his head slightly to gaze more intently at me. God, under his gaze I was an open fucking book.. The lady's words had sent my mind spiraling out of control.

Bucky and me.. sitting in a tree...K-I-S-

FUCK.

My mind was being a childish douche bag.

"Chatty about what?" He questioned, though I could tell it was more of a demand.

He was naturally cautious and suspicious on his own, add in the fact that he was in a bad mood, and I was fidgety and nervous.. He was getting to a dangerous point, I could practically sense it in the air. I tried to calm my stupid, racing heartbeat. What was I, a silly high school girl? That had never been my style. I needed to fucking chill. I took a deep breath. I needed to explain it quickly because I knew he wouldn't drop it until I did.

"She just.. caught me off guard is all. She said we were a cute couple."

I didn't wait for his reply, instead I started digging through the bags, looking for what I wanted to snack on first. I could feel his gaze practically burning a hole in the side of my head, but I didn't look up to meet his stare... Well if he didn't know I was hopelessly crushing on him before...

Good job Katarina. A-fucking-plus, really.

\- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

The rest of the journey to Manhattan went smoothly.. no more weird looks, no more cashiers to comment on how cute of a couple Bucky and I were, and there was certainly no more flustered me. I was as cool as a cucumber, calm as a clam.. The definition of zen.

Okay, so I'm a giant liar!

I was so nervous I could just barely stomach a few pieces of jerky.. I let Bucky practically inhale the rest, along with all the chocolate bars I had picked out for him. Super-Soldiers can eat a lot. I wonder if Steve ate a lot too? Or if it was just Bucky?

I mentally put it on the list of things to ask Captain America if I ever met him. Right up there with 'Was James always a really big pain in the ass?', and 'Can you tell me any embarrassing stories of James when he was younger?'.

I really wanted to meet Captain America, I needed answers to these questions, and so did Bucky.. But that was a given.

We parked a couple of blocks away from the Avengers tower like we had planned and walked the rest of the way. Apparently one of the biggest rules when going on the run, was to walk, not run. Unless you were being chased.. then run like hell and get out of sight.

I stuck close to Bucky's side, hell, I was practically glued to his hip as we made our way through the morning foot-traffic of New York. It was a crisp, bright, beautiful morning, and here the two of us were.. dressed in full coverage clothes and carrying a stack of Hydra files to drop off at the Avengers tower to hopefully save millions of lives.

Just your average day.

The Avengers tower came into view far too soon for my liking. It loomed tall and intimidating, a symbol of hope for the world, but all it gave me was anxiety. This was my idea, I had pushed Bucky to do it.. and if it went wrong.. if we were seen, if Bucky was threatened and lashed out, It would be all on me.

Deep breaths Katarina, you can do this.. You know the floor plan, you both do.. In and out, no problems.

My heart was threatening to rip itself out of my chest, it was hammering so hard against my rib cage I was almost certain Bucky could hear it with how close we were standing. There were tons of people making their way into Avengers tower, all heading in to start their shift at work. Must be nice working for Tony Stark.. I imagine he gave nice benefits.

We were dressed a bit more casually than almost everyone else around us, but there were a few people that wore similar clothes to ours, so no one really looked twice at us as we pushed our way into the lobby.

Seeing the inside of a building, and seeing it's floor plan are surprisingly very different things. I almost forgot myself and looked around everywhere to take in the fancy decor, almost. Thankfully I didn't.. I did not need a fuck up that early. Bucky would probably scrap the entire thing right then and there.

We moved in sync, weaving in and out of people carefully while also shifting just enough to make sure a camera never got a full shot of our faces.. We moved with practiced ease, and to anyone else we would just look like we were new, trying to get our bearing and learning the place.

Bucky took the huge stack of files out from under his arm and passed them to me, I walked the last few steps and carefully set the stack on the front desk, the receptionist was busy talking to a few other people about 'clearance levels' and didn't even notice me. Good.

Turning on my heel, I carefully stepped in line behind Bucky as he lead the way out of the building. We were several steps from getting out of the crowded lobby, several steps from this going perfectly. This had been surprisingly and thankfully very uneventful.

I sidestepped around an older woman, my eyes catching a younger man fiddling with his tie that appeared to have a coffee stain on it.. He looked quite upset, and he wasn't paying attention to anything else.. he must be new. I twisted around him and continued on. Almost there!

Someone knocked into my shoulder, hard, sending me flailing backwards as I desperately tried to regain my footing. No! No! No! Bucky must have been paying more attention to me than I realized, because as soon as I started to fall to the floor, he was pivoting on his heel. His hand latched onto my wrist and yanked me forward, reversing my momentum and sending me crashing into his chest instead. His grip was tight, painful. We both realized the same thing, at the same time..

"James." I whispered desperately. "The cameras!"

Everything had just gone horribly, horribly wrong..

It was bad enough that the tall, and very rude man that had knocked into me hadn't stopped to see if I was okay.. But he had sent me into view of a camera.. And if that wasn't bad enough, Bucky had reacted in what I guessed was an instinctual move and caught me before I fell.. Putting him in full view as well.

Bucky's eyes burned into mine as he stared down at me, his hair framing his face. I could see the situation sinking in, could see the darkening of his eyes, the frown edging deeper into his mouth.. Oh god..

People were starting to stare as we just stood there.

Bucky's fingers dug firmly into my skin as he twisted us around quickly and shoved us both through the door. We had been so close! So close to dropping off the files without a hitch.. we had just been a few goddamn steps away from the door! What had I done to piss off the karma gods?!

Once we cleared the door, Bucky's strides quickened. He was dragging me along behind him at a ridiculously fast-paced walk. His fingers were bruising, and I winced as he dragged me further and further away from Avengers tower. We ducked down alleys, took sharp turns and doubled back a few times. He was obviously trying to make sure no one had followed us.

His anger was pouring off of him, I could practically taste it on my tongue as flowed off of him.

This wasn't good..

We finally stopped several blocks away in a dark, deserted alley. He let go of me and started pacing furiously, his breath was quick and sharp, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he fought his anger.. His jaw was clenched, as were his fists down at his side.

Loose cannon...

"This was a bad idea!" He growled, rounding on me again.

He stood several feet from me, a frightening figure of rage and power, his anger was hot and brutal in it's surfacing.. his eyes however, were like two arctic snowfields, freezing me where I stood.

"We shouldn't have done this! I should have never allowed your conscience to put us in jeopardy!" He snarled, raising a hand to point a vicious, metal finger at me.

My own anger rose to the surface, it shoved my fear and self preservation to the back burner.

"Oh, don't act like you don't have a conscience too!" I snapped, exasperated.

"I don't." He ground out, darkly. "It was taken, long ago. Haven't you been paying attention Katarina?" His voice was ominous, threatening.

"That's bullshit! You take care of me-"

"We've been over that!" He snapped aggressively, cutting me off.

"Then why did you agree to do this at all?!" I shouted in frustration.

He quieted immediately and just glared at me for several long moments, seething. His gaze didn't waver from my face.

He moved suddenly, turning his back to me. The gears in his arm whirred and the plates shifted as he lunged forward, slamming his metal fist into the side of a large, green, dumpster. It went flying away from him, skidding harshly across the ground and skipping down the alley. It didn't slow as it thundered and rolled out into the road and crashed into a parked, flashy sports car, totaling it easily.

He rounded on me again, breathing hard, barely controlled fury burning in his beautiful blues. I stood rigidly still as he prowled towards me, I wanted to bolt.. But my feet felt like they had sunken into the cement.

" _I did it for you._ " He growled, latching onto my upper arm again. " _If I have a conscience, it's you._ "

He didn't sound remotely happy about that...

He pulled me along beside him as we exited the alley, the weak sound of a car alarm echoing behind us. My mind might as well have been ground zero for a bomb testing site for all the good it was working. He always talked the most when he was angry.. always was the most honest.. and I was floored. I was.. his conscience..? He all but flatly said he didn't plan to let my noble ideals endanger us again. What did- what did that mean for him? For us?

"Where are we going?" I questioned meekly, trying not to focus on how hard his fingers were digging into my arm, or how close he was keeping me to his side. I was practically having to jog to keep up with him.

"North." He clipped vaguely, his eyes rooted forward.

* * *

Poor Katarina, two steps forward, eight steps backwards! She was just trying to do what she thought was right. Well, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, sorry it took a bit longer to post. I got busy for a few days, went on an adventure and got a new tattoo. (A Winter Soldier tattoo, haha.) Bucky's anger definitely got the best of him in this chapter, and damn was it fun to write! His anger tends to rule him, and it is definitely going to show up quite a bit - especially in the upcoming chapters. The Winter Soldier part of him is generally all calm and tactical, or just straight up angry. Anyways, read and review my lovelies! If I can finish the chapter I'm currently working on fairly quickly I may just post another early update to make up for the fact that this one was a bit late. Thank you for reading, as always! ~


	16. Winter Wonderland

I knew Bucky had a darkness in him, a darkness that spread over almost every single part of him. Hydra had tainted a good man, they had warped and twisted an honorable soldier into a trained, lethal killer. They stripped him of everything he used to be. Took away his entire life, corrupted him.

I knew all this. I did.

But I also knew that buried underneath all of that, intertwined with The Winter Soldier he was still a good man. I knew this because of how he treated me. Underneath all of the growled commands, under all of the manhandling and threats, he was still James Buchanan Barnes, best friend of Steve Rogers. I was pretty sure you don't become best friends with Captain America by chance.. James must have been one hell of a character.

I would never be able to get to know that man, because he was never going to be him again.. Even if he remembered every single detail of his former life, he would still have The Winter Soldier inside of him, still have the darkness. Whoever he had been before Hydra found him, that man was gone.. he wasn't coming back. The only thing I could do, what I hoped to do anyways, was help him adjust to who he was now and gain as many memories back as he could.

Damn, I was starting to sound really sappy, but what's a girl to do other than try and figure out the man that haunts her every waking thought? Plus, I was pretty sure if I didn't remind myself that he wasn't all bad, I was probably going to lose my mind.

James had been in a foul mood ever since we left New York, he was quiet, withdrawn, and most of all, enraged. He drove like the Hulk himself was chasing us down.. On more than one occasion I glanced back just to check, but no one was following us. No green rage monster, and certainly no red-white-and-blue patriotic super-soldier.

It was just me and him.. and he was more than a little irritable with me. I tried not to let it bother me, I really did, but it was hard when the man was always on my mind and literally two feet from me. We didn't make any stops for anything other than fuel, we just kept driving. He was like a machine on a mission. I knew we wouldn't stop until he felt we had put enough distance between ourselves and New York, until we found somewhere safe and secluded.

He had said North, and boy did he fucking mean it.

\- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

 **Somewhere in the top of Avenger's tower.**

"Sir, you might want to see this. It might be nothing, but facial recognition scans have picked up an anomaly." Jarvis' voice interrupted the steady stream of loud, thumping rock music.

A weary eyed, over-caffeinated Tony Stark glanced up from his current project in curiosity.

"Please tell me that girl from Greece is dancing naked in the lobby." Stark quipped back at Jarvis', ever hopeful.

"Sorry to disappoint, sir, but this is a bit more serious."

"Please tell me Barton isn't naked in the lobby, again."

"No sir." Jarvis almost sounded exasperated.

"Fine, fine. Bring it up."

A hallo-screen popped up in front of Tony's work space, video surveillance footage from the main floor's lobby started to play, the time stamp alerted the multi-billionaire that this had taken place a little over an hour prior. He watched it once, and then twice, his eyes scanning over every little detail, memorizing the scene.

"And who are you?" He breathed quietly, zooming in on the face of a pretty red-head.

Her face had raised a red-flag in the missing persons database, she was wanted for questioning, last seen fleeing the scene of the destruction of her apartment with an armed man. The man in question, is what made Tony both very curious and quite uneasy.

"Patch me into Rogers." Tony ordered Jarvis, spinning around in his chair as he waited.

"Rogers." Steve answered, sounding a bit out of breath - obviously having been caught in the middle of a work-out.

"You're gonna' wanna' come up here." Stark stated, before quickly ending the call before the boy scout could inquire as to why.

It didn't take long for the patriotic Super-Soldier to show up on Tony's floor, all inquisitive blue eyes and a bit sweaty.

"What is it?" He questioned, a little irritated. Tony hanging up on him was happening far too often.

"See for yourself." Stark replied, popping a piece of candy into his mouth leisurely while pointing to the hallo-screen in front of him. The video started to play as Steve moved closer to inspect it.

Rogers sucked in a quick breath, his heart picking up in his chest as hope and confusion sped through him. His best friend had been so close, and yet he had missed him. He had slipped through his fingers again.

"Bucky." He stated, the ghost of fondness on his lips.

"In the company of a very pretty woman. In our tower." Stark hummed almost whimsically, as if the entire thing was somehow more amusing than it actually was.

"What was he doing here?" Steve couldn't wrap his head around it. The last he had seen of Bucky had been on the hellicarrier.. What was he doing in New York, and with a dame none-the-less?

"By the looks of it..." Stark trailed off as he reached forward and manually backed up the video clip, zooming in on the red-head in question, setting files down onto the front desk. "Dropping something off."

Steve's look of confusion got worse, if that was even possible.

"Who is she?" He reached out and went forwards again, zooming in on his best friends face positioned quite closely the mysterious woman's.

"A missing person, apparently." Tony said almost ominously. "Katarina Rosewood, twenty three years old. Pretty average as far as I can tell, and a librarian. " He was watching Rogers very closely, observing his reactions. Steve couldn't understand what Bucky was doing with this girl. He had seen the footage, seen how Bucky had caught her before she fell. Could see the protective stance he had taken on when he pulled her into his chest. Captain America could see all of that, and it confused him. His best friend had all but manhandled her out of the building, dragging her forcefully behind him.

This didn't make any sense.

"I'm going after them." Steve stated finally, a firm set to his jaw and shoulders.

"Of course you are." Tony Stark didn't sound the least bit surprised.

\- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

The further North we got, the colder it became. I was certainly not dressed for this type of weather. We had snuck over the Canadian border not too long ago, and the air was much colder here. Winter was slowly approaching down in the states, but in Canada it felt like it was already in full swing.

I had never been to Canada, guess I could add that as a 'pro' for being kidnapped by a Super-Soldier. You certainly got to travel.

The only acknowledgement I got from James was when he noticed me shivering and turned up the heat in the truck. Least he wasn't gonna' let me freeze to death, guess that was progress on his bad mood.

"Do you know where we're going?" I questioned quietly, my voice felt too loud, too intrusive after this long with both of us quiet.

He shot me a side-eye glance.. his long fingers twitched lightly against the steering wheel. His mouth twisted into a sardonic frown.

"Worried?" He questioned.

I shook my head no.

"Should I be?" I threw back at him, raising an eyebrow.

He looked at me then, really looked at me. I was too surprised to suggest that he should keep his eyes on the road. His gaze was dark, dangerous, and there was something glinting there.. something that told me to run. That throwing myself out of the truck was safer than being in here with him.. But I was rooted in his gaze, in too deep to run now.

"Yes." His voice was like gravel when he spoke this time.. like it had taken him everything he had to be honest with me.

His eyes stayed on me for several more long moments.. His gaze was heated, like he was both royally pissed off and determined. But determined about what? Why should I be worried? Was that just his usual 'you need to be careful around me', type of warning, or was it something else?

It sure felt like something else..

But this was James, it was hard to tell what he was thinking most of the time. He was a hard man to figure out on his best days... My heart was thundering against my rib cage.

"James." His name was all I managed to get out, but it was a question and we both knew it.

"Katarina." He ground out back at me.

Stubborn asshole.

"Where are we going?" I tried again.

"Do you trust me?" The question was abrupt, his tone oozed curiosity, his face looked conflicted.

His inquiry caught me off guard, he had never asked that. Why, why start now? Did he honestly care, or was he just plain curious? My brain and my head were at war with each other.

"Yes." My voice was no more than a secretive whisper.. Like I was signing my death warrant and was saying my final words.

His mouth twisted into a bitter smirk, fear rushed through my veins. That was the first time I had ever seen him sport anything other than an ominous frown. Oh god.. I did, I trusted him. In spite of everything that had happened since he tackled me in that alley, I trusted him, I trusted him more than I had trusted anyone since my parents died. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why?! Why did I trust him after everything? Did I have zero self-preservation?

 _"Bad idea, sweetheart._ " There it was again.. that tone switch. He had done that back at the last Hydra base too.. That very Brooklyn drawl to his voice had suddenly appeared again. His words said 'bad', yet his tone said 'good'. His body language almost implying how different this scenario would be had I said, 'no'.

My brain was scrambled, I could barely figure out which way was up anymore, he got more and more confusing every day. We settled into silence again, and I had to force my eyes away from the side of his face. I focused instead out the window, focused on the scenery flying by as we drove far too fast down old dirt roads.

Everything was beautiful out here, away from civilization. Snow was blanketing everything now. City snow was never pretty for long, it turned to mush and grayed.. This snow, it was like a clean, fresh layer over everything. It was like it chased away the darkness. Maybe it was just cleansing the dark from my mind?

We seemed out of place here.. Both of us in the scheme of things were covered in red now.

I'm not quite sure how much longer we drove, we passed a small town but didn't stop.. just kept going North. The trees were getting closer together, the road narrowing. Bucky seemed to know exactly where he was going. Had he been out here before? Or was it just his usual confidence leading the way?

"There are cabins out here." He spoke, alerting me. "Abandoned during Winter, mostly owned by wealthy families." He explained, finally.

"So we're gonna' stay in a cabin?" I shifted to sit up straight.

"We should be able to stay till Winter ends."

I perked up instantly. We didn't have to move constantly? We could stay in the same place for a while?! Excitement bubbled in my chest.

He took several more winding paths, driving much slower than before. He was scanning the area, seeing things that I couldn't see with my average human eyesight. We passed a few cabins, driving past the winding paths that lead to them, but he didn't give them a second look.. He just drove further into the snow covered forest.

I was beginning to think he wasn't going to settle for any of them, none of them suiting the check list in his head for a safe location when finally he turned off the main path. The road was uneven and icy, but our stolen truck handled it easily. The road leading up to the cabin was long and twisting, if he wanted an out of the way location, this was certainly going to be the one. I couldn't even see the main road through the thick trees anymore.

The cabin came into view, I had expected overly rustic and old. But this middle-of-nowhere cabin looked better than most upscale houses. It wasn't overly large, but it was two-stories and looked very comfortable and well-kept. The outside was some type of dark wood, I wasn't sure what kind. It had a quaint porch with a bench that overlooked the large, closed off property.

It simple terms, it was gorgeous.

Bucky parked and turned off the engine. He turned to look at me, an eyebrow raised in question. My look of awe must have been what he wanted. He shoved his door open and stepped out into the snow, I scrambled to follow suit. The snow crunched under my shoes, the cold seeping in.

The air was crisp, fresh. The scent of trees was everywhere, I loved it. Bucky walked over to the passenger side of the truck, meeting me. He reached up and grabbed onto my arm, pulling me into his side with one firm yank, his fingers flexing and tightening against my arm. I huffed as I tried to regain my balance.. Of course he had to ruin a peaceful moment.

"Home sweet home." I mumbled quietly, scanning our surroundings and trying to ignore the heat of him searing my chilled body.

"For now." He rumbled back in reply, dragging me forward.

* * *

I'm sorry this took so long to come out - I had a bad week. For those of you wondering, when I write in italics it's either that sentence in particular really gets to Katarina - or it's an important detail. Sometimes it also can signify a switch in James' behavior though - between Bucky Barnes and The Winter Soldier. Those three reasons - it's up to you guys to figure out which it is! Anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter, and I'm sorry I'm keeping this author's note brief. My A.D.D is in full swing at the moment and I'm finding it a bit hard to concentrate today. All the same, you guys are amazing and thank you so much for your patience and reviews. Read and Review please, lovelies! ~


	17. Calm before the Storm

Bucky's grip on my arm was unpleasant to say the least, his fingers were biting into my sweater harshly, digging into the soft skin underneath. I knew I'd be wearing his hand prints again. I've always bruised easily, and Bucky's grip had a habit of being harsh and unyielding.

He was keeping me closer than normal, I was practically leaning into his side as we walked, it made my steps awkward and slow. I had to be careful not to trip over my own feet or his as we circled the house once and then went up the steps of the porch. I knew he was scouting the perimeter, I was used to this behavior by now. I however wasn't used to being so close while he did it. His heat was searing into my clothes, practically burning my chilled skin. I was torn between wanting to snuggle further into his warmth or being further weirded out by his clingy behavior.

Sure, James was over protective, and he hovered a lot, but this, this was something else. How he had acted in the truck on the way here, the anger that had surfaced in New York that hadn't left.. I wasn't sure what to expect with him. Sure, he was always a bit of a mystery, but this was an entirely new thing for him. I couldn't even begin to guess what was going on in that jumbled, dark mind of his.

Instead, I was trying to focus on how lucky we were that he was trained in this sort of thing, finding safe locations to lay low I mean. I was happy we would get a chance to just relax for a while, well.. as relaxed as we could get when an evil organization was trying to hunt us down. I guess I should rephrase, I was just happy we'd get to stay in one spot for a while. Being on the run constantly was exhausting.

Bucky broke the lock on the front door as easily as he had all the others we had encountered in our time together, locks couldn't keep him out. Hell, I was starting to believe nothing could really stop him. He was ruthless, formidable, dangerous... and he made my heart stutter in my chest with just one look.

Things were becoming very complicated with me.

He pushed me forward into the cabin. It was dark and quiet inside, all the curtains had been drawn before the owners had left it for the season. The inside was just as impeccable as the exterior. The furniture was brand new, but fashioned to look rustic and comfortable, with a modern twist.

We pushed forward, out of the simple entrance way and into the fairly sized living room, various pieces of perfectly positioned furniture were placed around the room. What caught my eye was the overly large, plush couch and the fireplace opposite of it.. I really hoped we would get to start a fire later, that sounded relaxing.

I knew that while I was just taking in the beauty of the cozy cabin, Bucky was scanning everything. Cataloging exit routes, planning ways to end people's lives with the furniture if he had to, that sort of thing. We went through the entire house like this, moving slowly and carefully, checking every nook and cranny.

The kitchen was amazing, the dinning room quaint and romantic. There was a cute library filled with tons of books I couldn't wait to get my hands on, as well as a laundry room. The generators were out back, Bucky would have to turn them on later to get the power going. Upstairs there were three bedrooms, each with their own bathroom. The master bedroom had a walk in shower, and a huge Jacuzzi tub, I was definitely using that later, talk about fancy living. If I hadn't been forcibly glued to Bucky's hip, I would have all but thrown myself on the first bed I saw. That was probably what I was looking forward to the most, even more so than a soak in the bath.. an actual bed.

After we had searched the entire house, Bucky no doubt making a note of everything that was available to us in his head, he lead us back into the master bedroom. His hand tensed on my arm and then shoved, sending me tripping against the bed. I recovered from the shock quickly, twisting around to glare at him while leaning back against the bed, not quite sitting on it.

"Stay here and don't move." He demanded, watching me intently.

He turned on his heel and left the room, leaving me in silence and confusion. His hot and cold personality was really unnerving. I felt like I was constantly walking on thin ice, frigid waters threatening to consume me if I stepped wrong once. He had been so.. weird back in the truck.. asking me if I trusted him.. The way that sudden and mysterious accent of his had appeared again.

But then again, was it so mysterious? Bucky and Steve had grown up in New York hadn't they? And it sure as hell was a New York sounding drawl. That accent, the way he spoke both times it happened.. was that.. the old James Barnes shinning through in those moments?

Did he even realize when he did that?

Letting that information set in made me feel more out of my depth than ever.. I had no idea what I was doing with James, I was so in over my head it wasn't even funny anymore. He had literally tackled his way into my life and refused to leave it. But at this point, I wasn't sure I could imagine a life that didn't involve James Buchanan Barnes, or if I even wanted to.

He came back in then, his presence made the hairs on my arms stand on end, everything about his proximity always made me alert, ready for anything. Bucky was a predator, everything about him was dangerous, especially to me. The way my body became achingly aware of him every time we were in the same room together.. Fuck.

I had to watch what I did more carefully, what I said..

He carried our bags in with him, dumping them into the corner carefully before rounding on me, eyeing me expectantly, I could practically see the muscles in his shoulders tensing. I raised an eyebrow.

"What?" I questioned dumbly.

I wasn't sure what he wanted from me.. He crossed his arms over his chest, his frown deepening.. what did I miss? What did he want? Oh god, oh god.. uhhhh.. throw out something!

"We need supplies!"

He rose an eyebrow.. obviously not what he expected me to say. I scrambled to explain my thought process before he shot me down with his usual speech of 'You're not allowed to go off on your own'. Ball and chain n' all that. I played with the sapphire at the base of my throat without thinking too much about it.

"You know.. like, food, real food, and it would be nice to stock up on some bath products. I also imagine we would need to stop at a hardware store, I doubt this place's security is up to your standards.." I trailed off. His posture was a smidge more relaxed than it had been a couple minutes prior. He almost looked... pleased? Which was a weird thought when it came to Bucky.

"Good girl." It was quiet, so quiet in fact that I almost missed it.

In the next heartbeat he was moving, leaving the room fluidly. I sat there in confusion, not sure if that had been him agreeing or not.. Good girl? That would take some getting used to.

"You coming?" He questioned from the hall, startling me from my thoughts. I scurried after him into the hallway, where he was waiting impatiently for me.

"We're going now?" I questioned, unsure.

He nodded once in confirmation.

"I'll drop you off, you get your supplies, I'll get mine."

Shock sparked in my chest, he was trusting me alone? First he had me glued to his hip, and now he was just going to casually drop me off at the nearest store? What? I just.. what? I couldn't understand him... I was never going to understand him was I? Letting me go into a gas station alone was one thing... I was still in line of sight for the most part, but this?

"You're.. letting me go alone?"

I must have sounded uneasy because he stopped before the stairs, turning his head to look at me. He observed me for several moments, a habit of his I was used to.. he was gathering the correct words. Bucky didn't casually speak often, so when he did.. you listened, because he meant every fucking word. His impassive mask was firmly in place.

"You won't be leaving this cabin for quite some time, not until I say so. So enjoy this moment."

And there it was! Right back into Winter Soldier mode... He wasn't going to let me outside the cabin?! For how fucking long? The entire time we were here? Why not?! We were literally in the middle of fucking nowhere.. If there was ever a time I could be allowed outside, surely it was now?

"Are you serious?" I tried to keep my voice neutral, I wasn't as good at it as him.

He took one step towards me, crowding me. I had to shift my gaze from his chest up to his face. My brain turned to mush instantly as he invaded my personal space, overloading my senses.

"Yes." That dark tremor in his voice was back, that one that dared me to argue with him. The voice that promised swift judgement if I stepped a toe out of line. Reminding me that while I was fiercely attracted to him, I needed to remember who it was I was actually dealing with.

He could snap me like a twig.

He held out his metal hand then, his silver palm upturned. His face was blank, his eyes completely void of any and all emotion as he waited. Waited for my choice, to argue with him, or not. I flashed back briefly to the first time he had offered me a choice like this.. when he had handcuffed me to the pipe. I had chose the hard way.

I swallowed my pride and buried my anger the best I could, he was testing me. His question from earlier, when we were still driving rang clear in my head.

 _Do you trust me?_

I placed my hand in his, his grip instantly constricted a little too roughly, encasing my hand in his. He lead the way down the stairs, leading me by my hand.. Butterflies wickedly flying all around in my stomach.. We were holding hands.. He had just offhandedly threatened me, and now he was holding my hand...

Fuck me.. I was done for.

We drove back down the unpaved, snow covered road and headed back towards town. Which felt much closer than before, it was still several miles out from us.. But the ride to the cabin had felt a lot longer. Maybe it was because I was anxious this time. He was leaving me alone, I hadn't been alone since we met.. He was always nearby, close enough to intervene in any situation I found myself in. And now he'd be in a different location than me..

I felt... oddly worried.

He pulled up in front of the surprisingly large store, not bothering to park. Without looking at me, he held out his normal, very human looking hand. A wad of cash was folded neatly between his fingers. We had cleaned out that Hydra jewelry store, giving us a nice supply of cash to work with. We would be okay for a while. Taking the money out of his hand, I climbed out of the cab of the truck. Feeling more like a newborn foal than the young woman I was.

"One hour." He informed me, giving me a side eye glance. A total 'don't make me have to come look for you', look.

I nodded and shut the door, watching him as he drove off. He didn't speed off like I expected, but, he didn't look back.. Didn't see me watching after him, immediately missing his presence. Damn, this was so messed up. I got angry and complained when he hovered too much, didn't let me do anything on my own.. and now it felt weird without him with me.

Nothing made sense anymore.

I felt paranoid without James, but I tried to ignore it.. I was just a normal girl, shopping for herself and the Super-Soldier she was living with.. Totally one-hundred percent, normal.

The store while modern in it's selection, overall looked a bit out of date. It was actually kind of nice. Really gave off that 'middle of nowhere' vibe. There wasn't a huge staff, with only one cashier on duty that I could see.

The layout of the store was fairly simple, and soon my cart was filled with anything and everything I would possibly need to cook with. After living off junk food, I was planning on cooking as much as I possibly could. I grabbed meat, cheese, milk, seasoning, eggs and tons more. If I was going to be stuck in that cabin like he said, at least I'd be able to cook our meals. Here's to looking on the bright side..

Next, I grabbed necessities such as razors, shampoo, body wash. All vanilla of course. I almost bought Bucky his own, but there was something strangely satisfying in sharing with him that I tossed the idea out of my head almost as fast as it had appeared. I grabbed a few things that we didn't need, such as chocolate, lotion, nail polish, and a few make up products.

The cashier was nice, and polite.. a little on the chatty side. I tried to be as vague as possible as I could with her. I knew that too much information would be a bad thing, and I really didn't need James rushing us off again so soon. I wanted this place to work, at least for a little while.

I was waiting outside on the curb before he showed up, if he was surprised that I was waiting for him on time, he didn't show it. He just hopped out of the car and helped me load all of the bags into the back of the truck along with the purchases he had made over at the hardware store.

Despite the fact that we had broken into a cabin to claim it as our own for the winter, and he had threatened me.. the day felt oddly domestic and 'normal'. Which was not something that was easily associated with James in my head.. he was all violence, secrets, and demands. Him picking me up after grocery shopping felt ridiculously surreal... I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Hydra to ambush us on the road back to the cabin, or for Bucky to lash out and ruin the quiet moment, but it didn't happen.

Everything was oddly peaceful.. for once.

* * *

Well, I had another horrible week... buuuuut things are getting better, so that's a plus! My Winter Soldier tattoo is all healed, and I would love to be able to show you guys - but I'm not quite sure how/where I'd post it. I gotta' go in for the touch-up on it though. Anyways, I really hope you guys like this chapter despite the fact that it's a general filler chapter - which is needed to get to the good stuff here in the next few chapters, but yeah. Thank you all for reading, and please review! I definitely need lots of great reviews to cheer me up and get my ass in gear to start belting out chapters really fast again. Till next time lovelies! ~


	18. The Winds of Change

It was late in the evening by the time we pulled back up to the house, the air held more of a biting chill than it had before. With the sun getting drowsy behind the clouds, the little bit of warmth that was spread into the air was disappearing. A not-so subtle reminder that we weren't in the states anymore.

"Get in the house." Bucky demanded quietly, the first words he had spoken since he picked me up from the market.

Obviously he didn't need my help bringing in the groceries.

I wasn't quite sure what I should do with myself while I waited for him to bring in all the bags, so I settled anxiously onto the sofa. He brought everything in, in two trips, his outrageously strong arms probably barely noticing the weight of everything. I must have looked slightly uncomfortable because he walked around the couch and stood before me, staring down at me in that demanding, curious way of his.

"What do you need?" He questioned, bluntly.

Did he not realize the temperature in here? I felt like a walking Popsicle.

"It's cold." I muttered.

I could see my breath in front of me.

His eyes raked over my shivering form, taking note of everything like he usually did. Probably picking up on things that I didn't even notice. God, did he have to look so enticingly hot? Err.. I mean, he didn't look cold! If the winter temperatures were bothering him, he wasn't showing it.. Guess he did look attractive too.. but he always looked attractive, so that wasn't exactly new information. He wasn't fair, he knew that right? He had to know that.

"I'll take care of it."

I had no doubt he would..

I knew better than to doubt Bucky Barnes. I had learned better.

I didn't move as he walked off, I opted instead to stay rooted on the couch, curled into a ball to try and keep what warmth I had left. Was his lack of noticing the cold a Super-Soldier thing, or was it a Winter Soldier thing? He was gone for several minutes before he came back in through the back door, snow sticking to his boots and his hair wind-bitten.

"Powers on." He gruffly stated as he passed me to head out the front door.

Where was he going now then? I kept my curiosity to myself, just thankful the heat had started up.

I pulled myself up off the couch and headed into the kitchen, flicking on a few lights as I did so. The bright florescent lights stung my eyes at first, I wasn't used to having access to electricity, this was new. I moved around the kitchen quickly, putting away all the groceries that I wouldn't need for tonight's dinner. It took me a bit to get used to the layout of the kitchen and find all the dishes I would need.. I kept expecting Bucky to come back in, but he didn't.

Where was he? What was he doing?

The sound of wood splitting stopped me in my tracks. Huh?

I moved closer to the sink, reaching forward to pull back the curtains a bit. Bucky was out front, I had a clear view of his back. Is he.. chopping wood?

Oh.. right, for the fire, of course. Stupid.

I tried to pull myself away, I really did, but I couldn't get my feet to listen to my brain. Bucky had discarded his jacket, leaving him in a plain, tight black t-shirt. It hugged him in a way that probably would have been illegal if anyone else could see him. I could see each of his muscles bunch and flex in his back as he worked. It almost seemed like he was being lazy about it.. then again he probably was, breaking apart wood was undoubtedly easy for him.

It was like he read my thoughts as he picked up the next chunk. Instead of breaking it apart with the axe he was using, he just gripped each side of the wood and pulled, ripping it in half like it was a candy bar.. I practically drooled at the nice view of his biceps that move provided. Oh, fuck me..

I practically threw myself away from the window, I was pretty sure I could hear the blood rushing around in my head.. Not fair, not fair, not fair! Bad thoughts, bad thoughts, down Katarina! I was tempted to throw myself into the snow, just to cool myself down.

Fuck, just.. just cook the damn dinner and don't think about it. Yes, I could do that.. good plan.

I worked in silence, doing my best not to think about him out there, but it didn't work.. It never worked. Why was I even bothering anymore?! It never worked before, why would it now? I always thought about him.. he was my first thought when I woke up, and the last I had before I fell asleep..

James Barnes was taking me over.. He had invaded my life and my mind, the only things left now were... I shook my head and focused on my task. My mission for the day was to cook a damn good meal for Bucky and I to enjoy. Our first meal together.

I could hear him outside, chopping wood while I cooked.. How much wood did he think we were going to need? Was he getting the entire winter stock done in one go? Ugh, you know.. he probably was. Fucking show-off.

Dinner had just gotten done by the time that James finally came back inside, I had once again gotten so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't heard him stop stockpiling on firewood and come inside. Not surprising considering he only let me hear him coming when he wanted.. Other times, I swear he actually enjoyed sneaking up on me, just to be an ass and fuck with me.

"What are you doing?" He questioned, startling me. He sounded generally curious and confused.

I jumped, dropping the plate that was in my hand. He was at my side in a second, closing the distance between us impossibly fast. He bent and caught the plate before it could hit the floor, he straightened and stood back up, crowding me. I could feel his breath fanning against the top of my head as he looked down at me.

"Careful." He scolded.

I glared at him.

"Yeah, that was my fault.. not the super sneaky Super-Soldier that snuck up on me." I sassed.

The corner of his lip twitched.

"What are you doing?" He asked again.

"What does it look like?" Attitude dripped off my every word. "Surely you can still recognize a home cooked meal when you see one."

It was his turn to glare at me, I sighed.

"I thought we could enjoy an actual meal together.." I spoke quietly as I brushed past him, my shoulder nudging into his arm as I slipped by him. "That okay?"

He grunted in response and walked over to the kitchen table, settling himself into one of the chairs.

"I'll take that as a yes."

I followed after him, grabbing onto one of the other plates on the counter that was piled high with spaghetti. I stepped up next to him and set the food down in front of him. I could feel his eyes on my back as I walked back into the kitchen to grab my own plate, the salad stuff was already on the table, along with our drinks. I sat myself down in the chair across from him, shifting nervously when his gaze found my face. His gaze was heavy, invasive, it made me squirm in my seat and my muscles tense.

"I hope you like Italian.." I finally found my voice again.

He pulled his eyes off of my face and stared down at his plate. I wonder when his last actual home cooked meal was? The silent question made me sad, I doubt he even remembered it...

We ate in a awkward silence, the situation was new and not entirely comfortable. I doubted either of us was used to such a domestic evening at this point. But it wasn't bad either, I enjoyed the change of pace, at least someone wasn't trying to choke me to death. Or, hey, at least I wasn't bleeding all over the place again!

The food was delicious and I was really happy with how it turned out. As usual, Bucky ate a lot, and he ate it very quickly. His face gave nothing away, did he like it? Did he hate it? I wasn't sure..

"You cook very well."

The compliment caught me off guard, I snapped my eyes up to meet his, I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. He liked my cooking! I'll call that a win. Even if he didn't have much to compare it to anymore... I doubt Hydra fed him anything five-star worthy.

He furrowed his eyebrows, almost like he was in really deep thought, trying to pull something to the surface.

"You would have given my mother a run for her money.."

The sentence was quiet, barely audible, but I was instantly alert and paying attention. I shifted forward in my seat, leaning slightly across the table to get closer to him.

"You remember your mom?" I questioned softly, treading carefully.

There were always imaginary lines when it came to Bucky, I never knew quite which way to step with him. Which way would set him off, make him angry.. or which way would comfort him. But I wasn't going to stop trying. I had already decided that I wanted to know absolutely everything about him, anything I could find, anything that he was willing to share. I wanted it all. I needed it.

"Sometimes." He spoke vaguely, making me frown.

He studied my face again, his cold orbs sweeping over my face and down my neck. His gaze stayed on the necklace for a moment.. the choker he had made into a tracker. He shifted his gaze away from me to glance outside, I followed his gaze. Night had fallen in our isolated corner of the world, but with all the snow you could still see outside.. it was beautiful.

"Go upstairs, I'll clean up." I furrowed my eyebrows. What? Just like that he was dismissing me? I opened my mouth to argue but he turned back to give me 'that' look. The look that implied if he had to repeat himself, I wouldn't like the consequences.

Fucker. Way to ruin the moment!

I all but stomped up the stairs after I left him in the kitchen. How did he always know when I was going to argue with him? Those glares of his were always perfectly timed, never wasted. He knew me too well.. the man was far too observant for his own good and probably knew more about me than I did.. I shuddered at the thought.

I found my way back to the master bedroom where all of our stuff was, there was a linen closet in the hallway, filled to the brim with soft, expensive blankets and sheets. I made a mental note of it as I wandered into the bathroom, turning the light on.

It had several settings I realized, I could dim it to have a nice, romantic atmosphere if I wanted.. Hmm, there's a thought. I cleared the lewd images out of my head as I investigated the grand bathroom further. I managed to locate towels as well as a giant jar of colorful bath-bombs? Oh, fuck yeah!

I dug through the jar until I found a blue one with splatters of purple and yellow. It smelled like vanilla and oranges.. I eyed the bathtub decidedly. Yeah, this was happening! I started running an overly hot bath and moved to dim the lights down. Once the giant tub was filled with steaming water, I dropped the bathbomb into it, watching it swirl around into the water as it dissolved. The bath water turned a very dark blue. If you looked close enough you could see swirls of purple and little pieces of yellow glitter.. It looked like the night sky.

Stripping out of my clothes I ignored my fresh bruises along with the new scars I had acquired. Scars didn't bother me, not after the car accident with my parents. I glanced at my right arm, gazing at the extensive ink that covered my arm in a beautiful design. It was distracting, which was the point.. It hid all the scar tissue underneath, you could only see it if you looked very carefully.

I had no doubt James knew exactly what was under my fantasy themed sleeve.. But he had never asked about it, never pushed. Was it because he already guessed? Or was he waiting for me to open up and tell him about it?

I stripped out of my clothes and climbed into the bath. I sunk low into the hot water, my muscles practically cried out in joy as the heat helped sooth the tension. Being on the run with Bucky, I had only been allowed quick showers.. never a bath. I was going to get all the use I could out of this bathtub before he moved us again, that was for damn sure.

I noticed something move out of the corner of my eye and snapped to look towards the door. Hadn't that been shut?

 _Bucky._

He took up the entire doorway with his frame. His dark hair was falling into his face again, which remained as impassive as ever. The rough stubble across his jaw was shadowed and made his face look grim. His eyes however were dark and intense, his gaze practically burned my skin as he looked me over.

My muscles finally caught up to the screaming of my brain and I scrambled to cover my breasts in surprise, even though the dark water hid most of my figure already. I sunk lower into the water, until only my collarbone, neck and face were out of the water. What the fuck was he doing in here?! He had never invaded my personal space before...

He stepped further into the bathroom, his boots silent on the tile, his eyes didn't leave my form as he moved further into the room. He stopped abruptly and leaned back against the counter, his eyes however, didn't leave me.

My heart was painful against my rib cage, I felt like I had swallowed a bowling ball, and those annoying fucking butterflies were back and fluttering about.

"Ground rules." He drawled out in that rough voice of his.

That's what he came in here for?! Seriously?!

"Can't this wait?!" I snapped. I could feel the burn in my cheeks as my skin flushed.. My brain was in overdrive, I could barely think straight. Was this really fucking happening? I was naked.. in the same room as James.. His beautiful, winter-blue eyes were burning into my flesh.

"No."

He crossed his arms over his wide chest as his gaze swept over my body that was hidden in the dark water, I couldn't read the expression in his eyes.. I had never seen it before, and I couldn't even possibly guess what he was thinking in this moment. I was torn between being hysterically happy he was so close, and being outrageously embarrassed.. My brain seemed to be stuck on the latter.

"No going outside until I say."

I snorted, that was a fucking given.. If he had sauntered in here just to say that, I was going to flip out. I was trying not to think about the fact that I was naked and he was just a few feet away from me, only open air and water separated us... Less than appropriate images started to dance around in my brain.

"No fires during the day, curtains stay closed. Other than that, you can do what you want while we're here."

I nodded my head in understanding.. I hadn't even thought about not having fires during the day, the smoke would certainly be able to be seen when it was light out. He wanted to make sure it looked like there was no one up here.. I could see the logic behind it.. Alright, cozy fires only at night, got it.

Why wasn't he leaving?

I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, this was an entirely new level of weird for us. My body was practically thrumming with how close he was. I wanted to snap at him to get lost, but at the same time I was afraid if I opened my mouth again the opposite sentence would come out and I would say something that would make my mother turn over in her grave. He finally tore his gaze from me and pushed off the counter, heading for the door.

"We start your defensive training tomorrow." He ground out before disappearing out of the room, shutting the door behind him. What.. the hell just happened?

* * *

An early update for you lovely readers! Sorry it's a bit slow - a needed filler chapter for all the excitement that starts to happen here soon! Now, I feel the need to warn you guys again that this isn't going to be a vanilla, fluffy story! Sure, it's going to have a few scenes here and there - but overall - no. Bucky isn't going to be abusive or anything like that. But he's definitely not going to be the stereotypical romantic, nice guy. He's gonna' be rough, and aggressive. Because the Winter Soldier part of him is clashing with James Barnes. And it is going to take some time for his humanity to come out. We've seen a couple glimpses, but that's all. I'm trying to keep this at a realistic pace - because his mind is a fractured, dark place. We are however coming up on a tipping point in their relationship! Now, that being said I want to finally tell you guys a little 'Easter Egg' that Ive hidden in this story. This isn't always the case, but in most cases it is. Depending which arm James is using in certain situations - tells you which side of him is dominantly in control. If it's the metal arm - he's more in Winter Soldier mode. If it's his normal arm - it's James Barnes. Any who, I hope you like this chapter, and enjoy the weird and unusual behavior from Bucky. Again, sorry it's slow - next one is better I promise! Read and Review please! ~


	19. Here there be Monsters

Sleep didn't come easily that night, I spent most of the night tossing and turning. Bucky walking into the bathroom while I was bathing was playing on an endless, frustrating loop in my head. I was completely baffled by his behavior, he had never done anything like that before. While extremely demanding and domineering, Bucky always respected my personal space while I was showering, he had never stepped a toe out of line before this.. and now he had just completely stomped over the imaginary line between us and changed everything.. but why? Why did he do it?

I couldn't even fathom a guess to what had been going on in his head...

When I did finally fall asleep, I was plagued with nightmares.. Nightmares that involved me being in danger and Bucky not being able to get to me in time. Sometimes it was the German man from the jewelers that killed me, other times it was other faceless Hydra men.

It seemed that I had a bit of a dilemma, this was the first night in weeks and weeks that I hadn't slept with Bucky by my side, or hell, at least watching over me in the same room. It seemed that while this Cabin meant more confinement, it also meant a smidgen more freedom while I was inside the cabin. Bucky didn't stay in the room with me, I wasn't sure if he was next door, outside of mine standing guard, or downstairs doing fuck-knows-what.

I knew he couldn't be sleeping, if he was, he would definitely be in here, easier to catch me if I tried to escape while he was sleeping.. But it seemed I had gotten far too comfortable sleeping near him, taking comfort in his protective presence, and now that I didn't have it, I couldn't sleep.

Fucking hell, might as well add this to the list of fucked up shit I've recently realized. He really was taking me over entirely... I wondered if he knew that?

The sun had risen by the time my mind had finally shut off enough for me to be able to fall into a dreamless sleep, but I sadly didn't get to sleep for long.

"Katarina." His voice instantly woke me up, but I didn't move, didn't open my eyes. I wasn't sure if I could face him and act like normal, like nothing had changed between us last night.

Maybe if I didn't respond he'd just go away?

I could hear his boots as he slinked his way towards me from the door.. He knew I was awake, letting me hear his nearing footsteps was both a warning and a courtesy. I clenched my eyes shut tightly and sunk my face deeper into the pillow with a grumble. My preferred sleeping position was on my stomach, which didn't help with my anxiety as he neared me. I felt like there was a wolf stalking me from behind.

Maybe if I didn't move, he wouldn't be able to see me? I almost snorted at that thought train.. He wasn't a T-Rex, and I seriously doubted he had ever even seen Jurassic Park.

Silence.

Oh, that's not good.

The blankets quite suddenly were ripped away from my body, leaving me groaning in contempt as the chilled morning air found it's way to my skin. I curled tighter around the huge body pillow I was cuddling with, opting to still ignore him. I could be stubborn too!

"Get up." He growled from the foot of the bed.

"No." I snapped back at him, carelessly.

He let out a frustrated sigh, and this time I didn't hear him move as he stepped up to my side. Cold enveloped the back of my neck sending me bolting up from the bed as I tried to escape his ice-cold, metal-hand that currently gripped tightly onto the nape of my neck.

"What the fuck is your problem?!" I shrieked, attempting to twist away from him.

"Get. Up." He demanded again.

I huffed as my body acclimated to the cold touch of his lethal, metal hand. I gripped onto the pillow I had been aggressively cuddling and twirled around, launching it at him. He caught it easily with his normal hand, raising an eyebrow at me in response.

I hated that smug look in his eyes, it made me feel like a small child. I glared at him, no longer fighting the hold he had on me.

"Fine." I clipped. "I'm up. Happy?" I didn't care that I was behaving like a child, I was exhausted and grumpy, he could deal with my mood-swings for a change.

"Make breakfast." He commented offhandedly. I knew it was an order.

"You could say please, you know." I replied, with a roll of my eyes.

His hand released the back of my neck, his cool metal fingers trailing along my jaw leisurely before he gripped on my chin with his thumb and forefinger, his grip constricted making me wince... He apparently wasn't in a good mood either.

"Please." He ground out flatly, his eyes burning into my own.

He didn't wait for my reply, and instead took a large, solid step back from me. He wasn't dressed casually like I expected, instead he was in his black tactical pants and a plain black t-shirt. Black really was his color.. After a moment of staring at him, I realized my anger at him was slowly slipping away. What the fuck? I could feel my anger rising again, this time however, I was angry with myself.

"I'll be downstairs."

And with that, I was alone once again. I frowned at the empty spot that he had previously been standing in. Was it just my imagination or were his 'casual' touches getting more frequent?

I slumped out of bed lethargically, why did he want me up so god damn early? This was cruel and unusual punishment.. especially from the guy that got an eyeful of me last night. That particular thought didn't help my foul mood any. I wasn't quite sure why I was so bothered by him coming into the bathroom unannounced last night.. It's not the first time he had seen me in a state of undress.. He had changed me shortly after he kidnapped me.

So why was now so different to me? Why were my emotions a jumbled confusing mess? Last time I had only been mildly embarrassed. Now... now I was a frightened little rabbit running from the big bad wolf... Ugh.

I unzipped the bag holding my clothes a little more forceful than necessary, nearly breaking the zipper. I was a liar, I knew why I was upset.. I just didn't want to admit it out loud. I cared about the blunt, domineering super-soldier, I cared about him far too much. I was in too deep now, I couldn't turn back. There was literally no turning back for me, not even if I wanted, he wouldn't let me.

Here there be monsters...

I had never considered James to be a monster before, and I still didn't now. But I was pretty sure that's how he thought of himself. Hydra was a monster, my emotions were a monster.. But Bucky? I didn't think so... and even if I was wrong, and he was... He was my monster.

I bit the inside of my cheek harshly, drawing blood into my mouth as I pulled out clothes to wear. My treacherous thoughts were getting harder and harder to keep in check...

I quickly changed into a pair of tight, black shorts, they were small and easy to move in. With the heat going strong in the cabin, it was fairly warm now, and with defensive training I knew it was the best choice. I paired the simple outfit with a green t-shirt, and pulled my unruly, tangled hair into a messy-bun. It would have to do, I didn't have the motivation to look any better than this.

The sound of something large and heavy sliding across the floor downstairs pulled me from my thoughts abruptly. What the fuck? Bucky wasn't known for being clumsy... and I doubt I had annoyed him to send him into a fit of rage, so what was he doing?

Curiosity got the better of me as it lured me downstairs to check on The Winter Soldier. I ignored the chill of the stairs against my bare feet as I tried to follow his example and make myself as quiet as possible as I moved. He didn't turn to greet me, hell, he didn't even say anything as I stared at him. He was moving the furniture in the large living room, shoving everything up against the walls, leaving the middle of the floor bare except for the decorative, ornate rug.

"What-"

He shot me a pointed look before I could so much as even begin to ask my question.

"Okay, okay!" I raised my hands defensively and made my way past him, heading for the kitchen. "I got it.. Someone's moody."

Quite a hypocritical statement from the grumpy and exhausted girl, but whatever.

I made breakfast in silence, not daring to break the tense air with my words. Either we were very in tune with each other, or we just both decided today would be a fantastic day to be an asshole.. I had a feeling this day was going to be a long one, so I made breakfast as large as I could. I settled for fried potatoes, bacon, sausage, and freshly cut strawberries.

We ate in silence. I noticed his mood seem to relax as he ate.. maybe he had just been hungry, and that's why he had been grumpy? Certainly would explain why he had quite literally demanded breakfast..

He was staring at me now, in that usual intense way of his, just watching me. I briefly wondered if an outsider would think me brave or incredibly stupid with how many times I had staring contests with this lethal killer. The span of the table was in between us, it's overly long length separated us by a couple feet, but after his absence last night.. the distance between us felt like miles.

Maybe I was being stupid, or just overly sensitive and clingy.. But the fact that I missed his presence even though he was right in front of me was making me very agitated and grouchy. I should have been able to handle one night without his eyes drilling holes into my back as I slept... And yet I hadn't handled it well at all..

"So.." I began casually, crossing my arms over my chest as I leaned back against my chair. "What did you do last night?"

I tried to make the question come out simple, as if I was just merely curious. Instead I could hear the bitter undertones as if they were an alarm going off right next to my ears. Could he tell that I was angry? Did he know why? Did he understand it was because he had left me alone last night? He had left me alone and the nightmares had finally found me...

He tipped his head to the side, as if something I had just done fascinated him. I watched as his eyes narrowed briefly before his face went vacant once more. He chose to ignore my question all together as he stood up.

"Living room. Now."

The words weren't harsh, but he didn't exactly leave me an option on whether or not to listen to him. Not that I was going to argue anyway, I had wanted this. I was the one that brought up learning defensive training, I wasn't about to let his normal, cantankerous behavior deter me from my goal. The only problem I had was how much I wanted to be near him, and how horribly early it still was.

I really wasn't a morning person.. He hadn't even said thank you about breakfast, we really needed to work on his manners.

I made me way into the cleared out living room carefully, moving to stand dead center on the carpet as I turned to face him. He had been shadowing me silently, and I nearly jumped at how close he already was to me. It was tense moments like these that always reminded me of how much taller than me he was, he made me feel dainty and small, which in turn made me feel both threatened and safe.

I lifted my arms up and then dropped them back down, letting my hands hit my bare thighs as I waited for his next instruction.

"Lay down." He instructed.

My heart faltered in my chest as it skipped several times over as I paled.

"W-What?" I stammered.

"Lay. On. The. Floor." He repeated, making sure to emphasize each word in that deep timbre of his. He had a really bad habit of saying things in a way that made me take them wrong. Did he know that a lot of the shit he said had a double meaning? Or was that just a horrible coincidence?

"Why?" I moved to comply even as I spoke my confusion out loud. I moved until I was sitting down on the floor as gracefully as I could manage, the decorative carpet was actually quite soft and wasn't as nearly uncomfortable as I thought it was going to be as I reclined until I was lying down, flat on my back. I left my hands resting nervously on my stomach, my fingers anxiously tapping as I stared straight up at the ceiling.

This was weird.

I couldn't hear his footsteps, but I could feel the impact tremors of his steps as he moved closer to me. I waited as patiently as I could until he was towering over me, his hair falling messily into his face as he looked me over. From this angle, the stubble that accented his face made him look ominous. He watched me for a few seconds, just letting his eyes sweep over my form, scanning me from my head to my toes.

He crouched slowly, until he was balancing on the balls of his feet at my side. I didn't move as he reached sideways and grabbed onto my hands in both of his, moving them off of my stomach.

"You have an uncanny habit of finding yourself in one particular pin." His pointed look told me exactly how he felt about that. "We're going to start with me teaching you how to get out of it." Oh.

 _Oh._

In one swift, graceful movement that was almost too quick for me to follow, Bucky threw his leg over my hips and straddled me, his knees constricting on either side of me. He kept his full weight off of me, even as he purposely dug his knees into my sides. He gave my hands that were still in his much larger ones a quick squeeze as he studied my face.

I did my best to give nothing away even as my stomach flipped and fluttered and my heart hammered against my rib cage. Oh yeah, cause this didn't scream 'sexual' at all! Bucky was right, I found myself in this type of pin all the time, and it would be very wise of me to learn how to get out of it.. But him on top of me so casually was making my brain turn to mush and a blush to rise to my cheeks. Life threatening situations weren't currently on my mind at all.

He took both of my hands and moved them slowly up until they rested on either side of my head. I didn't move them as he let go, guessing that was what he wanted in this particular scenario. I was doing my best to concentrate and just focus on learning all that he was going to show me today. Anything but the fact that I was lying helpless beneath a deliciously heavy James Barnes.

"Comfortable?" Bucky inquired cheekily.

Before I could snap a retort however, his cool, metal fingertips trailed across my collarbone where my t-shirt had dipped low, stealing my sassy reply right out of my mouth. I felt like my tongue had turned to lead. His other hand didn't idle either, he slowly trailed his warm fingers down my arm, following the same imaginary pattern as the other until they met at my neck.

I swallowed thickly as he his hands wrapped around my throat, overlapping each other. Both of his hands weren't really necessary, considering one of his hands wrapped around the front of my throat just fine. Logic told me he was just using both for the sake of the lesson, most people weren't twice my size like Bucky was.

He didn't apply much pressure, just enough to make it slightly uncomfortable while still allowing me full use of my airways.

"Now what?" I questioned, unsure.

"Struggle." He replied evenly, his eyes burning into mine.

I paused and didn't move, how was I supposed to fully struggle when I didn't feel in danger with him? He rose a single brow when I didn't move underneath him.

"I can't teach you if you don't listen, Katarina. Don't make me have to give you incentive." He warned, his voice dropping lower. I could practically feel the tension start up in his legs, he was either preparing for me to go full life-threatened-rage-mode, or he was preparing to make this experience very unpleasant.

I steeled myself and started to squirm underneath him. I tried pulling at his wrists, they didn't give. I tried shifting my hips and bucking him off, that definitely didn't work. I tried everything, without really putting a lot of effort into it. Just enough so that he wouldn't actually start strangling me. I was pretty sure I had enough of that shit for a long time.

"Now." I froze as he started to speak. "With anyone but me, the solution to this is simple." I couldn't stop the quick glare I sent his way, but he chose to ignore it. "Raise your knees, shift your feet towards you."

I did as I was told, bending my knees until the bottoms of my feet were positioned where my knees had been previously resting. The weight of him dug a little bit harder into my hips, but not unpleasantly so. Concentrate Katarina! Fucking. Concentrate.

"Good. Grab my right wrist with both of your hands." He demanded next.

I shifted to comply quickly, wrapping my small hands the best I could around his wrist, tightly.

"Good." He encouraged. "Now this next step has to be done all at once, understand?"

"Yes." Despite my strong voice, I was unsure, this was all completely new, and it was extremely hard to focus.

"Using your legs for leverage, you're going to arch your back while keeping your shoulders firmly planted on the floor. You're going to suddenly drop your weight again while pulling on my arm with your left hand, and pushing with your right. If you do this correctly, you'll be able to roll me off of you and follow my momentum, reversing our positions. Got it?"

I was a bit stunned at how much he was talking.. and to think, it only took him having to teach me how to defend myself a bit. I was only part way through my lesson for the day, and I was already looking forward to doing this again tomorrow. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on me either, for a girl that didn't wanna' fucking wake up today I sure was chipper now.

"I think so." I nodded my head.

"Go." He ordered.

I did my best to not over-think it, because I knew as soon as I did I would falter and fuck up. Using my legs to brace myself for leverage, I managed to lift my hips off of the ground, they strained against his weight which made me grit my teeth in concentration. I dropped my weight when my knees got shaky and simultaneously pulled and pushed on his arm, ripping his hands off of my neck. Bucky let himself be rolled off of me and onto his back. I tumbled with him and quite literally ended up sprawled on top of him. I landed on his waistline instead of his hips, but that was good enough for me, at least I had done it!

"Good girl." His voice had a little bit of pride in it, a tone I didn't hear often from him. He dropped his hands until they rested on my bare thighs, I tensed but didn't move off of him. I was suddenly aware just how intimately we were pressed together.

Oh hell, uhhh... Broken clocks, ruined books, annoying Susan, Aliens in New York!

I did my best to clear my mind of the lewd images that were now swirling around in my brain, teasing me. I felt his fingers dig into my thighs slightly as he gazed at me appraisingly.

"We'll do this every morning until you no longer strain to flip me over." His tone implied that it was non-negotiable.. He wasn't going to hear me argue. Bucky, straddling me every morning? Yeah... I could deal with that.

"Now, onto your next lesson."

* * *

Here it is, I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did! This one in particular was very fun to write! - Ah, who am I kidding most of these chapters are outrageously fun to write, it's James! Anyways, Ive decided I'll show you guys my new Winter Soldier tattoo after I get it touched up here soon! If that's something you guys still want I mean. Also, I want to thank all of you for reading and keeping me motivated - your guys' love and support on this story honestly keeps me going, especially on tough days when I feel like crap. So thank you! I'm glad you guys liked the little 'Easter egg' about his arms. And just to clear this up - for any of you who might freak out about it. Bucky wasn't actually going to strangle her, but threatening/frightening her into doing what he needs her to do isn't out of the question for him. Well, I hope I covered everything! I have another pesky migraine and my brain is a bit scrambled. Please read and review lovelies! Reviews literally make my day! ~


	20. Tipping Point

When I pictured defensive training with Bucky in my head, it definitely didn't include situations like these. I pictured him pushing me either too slow, or too hard. I pictured bruises and fuck ups all the time, because it's not like I had any prior experience with this kind of stuff. I wasn't a fighter, I was just some Librarian from Washington D.C.

No where in my thought process did it include immense sexual tension, and me sitting on top of him as he taught me how to get out of a pin. If I had known that this is how things were going to be, I might have put a bit more thought into this before demanding he teach me. Because honestly, if this wasn't some weird form of torture, I didn't know what was.

It was weird being on top...

Okay! That came out dirtier than I intended. I just meant that normally when I got into 'altercations' with Bucky, a prime example being our first meeting, was that he was always in control. Always.

So finally being the one on top of him was new and strange. Mind you, I hadn't missed his very clear statement of 'This will work on everyone that isn't me'. I knew that I had only managed to reverse our positions because he let me, for the sake of the lesson he was trying to teach. But it was still weird, a good weird.. but odd all the same.

James is twice my size at least, a fact that I only ever seemed to fully remember in circumstances like this. I was secretly glad I hadn't fully got the reversal down correctly, because trying to sit on his hips would have been a lot more difficult than sitting on his waist was.

My knees firmly brushing the carpet as I straddled his waist, my legs were stretched wide as I perched on top of him. It wasn't uncomfortable, but I definitely wasn't used to it. My hands were splayed across his ridiculously warm, broad chest as I used him to keep steady. I could feel his firm muscles underneath me as he breathed and my mind twisted and turned in dangerous directions as his heart thrummed a steady beat underneath my palms.

Before I could say anything to him, Bucky's grip on me switched. The metal hand that had been on my thigh was gone, his arm moving to wrap securely around my waist and draw me into his chest as he abruptly stood up, using only his abdominal muscles and legs to pull himself into a standing position.

My legs had wrapped tightly around his sturdy waist the best I could as gravity quite suddenly started to pull on me. I had no reason to worry however, Bucky's metal arm was hooked so tightly around my midsection while his normal hand still gripped onto my other thigh.

His gaze was quite suddenly, intensely, piercing into mine as he purposely caught my gaze. His eyes looked like a cross between amused, confused, and expectant. What did he want? I furrowed my eyebrows as he just continued to stare at me, not saying anything. Finally after several long drawn out moments he raised a single brow.

"What?" I questioned dumbly.

Suddenly it dawned on me.

"Oh!"

I abruptly released my hold on his waist, dropping my legs. If it wasn't for him, I would have probably fallen on my ass. But he slowed my descent and managed to get me there safely and securely onto my own two feet. Well, that was embarrassing. Here he had been, just expecting me to let go of him, and I was latched on like a fucking Koala! He could have fucking said something!

I felt the heat return to my cheeks, staining them a pink hue, prompting me to look at everything that wasn't him. Taking a deep steadying breath I put my hands leisurely onto my hips and cleared my throat.

"So, next lesson?" I asked uncertainly.

"You're very small." He stated casually, causing my eyes to instantly snap back to his. He was gazing at me, sweeping me over, taking in details that I probably didn't even know about myself. I opened my mouth to retort but he cut me off. "What you lack in strength, you can make up for in speed." He informed. "An enemy cannot hurt you, if they can't hit you."

I knew once again, without him even having to say it there was a silent: 'This will work on most everyone else but me'. Because Bucky was not only ridiculously strong, but he was wicked fast. But that's what made him who he was, other people, super or not, weren't as fast.. Well, not all of them anyway.

Bucky was just teaching me how to better survive other people if he wasn't around to be my villainous-savior, doing anything he had to to keep me breathing. James couldn't possibly attempt to teach me how to survive him, because I wouldn't be able to if he decided to take my life. We both knew that.

"I'm going to swing at you." He informed, taking a small step away from me. "Slowly. In a pattern." He elaborated, probably because of the sudden look of panic that had overtaken my features. I had seen Bucky fight several times now, that was not something I wanted to be on the receiving end of. "You're going to dodge."

Without waiting for confirmation, he raised his arms up, his body automatically shifting into a perfectly poised, lethal fighting stance. Without even fully thinking about it, or waiting for him having to tell me to do it, I shifted my body to mirror his more agile posture. I kept my arms loosely at my sides however, I didn't need to attack back.. I just needed to be ready to evade.

Without asking me if I was ready, Bucky swung a left-hook towards my face. Panicking, I surged to the side, he immediately paused.

"No." He barked, causing me to jump. He pulled his arm back in towards him. "Dodging into my punch will make you vulnerable. Dodge to the outside of my swing." He corrected.

I swallowed hard as I re-situated myself back into 'starting' position, nodding my head absentmindedly as I soaked in his advice.

He swung again, the same left-hook, I fluttered to the outside of his fist as swiftly as I could. He had been truthful when he said he'd go slow, I just needed to not panic and listen to his advice.. I could do this! He swung again immediately, giving me no time to think about my footing. This time it was a right hook, I dodged again, my legs wavering underneath me as I threw too much of my weight onto my left leg. He didn't waste any time jabbing forward with his left arm, I tumbled back in surprise, losing my footing.

James surged forward, his hand grasping onto my forearm tightly as he caught me before I could fall. He yanked me forward a little too hard and sent me crashing straight into his chest. I groaned as I reached up and rubbed my sore nose.. Gods, it was like running into a brick fucking wall...

"Do you know what you did wrong?" He questioned softly.

"I think so..." I mumbled, unsure of myself.

"Tell me." He clipped.

"I put too much weight on my left leg?"

He took a step back away from me, the corner of his mouth twitched as he nodded his head.

"Very good." He complimented, causing joy to bubble in my chest. It was amazing what a morning of training with Bucky could do for my mood. "You need to bend your knees more, and take a step back every time I swing at you. Make me chase you, Katarina."

...Did he understand how double edged his words tended to be? I tried to ignore it and just nodded, nibbling on my bottom lip.

We moved back into our starting positions as I attempted to clear my head and just focus on his movements. I wanted to get this right, I had to.. Bucky swung the same left-hook at me, I dipped to the outside of his swing, stepping back away from him. He threw the right-hook at me, I did the same in reverse. He jabbed forward with his left, I fluttered backwards, his right hand came at me next, I danced out of its way.

Bucky suddenly pulled his arms back towards his center. In one fluid motion, he dipped lower to the ground and swung his right leg out into an arch in front of him. In an instinctual panic, I jumped up and backwards to avoid his legs sweeping mine out from underneath me. I landed a little shaky but still firmly on my feet.

Glancing back towards him, I noticed he wasn't advancing anymore, there seemed to be a small smirk playing on his mouth as he stared at me. "You're learning." He commented, seemingly offhandedly.. But I could hear it, that little bit of pride was back in his voice.

"Now, we're going to do it again, but faster."

He moved back onto the center of the plush rug once more with me following after him. This continued on for about an hour, every time I completed the pattern, he'd demand we do it faster. He kept his punches light, no real power behind him and every time it looked like he was going to hit me because I messed up, he'd stop right before he actually connected.

When it became obvious that if he went any faster I wouldn't be able to keep up with him, he paused. I after all had normal human limitations, James didn't... He was a super-soldier after all. He took a step back away from me and looked me over before nodding his head, as if he was agreeing with something he was thinking about.

"You seem to have this down, you've done good."

All these compliments were really starting to fuck me up... He talked a lot more when he was teaching me how to defend myself, and he certainly gave a lot more praise, it was weird and unusual. Logic told me it was because he was well versed in fighting that it was something he could easily talk about. It wasn't overly personal, and it didn't make his emotions go crazy, so he didn't mind having to talk more. I sure as hell wasn't going to object or say anything.. Didn't want to risk him realizing it himself and going into quiet, brooding mode.

"Now, we're going to mix it up."

I blanched.. No pattern to follow anymore? Oh, hell.

At first, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, he had resumed a slow pace once again. Keeping up wasn't a problem, despite the fact that I could no longer predict his moves. Sure, it was only the same five moves as before in different orders, but he seemed to be purposely trying to catch me off guard now.

Things started noticeably going downhill when he started to speed up. I no longer had time to really think about where I was maneuvering as I rushed out of his reach to avoid his swings and leg-sweeps. I was relying solely on my instincts as well as the advice he had given me to keep going.

As he got faster, and I got clumsier I kept expecting him to stop and correct me, but he didn't. I was pretty sure the lesson had just switched on me, and he was waiting for me to almost fall like before so he could catch me again and tell me all of what I had done wrong. I scowled at the thought, just as Bucky dipped and angled a dangerously quick leg sweep at me.

I shrieked as I jumped back, completely startled by the pick up in pace. My right foot came down wrong, it was too far back and I knew it. I wanted to yell out, to fix my stance but it was too late. Before my left foot could come down, my foot slipped out from underneath me. I instinctively twisted, trying to catch myself, not realizing how close to the furniture that he had pushed up against the walls we had gotten.

I managed to catch myself on the back of the chair in front of me, but not before the left corner of my pelvic bone collided into the side of the back of the chair. I yelped as the skin of that sensitive little dip cut open. I could feel the warm blood before I even pulled away from the chair.

Bucky was already behind me, practically breathing down my neck. He must not have been able to catch me in time, must not have taken into consideration how much I would flail trying to catch myself from falling... He grabbed onto my arms and whirled me around until I was facing him. His gaze snapped down to my hip, the bottom part of my shirt was discoloring as my blood seeped into the fabric.

The expression on his face was irritated, his jaw was tight and his teeth were undoubtedly clenched hard. He let out a long, deep breath through his nose.

"That's enough for today." His voice was edgy. He was definitely upset with one of us... if not both.

I wanted to protest, it was just a minor cut and bruise. I would be fine! But that hard set of his jaw, and the angry look in his eyes told me that arguing would do me no good.. I sighed and nodded. I was tired anyway, I wasn't used to this kind of stuff, I was definitely going to be sore tomorrow.

His normal hand latched a bit roughly onto mine as he practically dragged me out of the living room, past the dinning room and into the kitchen. He flicked on the lights carelessly as he shifted me in front of him, corralling me towards the counters, I backed up as he lightly shoved me backwards.

"Wh-"

I didn't get to finish asking him what the fuck he was doing before his large hands came down on either side of my waist and gripped. He hoisted me up easily, as if I weighed absolutely nothing. He set me down onto the counter so that my legs were dangling down in front of him. I spotted the first-aid kit lying a few feet away from me and figured out what he was doing. I gave the first-aid kit a look and then pointedly stared at him, I was pretty sure that had been in my bag upstairs.

"Figured we'd need it." He explained, shrugging one of his shoulders. I glared at him. Of course he'd automatically assume I'd manage to get hurt the first day of him teaching me how to defend myself! Sure, he had been right, but he didn't have to be so fucking... UGH!

"I can take care of it myself." I muttered childishly, looking at a 'very' interesting cabinet on the other side of the kitchen.

"No." He countered, causing me to huff.

Stubborn.

"Lean back on your right elbow." He instructed, getting straight down to business. I huffed and leaned back, the irritated skin near my hip pulling a little. He stepped up in between my legs and from my reclining position I had nothing better to do than stare at him. I wondered if my staring affected him the same way his did me?

That was the million dollar question though, for tons of scenarios... Did I effect James as much as he effected me?

Doubtful..

Bucky pulled the first-aid kit closer and opened it up, digging inside of it for several things before turning back towards me. Without asking first, he reached forward with his normal hand and shoved my shirt up until it sat just below my bra-line. His metal arm tugged on the top of my shorts, folding the hem downwards until the cut was bare to his gaze. Swallowing thickly, I did my best to remain perfectly still while he cleaned the blood from the wound.

I hadn't noticed I had been slowly leaning back more and more until Bucky's right hand slipped behind me to my lower back. His palm splayed widely against my lower back and applied pressure, forcing me to arch my back into him so that he could better get at my wound. I blushed instantly as his left hand went right back to work, meticulously cleaning and applying ointment.

He could have just asked me to sit up better...

I shifted my gaze to his ingenious, metal hand. It was impeccable, completely identical to his right hand.. The metal plates formed perfectly all the way up his arm, showcasing the same exact muscles his right arm had. It was a beautiful piece of work. Despite the fact that I was pretty sure he had gotten that arm from Hydra.

It was amazing how something designed to be so lethal could also be so gentle and dexterous. Bucky was ridiculously strong on his own, whatever he had been injected with or whatnot, had made him super-human.. But his metal arm was even stronger than his normal one... And yet, here he was, using it to clean a simple cut on my hip.

How was it he was able to use it so easily? The part of me that loved to take apart and put things back together was outrageously interested in how his arm worked.. But there was another part of me that...

"James..." I muttered quietly, grabbing his attention. He grunted to show me he was listening. He had just finished applying the bandage onto my hip when I spoke. "Can you..." I tried to choose my words carefully. "Can you feel with your metal hand?" I kept my tone soft and curious, trying not to make him close off as he loved to do.

His fingers froze on my skin, the cool metal brushing against my sore skin lightly. He didn't say anything for several moments, hell, he didn't even move.

"You don't have to-"

"Yes, and no." He whispered, hoarsely.

His gaze flickered up from my torso to meet mine, his metal hand however, didn't stay idle. He slowly spread it across my stomach, not as wide as his other hand was placed on my back, but similar all the same. I sucked in a breath as the coldness of the metal settled against my warm skin.

"I can feel pressure and temperature mostly." He explained, his thumb stroking my abdomen in what I assumed was a subconscious gesture. "I know that I'm touching your skin, I can feel that it's smooth like silk, unlike the firewood sitting outside.. I can feel your warmth burning into my hand, can sense the subtle shifts as you breathe.. But no, I cannot feel like I can with my other hand." He trailed off, his gaze moving back to look at where his metal hand set against my bare skin.

I was frozen in place, my mouth felt like it had been glued shut. I hadn't expected him to answer me, let alone give so much insight into what he felt with that metal arm of his.. I could feel the flush on my cheeks as it spread down my neck, and I knew I was blushing because he had used me to explain how he felt things.. The logical side of my brain told me he had only used me as a way to explain properly because I was right in front of him, but the mushy, emotional side of my brain.. was happy all the same.

"Do you remember how you lost your arm?" My voice was barely above a whisper, and my voice shook slightly, as if I was afraid of the answer. But mostly I was just afraid he'd close off faster than I could blink. I had a strong suspicion Hydra had everything to do with that foreign arm of his.

"Yes."

Such a simple answer, but the way he said it... was far from simple. His voice was cold, dark.. In an instant all the quiet honesty that had been replaced with nothing but powerful anger. It burned through him and straight into me. His sapphire orbs were locked with my gray ones again. I expected him to pull away, to snap at me to go upstairs, but he didn't do anything of the sort. He didn't even move away from me.

"Tell me." I meant it as a question, but it came out more as a demand. He studied me for a moment, internally weighing the pros and cons of revealing something so personal.

"I fell." He replied monotonously.

I tensed in his grip.

"You fell?"

He nodded his head once, his hair falling further into his face. I wanted to reach out and push the strands back, but I knew that I couldn't.. I'd be giving too much away, saying everything while saying nothing at all.

A small part of me wondered when exactly it had been that he remembered his fall? A bigger part of me, however.. wondered how much more he remembered that he hadn't told me.. How much was Bucky not telling me? How much of his old life, and his life with Hydra had he started to remember? Did he remember Steve? Did he remember all of his family? Did he remember joining the army? Did he remember what Hydra made him do? Or was I just jumping the gun so to speak and thinking too much into it?

I knew that James had a habit of playing things overly close to the vest, I knew that he wasn't big on speaking his feelings or telling me what was on his mind.. So maybe I was just over thinking too much?

"Are you remembering a lot?" I inquired vaguely, needing to probe further.. needing answers to calm the confusion and unease that was violently swirling in my brain.

"Some." A vague answer from a difficult man.

"That sounds like a lot of progress." My voice was light and optimistic, despite the dark thoughts that swirled my brain. Even if he wasn't sharing everything with me, I was still happy he was remembering more of himself.

"Not enough." He growled bitterly.

* * *

Hello my lovely readers! I'm posting this a bit early as a thank you for so many wonderful reviews on the last chapter! Thank you so much, you are all amazing and I'm so glad that you guys are enjoying this story! I've been having quite the busy week, so I'm a bit scatter-brained but I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as the last one! Bucky certainly is stepping up the game so to speak.. the casual touches are definitely getting more frequent! Now, things are about to take a bit of a turn... After all, Bucky is still mad at her for New York, and Katarina only has so much patience... Buuut, I don't wanna' give too much away, just wanted to offer a small hint at the next chapter for you guys! Like I said, things are going to escalate! (Insert wicked smile here.) Hope you guys are enjoying the start of Autumn! Read and Review please!


	21. Dysfunctional

It had been two weeks since we got to the cabin, two weeks since Bucky started teaching me defensive training every morning. Two long weeks he had kept me locked away in this cabin, never allowing me to go outside.. Except the one time we had to go back into town to get some more food.. but he had come with that time, and it had been a very short lived trip.

We had settled into an annoying routine. Everyday James would wake me up horribly early to get to work on teaching me how to defend myself. Everyday I cooked all of our meals, and everyday Bucky did the clean up. Everyday I was forced to read and tinker, while Bucky was allowed to roam outside. I was going stir-crazy, I quite literally had cabin-fever. If that wasn't enough of a kick in the teeth, Bucky avoided me for the most part. Sure, he'd be all chatty during training, and he'd stick around during meals.. but that was it.

James Barnes was avoiding me, and it was taking it's toll on both of us it seemed. As far as I knew, Bucky had only slept once since we had gotten here.. The incident in question had happened when he had settled on the couch with me while I was reading.. he had fallen asleep next to me for several hours.. I never moved in the hopes I wouldn't disturb him. When he woke up however, he was gone again.

I had learned that Bucky had his own routine.. everyday after training with me, Bucky went outside and did a series of work outs. His way of keeping himself busy and prepared I assume.. I didn't think he was used to being so stationary.

I wasn't sure why Bucky was avoiding me, and any time I tried to subtly bring it up, he danced around the question with his normal 'Winter Soldier' aloofness. It was beyond frustrating. Thanks to him I was no longer sleeping, and when I did, I had nightmares. Horrible, horrible nightmares of faceless men, and Bucky being ripped out of my life. I was pretty sure my dark-eye circles now matched his... quite the pair we were.

With every day this continued, my anger and my frustration got worse. It was burning a deep hole into my chest. All of the pent up aggression was tearing me apart, and it was his fault. He didn't go near me when he didn't have to, and he didn't speak to me. It was like we had taken five steps forward, only to take ten backwards.

I wasn't sure what to do... something had to give. The only explanation I could possibly think of, was that he was purposely pushing me away, punishing me for something. When I tried to think of what he could possibly still be angry at me for, I only came up with one answer. The New York incident at the Avengers tower... When he had told me he would no longer let my morals put is in jeopardy again.

It seemed that the longer Bucky distanced himself from me, the worse my stress levels and anger got. I was deteriorating, and fast. None of my usual stress-relief activities were helping either.. I had tried everything that I possibly could while cooped up in the cabin to relax. I took long hot baths with fragrant bath bombs, I tried forcing myself to sleep so that my mind could rest. I tried hot tea, and reading. I tried putting more of my aggression into the training, I had tried tinkering.. But nothing helped. With each passing day, I got angrier, and angrier. And with it.. came the mental exhaustion.

Everything was adding up, everything that had happened since I met James was suddenly crashing into me at once. It seemed that when he had been in my personal space often, it almost felt like he shouldered the weight of it all with me... I didn't have to go at it alone. He was there, he distracted me, he made me feel like all this bullshit that had happened since I met him was worth it.. because I had... him.

But he was pushing me away, and the weight of everything was crushing me.

This wasn't going to end well.

Five in the fucking morning.. That's what the annoyingly bright, red letters on the alarm clock next to the bed was telling me. I hadn't slept at all last night, the only upside to that had been the lack of nightmares. My body felt heavy, my mind was cloudy and angry. All I could think of was how sick I was of being stuck inside this cabin, how sick I was of Bucky distancing himself from me.

All I knew, all I could feel, was rage. I was a copper coil wound so tightly that I was about to fucking snap.

I could hear Bucky's footsteps coming up the stairs, the only reason he'd make his steps audible was if he was trying to be heard. So he either knew that I was awake, or he was trying to make some noise to help wake me up.

I glared harder at the alarm clock in front of me, willing the time to go backwards so that I could try and sleep again.. try and let my mind find peace in being unconscious.. But it didn't work.

I pushed myself up into a sitting position, my legs dangling off the bed. I could hear his approach, he was letting his weight make just enough noise on the floor boards, getting closer and closer to the door. Despite the fact that I was recklessly pissed off, my heart fluttered in anticipation of seeing his face. The fact that my traitorous heart was excited to see him, the fact I had missed him when he was the one distancing himself, only added fuel to my fire.

His footsteps paused right before the door, I expected him to shove through the door any second.. but he didn't. What was he doing out there? Waiting for a damn invitation? Or did he have to collect his patience and will himself to open that door?

Had I become such a fucking nuisance for him that he didn't even like being around me anymore? My chest ached with the thought, a headache was forming at my temples.. Great, just what I needed on top of everything else.

Finally, he pushed the door open, letting it swing open silently. I turned my head just enough to side-eye him lazily.

"Yes?" I questioned, though we both knew what he was here for. Morning training, as usual.

"Downstairs." He simply replied, with the same indifference I was showing. I brought my hand up in a mock salute.

"Yes, Sergeant." I couldn't have put more sass into that sentence if I had tried, I was being childish, and I knew it. Without looking at his expression, or even waiting for a retort, I pushed myself off the bed and brushed past him, heading downstairs first.

Walking downstairs I noticed that the living room was once again taken apart, all of the furniture as usual was pushed up against the wall. This time however, one of the other mattresses from upstairs was lying off-center on the floor. It was completely bare of any and all blankets, the crisp white color of it stood out against all the dark tones of the living room.

I paused on the second to the last step of the stairs, I twisted to look up at Bucky who had been carefully shadowing me. He was closer than I anticipated, which made me have to crane my neck up further to look at his face. I raised a curious eyebrow at him.

"Today I'm going to teach you how to avoid being tackled." He explained, already entering 'talkative-teacher' mode. "Breakfast first." He outstretched his hand, urging me to finish walking down the stairs in front of him. I sighed, but continued on into the dinning room.

Breakfast went fairly quickly, I wasn't in the mood to make anything fancy so I just kept it simple. Just eggs, toast, and bacon. All the while, I just kept thinking about what today's morning was going to be like. I doubted avoiding a tackle from Bucky was going to be easy. After all, our meeting in that back alley had all been because he had tackled me from behind.

After breakfast Bucky situated him and I into the living room, as usual. We went through our usual exercise of me getting out of that one particular pin, and then both of us stood up. This was normally where Bucky went straight into explaining mode. This time however, Bucky walked straight up to me, planted his hands on my hips and backed me up until I was just a few feet away from the mattress, positioned perfectly in the center of it.

"Don't move." He commanded simply, before walking away from me a couple of feet.

I kept my feet planted where he wanted them, but reached up to start running my fingers through my hair, pulling at it and separating tangles until I managed to pile it on top of my head. Pulling the hair-tie off my wrist I pulled my hair up into a quick, but efficient messy bun.

"How do you avoid a tackle?" He questioned me, watching as I fiddled with my orange hair.

"You move out of the way?" I was aware my voice sounded dull, uninterested. My resentment and anger at the last two weeks was showing up very clearly in my tone.

"Yes, but there's more to it." When I didn't speak up to question him, or guess what he was going to say next, he elaborated further. "It's about timing and patience. If you dodge too soon, your adversary will correct their path and you'll still get tackled. You dodge too late, you still get tackled. For some, getting tackled isn't a problem, it allows them to change tactics in a fight. You, however, will not let yourself get tackled by anyone else ever again. Understand me?"

I frowned, how could he expect me to agree to that? And why out of all the lessons he's been teaching, is this the one he's getting demanding about? Sure, the pin reversal lesson he made me repeat every morning.. but he was never overly demanding about it.. I was confused.

"How can you expect me to agree to that?"

"Do. You. Understand. Me?" He repeated again, this time there was a dangerous twinge on each of his words. What the fuck was his problem? After ignoring me for two fucking weeks now he was just being unreasonable.

"What if-" I started to protest.

"Katarina." He ground out.

I huffed. Un-fucking-believable.

"Fine!" I snapped. "I understand! Can we continue?"

"First, I want you to know what it feels and looks like to be tackled."

"But you've tackled me before." I deadpanned, raising a confused eyebrow..

"I've tackled you while you were caught off guard." He disputed. "This time I want you to pay attention."

Yeah.. like that was going to be hard. Even with me so ridiculously angry with James right now, I was still exceedingly aware of him. I was aware that he was still using my shampoo and body wash, I could scent it on him when I brushed past him earlier. I was aware of how good he looked in that dark grey tank top that clung so tightly to him it might as well have been molded to every single one of his muscles. I was aware that he looked worse for wear than usual even. His dark eye-circles were more prominent and his eyes were bloodshot and exhausted. If Bucky Barnes thought I had a problem paying attention to him, he was horribly mistaken.

"Don't move, just watch." He ordered, making sure he had my full attention on him... When didn't he? Ugh, I hated my brain.

James dropped his weight lower to the ground, half crouching. In less than a second he was surging forward towards me, I watched carefully as he shifted his body and angled his neck to his right side. I mentally noted that while he was still moving fast, it was not nearly as quick as I knew he could be.. He didn't want to hurt me, he just wanted to teach me.

His metal shoulder collided into my stomach, knocking the breath from my lungs. I felt his metal hand come up and clamp onto my right hip tightly. His right arm hooked around the back of my thighs, making my knees buckle. I felt my feet leave the ground as he lifted me just enough, before angling our momentum back and downwards.

I was thankful he had thought about using the mattress, because even as it cushioned the fall as we crashed into it, Bucky's weight still pressed harshly into me. In an instant it was gone as he reared back, he had pulled his normal hand out from underneath me when I hadn't noticed and used it to press against my chest, just under my collarbone and shove me further into the mattress.

To say I was currently ill-tempered was an understatement. Considering that, that tackle was meant to be educational as well as a tad painful annoyed me. Because all my traitorous body wanted to feel was pure, unadulterated excitement to have him once again above me, and feel his skin pressed against mine. Not to say that his tackle hadn't been a bit on the jarring side, because it had... He wasn't exactly gentle in anything he did... but that right there was part of the problem.

Apparently where James Buchanan Barnes was concerned, I didn't mind rough.

This only added to my mounting frustration, because I didn't want to feel any of this right now. I was angry with him, no, no, that's not good enough a word. I was enraged at his behavior the past few weeks, how easy it seemed to be for him to ignore me. And yet, all my body could do was get excited when he came in proximity.

My mind, body, and emotions were at war with each other.

Bucky's hand ghosted off of my sternum as he shifted back, rolling onto his heels. His fingers slithered down my right arm as he did this until he grasped at my hand. In one nimble movement he had the both of us back onto our feet once more.

"Again?" Bucky questioned. It took me a minute to figure out what he was asking. He was checking to make sure I didn't need another demonstration, checking to make sure I had paid attention. I vigorously shook my head. I definitely did not need him on top of me again right now... I was having difficulties dealing with myself as it was.

"No, I got it."

He nodded his head and moved several steps back from me once again, re-positioning himself for the next part of the lesson.

"Now, to dodge a tackle.. You need to watch which side they angle their head to. I angled mine to the right, so you would dodge to what side?"

"My right, your left." I replied automatically.

"Good." He commended. "It's harder for your assailant to correct their aim if you move the opposite direction they put their weight towards." Sometimes I was surprised at how Bucky explained things, he made things sound so simple, he was a good teacher.

"I'm going to come at you again." He informed me. "Make sure you spin back, and away."

I nodded. I could do that? It sounded just like with dodging his swings... The only problem with this was... I was exhausted. My mind was tired, my body was tired.. all of me was run down. I hadn't slept properly in weeks and there was some definite lag between my brain and my body, but it's not like I could be like, 'Oh, hey.. uhhh.. Can we do this another day? I haven't been sleeping well because you're a giant asshole who's been ignoring me and I crave your attention.'

Yeah, fuck that. I would just have to manage.

Bucky didn't wait to see if I was ready, he never did. He just barreled towards me, I tried to spin out of the way, but I was far too slow. His arm snagged around my torso before slamming me back into the mattress. I ground my teeth together and took a deep breath.

Fail.

The next time I reacted too soon, Bucky adjusted on the fly and came rushing towards me. I grunted as he swept me up into his arms, twisted back around towards the mattress and crushed me down against it.

Fuck-up number two.

This continued in a vicious cycle for over fifteen minutes, each attempt ended the same. The longer this went on, the angrier I got and the darker Bucky's expression became. Every time I failed to escape his grasp, he would clench his jaw, and his eyes would get a stormy look to them.. Things were deteriorating between us quickly.

I failed a couple more times before his expression finally twisted into full blown anger. I didn't think it was possible for his brow to furrow any further, but he managed it. His lips pursed in a way that accented the stubble on his jaw. His hair was overly messy as it fell around his face, casting grim shadows on his face as his eyes glared into mine as he once again pulled me into a standing position.

Instead of releasing my hand, he gripped onto it harder, his fingers tightening to a degree that my wrist bone screamed it's protest. Tension flooded my body as my anger peaked in response to his growing aggression.

"You're not even trying." He growled. "What is your problem?"

I stared at him flabbergasted for several long moments before my rage took over, my higher level of reasoning completely leaving my brain as I snapped.

"My problem...? My problem?! Are you fucking serious?!" My voice continued to raise until I was shouting, my face distorting in my fury. I clenched my jaw, pivoted my foot backwards and yanked on my wrist, ripping it out of his less than tender hold. Pain flared in my hand but I ignored it. I lunged forward, bringing both of my hands up to shove at his chest, attempting to push him away from me.

He didn't even step back when I shoved him, his weight only shifting lightly. Instead, the force of my shove just ending up launching me backwards several steps. God he was like a fucking brick wall!

"I've been locked in this cabin for two weeks straight, while you're allowed to gallivant outside because oh look at you, mister tough Winter Soldier can do whatever he wants! Meanwhile I'm stuck in here alone, because you've been ignoring me! Did you think I wouldn't notice, wouldn't care?! Or was that the fucking point!? You wanted to punish me! Punish me for New York, for fucking up!"

Bucky's face had gone impassive as I screamed, not even a flicker of emotion crossed his face as he just stared at me. Did my anger mean absolutely nothing to him?! Was he just completely over whatever attachment he had for me? Or was he just not used to be me being so completely off the charts that he wasn't sure what to do?

Sadly I doubted it was the last option, James always knew what to do. My anger made me restless, I started to slightly pace in front of him, anything to keep moving, to not let my muscles lock up and for me to start shaking.

"What did you even hope to achieve by holding this grudge this long?! I'm not sleeping, and when I do I have nightmares! All because you're not around! You're off doing fuck-knows-what, anything and everything as long as it's not near me! You don't even care anymore!" I couldn't stop the words flowing out of my mouth, the floodgates had been opened and now every dark thought, every insecurity was spilling out of my mouth and I was too angry to care, too upset to be careful.

My pacing was getting faster, my range getting wilder as I practically prowled the living room while ranting. I was barely looking at him now, I didn't want to. His face was blank and impassive as he stood there, he didn't move, he didn't speak, his gaze never even flickered from me. He made no move to interrupt or to even argue with me, which only added to my irritation.

"I'm sorry okay, what else do you fucking want from me James?! You're being completely unreasonable, are you just going to punish me forever?! Push me away because it's convenient and easy?! You're shutting me out at every turn! You act like you care about me and then completely lock me out! You know tons about me, and you barely let me know anything that goes on in your brain! You have the audacity to ask me what my problem is, why I can't focus on this lesson!?"

Words were starting to fail me, yet my aggression was only getting stronger. I needed to break something! I had ended up near the furniture pushed against the wall, and without a single logical thought. I twisted to the side, gripped onto one of the side tables and hurled it in the air to my side, not caring where it landed.

Glass shattering startled me long enough for me to lose focus on Bucky. I had thrown the side table straight into one of the living room windows, breaking it. The side table tumbled out into the snow and the cold wind instantly bit at my skin as the curtains billowed inwards.

Turning my head from Bucky was apparently a very bad idea, because he jumped at that opportunity. In a split second, he had closed the gap between us. My arms were instantly pinned down at my sides as his arms came around me and caged me back against his chest. I struggled immediately, shrieking in frustration at not being able to move my arms. The forced contact had my brain going haywire! No, no, no! He couldn't touch me, I couldn't think straight when he touched me!

I struggled as hard as I could, I twisted and fought, squirmed and kicked, but nothing worked. It was like two steel bands had wrapped around me and I had no hopes of escaping out of his hold until he allowed me to.

"Let me go!" I screamed at him. I pushed off the ground and kicked my legs into the air, anything to get him to loosen his grip.. But he only tightened his arms, flexing them tightly around me until I was struggling to get air into my lungs.

"Stop." He commanded, his tone surprisingly soft as he dipped his head to whisper into my ear.

But I was far from done.

"Fuck off!" I snapped back at him, dropping my weight and tipping my head down, only to snap my head back and smash it against his mouth. He had given me the perfect moment when he had dipped his head down to my level. Normally I could never hope to do that, as Bucky was over a foot taller than I was.

Pain blossomed across the back of my skull, making me cringe and my head to swim. James' chest vibrated as he growled behind me, his own temper finally flaring. Before I could think about how badly I had just monumentally fucked up, he released his hold on me, only to swiftly twist me around. His hands gripped onto my forearms harshly, encasing them easily.

Swiveling on his foot, he reversed our positions instantaneously. Before I could blink he forced me backwards and quite literally lifted me up by my arms and slammed my back into the wall. I cried out in pain, but he didn't falter, not even for a second. My arms were forced beside my head as he smashed my forearms tightly against the wall. I kicked my legs at him again, trying to get his grip to loosen as I dangled off the ground, but he just evaded each of my kicks and stepped up between my legs. In one hauntingly fluid motion he firmly brought his thigh up between my legs until it was nudged against the apex of my thighs.

The move was both supportive and constricting as it forced me further up the wall until I was eye-level with him, it stopped my kicks and had me freezing in my tracks, my entire body tensing underneath him.

"Calm. Down." He snarled, his face only about a foot away from my own. His eyes were freezing in their intensity, his hold bruising.

This wasn't how I expected today to go...

* * *

I'm so sorry this is late guys! I've been kinda moody and grouchy for the last few days and I'm sorry for that! I really hope this chapter makes up for it! Katarina has finally lost her cool and through her exhaustion and frustration, finally snapped! A long time coming... a girl can only take so much. This bit of drama was quite fun to write and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did! I'm aware that this cliffhanger is a bit evil, hahahahaha. I once again will state that while this story is not going to be like crazy dark, it's definitely going to have it's moments and it's by no means a fluffy, vanilla, romance. Though - it will of course have it's sweet moments mixed in with all of Bucky/Winter Soldier's rough deliciousness! That's as much as I shall say, gotta' keep the suspense! Anyways, thank you for your overwhelming support as always, you guys are absolutely amazing! Read and Review my lovelies! Happy October!


	22. In too deep

He was overwhelming my senses completely. The heat of his body seared into me with our close proximity, he smelled of vanilla, gun-powder and fresh snow.. a strange but intoxicating combination. His skin on mine was making my brain hazy and my anger to fade into the background. I couldn't let that happen! He couldn't just manhandle me into submission! He couldn't just invalidate my anger.. I was furious for a reason!

And yet the longer we remained this way, with him pinning me tightly to the wall, the less angry I became... His own ferocity bullying mine back down.. I hated it. The way he pinned me was sinfully sexual, and what's worse was I wasn't sure if he was aware of it.

"Let go of me!" I snarled back at him, finally gaining my bearings back. He shifted his face closer to mine, until we were inches apart. Cold blue eyes meeting harsh gray.

"Not until you calm down." He rumbled.

"Fuck. Off." I repeated, attempting to struggle in his hold.

He took a long breath, an attempt to calm himself I was sure. His hands tightened on my arms and his thigh shifted between my legs, he was doing his best to quell his rage. It wasn't working, I knew it and he knew it. If anything made Bucky furious, it was my open defiance..

"Katarina." He growled lowly. That jaw tick of his was back.

"James!" I snapped back at him.

He bared his teeth at me then, a pure animalistic motion that showed off how angry I had made him.. I was almost strangely proud.. now he knew how I felt. He gnashed his teeth together and clenched his eyes shut, sealing off those blue depths from me. Whatever was going on in his head then, I decided to remain quiet. I was being reckless sure, but I definitely wasn't suicidal. James' was giving off some dangerous vibes...

The silence stretched between us for several long moments, the only sound was the wind sneaking in through the broken window and our labored breathing. James slowly opened his eyes and locked onto my face once more.

"Fine." He breathed after another moment, his voice a lot more relaxed now. His demeanor switch had me instantly confused. This couldn't be good..

In one swift movement, Bucky released his hold on me and stepped back, taking his support with him. I hadn't been prepared for him to quite suddenly drop me, my legs nearly gave out from underneath me when I landed back on the floor. Bucky however had expected as much it seemed..

Before I could yell at him further, he bent at the waist and threw me over his broad shoulder. I shrieked as I found myself upside down, with his normal arm gripping onto my thighs tightly as I kicked in protest.

"What are you doing?!" I screeched at him.

"Taking you upstairs." He replied evenly as he started to walk across the living room.

"Why?! Put me down!" I demanded.

"You're going to sleep with me." He deadpanned.

I froze as butterflies pooled into my stomach and angrily fluttered about. It felt like someone had poured liquid nitrogen into my veins and then set my face on fire.. what?!

"I- I beg your pardon?!" I stuttered.

"You. Me. Upstairs. Bed. Nap." He explained further, climbing the stairs quickly and quietly. Oh..

 _Oh._

Did he have to word it like that?! There was no way he was this fucking oblivious right?! There was no fucking way.. Half the shit he said came out like an innuendo and it couldn't be a coincidence... could it? Or was I just so hopelessly fucked over that everything he said seemed like an innuendo?

Either way.. his accidentally lewd statement had frozen my anger completely.. I just felt.. tired.

We reached the bedroom I had been staying in, in no time at all. All the while Bucky had me thrown over his shoulder like a fucking sack of potatoes. I felt both victorious and defeated all at once, it was a weird feeling. I felt a bit mortified that I had said so much in my anger.. that and I had broken the god damn window. I had a feeling I was going to get shit for that later. The place wasn't very 'secure' at the moment.. Normally he wouldn't be like 'hey let's sleep!' when we weren't perfectly secure...

But on the other hand I was kind of thankful he wasn't like, 'yeah we can nap after I fix the damn window'. That would have probably done more harm than good.

Bucky kicked the door shut with his boot, but not before making sure my body was completely angled out of the way. He crossed the room in quick strides before quite literally tossing me onto the bed. I bounced a few times with how plush the mattress was, and let me just tell you, it's really hard to glare at someone while bouncing on a fluffy-cloud-bed.

I shifted and pulled myself further up the bed, towards the pillows while Bucky walked to the other side slowly. He peeled back the covers and settled himself onto the bed, not covering up yet as he leaned back against the headboard. He kicked his boots off almost carelessly.

"You're right." He sighed. "I was punishing you for New York." He reached up and rubbed at his temples with both hands.. Wonder if he had a headache from all my yelling? His hearing was better than most.. "I meant what I said." He continued. "If I have a conscience, you're it doll."

The endearment had my heart hammering rebelliously against my rib-cage, I swallowed thickly, opting to remain silent while he talked.. I had done enough talking for a lifetime I was sure.. I had given things away I hadn't been ready to voice.

"But you're noble morals will get us killed, and I won't allow that." He muttered darkly, his voice taking on that dark edge of his that always foreshadowed a twist in our lives. "I, however, have figured out that ignoring you isn't working for either of us..." He dropped his hands to his side and clenched them tightly.

I wanted to be angry with him, I wanted to object to what he had just said.. There was nothing wrong with wanting to do good things.. But somehow I knew that this wasn't an argument I had any hopes of winning. The look in his eyes, the set of his jaw... This was non-negotiable for him.. Least he wasn't going to ignore me anymore.. That was good right?

In the back of my head I realized I was prioritizing James talking to me over being a decent person.. If that didn't tell you how fucked up I really was, I wasn't sure what would.

"So.. Nightmares huh?" His tone was lighter now, more curious, and a smidgen concerned?

"Uh.. Yeah." I replied lamely.. Why had I told him that? Fuck.. "Guess we have that in common.." I muttered after a pause.

I watched him turn towards me out of the corner of my eye, but I didn't turn to meet his gaze. I was pretending to find the far wall, very interesting...

His gaze was searching, inquisitive. He was studying my face like it was an alien species and he had spent his life believing in UFO's. I felt vulnerable under his stare.. I had said so much earlier, too much.. It was hard to face him now.. I was more than a bit embarrassed by my behavior, but at the same time I didn't regret it.. It had served it's purpose, and I had been holding a lot in since day one.

"They used to strap me down and wipe my memories.. every time they woke me up.. Or anytime I started to remember a little too much." His whispered confession was coarse to my own ears, his voice was raspy and jagged..

They had.. what?

I snapped to meet his gaze almost instantly, my eyes were wide and I knew I was shaking.. In horror? Anger? Concern? I didn't know.. I just know I was feeling too much. I knew they had tortured Bucky.. but that?

"They electrocuted your brain?" He hadn't said that, but I knew that's what he meant. I didn't know the term for it, but I knew how it was done... It was beyond fucking barbaric.

He nodded. "One way to put it.."

"That's what you dream about?" No wonder he attacks me when I wake him up...

"Sometimes." Typical vague-James answer. Least it was more than he shared before...

He was.. trying.. making an effort with me. Which meant that my rant, my unbridled rage had effected him.. That blank expression he had adorned while I was screaming at him had been just a mask.. Just like the one he put on before missions. I sighed as I let that sink in.

"You leave sometimes in mine... leave me to Hydra. Sometimes you just can't get to me soon enough, other times.." I swallowed hard and shut my eyes tightly. "Other times they kill you." He had shared his dreams with me, least I could do was do the same.

"Lay down and get comfortable." He demanded suddenly.

I opened my eyes and turned to stare at him confused, he met my gaze evenly and just stared grumpily back at me.

This man was going to drive me insane.

With a half glare in his direction, I shifted and slid under the blankets, turning my back to him to settle comfortably onto my side, shifting slightly to kick one of my knees out in the opposite direction. I was beyond tired. I was both mentally and physically exhausted. I felt like I hadn't slept in ten years.

"Happy?" I mumbled grumpily.

He grunted as a retort as he shifted behind me, I couldn't see what he was doing but I was guessing he was getting comfortable. I felt the blankets shift as he pulled them over his own body. His body heat instantly was scorching at my back, even with the foot and a half that separated us.. I could never understand how a man named 'The Winter Soldier' could be so fucking warm. It was always going to mess me up.

His presence was already having a soothing effect on my overworked brain.. It really wasn't fair how much he effected me.. Guess it was time to sleep then? I didn't voice my question, cause I was sure I already knew the answer. I however wasn't expecting his arm to snake around my waist and yank me backwards into his firm chest.

I sucked in a breath as his own breath fanned against the side of my neck. What was he doing... oh my god.. was he... Were we cuddling?! I was tense as all hell as his arm wrapped comfortably around my midsection tightly, I wouldn't be able to go anywhere even if I wanted.

"James?" I questioned, unsure.

"Go to sleep." He commanded, ignoring my confusion.

I was a baffled, jumbled mess. But I was also completely drained... I was asleep in minutes.

* * *

Here it is lovelies! Sorry for how short it is.. it's honestly because the next few chapters get a bit long. As promised, my new profile picture is of my Winter Soldier tattoo! (I just changed it so it'll need time to switch over.) I didn't forget, I swear.. I just had to wait for it to heal after I got it touched up. A few of you have been asking if I have a set time I post a new chapter, and the answer is no, not really. I normally just post a new chapter every week unless I get an overwhelming amount of reviews - in which case I update early. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and are having a fantastic October thus far! Read and Review please!


	23. Eye of the Storm

Turns out I had been more exhausted than even I had known. I slept through the rest of the afternoon, and the entire night as well. I didn't wake up until very early the next morning. At first with the morning light dancing behind the curtains, I had presumed it was the same day.. boy was I surprised when the clock read a little after six in the morning.

Bucky wasn't next to me anymore, and we definitely weren't cuddling.. Had I dreamt that? The sheets on his side of the bed were cool to the touch, either I had indeed dreamt us snuggling together last night, or he had left some time ago. I rolled over onto his side and was instantly overwhelmed with his scent... Nope, hadn't dreamt it. Breathing deeply I took in that weirdly comforting scent of his.. Vanilla, gunpowder and freshly fallen snow.

Did everything about him have to be so fucking enticing?

Not wanting to be caught weirdly sniffing the sheets, I decided it was best to just roll out of bed and get a start on the day. I doubted we were training today, if we were, he would have been in here by now to wake my ass up. Now that I thought about it, he was probably off fixing the window.. or blowing off steam with his usual workout routine.

The normally decently warm cabin had more of a chill in the air than usual, which of course was probably my fault. Broken windows generally aren't the best for keeping a place comfortable and warm. I do so good when angry.. A hot bath was definitely going to be needed.

The bath was fairly uneventful, but extremely relaxing and much needed. I of course used my favorite bath bomb out of the bunch, the one that reminded me of the night sky and smelled of citrus and vanilla. Since I didn't hear any movement outside the bathroom door, I deemed it safe to blow dry my hair for once. It was far too cold right now to be running about with damp hair. I definitely didn't need to get sick right now. I doubted Bucky knew how to handle a sick person.

I quickly changed into my outfit choice of the day which ended up being a pair of thick, black, winter leggings, a tank top with a long, blue, an overly long, long-sleeved shirt over it. I opted out of socks for now, since I kind of wanted to paint my toe nails.. I was craving a bit of normalcy after everything that had happened. I had gotten the nail polish on my first visit to the market when we had gotten here, but I had never used it.. I just hadn't had the time, or simply hadn't been in the mood.

It was a nice, metallic silver in color.. Kind of reminded me of liquefied metal. It also reminded me of James' metal arm, which of course was just a really awesome coincidence.. It was absolutely not the reason I had bought it in the first place.

I definitely felt more at ease after the fight yesterday.. All my pent up aggression, all the insecurities, all the buried emotions had been released. I felt bad about how I had acted, especially about breaking the window in my blind rage.. But it had definitely been therapeutic. Nothing like breaking something to make yourself feel better. Maybe next time I should break like.. twenty pencils instead though, not a window. Least I didn't have Bucky's strength... he had broken a dumpster, and an expensive car the last time he lost control of his temper.

I just started painting my big toe when James finally made his appearance, showing up in the doorway seemingly out of nowhere and startling me. Fucking fuck, I got nail polish on my skin.. Dammit, there goes any thoughts of perfect toes. The guy was a fucking ninja, I swear. Were all master assassins so quiet? Or was that a Bucky thing? I cursed low under my breath as he watched me, I was doing my best to pretend not to notice his gaze.

Finally he moved out of the doorway and into the room, walking swiftly over to me. I finally let myself look up at him, my heart was instantly going what felt like a hundred miles an hour in my chest.. He looked sinfully gorgeous as usual. He was dressed very casual today, and he was effortlessly sexy. He wore faded, dark jeans that were slung low on his hips, held tight by a belt. He had on a black tank top, and a red and black plaid shirt that was unbuttoned and rolled up to his elbows. Did the cold just not bother him at all?

"Give it here." He demanded softly.

I was immediately confused.. what? When I didn't comply with his demand right away, he made a small gesture towards the nail polish bottle in my hands. Which honestly, didn't help my confusion any. Why did he want my nail polish?

I hesitantly handed it over to him as he crouched in front of me. He promptly got to work painting my toe nails for me and to say I was flabbergasted would have been the understatement of the year. Bucky Barnes.. The Winter Soldier.. was painting my fucking toe nails. And he was really, really, good at it.

"How-" I didn't even get to finish my question.

"I had sisters." He stated easily, explaining himself.

This time I found myself very surprised.. He used to have sisters? A crushing ache of sadness set into my chest.. What had happened to them? Oh fuck.. they never even got to know what happened to James.. what happened to their brother. They had to have been told he had died..

It was a weird sensation to feel for people you had never even met.. Bucky seemed to bring out tons of emotions in me that I wasn't used to.

"What were they like?" I questioned quietly, trying not to step over that imaginary line that I knew was there. I was happy that he had willingly given more information, especially after just sharing with me what his nightmares were about. I hadn't expected him to reveal anything else so soon.. He was trying, and it made me happier than even I could explain.

"I don't remember." He admitted. "I can't even recall their names... Just that I had them." He had finished up with my toe nails and was screwing the cap back onto the bottle. His voice held no sadness, no sense of loss or anything even close to sentiment. Guess some things weren't going to change yet.. he was trying sure, but this was still the stubborn, difficult man I had gotten attached to.. He was never going to make things easy for me.

"I'm sorry."

He grunted as he stood up, ending the conversation.

"After your nails dry, we're going outside." He stated. And just like that, he sauntered right back out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I already knew that things with Bucky were complicated, they always had been... Especially with my ever-growing feelings for him. The most complicated part of all was knowing he cared for me.. but not knowing if he thought of me in 'that' particular way.. the way I thought of him.

I shook my head and tried to focus on what he had just said. I was going outside! For the first time in two fucking weeks I was actually being allowed out of the cabin. I'd get to be out in the snow! I wouldn't feel like a caged animal any longer. Good thing I had dressed warmly.

Bucky returned with me sitting in the same position, waiting for my nails to finish drying, but this time he wasn't empty handed. In one hand, balanced perfectly was a tray with a bowl on it, and in his other hand he was holding a pair of fuzzy, winter boots; with a black coat thrown over his arm. Where had he gotten that?

He walked towards me with purposeful, no-nonsense strides and handed the tray off to me easily. It was cereal, I couldn't help but smile as I looked at it. There was too much cereal, and not enough milk.. and oddly that was really adorable to me.

"Oh man, you sure know how to surprise a girl. Cereal? You shouldn't have. I'm not used to such fancy breakfast foods." I teased, turning to smile up at him.

I watched as the corner of his mouth twitched upwards, almost as if he thought briefly of smiling but decided against it. His eyes had a playful gleam about them, I felt accomplished.

"Eat." He commanded. His voice still deep, and void of amusement.

I rolled my eyes, but did as he told me to and quickly wolfed down my breakfast. Anything to get outside quicker.

After I was done, he took the tray back from me and headed downstairs, leaving me with the new items he had acquired for me. I slipped on some of the thickest socks I had before slipping into the boots that were just a smidgen too big for me. They were black, with fake fur lining the outside. The coat was pretty similar in that aspect, it was a bit too big as well, black, and had fake fur lining the insides of it. It was very cozy.

I headed downstairs to meet up with Bucky who was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs.

"Where did you get this stuff?" I asked, idly. Gesturing to both items with my hands.

"Closet." He said simply. Right.. rich people.

Stepping outside was like walking into my own Winter Wonderland. Or, at least that's what it felt like after being cooped up inside for so long. The crunching sound of snow under our boots made the hairs on my arms stand on end, the air was crisp and vibrant, the scent of trees and snow made me feel giddy. It was so quiet outside, as if everything was muffled under a huge, thick blanket.

Bucky was shadowing my footsteps, staying close behind me.. almost hovering in a way. I giggled and jumped forward, further away from the porch. My feet sunk deeply into the snow and I teetered and almost fell over. Pulling myself free I bounded forward and spun in a few circles, letting the soft snowflakes hit my now chilled cheeks.

I turned to look at Bucky, who was watching me carefully. He gestured me towards him and started to lead me around the property. It was an obviously memorized path of his, one meant to be the same every day as to not leave more tracks than necessary. I tried to place my boot prints into his, just as a sort of game to keep myself entertained as he went about his routine, making sure we were safe. But my strides were too small compared to his, and his boots sunk further into the snow than mine. His bulk making him sink a lot lower into the snow.

Something I had never quite considered was that with Bucky's 'super' abilities.. I had seen him do some crazy fucking shit. Like drop off the roof of a building for example.. his bones were probably a lot denser than mine. Fuck, he was fascinating...

Looking up from my silly, little game I took note of the fact that for once Bucky was looking everywhere that wasn't me. He was scanning the tree line of the surrounding forests and checking subtle things that I couldn't even see. A wicked little idea planted itself into my brain and I almost laughed out loud by the mere thought of it.

I couldn't.. could I?

My horribly, mischievous brain whispered that I could and most definitely should. It was going to be hard to pull off.. just because he wasn't looking at me, didn't mean he wasn't still paying attention. Bucky utilized all of his senses to keep track of me and everything else going on.

Quietly, I reached down behind him and rolled some of the fresh snow into a tightly packed ball.. This was either going to be very stupid, or really fun. Standing back up, I couldn't fight the smile that overtook my mouth. Before I could change my mind, I chucked the snowball at the back of his head.

To my horror, and surprise.. it connected. The snow stuck to the cool strands of his dark hair. Bucky froze and tensed, slowly turning to look at me over his shoulder.

I started cracking up at the serious look on his face, oh man, whatever he said or did next... It had been totally worth it! He rose an eyebrow, but I could see a playful glint in his eye.

"What? Too fucking tough to have a snowball fight?" I mocked.

I fluttered back a few feet, creating space between us. The snow was doing it's best to weight me down, but after a couple weeks of training with Bucky, I could handle a little snow. I reached down and very obviously starting making another snowball, rolling it and packing it into my frozen, bare hands. Gloves would have been smart.

"Katarina." He playfully warned.

"Katarina." I repeated back at him in a mock-deep tone, doing a very bad impression of his voice.

Apparently freedom from my cabin-Jail made me bold and a bit ridiculous.

Standing back up, I threw the snowball at him as fast as I could, hoping to get in another lucky toss. But this time, James was obviously prepared, and there wasn't much that could take him by surprise, even when he wasn't paying attention. I had no chance. He ducked downward, crouching low into the snow, his hands slightly behind his back.

"I won't warn you again." He told me simply, notifying me that shit was about to go down.

"Pfffft!" I said with a wave of my hand already ducking down to make another snowball. We were doing this! I quickly made my third winter-weapon and stood back up - but he was ready for me.

Bucky stood up and threw a snowball so fast, I didn't have any time to move before it collided into my chest. That sneaky little snake! He had been making a snowball behind his back when he ducked from my second attack! That cheeky little... Throwing out a small war cry, I tossed my snowball towards him in retaliation, he dodged easily again!

The war had begun!

The next forty-five minutes was basically a very one sided snowball fight. Bucky of course turned out to be a snowball fighting master, one I had no chance against - not to say I didn't try my damnedest. I might as well have been one of those baseball throwing machines for how fast I kept scooping up snow and throwing it at him, but I never once got to hit him again. By the end of the match, I was breathing heavily and completely soaked to the bone and freezing my ass off while he remained cocky and dry.

The afternoon had gotten a bit surreal for me, I had a snowball fight with the fucking Winter Soldier for fucks sake.. and he won. Of course he had won! But at least it had been fun! He had humored me, I was sure. But it didn't make the moment any less special to me.

"You're a cheat you know that right?" I huffed out as I leaned forward and braced my hands onto my knees, trying to catch my breath. I looked up to see him looking at me in amusement, a single brow raised at my words. "Well it's true! You and your super-serum self are way too good at everything! Even snowball fights!" I threw my hands up in mock-exaggeration, grinning wildly.

"You started it, you knew what you were getting into." He tauntingly retorted, making me scowl at him. Carefree Bucky was new, and I loved it.

I skipped backwards a few steps, edging closer to the looming trees of the surrounding forest as I got ready to resume our walk around the perimeter.

"You're a ruthless man, Mr. Barnes!" I laughed. "Can't even let a lady win a simple snowball fight." I grinned widely at him as I looked back towards him.

" **Stop!** " Bucky barked suddenly. His voice was steely and was that.. shock I heard? I blinked owlishly and froze on the spot, all of my muscles tensing at once. His face had twisted and darkened. He was grim and angry as he stared right past me into the tree line. Whatever Bucky was looking at, it wasn't good.. His entire body was now rigid, his hands flexing worriedly at his sides. I swallowed thickly and turned slowly to see what he was staring at.

Surprise and anxiety flooded my veins and suddenly I felt far too cold. Staring at us from a few feet back into the trees was Steve Rogers...

I recognized his face easily... Captain America had found us.. He was dressed in warm, civilian clothes. The only red, white, and blue to be seen was the shield that was strapped to his back. How did... how had he found us?! Oh god.. I turned my head quickly to look at James. He was glaring at Steve with such intensity I was momentarily filled with fear, I felt like someone had poured cement into my boots.

I shifted uncomfortably and turned once again to look at Steve who was glancing between Bucky and I with concern and confusion. He let out a deep, soothing breath, obviously feeling very uneasy and trying not to be.

"Buck."

* * *

Oh man, so my reviews had been glitched for a few days. I was still getting them in email form, but they weren't showing up for me to see here on fanfiction - and I couldn't read some of the longer ones. That changed today, much to my delight! And let me just say, whoa! You guys gave me an overwhelming amount of reviews and I am just so happy right now! So, as a reward, I figured an early chapter was in order of course! Naturally one with a very evil cliffhanger, hahaha! Anywho, I hope you guys like this chapter, we got to see a rare glimpse of old James Barnes there for a bit.. Now, I must tell you guys - the next chapter takes quite the turn... A darker turn for the most part. Now that being said, before any of you worry too much I will answer this question before it gets out of hand. I will not be killing cute Steve Rogers in case any of you worry about that. But the next chapter is gonna' get a bit ugly overall. As to how, well.. you'll just have to wait and find out! Oh, and before I forget to mention it, I'm so glad you guys liked my Winter Soldier tattoo! Hope you're all having a fantastic October still - Read and Review lovelies!


	24. Till the End of the Line

In comparison to James, Steve was surprisingly very easy to read. He displayed his emotions pretty clearly on his face. Then again, maybe that was just because he was being faced with his long lost best friend and he was clearly very distraught about their last meeting... He seemed anxious and uneasy, but mostly I could tell he was feeling very cautious. Steve, like me, was clearly aware of just how careful you had to be around Bucky - well, this Bucky anyway. I imagine way back when he might have been kinda chill.

Bucky was blank in comparison to Steve, like an unmoving, emotionless wall.. But I knew better. I could see the ice blue of his eyes and the way they reflected curiosity as well as distrust. I noticed the way his mouth was pulled into his usual frown, could see the way his muscles were tensed and ready for anything. I could see the way he had shifted his weight towards me.

Could Steve see all of this? Or was I just getting really good at picking up subtle cues from James?

However, I was easily the most expressive one standing here at the moment. I was both terrified, and in awe at being faced with Captain America. I almost felt a little starstruck.. this man was a hero. But on the other hand, I was also afraid.. afraid of what this meant for James and I. I was scared of how Bucky would react, how he would handle this delicate situation... In the time I had known him, he didn't seem to be capable of exemplary social skills.

Steve could obviously tell that both of us were tense and slowly brought his arms up so that his hands were in the air where both Bucky and I could see them. A general 'I come in peace' gesture. The silence between us was almost deafening now. Before the muffled landscape had been soothing, now it just seemed to make this whole situation worse.

It was obvious by now that Bucky wasn't going to be returning Steve's sentimental greeting, and that must have been dawning on Steve too. I don't think he had actually planned this far ahead, he looked a little lost as he stood there in the tree line, not quite sure what to do. I kept flicking my eyes back and forth between Steve and Bucky, being careful not to move.. It was a precarious circumstance as it was... Last thing I really wanted to do right now was make one of them twitchy.

Steve finally turned his eyes completely toward me, I was evidently the easier person to try and converse with in his mind. I was also the odd girl out. The piece of the scene that just didn't quite fit.

"Are you okay, Miss?" Steve asked politely.

What a boy scout.

I wonder how much he knew about me already? Did he know anything, or nothing at all? I wonder what he thought about me being here with Bucky?

Before I could answer him and assure him that I was just fine, Bucky intervened.

"Don't talk to her." He snarled quietly, like an overprotective guard dog. His voice was deep, edgy, laced with poorly veiled aggression. Steve's eyebrows shot to his hairline as he turned his eyes to Bucky.

"I'm just trying to make sure she's alright." Steve explained himself, trying to pacify the distrust in James. I bit my tongue and willed myself to stay quiet, despite how much I wanted to say that I was just fine and he didn't need to worry about me. Tt was nice that he did, though.. Apparently the stories about him weren't just tall-tales.

"She's fine." He growled lowly, his eyes never straying from Steve's form, even with his body angled towards me.

"You're not though..." Steve switched his tactics back to his old best friend. Honor made him concerned for me, loyalty however, is why he was here. His loyalty to James Barnes, the man he grew up with. "But I know the old Bucky's in there somewhere... You could have let me drown back in D.C and you didn't have to drop those Hydra files off." His eyes flickered between James and I as he said that.. informing me silently that those cameras at Avengers tower had indeed caught us both.

I grimaced, he must have tracked us that way! Hell of a feat, Bucky had been very thorough on our way here. Talk about a dedicated best friend... Fuck, it's officially confirmed. This is all my fault.

I sent a nervous glanced towards Bucky who was watching Cap like a hawk, not saying anything in return to his heartfelt words. Would his anger at me return now that the consequences of my noble deed had caught up to us? How much did he even remember about Steve? I worried my bottom lip between my teeth, glancing back and forth between them.

Steve swallowed thickly and took a steadying breath before continuing, trying to appeal to Bucky's long buried emotions and long lost memories.

"Just come with me, Buck. We can figure this out together." Steve took a tentative step forward as he continued on. "She can go home, and you and I-"

Bucky's eyes darkened and filled with animosity, he had an animalistic like gleam to his eyes as he quite suddenly charged forward, faster than I had ever seen him move before he barreled towards Steve with a roar.

I stumbled back slightly as he hurdled past me and clashed with Steve, his metal fist connecting heavily with the red, white, and blue patriotic shield that Steve barely had time to get in front of him. Steve was shoved back slightly by the force of Bucky's punch, I was stunned. What the fuck had just happened?!

" _She's not going anywhere!_ " Bucky's teeth were bared in a snarl as he seethed at Steve, angling his body so I was behind him. His head quite suddenly snapped back to look at me, his face was grim as he glared at me. "Move!" He barked impatiently.

I stumbled back hurriedly, distancing myself from the two Super-Soldiers as fast as I could. Oh god, oh god this so wasn't good! My heart felt like it had gone up and lodged into my throat, cutting off all the oxygen to my body. James.. he.. I couldn't understand why he had gone from zero to sixty so fast and attacked.. If I hadn't wanted to be in between the two before, I definitely didn't want to be now. They'd flatten me like a fucking pancake!

James' turned his attention back to Steve as he whipped his head back around to glare at him. He reared back quickly and swung his left arm in a short arch, aiming for Steve again. Steve ducked and then rolled to the side, using his shield to brace against the snow as he tumbled perfectly so that he was behind Bucky.

Bucky swirled around to face Cap once more, and that's when I noticed it. Bucky's eyes were flickering between Steve and I's bodies very quickly, taking in the situation.. Oh.. oh gods! Bucky's face twisted into a full snarl, and his silver arm twitched and flexed at his sides; the metal plates shifting and adjusting slightly. That was it.. that's what had set him off.. it had to be!

Steve Rogers had accidentally tried to put himself between Bucky and I twice.. Once verbally, and now physically. That had to be what set James off! But... but why? Was I so important to him that he'd attack his own best friend for the mere suggestion of separating us?! My stomach knotted and twisted.

James Barnes had been replaced as soon as Steve had stepped physically between us.. I could tell the difference. The Winter Soldier was glaring at Steve with such fury, I was shaking where I stood.. and I sadly knew it wasn't from the cold.

This wasn't good.

Bucky started towards Steve again, almost leisurely this time. His mind had gone into 'tactical mission mode', I recognized that set of his back.. the way he almost seemed to be stalking forward, silent and agile on his feet. It must have sunk into Steve how dangerous Bucky was at this moment, how badly the situation had turned because he scrambled to speak reason to his friend.

"I'm just trying to help you!" His tone was passionate and sad. This was definitely not what Captain America wanted.

"I don't need your help." Bucky spat back at him, lunging for him once he was close enough. Steve deflected with his shield again, causing Bucky's metal arm to scrape against it, sparks flew off as both strange metals met each other. Bucky twisted and angled his right fist at Cap's head, he ducked out of the way just in time. Steve furrowed his eyebrows as he retreated backwards a few steps, towards me.

James kept advancing, throwing punch after punch, gaining speed as he went. Steve could barely keep up, and Bucky wasn't showing signs of slowing down.. and he definitely wasn't pulling his punches. I had never seen him fight so brutally before... and I had seen him cave in a man's face with a single punch.

James Buchanan Barnes had lost control of himself.

James was giving no quarter as he viciously attacked Steve, who was doing everything in his power just to dodge and deflect Bucky's ferocious blows. What struck me as odd was that despite how badly the situation had become, Steve was still only on the defensive. I even recognized some of the basics of what he was doing.. Bucky had taught me some of it.

Suddenly, Bucky withdrew away from Cap, taking several calculated steps backwards, his boots crunching quietly in the snow. Just as unexpectedly, all the visible rage disappeared from James' face, leaving him vacant and quiet. His eyes had gone Antarctic cold, no emotion showing behind them, his left arm twitched at his side again.

In that one dreadful moment, I knew.. The Winter Soldier was in complete control. Bucky could and would kill Steve given the chance.

Taking a hesitant step forward, I meant to intervene, to put a stop to all the nonsense... But Bucky's eyes snapped to mine as soon as I had stepped forward, towards Captain America.

"Don't you dare." He rumbled gravely, his voice was dark and completely void of any sliver of emotion. He had known instantly what I had been trying to do, and he wouldn't let me interfere. I swallowed thickly and took a step back again, his eyes switched back to Steve who looked as nervous as I felt.

Bucky dashed forward with unparalleled speed, he had gone from ridiculously fast, to inhuman with a flick of the metaphorical switch. He lunged upwards into the air, heading straight down towards Steve, his elbow poised for a savage blow.

Steve struggled to angle his shield upwards fast enough to deflect Bucky's would-be ruthless blow, only to be thwarted at the last second by Bucky switching tactics, mid lunge. He grabbed onto the sides of Steve's shield and used it to vault himself up and over Steve, landing low to the ground behind him.

Cap barely had enough time to whirl back around to face Bucky, before he was attacking again. James had twisted around in a tactful spin, sweeping his leg out to try and knock Steve's legs out from beneath him. Steve jumped and narrowly avoided the disarming move, only to have Bucky in his face a second later, Bucky's normal-right fist catching him squarely in the jaw sending him stumbling backwards.

Steve was struggling to regain his footing, but Bucky gave him no time for adjustment. He struck forward like a viper going in for a snap of it's fangs. He latched onto Steve's shield and wrenched it from his hands, stealing Cap's primary weapon of defense right out of his grasp. He twisted and launched it sideways, sending it spiraling across the snow like a Frisbee rolling on it's side.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

The sound of metal against sheath echoing into the frigid air almost sent me scrambling forward, but his earlier unvoiced threat had me utterly frozen. Suddenly, Bucky was armed. The knife glittered ominously in his hand as he twirled it between his fingers. In a moments breath, he was back on Steve, who in turn was blocking Bucky's attempted stabs by using his forearm to block James' wrist. Bucky was unrelenting with his blows, but Steve stayed on the defensive and just kept blocking and dodging to the best of his ability.

Time seemed to slow for me as Bucky distracted Steve with his normal hand, aiming a haphazard punch his way, only to shift backwards and toss the knife into the air above them. James' caught it effortlessly and angled it downwards, his other hand coming up to cradle the end of the hilt as it sunk deeply into Steve's chest, right under his collarbone.

Cap groaned in pain, his face distorted into a tight grimace. He managed to catch Bucky in the cheek with his fist as he switched into the offensive, dislodging him. The knife tore out of Steve at an uneven angle, pulling another gasp from the blonde, super-soldier.

Steve wavered on his feet as he stepped backward, Bucky having not seemed too concerned about Steve hitting him continued on like it hadn't phased him at all. Twisting in the air as he flipped backwards away from Steve, he landed as smooth as a jungle cat before taking a firm step forward and hurling the knife with the utmost precision towards Captain America's handsome, boy scout face.

I shrieked as the knife zipped through the air. It was going to hit him! He was going to kill fucking Captain-fucking-America! His bestfriend!

Cap snatched the knife out of the air as it hurdled towards his face, following it's momentum he spun and lobbed it towards a tree, burying the length of it into the unforgiving bark. He had taken a page out of Bucky's book and forced the weapon out of play, before it could do anymore damage to him.

Steve, however, had made a terrible mistake in turning his back to Bucky, even for that split second. Steve tried to whip around fast enough, but James was already on him. His boot connected mercilessly against Steve's sternum, sending him flying into the air. Steve managed to land back on his feet, and then he was barreling towards James in a full on bull rush.

My breath was stolen right out of my lungs as Bucky met him halfway. His hands catching onto Cap's as they forced each other into a stalemate, both of their boots slipping back and deep into the snow as the force of their weight crashed into the other. Neither moved for several seconds, and then Bucky took a firm step forward, causing Steve to slide back in the snow.

Cap knew he was losing, he tried once again to reason with his friend. After all, he didn't want to fight Bucky, and it seemed he wouldn't despite how viscous James was being.

"Bucky, please! You have to come with me, you're not well and she's not safe-"

Bucky roared maliciously as he quite literally used Steve's own weight against him and heaved him to the side, sending him crashing into the snow. Steve used this precarious moment to retrieve his fallen Shield, he rolled and stood back up on his feet.

Bucky took advantage of Steve's blunder again, his boot once again catching Steve brutally in the chest. The force of it sent Bucky falling back into the snow, while Cap was once again forced into the air, landing quite roughly into the snow once more. Bucky kicked up with his legs and landed perfectly on his feet, not hesitating for even a second before darting forward.

He tackled Steve before said patriotic soldier could even fully get up. A lightning fast volley of blows to Steve's face ensured that Steve wasn't going to be getting up or fighting back, each blow connected with a sickening crunch. Captain America's blood was coating The Winter Soldier's knuckles as he pummeled him into the ground.

"Stop it!" I screamed desperately from the sidelines. "Just stop! Let him up!"

Bucky wasn't listening to me, and Steve wasn't fighting back.

"James please! He's your friend, your best friend!" I was crying, I couldn't help it. The tears were streaming down my face and I could do nothing to stop them. My voice was cracking and I was shaking where I stood, completely soaked to the bone from the snowball fight that now had felt like it had taken place a year ago rather than just a half hour prior.

I might as well have been speaking to the empty air, James wasn't paying me any attention.

Throwing caution and self preservation to the wind, I rushed forward towards the two Super-Soldiers. I couldn't let him kill Steve! I just couldn't! He'd never forgive himself later for that, Steve was all he had left from his old life... And Steve definitely didn't deserve this. All he had wanted was to have his best friend back, to help him. I could not fault him for that.

I threw myself into James, latching tightly onto his chilled, metal arm that had swung back for another would-be life threatening blow. I wrapped my arms completely around it and dropped my weight, causing James to freeze immediately as I interfered with the situation.

"Please stop." I sobbed into his shoulder, my head hanging low as my knotted fiery hair fell over the both of us. I felt him turn slightly, no doubt looking at my shaking form clinging to him like a life-line. I was nothing in comparison to the two of them. I was small, dainty, and most of all; breakable. I knew this, and I sure as hell knew that he did too.

Bucky stood up abruptly. The force of him shifting into standing position, took me with him and forced me to let go of his arm to remain standing on my own two feet properly. Was he done? Did I actually do the right thing by getting in the middle? A sliver of hope swelled into my chest.

He gazed down his nose at Steve, who was lying helplessly on the ground. Red was sinking into white and tainting the purity of the snow. With a vicious snarl, James raised his leg and ruthlessly smashed his boot down onto Steve's shin, right below his kneecap.

Steve bellowed in pain as the bone snapped, the nauseating noise echoed in the clearing. I was screaming in horror as James bent down and picked up Cap's shield. He gripped it tightly in his hand and with a twist he sent it spiraling into an large, very aged tree. The shield sliced through the bark before stopping more than half way through the tree, nearly severing it from the force of James' throw.

I was crying harder now as I tried to rush past James to get to Steve, who was baring his teeth in pain. Bucky caught me around the waist, his arms like steel bands as they yanked me back into his chest roughly.

"Leave us alone, don't follow." He growled darkly down at his fallen best friend as I struggled against him.

James' hands were bruising as he flipped me around and threw me over his shoulder in a blur of motion. I screamed again and again and pounded onto his back with my small fists as my world flipped upside down.

It didn't phase him.

Using his plaid over shirt as leverage, I lifted myself to look at Steve Rogers, who's blue eyes met my own gray ones. He was staring at me in concern and pain. I mouthed the only thing I could at him in this situation, hoping that he knew how to read lips.

'I'm sorry.'

I hoped someday he would forgive me.. This was all my fault. I had been the one that caused him to find us, it was my fault he was incapacitated in the middle of Canada.

James adjusted his hold on me, his arm gripping onto my thighs tightly, and with one last grim look towards Captain America he took off running, once again taking me forcefully with him. He didn't care as I kicked and punched. Didn't listen when I screamed and cried at him to go back, to not leave his best friend like that. He completely ignored my protests and struggles.

He bolted back towards the Cabin, he deposited me into the cab of the truck, buckling me in himself.

"If you move, even an inch, you will not like what I do to you." He threatened me, darkly. His deep voice was sinfully dangerous. I cried harder and curled up in the seat, my mind couldn't deal with what had just happened..

Bucky rushed back into the Cabin and out of sight. He came back moments later with all of our bags, bags he had insisted I not unpack. He threw them into the back and climbed into the drivers seat, sending me a cold, steely look before backing dangerously out of the driveway, fishtailing before barreling down on the gas pedal and taking us far away from the cabin that had been our home for several weeks...

Goodbye Canada... Guilt churned my stomach.

* * *

Hello lovelies! I'm going to start this author's note off by telling you guys that I am very sorry. I know that this chapter is going to be a bit hard to stomach for all of you - Captain America is a precious little patriotic cinnamon roll, and I adore him very much, and I'm sure a lot of you guys do as well. That being said, trust me when I tell you that Steve is okay and there will be no lasting permanent damage to him in this story. He's a super-soldier, he'll be right as rain in no time - and he will return. Now, that fight may have seemed a bit one sided and I wanted to make sure you guys understood everything about this particular chapter. Steve wasn't trying to fight back, at all. If he had, the fight would have definitely been more evenly matched. Now in case some of you don't know this 'Cap Fact', Steve can run at speeds close to 50mph, that being said, Bucky is faster. That's a little added detail to let you know how fast James was moving in this.

Now I'm going to state this once again and hope no one skips the author's note: This story will not be overly fluffy or vanilla, it will definitely have it's dark parts. While James cares very much for Katarina (we're beginning to see how much), he isn't always going to show it in the most 'conventional', or 'socially acceptable' ways. Especially not The Winter Soldier part of him. That part of him knows nothing but tactics and violence, how to get something done. Which is why he attacked Steve in this chapter.. To James, Steve wanted to separate them, take Katarina away. Where as both Bucky/The Winter Soldier are getting quite attached... She's the one thing both of them have - someone that while totally dislikes the shit he does sometimes - still tries to understand him. Understands that he's fractured and broken, and not in his right mind. That being said I will restate this too: Bucky will not be abusive. He's possessive, and territorial sure, but he likes her for her, he doesn't want her hurt or broken. The only thing he will not compromise with her on, is her safety - and he thinks her safest bet is with him.

I actually planned to post this chapter the other day, because once again you guys were AMAZING with reviews and I was so happy. But I was actually ridiculously nervous and anxious to post this chapter because while I know that this chapter is totally necessary and that there's methods to my madness - I worried that you guys would be very angry with what happened to Steve. But, alas... the story must move on and I have a lot of plans! So here's to hoping you guys still trust me with the direction of this story! I hope I answered and touched on any concerns as well as clarified any fuzzy parts of this chapter. Thank you all for reading and I hope you continue to do so! I hope you're all well! Read and Review!


	25. Frostbite

We drove for several hours in complete silence, I had managed to somehow stop crying, and he had somehow managed to contain his rage - at least somewhat. The steering wheel was dented where his fingers gripped, and his metal, silver arm still twitched every now and again, as if he was barely containing himself. He hadn't said anything to me, not a damn thing. The only thing that alerted to me that I was still at least in the back of his head, was that as soon as we put a couple miles between us and the cabin, he had cranked the heat to full blast. It had taken a long time to dry off, and even longer to actually get warm.

It felt like the cold had permanently settled in my bones.

Was I in shock? Would I even know if I was?

The entire day just kept repeating in my head, over, and over, and over again. I couldn't shut it out, and I could remember it all in perfect, vivid detail. The morning had started off so simple.. so fucking wonderful, and then it had gone to complete shit. Was Steve okay? Did he get help? One of my only comforting thoughts was that I doubted Captain America had been stupid enough to come all the way to Canada without some form of communication device. He worked with the Avengers.. they had high-tech gadgets, right? Help would find him... They had to..

I knew the wounds that Bucky had inflicted weren't life threatening - not to Steve Rogers.. not to a Super-Soldier... I knew he'd be okay given time and help. But my conscience ate away at me, worrying that he was still lying in the snow, all alone.

But that was for the best, wasn't it? Bucky could have.. he would have.. he might have killed Steve if I hadn't gotten him to stop - if I hadn't gotten him to listen to me. If I hadn't thrown myself in between the two of them.

That was definitely not how I hoped to meet Steve Rogers.

I shut my eyes tightly and willed my heart to calm in my chest.

Bucky didn't seem to be driving in the direction of the states, in fact, I was pretty sure we were driving further into Canada. He was avoiding main roads, I hadn't seen a building in ages.. not a fucking one. It was a good thing James had started keeping spare gas in a canister in the back of the truck shortly after we arrived at the Cabin. We were on barely paved roads, layered in snow and ice, and James wasn't exactly being a safe driver at the moment. Trees surrounded us on either side, and the sky was darkening rapidly - leaving the bright, glittering snow as the only source of light. The further we got, the more light gray clouds rolled in, blanketing the sky.

It was nearly nighttime when more snow started to fall, the flakes were huge and seemed to be coming down by the buckets. I could barely see the road through it, and I was pretty sure the only reason we hadn't crashed and totaled the car by now was because James wasn't a normal human.

But he wasn't calming down.. Normally after a few hours he would manage to somehow contain himself, to push it down. This time.. this time was different, and it was terrifying. I didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say - if I should say anything at all.

I was still struck between wanting to cry or wanting to scream at him. I was beyond conflicted.

Suddenly, I was being thrown forward as the truck came to a gut-wrenching stop as James' foot slammed onto the break without warning. The truck fishtailed towards the side of the road, sliding across the slippery ice. An arm was slung across my chest, bracing me before I could smack my head into the dashboard.. Bucky's arm had stopped me from giving myself a nasty concussion.

Anger and surprise jostled through me and I turned to yell at him as he pulled his arm back - but he was already halfway out of the damn car!

Why had we stopped?! We were in the middle of nowhere! I unbuckled my seat and scrambled to follow him as he slammed the drivers door, leaving the key in the ignition and the heat on full blast.

The air was simply frigid when I climbed out of the passenger side of the truck cab. The road was icy and treacherous, nearly taking me down when I first stepped on it. I moved carefully but quickly around to the driver's side to see Bucky starting to walk up the little incline leading into the forest. He whipped around to look at me, his hair flying wildly around his face as his furious gaze met mine.

"Stay!" He snapped. I froze mid-step, near the back of the truck.

Without another glance back, James turned and marched up the snowbank and disappeared into the forest.

I swallowed thickly as I subconsciously wrapped my arms tighter around myself, the wind was unrelenting, and it felt like little shards of ice were stinging my face.. The snow was coming down far too fast, and I could barely see several feet in front of me. I should get back into the truck, right?

I didn't move.

I had never seen Bucky like this.. Sure, I had seen him angry before. Loads of times actually - but never like this. Normally he could get control of himself, at least for a while.. but he just couldn't seem to get it together right now, he was... scary.

I pulled up the large, fuzzy hood of my jacket to try and shield my face from some of the biting cold. Despite the ferocity of the worsening snowstorm, the guttural roar of The Winter Soldier along with the sound of splintering wood had my heart thundering against my ribcage painfully as I tensed where I stood.

The sound of his rage seemed to echo from every direction as it bounced off the snow and came at me from every angle. I felt like someone had just dropped me into an iced-over lake and left me to drown.. what should I do?

A bigger crunch of splintering wood had me jumping where I stood as a large tree suddenly fell down from inside the forest. It crashed behind the car, making the ground shake and rumble, causing me to slip back against the car as it landed just several feet from the back of the truck, one of the branches narrowly missing me.

 **No turning back.**

The wind sounded like it was laughing at me.

Suddenly.. everything was silent.

I don't know what was worse, the sound of his un-contained fury, or his silence? Both had me a bit jumpy. I shut my eyes tightly for several moments and counted to five.

One, silence.

Two, still quiet.

Three, even the wind seemed hushed now.

Four, dread was settling in as everything seemed muted.

Five, absolutely nothing.

Opening my eyes, I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath before marching forward and up the same snowbank. The snow had already covered his footprints, and if there was any other signs of the way he had gone, I couldn't see them - not with my eyesight. I went straight forward, hoping that he hadn't veered off in another direction. I knew it was incredibly idiotic to go wandering into a dense forest by myself after a man that was feeling a tad bit murderous, but this was Bucky we were talking about...

I couldn't just... do nothing.

Grinding my teeth and steeling my resolve I continued deeper and deeper into the trees. Fuck this, fuck this whole situation! Fuck his demands, and his rules! I wasn't going to just sit in the car and wait for him! Silence wasn't good, I knew it wasn't good.. I had to find him. The snow was deep and slowed me down, and soon enough I lost sight of the truck.

It took me longer than I expected to actually find him, but lucky for me he had indeed gone straight forward. I shuddered to think of what would have happened if I had gotten lost and hadn't found him. Pissed would have been an understatement for how he would have behaved when he finally found me - probably frozen with hypothermia.

He was standing perfectly still, with his back to me, but his head was slightly cocked to the side. I knew he had heard me coming. He looked like some sort of avenging, fallen angel standing there with the snow twisting around him, clinging to his now tangled, dark, frost-bitten hair.

A sudden, and horrible intrusive thought found it's way to the front of my brain... What if he had wanted me to stay in the car because he knew how out of control he was? How dangerous he was right now?

But.. he wouldn't.. would he hurt me?

Shoving my paranoid thoughts to the side, I gathered all of my courage and took another step towards him, and then another until there was only a few feet separating us. What should I say? What could I say to help him? Could I even... could I even do that?

I ignored the guilt that flared up at wanting to help him in the first place. The logical side of me knew that what he had done to Steve, his best friend, had been completely horrible.. And yet here I was, trying to comfort him.

"Are you okay?" I breathed out carefully, thankful the wind had died down slightly. Though, I doubt it really mattered, he had ridiculously good hearing.

"I told you to stay with the truck." He growled, lowly. He didn't turn around, his hands were clenched at his sides. "You never listen." He lashed out a moment later, the bite of his words stung more than the cold.

My heart clenched painfully at how utterly enraged he sounded at me. My own repressed anger rose to the surface once more, easily baited by his icy resolve.

"Strong words coming from he man that nearly killed his best friend." I snapped back, my voice raising. "The only time I ignore your orders lately is when they're complete bullshit!"

I knew I had made a mistake by latching onto his bait as soon as I had done it. Both our nerves were completely fried and here we were getting into a fucking argument in the middle of nowhere, during a snowstorm! We might as well have been a poster for 'dysfunctional couple'.

He clenched and un-clenched his fists at his sides.

"He forced my hand, he should have left well enough alone." He snarled.

I was guessing the 'he' he was referring to was Steve. It sounded like he was talking through his teeth as he clenched his jaw.

"None of this would have happened - I wouldn't have had to incapacitate him if your foolish conscience hadn't led him right to us!" He whirled on me suddenly, and pointed a dangerous, metal finger in my direction. "This one is on you!" He roared viciously, his voice was laced thickly with his anger, giving it a coarse undertone. The set of his eyes were unforgiving and dark. Every single thing about him right now, screamed at me to run as far and as fast as I could, away from him.

Instead, I did what I do best, and threw myself head first into danger - into the jaws of the wolf.

"Well if I'm such a burden to you, such a monumental fuck-up, maybe you should have just let Steve take me home!" I was shaking, I knew I was, and I also knew it was only partly because of the cold seeping into my clothes.

Without waiting for his reply I turned on my heel and started stomping away from him the best I could through the deep snow. I didn't want to see his face right now, I fucking refuse! He can be a jerk by himself! I already knew that Steve finding us was my fault, I already blamed myself! But to hear it again, from his mouth.. that hurt. Steve being injured, my fault. Bucky losing it, my fault.

Today had just one giant fuck up.

Yet my heart was tugging painfully in my chest, like it just wanted me to turn around and throw myself into his arms and beg for his forgiveness. Fat fucking chance of that! I was absolutely seething, and if he thought I was just gonna' lay down and be his metaphorical punching bag, he had another thing coming! I was so fucking done with today.

I didn't hear a single sound from behind me as I marched away from him, fully intending to sit my cold ass back into the truck and wait for him to chill out enough to come join me. Despite the fact that I was the one that had turned my back on him, I still felt bitter that he was just letting me leave.

"Katarina." He growled, dangerously. The heat of him was quite suddenly scorching my back. His voice was close.. too close!

Eyes widening, I whipped back around to face him. When had he closed the distance?! I never heard him! As soon as I was facing him, his metal hand firmly planted against my chest and his leg abruptly shot out, ruthlessly taking both of mine out from beneath me. I shrieked as I tumbled back into the snow, him following suit, landing gracefully on his knees to my left. He pulled his hand back from my sternum once I was firmly on my back in the snow.

I sat up immediately and tried to put distance between us, I scratched, punched, and kicked my way backwards, and he let me. His face was twisted into a wicked snarl, his hair hung loosely by his face, wet and frozen. His eyes were brutally blue and heart-shattering in their unrestrained rage.

When I had managed to gain just a bit of distance from him, sliding backwards with the cold biting harshly into my palms, he lunged forward. His metal hand encased my ankle and viciously yanked me back underneath him until he was seated firmly between my legs. I sat up again, fully intending to fight him tooth n' nail, but before I could even put my thoughts into action, he was on me.

His normal arm wound it's way behind me, his hand tangling into my wavy, red hair at the base my skull as he knotted it into his fist before ripping my head back. I shrieked and automatically arched into him until we were pressed chest to chest. He forced me back until I was lying down in the snow once more, his metal arm supported his weight next to my head, caging me in.

I raised my hands and shoved as hard as I could against his firm chest, but he didn't budge. He just pulled the strands of my hair tighter, making me wince and bare my teeth.

"Look at me!" He snarled. I hadn't realized I had even closed my eyes.

"Let go!" I snapped back, hastily, ignoring his order.

"Look. At. Me!" He bellowed.

Snapping them open, I glared at him as hard as I could. He met my eyes evenly, his own gaze heated and angry. He was pressed tightly against me, the heat of him almost a suffocating difference from the frigid air. His breathing was labored as he stared me down.

"I won't let anyone take you away! Not Steve. Not Hydra. No one!" He snapped harshly.

"Is that why you attacked Steve?!" I pushed, both with my words and my hands against his chest. He tugged roughly on my hair again in warning, I stilled immediately.

I had a feeling it had been, but I didn't trust what I had seen.. what I had heard earlier back at the Cabin. I needed to hear him say it.

"Yes." He ground out, darkly. "He wanted to take you away from me." He gnashed his teeth together hard, grinding them together as he clenched his eyes shut tightly. He was breathing hard through his nose. I heard the crunch of snow under his metal fist as he clenched his hand next to my head. The sapphire at my throat suddenly felt like it weighed a hundred pounds.

 _"I won't let you go, even if you beg me to._ " His voice was steely almost, it had taken on a very decisive edge. His furious blue eyes slowly fluttered open, locking with my gray ones. For the first time ever, I saw something in his eyes that sent my world spinning... something I couldn't quite grasp onto. " _You're mine, sweetheart._ " The worlds rolled off his tongue almost venomously, like he was using the endearment as a weapon. His anger was still very much in control of him.

Before I could protest, or even say anything back at him - his head dipped dangerously down, his lips smashing against mine in a bruising kiss that had my brain flat-lining and my knees shaking on either side of him. His lips had completely stolen the breath right out of me and he wasn't stopping.

Without thinking about it, I let my instincts take over - my hands that had been shoving at him now gripped onto the collar of his shirt, fisting it tightly in my hands as I tried to pull him impossibly closer. He nipped at my lip roughly, I groaned as he soothed the pain with a swipe of his tongue. He didn't deepen the kiss further, instead he pulled back just enough so that his lips still brushed mine in a tantalizing manner.

"Understand?" He questioned hoarsely.

I had a feeling it wasn't really a question, but I nodded anyway, my voice lost somewhere in the snow.

* * *

Well here it is! Sorry I made you guys wait a bit longer for this chapter. I wanted to make it an extra special Hallow's Eve update - and I hope it didn't disappoint! Things are definitely changing with these two! Thank you all so much for your overwhelming support on the last chapter, I am so happy you guys liked it. On a related note, I cannot apologize for the violence because it's needed for the story. I understand that it gets a big graphic and a few of you have trouble stomaching it - but I warned you guys very often about the nature of this story - so I hope by now you guys know what you're in for. That being said, I hope you guys are having a wonderful holiday and remember to be safe and keep warm! You are all amazing! Read and Review my lovelies!


	26. Drastic Measures

A day later we were back in civilization, surrounded by tall buildings and tons of normal, average humans, with normal and average lives. Something about no longer being out in the middle of nowhere, stuck in a snowstorm, made the entirety of what had transpired between James and I finally set it. That had really happened, it hadn't been a dream.. we kissed. We had fought like raging bastards, but we kissed... He kissed me.

I was low-key on cloud nine and trying not to show it.

James Buchanan Barnes, The Winter Soldier.. the most frustrating man on the goddamn planet, had kissed me and made me all but forget my name, and here I was, trying desperately to act chill about the entire thing. All I wanted was to have a girl moment and scream into a pillow or something - which honestly was a really weird urge that I wasn't quite used to.

Part of me, the logical, reasonable side of me was stuck on the words he had spoken to me - the words he had all but snarled into my face. He wouldn't let me go, not even if I begged him. He wouldn't let anyone take me away. Not Captain America, not Hydra... he'd fight them all. He'd... kill to keep me. That realization made me a bit dizzy.

There was no denying it at this point that I was seriously fucked up.. Because in some twisted way, that was romantic to me.

I'm probably certifiably crazy at this point, because honestly, shouldn't that terrify me? Or at the very least, unnerve me?

But it didn't.

The worst part about the entire thing was that as usual, it seemed like I was the only one affected by the entire situation. It honestly was very frustrating how calm and aloof James could appear to be. I had a million questions in my head, the first most one being when did he realize he had felt that sort of way for me? Was it at the cabin? Was it when Steve showed up? Or had that moment of clarity and realization shown up for him when he shoved me onto my back into the snow? I was desperate for a glimpse into his brain.

How was this going to change things?

I was more unsure than ever, and it was unquestionably annoying.

If I focused, I could still feel his hand knotted in my hair.. feel how warm and solid he was pressed against me... Fuck, I was ridiculously sexually frustrated.

After our kiss in the snow, Bucky's rage had disappeared. Just poof! Gone. Just like that. It was... odd to say the least. How had he managed it so easily after all that? Was it because he got to air his emotions, get them off his chest? Or was it because I hadn't argued with him about what he had said? Did I really bring that sort of calm to him? ... That was an odd notion to me, considering how often I pissed him off.

Bucky took us all over town, stopping at various locations to gather supplies. Every time we stopped he forced me to stay in the truck, which surprisingly didn't bother me as much as it normally would have. Sure, I was annoyed that for once he was actually being very secretive about his plans, but the 'being forced to stay in the truck thing'? It didn't bother me. In fact, a horrible realization lead me to realize that I preferred it.

Bucky didn't go far enough away that I was too concerned about something happening to him, like Hydra or the Avengers showing up. But what did make me nervous?

All of the god damn people.

It was a startling epiphany.. I was uncomfortable in such a large town. I was distressed around so many people.. How did.. how did this happen?! Just a few short months ago, I had been a part of normal society, I had been involved in the hustle and bustle that comes with large towns and busy cities... and now here I was, perfectly content to sit in a truck and wait for James to come back from grabbing his super-secret-mission-supplies.

When had it happened? When did I switch over to preferring the isolation with James?

Was it just because I hadn't been a full-fledged, functioning member of normal society before? Was it because it had been so easy to let go of my old life, because I didn't actually have much of a social life to begin with? Or was it because I was starting to view everyone around us as a possible threat? James' paranoid ways were definitely starting to show up in me too.. Anyone around us could be Hydra, anyone around us could be the remains of the government organization known as SHIELD.

God, this was so fucked up... I used to prefer the excitement and chaos that came with over populated cities.. Now I positively loathed it. When had this happened? My brain hurt.

My only relief from my anxiety was when we continued on our way after James had finished up all of his secret errands. We drove through the city, and the further we drove, the less people that were out and about. We drove to the outskirts of the city and then kept going. We didn't stop until we reached the docks. What the fuck were we doing at the docks?

It was safe to say that I was more than a little confused, and Bucky wasn't exactly being very forthcoming with information at the moment.

"Stay here." He commanded quietly before exiting the truck, yet again.

Five minutes went by and I was starting to get a little anxious without him around. I wasn't used to being totally alone anymore, and I really didn't like so much of it in one day.

Ten minutes and I couldn't stop shifting in my seat, twisting around each way to try and catch a glimpse of my Super-Soldier.

Fifteen passed and I was about to fucking lose it! It was too fucking quiet in the car, and I was starting to get reasonably worried. What were we doing here? What was he off doing? And why did he keep leaving me in the truck?! He never left me alone this often, I was always glued to his side... Why was he being so secretive this time? This was getting unsettling. Scrap what I said earlier, I wasn't glad to be left in the truck. I was starting to have very insecure thoughts - and I fucking hated it.

Twenty minutes and I was about to leave the truck against his wishes and go looking for him. What if something had happened? Worry ate away at me.

I twisted around in my seat to look out the back window - nothing. When I turned back around he was there, standing in front of the truck, his blue eyes meeting mine. His gaze was light, and if I hadn't known any better, he almost looked... amused? The quirk of his eyebrow really didn't help the notion either.

I glared at him.

He walked over to the drivers door and pulled it open.

"Miss me?" He asked lightly, curiosity lacing his deep voice.

"No." I lied.

He hummed low in his throat and I glared harder at him. He fucking knew I was lying and it annoyed me. Jackass.

"Now what?" I inquired as he climbed gracefully back into the driver's seat, pulling the door closed behind him.

"Now, we wait." He informed me easily.

"For what?"

"You'll see." He said almost casually.

I narrowed my eyes at him, I knew he was purposely dodging my questions. James, as far as I knew, had never lied to me in the entire time I had known him. But he certainly had no problem keeping certain information from me, until he was ready to tell me - or was forced to.

I reached up and idly stroked the sapphire at my throat, letting the smooth surface distract me. How long were we going to have to wait for? I noticed Bucky watching me out of the corner of my eyes, I turned my gaze to meet his. His gaze dropped to my throat and followed the pattern my fingers were making on the large gem of the tracking choker.

"You do that a lot." He suddenly stated, freezing me where I sat.

"What?" I was puzzled.

"Play with the sapphire on your tracker." He stated distantly, his eyes darkening slightly.

I swallowed thickly as I stared at him, staring back at me. The habit had become second nature, most of the time I didn't notice I was doing it anymore.. But I guess he had. The fact he was bringing it up though..

"Why is that, I wonder?" His voice was twisted with something I couldn't quite identify. "Is it because it bothers you? Or is it the opposite?" He mused out loud, danger sparkling behind his stormy eyes.

My heart stuttered in my chest.

"You forced a tracker onto me, what do you think?" I snapped, defensively.

Why was he being like this? The forceful, almost knowing questions... He'd never done this before. I wasn't sure how to handle it.. Things had shifted with us, and with it, new situations were arising.

He shifted closer, his warmth invading my senses as he put his face near mine. My heart lurched in my chest as the memories of yesterday rose to the surface, causing a blush to stain my cheeks.

"I think you like it." Cool, confidence rolled off his tongue. "I think it makes you feel safe, knowing I can find you anywhere." His words were abrasive and cut through the my defenses easily. I hadn't honestly given the necklace much thought after the first two weeks of having it.. I hadn't tried to take it off in a long time, and I never pushed him to either.. His words settled in my brain almost too comfortably... Oh god, did I?!

"No!" I blurted out, my hands were starting to shake.

"Liar." He breathed, without missing a beat. Ice filled my veins.. how was he so fucking sure of himself? When had this happened? I had asked myself several times before if he knew how he affected me, knew why I did the things I did.. But I had always come up short for answers - he was a mystery, and he never gave anything away. Had he known this entire time? How he effected me? Or was everything just now clicking in his brain?

Had our kiss opened the metaphorical flood gates?

Before I could attempt to argue further, his gaze glanced past me, out the passenger window.

"Time to go." He stated simply.

I hadn't noticed that the last rays of sun had finally dipped down below the horizon, coating us in darkness. Fuck, he was distracting... Wait, go where?

Bucky shifted away from me and climbed out of the truck, shifting towards the back to pull out all of our bags, easily holding them all in one hand. I anxiously climbed out of the passenger side, just in time for him to meet me. He reached up and gripped onto my upper arm and started leading me away from the truck.

"Will you tell me what we're doing now?" I probed.

"No."

"James." I growled, irritated.

He ignored me and kept dragging me along with him, zig-zagging past storage containers, fishing equipment, and other various objects. I was starting to get a heavy feeling about the entire situation. Why were we at the docks? Were we taking a boat back to the states?

Five minutes of the usual manhandling later, a large cargo ship loomed in front of us. For some reason, the current situation just now seemed to be settling in. Did I mention I didn't like deep, open water? Cause I don't. I really, really don't. I tended to just avoid the ocean as a general rule all together. And here we were, in front of a looming ship, and he wanted to get me up on board. I had actually hoped I had been wrong in my hypothesis and that we were just here to grab some information, or I don't know, kill some bad guys? His usual deal. Though I knew I had just been in denial, and now harsh, bitter reality was catching up.

I dug my heels into the planks of wood beneath our feet as he started to pull me towards it. He noticed my resistance immediately and turned his head to quirk an eyebrow at me.

"We are not getting on that ship." I tried to be firm and assertive, but I was pretty sure I came across as an anxious mess.

"I wasn't giving you an option." He ground out, silkily. "Are you going to come willingly, or do I have to carry you?" The threat rang loud and clear, I ground my teeth together and shifted my weight back away from him. His fingers dug harder into my arm, his expression darkening.

"James-" I tried to reason.

"Have it your way." He dropped the bags suddenly and twisted around. His hands snapped up and grabbed onto my hips roughly, lifting me up easily. I cried out as I found myself in a familiar position.. Tossed over his broad shoulder. I tried to sit up, but he squeezed onto my thighs harder than necessary, causing me to cringe as he reprimanded me in a way that I knew was going to bruise. Ugh!

He shifted and picked up the bags in his one hand again before heading towards the cargo ship.

"You don't listen!" I ground out, angrily. Knowing he'd hear me just fine from my position.

"You apparently have a short memory, doll." He chastised. "I will do whatever I have to, to keep you safe. I don't care if you approve of my methods, or not." The dark promises of yesterday were coating his tongue, proving to me that arguing with him would do me no good. This was not something he was going to negotiate on. Things **had** changed between us.

I ground my teeth harshly, blood was rushing into my face and it was getting harder and harder to control my temper. We were officially on the ship, and I was already feeling like I was going to flip my shit, I hated this!

"If you're going to manhandle me like a god damn sack of potatoes, will you at least tell me where we're going?!" I snapped, a bit too loudly. We were headed further into the ship, and I hadn't seen a single person. I was pretty sure that these ships were designed to be worked with a minimal crew, but all the same.. I should probably tone down the yelling - even if I currently did want to throttle a certain Winter Soldier.

I felt his chest rumble against my legs in irritation. He wasn't the only one that could be stubborn, and all things considered it wasn't an unreasonable question.

"Europe." He bit out, gruffly.

My brain stuttered as I tried to absorb the information.

What.. what the fuck did he just say?!

* * *

I'm so sorry this is late everyone. Your reviews for the last chapter were outstanding, and I couldn't be happier! I'm so glad you guys loved it! I had been so excited to get up to that point and I'm glad that you all liked it as much as I did. That being said, I've been sick. I caught a horrible cold and I've been doing my best to get better as quickly as I can, but sadly it hasn't been fast enough. I have a pretty shitty immune system. I'm still sick at the moment, but doing much better than I have the last week. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and again I apologize for the late update. Obviously some things to touch on here, I know all of you were hoping for a bit more 'fun' between Katarina and Bucky but we gotta work up to it! Things are definitely changing, especially since they kissed and he revealed how he feels.. But it's not going to be instantaneous, but it'll definitely start to amp up. For those of you wondering if this will make him even more possessive over her - the answer is yes. Most definitely.

Things have shifted dramatically for James, so aspects of his personality are gonna start getting 'interesting'. Both parts of him are in agreement about her - they want her and they will have her. So as James and The Winter Soldier start setting into that thought, he'll open up more so and things will begin to change. Before, he wasn't aware of why he acted the way he did with her - now he does. Its definitely going to change how he treats her. Mind you, he's still going to be aggressive, demanding, territorial, and possessive - just more so and a bit differently. That's just who he is with her. Anyways, I'm sorry if I'm explaining this badly, or hell maybe even over-explaining, I'm on cold medicine so my brain is a bit scrambled at the moment. But I hope that bit of insight helps you guys forgive me for being late. Hope you're all having a good November so far! Read and Review my lovelies! I could really use the pick-me-up.


	27. Danger Magnet

I had been on this ship for fucking days! The only upside to the entire situation was that there was really only about a handful of people on the ship with us at most. We could pretty much walk around freely as long as we were quiet and careful. Though, it's not like Bucky let me actually walk around without him - but that was just his usual behavior.

To say that I was pissed at him for dragging me into this particular situation was an understatement. I don't like deep water, not a bit. I also found out quite quickly that I didn't like ships either. The creaking of the metal kept me awake at night, and during the day the swaying of the ship as it glided towards it's destination threatened to make me throw up all over the place. Thankfully, it only happened twice. The first time had been a pretty big blow to my ego. Having James watch me throw up into a barrel wasn't the highlight of our time together.

He was smart and kept his mouth shut about it though, never said a single thing.

I had spent the first half of the journey just glaring at him most of the time - which he of course pretended not to notice. The second half of it was spent with me having an internal meltdown every time he so much as looked at me. We hadn't kissed since that night in the snowstorm and my confusion was rising to new heights.

He can't just fucking kiss me and then not give me more! That was just plain cruel!

I was too chicken shit to make the first move myself. What if that had been just a one time thing for him? What if he had changed his mind?

My thoughts were eating away at me, gnawing at my sanity.

"Stop fidgeting, we're almost there." He rumbled.

Startled, I glanced up to see his eyes already on me from his sitting position across from me.

"I'm not fidgeting." I argued back, my tone cold and snotty.

He arched an eyebrow, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees as he stared at me.

"Could have fooled me." Be quipped back.

I huffed at him, but stayed silent. He was right of course, he was always fucking right. I was anxious as all hell and it was showing. I needed off of this damn ship or I was going to lose what was left of my mind - that or I was just going to tackle Bucky. I wasn't sure which was worse at this point. Wonder how the Winter Soldier would handle me tackling him to get at his mouth... I almost laughed at the mental image. Luckily, I didn't.

"Tell me something." He requested lightly.

I met his eyes again, this time raising an eyebrow in bewilderment.

"What?"

"Tell me something I don't already know about you." He said with a simple shrug of his normal shoulder. Surprise fluttered through me. I wasn't quite sure what to say now that he had put me on the spot. Why was he suddenly curious anyway? And how the hell was I supposed to know what he didn't know about me? The guy was an information collector, I was pretty sure he knew more about me than he even let me know way back when we first started this journey together.

"Well, you know that my parents are dead." I stated. He nodded once. "Do you know how?"

"No."

Sighing I crossed my legs at my ankles and leaned further back.

"Car accident." I stated with a shrug of my shoulders, as if I was merely commenting on the weather. "My Dad, My Mom, Aunt Lyanna and me were all in the car, I was the only one that survived." It shouldn't have been that hard to talk about, it had been so fucking long ago.. and yet pain flared in my chest and I heard my voice crack for a second. My posture screamed 'nonchalance', while my words screamed 'emotional'. I missed them.

I wonder what they'd think of James? Would they like him? Would he like them? It took me a second of fussily wondering about shit that didn't even matter before I realized it... If my parents were still alive.. would I have even... would I have even met Bucky? Would any of this have happened? Or would I be off living a normal life, visiting my parents on weekends? Taking home leftovers, making sure I was there for each Holiday.. My mom pestering me if I had a boyfriend yet, my Dad scowling every time she'd ask...

The thought of not having met James was a surprisingly horrible one. After everything that had happened, after everything that had gone down.. I couldn't picture it any different. I didn't want different. I almost felt guilty for a long, strange moment. The fact that I'd rather have James than my parents back... That wasn't so weird, right? I wasn't completely fucked up for thinking that was I?

I had been so young when they had been taken from me, and it had been years and years ago. All I had was James now... It was only natural, wasn't it?

Oh god, do I-

"When?" He questioned, suddenly.

I knew what he was asking, even as he tore me out of my terrifying thoughts.

"When I was seven."

"Is that how you got the scars?" He lightly gestured to my right arm where the scars lay underneath layers of beautiful ink and designs.

"Yeah." So he had noticed them.. He just never asked until now.

"And that one?" He traced his own jaw, criss-crossing over it.

I nodded this time.

"Why'd you cover them up?" I knew without question he was talking about the tattoo sleeve that decorated my arm. I took a deep breath through my nose and tore my gaze from him to look down at my sleeve-covered arm.. The end of the tattoo peaking out under the hem at my wrist.

"I was tired of looking at it and being reminded of the worst day of my life. Some things are better left buried in the past."

I could feel his gaze burning into me, could feel the weight of it sinking into my bones. It was hard to reach his eyes after such a personal confession, but I managed.

"Tell me something else." He demanded quite suddenly, his voice gruff and his eyes a bit angry. Why was he angry? Confusion swirled inside my chest. What had I said? Swallowing hard I racked my brain for something interesting, anything to switch the topic.

"Well, like you and Steve, I grew up in New York." Saying Steve's name took more effort than I thought it would.

He raised an eyebrow as if to say 'go on'.

"I was born in Williamsburg, New York." I elaborated.

"How'd you end up in D.C?" He asked with a small tilt of his head. There he goes again, looking at me like I'm the most interesting thing on the fucking planet.

"Well, a couple years ago I was living in Manhattan.. and then aliens invaded and Hulk nearly crushed me by taking down one of those Alien-fucking-whale-things. Completely destroyed my workplace." I shook my head at the stressful memory before catching his eyes again.

He had gone completely rigid, and he was breathing a little quickly out of his nose, his fists clenched at his sides. What the hell?

"James?" I questioned, confused. Why was he getting so angry? I was answering his questions honestly! I don't understand, what's riling him up?

"You're a god damn danger magnet" He snapped, his brutally blue eyes searing into my gray orbs. I froze. "Car wreck, The Hulk, Aliens?" His chest rumbled. "And now me." His lips twisted in a sardonic smirk. "Escaped all of them, but you won't escape me." What a sinister and sinful promise that was.

The ominous air of his statement caught me off guard. We had been talking casually just minutes prior, and now the entire situation had twisted. His anger had once again brought out the darkness in him, that Winter Soldier part of him that was so ingrained in him that it was his natural default now. Seeing the man underneath it, seeing Bucky Barnes was rare.. But it was still terrifying to have The Winter Soldier's full attention, he normally saved this side of him for anyone in his way. I had only had to fully deal with this part of his personality a few times.. It always sent me into fight or flight mode.

Was he angry that I had been in danger so many times? Been just inches from death? But how could that be? Those near-death experiences had happened well before I met him... How was it fucking logical to be angry at me for that shit?!

"Ironic." He grumbled suddenly.

"What is?" I asked hesitantly. I knew we were teetering on that edge again.

"You and me." He shook his head, sending his hair further into his face as he adverted his gaze, his angry stare burning into the metal wall behind me. "To think that I wouldn't be around to protect you if I hadn't been caught by Hydra." His lip curled in a sneer.

"Well, I mean... if Aliens hadn't invaded, I would have never been in that alleyway that day." I shrugged, following his line of thinking in an attempt to somewhat lighten the mood.

His eyes drifted back to mine to stare at me, the intensity behind them was hard to bare.

" _I would have found you._ " He deadpanned.

Shock ran up my spine.

"What?" I accidentally breathed my confused thought out loud. He couldn't actually be thinking that. "Are you sayi-" I cleared my throat, the words felt weird in my mouth. "Do you think we were destined to meet?" I didn't picture him as the type to believe in fate or whatever people liked to call it.

He said nothing. His eyes, however...

"At first, when I met you.. I spent a lot of my time as some of my memories resurfaced, wishing I could go back. Change it all." He clenched his jaw and swallowed hard. "I don't anymore."

I felt like someone had taken me by my ankles and thrown me upside down and then asked me to do the waltz - on my hands. That's how fucking jumbled I felt.

"Why?" My voice was barely above a whisper.

"I won't give you up, I told you that." He lifted his normal shoulder in a half-shrug, as if just merely commenting about the structure of the ship.

I opened and closed my mouth several times, trying to put together words for something intelligent to say.

"Never thought I was possessive..." He huffed, his mouth quirking at the sides as if he was amused by all of it.

"You're like a dog with his bone." I joked.

He shot me a look. Right, no time for jokes... Mr. Serious can't have that.

"All things considered, I don't either." He raised an eyebrow at me. I could feel my cheeks heating up without my consent and instantly averted my gaze, deciding to find a bit of wall near his left shoulder very interesting. "I don't... regret meeting you; being here." I clarified.

He was doing that thing again.. where his stare was so heavy it was almost physical in nature, like I could feel it.

"It's not going to be easy." He meant us, I was sure.

"I know." I replied without hesitation.

"It's going to be dangerous." He warned.

"I don't care." This was the most I had ever voiced about my feelings.

"I'm going to be demanding."

"What's new?" I scoffed. "I'll argue."

Amusement briefly glittered in his eyes, overshadowing that dark, ominous glint that was normally always there.

"I know." He quoted back at me.

"I'm going to be endlessly annoying." I was finally returning his gaze again.

"Obviously." He mocked. I pretended to scowl at him.

"What if I'm a cuddler?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow. I was only partially kidding.

He was silent for several moments, just looking at me.

"Acceptable." His voice was a bit rougher, if that was possible. But, that slight Brooklyn twinge was there, just barely.

My eyes widened in surprise.

I felt like we were negotiating the terms of a deal, this was bizarre.

"What if I'm not gentle?" He inquired back at me.

Wait, what? What was he talking abou- oh!

Oh. My. God.

I felt my face heat up again, the blush spreading down my neck. My heart rate picked up in my chest.

"That's not bad at al-" I caught my flustered word vomit - my hands shook at my sides. Did I really just fucking say that? I cleared my throat, he looked full on fucking amused now! Oh god, if the ship could just swallow me now that would be great! Of course he'd ask that! He wasn't the most gentle of people even when James Barnes was more in control - The Winter Soldier part of him was always there, even in the background. Everything he did was laced with _that_ part of him, no matter how hard he tried.. Of course it would be the same if we were a.. couple? Was that the correct word to use here? I had no fucking idea what we were at this point. "Tolerable." I croaked, pulling myself from my downward spiral of less-than-appropriate thoughts.

We sat in a 'content' silence for several minutes. My mind was racing all over the place, I felt like a little kid hyped up on sweets.. It seemed I was making a habit of getting dragged so many different directions in conversations with James.. I was never quite sure how a conversation with him would end. But there was still one thing fluttering in my head, one very annoying unanswered question. It had been on my mind since that night of the snowstorm.. since he had declared me his.

"So.." I trailed off for a moment, trying to pluck up the courage to just spit it out. "You're mine?" I could hear the tension in my voice, the worry.. the hope? I cringed at how I sounded, but it was too late to take it back now.

"That part was non-negotiable." He rumbled. My heart swelled in my chest.

Fuck, I was a goner.

* * *

Yes, yes, I know this is overdue! It took me longer than I'd like to admit to get better, and then shit was just annoying this month. Buuuut, I wanted to make sure I got an update out for all of you today specifically! Figured any of you who happen to celebrate Thanksgiving, (or just enjoy the food, like me) deserved a nice Holiday update. I also know that not everyone's home life is great, and Holidays are especially difficult. So I wanted to make sure for those of you that do have tough home situations, or just get stuck seeing shitty people today - I wanted to make sure you guys had a bit of happiness today at the very least.

That being said, thank you guys so much for your continued support! I really do hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I feel like it helped get a few unanswered questions out in the open, as well as a bit more of a progression between the two of them. Where as Katarina is always asking James questions, now he's asking some! Progress! For those of you wondering about last chapter when he left her in the truck for a while - some of you guessed that he might have been watching her while he was off securing their ride over to Europe. The answer to that is yes, most definitely! He was after all a Sniper way back when, and an awesome one at that.. So yes, she wasn't really out of his sight, even if she couldn't see him. As a Super-Soldier he tends to have an unfair advantage, haha.

Anyways, like I said, I hope you guys enjoy this moment of peace, because things are about to be kicked up a notch! (Insert devious winky face here.) Happy Holidays lovelies, you are all wonderful! Read and Review! ~


	28. Letting Go

We had made it into England several hours ago, and boy was I downright fucking jolly to be off that fucking ship. If I just never made it onto a ship again, I'd be ecstatic! I was pretty sure I preferred being carried around like luggage over James' shoulder more than I enjoyed the rocking and swaying of traveling over the ocean. The ocean could go fuck itself as far as I was concerned.

From what I had seen of it, England was absolutely gorgeous. Had I seen a lot of it though? Of course not! That would require Bucky to not be wound so fucking tight that he was ready to snap. He was like a cornered wolf, ready to bite someone's arm off if he had to.

I was realizing I was starting to sound a little bitter, but could you blame me? He dragged me onto ship - which I positively loathed, only to drag me all across England and not let me stop and stare at all the beautiful structures for even a moment. In fact, he had threatened to just knock me out if I didn't stop acting like kid in a candy store. Grumpy asshole.

I had spent the majority of the time since then, glaring at the back of his head as he dragged me around by my wrist. I was pretty damn close to throwing a tantrum of epic proportions - one that would make a toddler envious. I probably needed a nap, I had slept like shit the entire way to this country.

We were passing by a particularly beautiful, old building, with amazing Gothic architecture when my foul mood finally got the best of me.

"Finally get to fulfill a life-long dream and travel to Europe, and I don't even get to stop and enjoy it for a second..." I mumbled under my breath, my voice low, not even loud enough to be a full whisper.

James halted immediately, almost causing me to run right into his broad back. Fuck, he had heard me, hadn't he? Slowly, he twisted around until his raging, sapphire orbs were burning into me. Did he have to be so handsome all the time? It was making it really hard to stay angry with him. My eyes kept being drawn down to his lips.. A second went by, and then another.

He surged forward quite suddenly, his metal hand releasing my wrist only to coil up to the back of my neck and rip me towards him as he leaned down. His lips crushed against mine, smothering the question in my mouth as he stole my breath from me and took it as his own. I could feel his normal hand against my hip, his fingers digging into the denim in a bruising fashion as he molded his body against mine, sinfully. Instinctively, my hands gripped onto the front of the black hoodie he was wearing, pulling him impossibly closer.

Before I could contemplate wanting the kiss to deepen, he pulled away. The kiss had been innocent enough, asides from the fact that it felt like he had branded my mouth with his, and yet.. My insides were mush, my knees were weak, and my heart was a stuttering mess. I wanted, no, I needed more.

"There." His gruff voice ripped me from my lust induced thoughts. "Isn't that something girls always dream of? Being kissed in Europe?" His normal shoulder lightly lifted in a half shrug as that very New York drawl coated his words again. He glanced around with a quick sweep of his eyes, obviously making sure we hadn't drawn too much attention to ourselves. We hadn't.

James...

I was torn between being irritated and happy, it was a tough call, honestly. On one hand, he had only kissed me to shut me up, simply because I had been complaining. On the other hand.. he had kissed me again! Gods, I was a poor sap. A hopeless puddle of goo in his hands.. He had stunned me silly in the middle of London with a simple and short kiss. He was right though, most girls did dream of that kind of scenario.. Autumn certainly had on more than one occas-

My brain scrambled to a painful halt.

Autumn.. how long had it been since I had thought of her? Even her name? My best friend before I got taken by Bucky.. It almost felt like another life now, like a hazy, far off memory. I wanted to feel guilty, I really did.. But.. I didn't.

I was a terrible person.

My gaze zeroed in on Bucky's face, he was staring at me intensely, silently.. He seemed to have realized I was lost somewhere in my head because he slowly raised his eyebrow when my eyes met his. I wondered if he thought he'd kissed me stupid or some shit, my cheeks heated under his gaze.

I was never going to be able to talk to Autumn again, I was never going to be able to tell her of my adventures.. tell her about James. She wasn't going to know what had happened to me, everyone probably assumed I was dead - which was for the best.. But still.. I couldn't help thinking about what she would do if she knew all of what had happened. At the very least she'd make some raunchy, suggestive comment about Bucky and I before winking..

I did miss her... but I was never going back, I didn't want to.

Mentally, I composed a quick note.. the only goodbye I would ever get.

Autumn, wherever you are in the world.. please know that I'm alright. More than alright actually, so please don't worry about me. I'm not the same person I was when I fled from my apartment those many moons ago, I want you to know that. I always admired your courage, your ability to laugh in almost every single situation you found yourself in. I always envied your ability to flirt with virtually anyone. I was always the safe one, too stubborn to actually live... I had stopped truly living for me the night my parents had been ripped from this world. I met a guy, Autumn, a guy that makes me feel alive. He's ridiculously stubborn, even more-so than me. Crazy right? He's dangerous, exciting, infuriating even, but.. he makes me happy. Fuck, I've never felt so happy before. I'm not quite sure where I'm going to end up.. but it's worth it. I'm sorry that I can't be around anymore, please don't worry about me any longer. No matter how this ends.. I'm where I want to be.

I closed my eyes tightly, blocking Bucky out the best I could, blocking out the hustle and bustle of England all around us. Blocked out the wind hitting my face, the way James' body heat was searing into me again as he stood there, patiently waiting - which was weird. I blocked out absolutely everything but my mental letter to my long-lost, best friend.

I was a selfish asshole of a best friend, she deserved far better - I only hoped she'd meet someone who'd be a better friend to her than I had been.

I felt like I was finally saying goodbye, finally letting go of the ties that kept me connected to Washington D.C. It was what I needed.. what I should have done weeks ago. With my stupid but needed mushy letter mentally sent, I squared my shoulders and willed myself to stop being an emotional idiot.

Opening my eyes again, I met Bucky's gorgeous blue gaze. He was frowning at me, his stubble accenting the serious set of his jaw.

"You can't just shut me up with kisses." I scolded lightly.

The corner of his mouth twitched slightly.

"Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart." That rare occurring Brooklyn accent was going to send me into cardiac arrest.

\- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

Fate was seriously having the last laugh with me. It wasn't long after our kiss, and my mental Sayonara to my old life that James' stole another car. Surprise, surprise. At first, I marveled at the fact that he handled the whole: driving on the other side of the road' thing with ease. And then I found out that in order to get from England, to France, you have to cross the fucking water! Sure, it wasn't a ship - but I was still pissed off. I had enough of the ocean to last a lifetime.

I had said it once, and I had said it twice... Fate was an asshole!

We had been driving for a long time, so long in fact that I had managed to take a pretty decently long nap. England eventually blurred into France. The view was incredible. England, while wonderful, had been overcast, and a little dreary. France, however, seemed surreal almost in it's vivid colors and clear skies. Everything was just new and exciting.. Simply breathtaking. I almost wished I had a camera on me, just so I could remember it all forever.

But somehow, I doubted I could ever possibly forget a single moment I spent with James. Too many attempts on my life for that shit.

"Do you think we'll ever be able to stop running?" The words spilled out of my mouth before I could contemplate whether or not it was a very good idea to give voice to them. I braved a glance towards Bucky, managing to just barely tear my gaze away from the view outside of the window.

He tilted his head just slightly so he could flick his eyes to mine briefly before returning his gaze back to the road. I watched as his fingers clenched and unclenched on the steering wheel, flexing. My out-of-the-blue question catching him off guard.

"Not that I'm bitching or anything. I know what I stumbled into with you, I get what I signed up for." I attempted to clarify. "I just.. do you ever see us being able to-" I trailed off, not quite sure what I was trying to say anymore - what answer I needed to hear. "I enjoyed the cabin.. not the fighting, but the-" I stopped again. Fuck, I sounded stupid.

"Are you asking if I see a future for us that doesn't involve running and fighting?" I could feel the tension gathering in my spine as he answered my incomplete, mostly unspoken question. He always spoke so bluntly, always seeming to know what I was trying to get at when I became flustered.. Well, when he did speak that was. His eyes glanced up to the rear-view mirror once, and then twice, almost angrily.

Furrowing my eyebrows in confusion at his behavior, I nodded slowly, watching him out of the corner of my eyes.

He clenched his jaw, picking his words carefully.

"Yes." His deep voice made my heart stutter in my chest.

He took a deep breath through his nose and glanced at me again, this time I was brave enough to meet his eyes.

"I'm not a good guy, but I didn't decide to go down this road with you on a whim." His voice had taken on that raspy tone, the one he got when he was suppressing his emotions. Before I could open my mouth to argue with him about not being a good guy, he continued on. "I wish I could tell you that I think we'll able to stop running soon, but I don't want to lie to you." His voice was getting angrier and angrier the more he spoke, aggression bleeding into his tone.

"James-"

The creaking of the steering wheel as he suddenly gripped it a little too hard made my voice hitch in my throat. The whirring of the metal plates as his left arm shifted kept me silent as his metal hand clenched the steering wheel hard, cracking it under his grip. His muscles were tensed, his eyes darkening as his eyebrows furrowed.

What had just happened? What was wrong? His mood had been fluctuating the last few minutes, I thought maybe it was just him trying to force himself to open up to me, but it wasn't... What the fuck had rustled his jimmies?

"Got to cut this conversation short.." He interrupted my scrambled thoughts, his tone eerily void of any previous emotions. "It looks like we've got company." His eyes were glancing into the rear-view mirror again. He let out a deep breath, irritation pulling at his features.

"What?" I questioned, startled, instantly alert. I twisted around in my seat to look out of the back window of the truck, trying to see what he was seeing. A black car, a couple hundred feet back was all I could see on the otherwise empty, winding country road.

"We're being followed." Bucky stated grimly, his shoulders tensing.

God dammit. Of-fucking-course-we-were.

* * *

I'm sorry that this one is a short chapter - it's a transition into the deeper plot of the story that I've had planned for a while. So just bare with my needed filler chapter here. I felt it was about time for Katarina to finally let go of all the worries that were weighing her down from her old life - she needs to worry about the present, her future with Bucky and everything else. All the same, I hope the small kiss I managed to sneak in there makes up for this chapter being a filler and an overall short one at that. I promise the next chapter is much longer! Bucky is trying to open up to her, trying to let her into his fractured mind, even though he knows it's a dangerous place to be. Hopefully that makes sense, my three day headache is making me a bit stupid.

Anywho, happy December! (My favorite month if you guys didn't get that from my username.) Read and Review! I just might do an early update to thank you guys for all your outstanding support thus far! Until next time, lovelies! ~


	29. Crossfire

It was times like these that I seriously envied James' ability to remain mostly calm and think tactically - instead of internally screaming like I was. We couldn't just have one fucking second alone to actually just talk! Nope, nope! Always interrupted.

Always with the impending death scenarios.

Fucking. Brilliant.

Shooting another quick glance out the back window, I took note that the black car seemed to be speeding up. Great. Fantastic. What next?!

Biting my lip, I forced myself to take a deep breath through my nose. An attempt to sooth my now racing heart and anxious nerves. Swallowing hard I turned to look at the side of Bucky's face.

He was glancing back and forth between the road, and the rear-view mirror. He was definitely in 'thinking of how to murder everyone' mode.

"What do we do?" I whispered, worriedly.

His jaw relaxed, slightly, he was obviously mulling over his answer. I watched as his lips slowly parted, only for his eyes to suddenly snap to mine, darkening instantly in an otherworldly scowl. In a fraction of a second, his hands leapt from the steering wheel as he twisted sideways. His normal hand grasped onto my arm first, yanking me urgently towards him. I felt the truck swerve inwards as his metal arm wrapped around my waist and lifted.

Before I could fully comprehend what exactly was going on, I found myself firmly planted on Bucky's lap, as a bullet tore through the back window of the truck - raining glass where I had previously been sitting. As James' unnatural, warmth gradually started to envelop me, the sinking feeling of another near death experience started to settle in. Bucky's hands were back on the steering wheel, caging me against his chest.

I had almost died... Again.

Motherfucker!

Twisting around, I leaned just enough to the side to see past Bucky's arm. A second, 'inconspicuous', black car had joined the first - the shooter in question had his hand sticking out the window. Bastard.

James shifted and nudged me with the arm I was looking past, a not so subtle hint to stop putting myself where they could see me. Shifting back into place, I braved a glance up at his face, only to find him already looking at me. His eyes locked with mine briefly before returning to the road as we started to accelerate.

What were we going to do?! Couldn't they just shoot Bucky now?!

My erratic, anxious thoughts cooled slightly - that's right. They can't. All this time.. and they still want to bring him in alive? Such a valuable Hydra asset he must be. He had to have known this too... that's why he put me in front of him. He was shielding me.

Abruptly, silver blurred in front of me as his metal arm wrapped around my upper chest, pulling me tightly back against him. His normal hand jerked the steering wheel to the side, veering the car to the side as another vehicle appeared in front of us. The jarring sound of metal on metal made me shriek as a bullet pierced the windshield and ricocheted off of James' metal arm.

"Oh my god..." My voice was barely above a whisper, drowned out by the roar of the engine - but he had heard me. His chest rumbled in a displeased growl.

"I've got you." His voice was gruff, angry.

With his normal hand still on the steering wheel, Bucky reached down and grasped onto a gun near his thigh. In a calculated, perfectly executed moment, he lifted the gun and fired through the hole the last bullet had created. I watched as the gunner in the front car suddenly slumped against his seat, unmoving.

Holy hell... Sharp shooter, much? I didn't think I could ever get used to how deadly he was. I was stuck between freaking out and staring at awe at the Super-Soldier I had come to be attached to.

Hold it together, Katarina... Hold it to-fucking-gether. So you almost died twice in less than five minutes! Pffttt!

My internal pep talk wasn't helping much, I could feel myself shaking. It seems I wasn't so used to this situations as I liked to believe... Bucky sighed heavily behind me, as if resigned.

"You're driving." He demanded suddenly, shifting me forwards so he could slip out from behind me.

I panicked, trying to get into position to take over. He had given me no time to mentally prepare, just, here, your turn! Have at it!

"I can't drive!" I screeched at him, my hands gripping onto the wheel in a white-knuckle grip.

"You'll be fine. Don't slow down and don't hit anything." He spoke offhandedly as reached into the backseat to pull out his usual 'I'm going to fuck shit up' mask, and a gun.

I could see James tying on his mask out of the corner of my eyes, but all I could focus on was how utterly terrified I felt in this moment. We were being shot at and chased through the French countryside! The worst part was I was fucking driving! Such a bad idea! Logically I knew that James was only having me take the wheel because he had no other option.. One of us was a trained, lethal killer.. The other, not so much. Least I could do was fucking drive, right? Ugh..

Sure, I had passed the written, but actually driving? Every time I got behind the wheel, I got so anxious that I'd end up messing up. I had been horribly nervous around cars ever since the car accident when I was little. It had taken a long time for me just to trust being in a car with anyone else behind the wheel... I had never gotten over my fear of actually driving myself, so I just didn't do it. Ever. I was a girl with two good legs, and a bus pass.

Yet here I freaking was! Driving a stolen truck, in Europe, being pursued by men with guns! Just your average learning experience!

I'm fine, absolutely-fucking-fine. Yep.

I found myself momentarily distracted when James slipped himself out of the passenger window, sitting precariously on the edge. I could just imagine that he looked just as fearsome and every bit the lethal killer that he always was, poised halfway out of the car. I glanced at his long legs before forcing myself to focus back on driving. Appreciating his muscled thighs could come later, right now we needed to survive!

My mind was going a mile a minute, so to speak. The car in front of us was tracking how I drove in order to stay directly ahead of us - stopping us from just zooming past them and getting the fuck away. The cars behind us however, were gaining.. and fast.

Gunshots erupted somewhere above me, it was only after that I jerked the wheel out of fright that I realized it was Bucky who had fired this time. Glancing briefly up at the rear-view mirror I watched as the cars behind us just kept coming, not at all concerned with his bullets - that's when I realized the man that had first shot me was positioned just perfectly enough that anything vital wasn't easily accessible for Bucky to shoot. Bulletproof windows? That had to be it - they were practically ignoring his suppression fire. They'd never fire back on their golden boy, not when one wrong move could kill him.

The growing sound of a revving engine diverted my attention away, where one of the tailing vehicles was pulling up on my side. The screeching sound of metal on metal made me flinch involuntarily as the smaller car smashed itself into the side of our truck, I wrestled with the wheel to keep us in place. Fuck, fuck fuck!

Glancing down out the window, I took in the appearance of the man looking up at me. He was late forties maybe, blonde, with an annoyingly smug face.. And he was holding a gun..

Great.

The shriek tore from my mouth without my permission as I jerked the steering wheel to the left in desperation. I avoided getting my brain splattered all over Bucky's legs, only to realize I had made him somewhat lose his footing. I shifted quickly to lean precariously sideways to avoid any gunfire, all the while trying to keep the wheel steady, despite the fact I knew we were about to veer off the road. Throwing my hand out, I latched my fingers onto James' belt, I felt the impossible pull of his weight against my shoulder as I pulled as hard as I could to keep him from toppling out of the truck as we swerved dangerously. Fuck he was heavy! My shoulder burned and tears sprung at my eyes.

With my hand still wrapped securely around his belt, Bucky pulled himself mostly back in through the window to glance past me at the car. With an agitated sigh, he shot one quick look at me.

"Go faster." He demanded.

"Are you serious?!" I groaned. I was going to get shot in the face!

"And keep your head down." He snapped, reprimanding me.

That's what he had to say on me almost getting my face blown off? Really?! Slamming my foot down onto the gas, our truck surged forward, pulling away from the two cars boxing us in from behind. Bucky reached behind my seat and pulled out a bigger gun.

"You're doing fine." He said, almost as if trying to reassure me as an afterthought as he climbed back out the window to hopefully cause some death and destruction.

Nice pep-talk, Barnes.

We were gaining on the car in front of us, easily closing the distance as I kept the pedal to the floor. I could do this.. I could do this! Go faster he said.. They were staying directly in front of us, so obviously I would need to get them out of the way.. I could totally do this!

My hands shook with nerves as my gut wrenched and twisted.

This was some fucked up irony.

Gathering up all the courage I possessed, I braced myself as the front of our truck smashed into back of the car in front of us. They swerved slightly, but it wasn't enough.

"This is a bad idea..." I whispered ominously to myself as I glanced out the back window to see one of the cars back in place, riding our bumper.

I was going to need a lot of therapy to get over this, I just knew it.

I jerked my other foot forward, tapping the break abruptly, sending the car behind us colliding with the back of the truck with an ugly crunch. I felt my eyes water at the all too familiar noise before I slammed on the gas once more, rocketing towards the car in front of us once again. I couldn't let myself think about it. There would be time for that later. After we got the fuck out of here!

Metal and glass exploded to my right as the side view mirror was quite suddenly, shot off the truck. Shit! Panicked, I glanced up into the rear view mirror to see the angry shooter peaking out of the passenger side. That asshole had shot at me again! Suddenly, his head snapped back sickeningly as a bullet sized hole formed in the middle of his forehead. His body rag-dolled out of the window, tumbling onto the pavement, and disappearing behind the cars as they continued on towards us.

Oh.

The scene was all but seared into the image center of my brain as I turned to look at Bucky's legs, the only part of him I could see right now.. That was a really good shot. Damn.

Turning my attention back to the dickheads in front of us, I floored the pedal, ramming into them as hard as I could with the front of the truck - this time not letting off the gas. It was a harder task than I realized to remain flush with their bumper as they lurched forward, swerving uncontrollably, but I managed. My mind was zooming with multiple scenarios on how to make them lose control, while ignoring the ugly memories resurfacing in my brain.

Jerking the steering wheel left and right, the car in front of us started to swerve and fishtail erratically. After several more seconds, the car veered a hard left as they completely lost control of their vehicle, careening into a ditch. The momentum sent the car cartwheeling off as it rolled and crunched, forcing it out of play.

The seats shifted lightly as James clambered back into the cab of the truck. His hair was messed up from the wind, and all I wanted in that moment was to run my fingers through it and take out all of the knots.. Instead I kept my hands firmly planted on the steering wheel. No need to get us killed just because I had an urge to play with The Winter Soldier's luscious-locks. That would be embarrassing, especially after all of this.

Shooting a curiously concerned glance my way, Bucky climbed into the backseat, smashing the back window the rest of the way out with his metal arm.

"What are you doing?" I called over my shoulder. Those other two cars were still behind us, this wasn't over yet.

"Taking care of the idiots that are trying to kill you." He mused offhandedly, sending annoying little butterflies on a rampage in my stomach.

"Oh."

"Reach into the bag at your feet, front pocket" He instructed.

Doing my best to keep my eyes on the road, I reached down and blindly swatted around for whatever he was after.

"What am I looking for?" I grunted, annoyed. It was hard enough to drive with both hands.

"You'll know it when you find it." He supplied vaguely as he strapped a few guns to his thighs, and tucked a few knives away for later, making sure to keep one eye on the cars tailing us.

I found a oval like shape through one of the pockets and slowly pulled it up and into view. What the fuck?!

"When did you get this?!" I felt nervous and jittery just holding it in my hand. When had he gotten grenades?! Ugh, why do I even bother asking. "You know what, forget it, never mind." I reached back and passed it off to him carefully. Glancing up to quickly look in the mirror at his retreating figure as he climbed out of the broken window and into the bed of the truck.

Well.. a grenade was definitely a shift in the odds.

Pausing mid-step, I watched in the rear view mirror as he twisted around to yell back into the cab of the truck.

"Your driving is awful!"

"You had to tell me that now?!" This fucking man, he was going to make me lose any of the marbles I had left. "I thought you said I was doing fine?!"

"Floor it. Don't kill us." I could almost hear the slight amusement in his tone. The asshole was teasing me on purpose. Part of me wondered if it was to help me not over-think so much.

Once again pressing the gas pedal down to the floor, I glanced up into the rear view mirror just in time to watch James rip the pin of the grenade out with his teeth, his other arm stabilizing him, just in case I fucked up and crashed into something. As I redirected my gaze back to the road, I heard the explosion more than I saw it. With my side view mirror gone I was forced to glance back up into the rear-view mirror. Well, there was definitely only one car following us now.

Twisting my head around, I checked on James to make sure he didn't need anything else. We had just passed a curve and were coming up on another long stretch of road.

Suddenly, James' head whipped around, his winter-blue eyes were filled with a startling realization and.. panic?! He wasn't looking at me either. Snapping back around, I couldn't stop the scream that tore from my throat.

Up head of us was a Hydra blockade. Standing in front of it was a man with a rocket launcher.. We were going to die.

"Left!" Bucky roared into my ear. He all but threw himself halfway into the cab to lean over my shoulder, his warmth seeping into me and granting me a moment of comfort. James' metal hand came down on the wheel, gripping it tightly and jerking it sideways, his reaction time a lot faster than mine.

Our car veered violently sideways, narrowly missing the rocket that had been aimed for us.

What had happened to the no kill order on James?! I was pretty damn sure that would have killed the both of us! What the fuck?!

The car behind us exploded, seems they hadn't been lucky enough to avoid the rocket like we had.

Bucky swiveled the steering wheel back on track easily, my foot still pressing the gas pedal into the floor. We were on a head-on collision course with the blockade.. The Hydra agent was loading another rocket.

Oh my god...

Bucky disappeared from my side in an instant, only to reach back into the truck cab and grip onto my sweater with one hand and rip me from the truck. The backs of my legs stung as he ripped me out passed the broken window, my neck burned as my hoodie cut off my airway.

The wind hit my face first, and then his warmth enveloped my back as his normal arm released the fabric of my sweater, only to wrap tightly around my torso and smash me back against his chest, caging me in securely. I could do nothing but watch as his metal arm snapped out sideways and gripped onto the side of the truck, denting it with the force of his grasp. Instinctively, I bent my arms at the elbow and reached up, grasping onto his muscled, forearm as tightly as I could, my nails digging into his skin.

With one, graceful, horrifying movement - his leg came up and his foot smashed against the back of the truck, denting the metal. There was a horrible screeching noise and then the truck bed was loose and flying backwards away from the truck. I was aware of us seemingly floating before we quite suddenly smashed back into the concrete, the truck bed screeching along the road as it was forced to a stop.

My brain felt scrambled, and I was sure I had lost feeling in my legs from terror. But I could feel James wrapped tightly around me, cradling me against his body, keeping me safe. He had taken the brunt of the impact, making sure that I was safe, as always. Scrunching my eyes shut as hard as I could, I tried to block out the sound of metal on metal again, along with screaming and gunfire. If I were to guess, it would seem our truck had made it's way to the Hydra blockade, fucking it up.

I only opened my eyes when I was sure we had come to a complete stop. We had somehow managed to skid right off the road and into the now-ruined grass lining it.

Bucky squeezed my torso once before he released his hold on the side of the truck. I could hear the gears in his arm whir as he slowly lowered me down into the truck bed until I was fully seated, safe and sound for the most part.

"Katarina."

I couldn't find my voice.

"Are you okay?"

I shakily nodded my head, tears pricking my eyes.. That had been the most terrifying experience of my life. This definitely topped the Alien Whale incident.

"Stay here, I'll be right back." His voice was soft, but demanding. He wouldn't tolerate any disobedience from me right now, not until he had slaughtered all the Hydra men at the very least. I could do that, I could stay put. I nodded almost absentmindedly, trying to will my legs to stop shaking.

Ignoring my bodies wishes, I shifted up so that I could see what he was doing, every muscle in my body protesting. The backs of my legs felt warm, and I was definitely going to feel awful once all the bruising set in. I could feel a headache forming as I watched him walk away, in that usual confident stride of his. He always seemed so leisurely in his moments, until he wasn't. He had this cool composure that was horribly intimidating - and then it was gone in the blink of an eye. He would get murderously quick on his feet, every twitch of his body expertly precise.. He was a hell of a man, and a damn good weapon.

I watched as he pulled a pistol from his thigh and shot two people down in the time it took me to blink once. He continued heading straight towards what was left of the Hydra blockade - several men were spread out, in various positions, either injured or dead. Others were regrouping, clearly panicked.

Sporadic gunfire came from the remains of the blockade, most shots went wide. Most.

A stray bullet zipped through the air and found it's target - deeply embedding into James' chest. I could do nothing but watch in horror as his shoulder shifted back just enough to be noticeable.

"James!" I cried out

But he didn't stop moving, didn't acknowledge me.

The bullet hadn't slowed him down at all, but I couldn't see his face, couldn't see if a grimace had appeared on that perfectly gorgeous mug of his. I felt bile rise up from my stomach, I swallowed it down.

He was fine, he was totally fine. No need to worry, right? Just a small wound - he's still going. Everything is alright!

Bucky stopped in the middle of the road, bending down to pick up the discarded rocket launcher. I watched as he finished reloading it, moving once to dodge another bullet - and then block another with his metal hand. I could see the tension in his back as his shirt stretched across it.

With practiced ease, he lifted the explosive weapon up and fired. The remains of the blockade was ripped apart instantly, bodies went flying, as well as shrapnel and various pieces of the cars. Several sizzling pieces rushed past James, but any that came too close he deflected with his metal arm, batting them aside as if they were nothing but annoying little pests.

Everyone was dead.

Everyone but us.

Ignoring the aches and pains, and the increasing throbbing pain in my head, I rushed out from my hiding place. I climbed the small incline towards the road easily, bolting the rest of the way across the concrete until I got to James. He shrugged away the rocket launcher, letting it fall to the ground without a care. He turned halfway around to meet me.

I didn't realize that tears were stinging my eyes. Didn't even realize that some had escaped down my cheeks.

He reached up and caught me with his hands, his large, calloused hands gripping onto my upper arms tightly.

"You're bleeding!" My voice was strangled and upset, even to my own ears.

"I know." He stated as offhandedly as usual. Why did he have to do that?! Just make it sound like it was no big deal! I couldn't stop staring at the red staining his shirt as blood slowly flowed from the wound. He had never gotten injured like this before.. I didn't know what to do. The bullet was just inside his shoulder, above the pectoral but bellow the collarbone.

I knew that I was overreacting. Somewhere in my brain, I knew it, but I just couldn't stop it. The days events were catching up to me - and my head just wouldn't stop throbbing.

"What do I do?" I wanted to help... I needed to. He had never gotten injured before...

He opened his mouth to reply but stopped short, his gaze snapping over to the side of us. I followed his gaze to see someone moving on the ground.

Someone had survived?!

Bucky stepped away from me and pulled another pistol from his other thigh holster, striding over to the dying man with quick and purposeful strides. Just how many guns did he have on him? I followed behind him as quick as I could, my muscles felt like they were starting to lock up.

He was an average man, nothing special about him.. Other than the fact he had what looked like a piece of a car sticking out of his shin and a gnarly gash going across his nose.

The man tried to slide backwards when he saw James, but he wasn't quick enough. James' boot came down onto the man's arm, crushing it into the pavement and stopping him in his tracks. The man screamed as his bone cracked under the force of Bucky's rage.

I stood slightly behind James as he raised his pistol and pointed it at the man.

"Who sent you?" He grumbled deeply.

The man glared up at Bucky, not saying a word.

Pivoting on the foot holding the man down, I heard the bone crunch further. The man cried out, but James wasn't done. He shot him once in the other leg, rendering them both useless.

"Want to try again?" Bucky asked nonchalantly. A total 'I can do this all day' kind of tone.

The man's glare turned bitter and resigned, I watched as his jaw rolled and then -

Crunch!

He started foaming at the mouth.

Cyanide!?

" _Crossbones sends his regards._ " The man gasped out before the poison did its work.

Wait just a damn minute, who the fuck is Crossbones?!

* * *

Alright, so - as we are now nearly thirty chapters in, I'm going to do this one FINAL time. **This story won't be for everyone, I have put numerous warnings since the very beginning. So, if you are still under any delusions of what this story is going to be, it's no longer my problem. Don't like? Don't Read. This story will contain darker themes, violence, language, smut(later of course), all that.** **I don't personally care for vanilla, fluff themes, so I won't write this story that way. There will be nice moments though, as I've clearly displayed already.**

Bucky and Katarina's relationship is messed up because THEY are messed up. This is how I'm writing it. Will they always be this way? No. They'll grow as characters, but yes, some things will always be present in this story. Like Bucky's possessiveness, and his aggression and a few other things. He'll never abuse her - because he cares. He's just fucked up and doesn't always show it in 'normal' ways. Because he's not JUST James Barnes anymore, he's The Winter Soldier too. He can never go back to just being James Barnes - best friend of Captain America. Just like Katarina can't go back to being a normal human woman - they're both dealing with trauma at this point.

For Katarina, she's developed social anxiety - not just because of the isolation, but because she's paranoid now. Any person could be Hydra in a crowd, and it terrifies her. I will address this however, just to answer it as a reoccurring question and to clear it up. THEY WON'T ALWAYS BE ALONE. They just are right now. For those of you who have heeded my previous warnings and still love this story - thank you for being amazing and supportive. I truly appreciate you.

Anyways, here's an early update for you guys! I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter, talk about plot twist! (; Haha. I hope the Holidays are going splendidly for all of you! Read and Review my lovelies, until next time! ~


	30. Jaws of the Wolf

Both of us stood there in eerie silence for several long minutes, both of us just staring at the Hydra grunt that had taken his own life. No doubt his words were echoing in both of our heads as we mulled it over.

 _Crossbones sends his regards._

James looked just as confused as I did, with his eyebrows drawn down together and his frown very apparent on his face. He didn't look angry, just curious and maybe a bit confused. Did he not know who Crossbones was either? It was odd to think that there was something that James didn't know. He was like an endless pool of information - but this.. this seemed to be eluding him.

My headache seemed to be getting worse, all I wanted to do was lay down and close my eyes as tightly as I could, but I knew that wasn't possible. Not right now anyways, I could deal with this.. I would manage.

"Who's Crossbones?" I asked weakly, finally finding my voice.

He didn't even hesitate in his answer.

"I don't know."

I had guessed as much, but still, hearing him confirm it out loud seemed to set an ominous vibe around us. Someone was after us.. Someone we didn't know. How could we properly prepare for an unseen villain when we knew nothing about him?

We were running blind.

Taking a deep breath, I did my best to gather my wits as well as my courage and determination. We needed to get out of here.. but how?

Frowning, I turned to look at Bucky, who was prodding his wound with two metal fingers. I sucked in a breath at the motion, my worry once again skyrocketing. My brain really must be fucking scrambled.. I had momentarily forgot about him being shot! In all the weirdness with the Hydra man and the Crossbones 'big-bad' mystery.. I had forgotten James had been injured. It wasn't something that normally happened, and with my brain feeling like I had let it sit in a blender on 'high' for ten minutes, I had managed to push it to the back of my mind. Fuck. James being injured was something that I just couldn't get used to.

"We need to get out of here."

James nodded, agreeing with me.

"I'll grab our stuff, we'll have to walk for a while." He nodded towards the remains of our truck. I wondered if anything was salvageable. I sure hoped so. We had just wrecked it, at least it hadn't gotten blown up like some of the other cars. Still, there was no more driving it - it was totaled.

"But your wound-" He cut me off.

"I'll manage." He gruffly replied, shooting me a look, his eyes narrowing. "You, on the other hand..."

"I'm fine." I protested.

"Don't lie to me." He snapped, impatiently, taking a solid step towards me. His mood going from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye.

Throwing my hands up in front of me, I gestured for him to stay where he was. I wasn't sure if I could handle that right now. Getting close to him right this second could be my undoing, I found way too much comfort in his presence. If I relaxed, even a little.. I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep myself awake or keep the pain from overwhelming me. Everything was aching, even my mind.

He ground his teeth as he glanced at my hands, the hands keeping him at bay. His gaze shifted back and forth between my small hands and my face.

"I'll be fine, James." I was trying to be assuring.

He glared at me, not believing me one bit, but he let the subject drop for now. Turning away from me, he strode over to the ruined truck and pulled the bags that were surprisingly still intact out of the cab. They looked a little roughed up, but nothing too terrible.

He turned and gestured me forward, waiting until I moved right up to his side. Once I was close enough, he reached up and grasped onto my upper arm, his usual spot for manhandling me along beside him.

"You did good." He whispered, his voice coarse. The tone definitely not matching the words.

"I killed people." We both knew I was talking about the people I had maneuvered into crashing, those deaths were on me and me alone. He couldn't shoulder this one like he had that man in the jewelers.

"You did good." He repeated, a bit more firmly. His eyes found mine, and for just a small moment, he let something slip past those confusing orbs, something that had my heart fluttering away happily in my chest like a baby humming bird. And then it was gone.

His words put my heavy heart and mind at ease, and for that, I was more than grateful. For now, he had quieted my demons.

\- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

After walking for what seemed like ages, with night falling rapidly, we came across an abandoned farmhouse. It was a bit worse for wear, but it had a solid roof and walls, so we called it good. We'd have to stay here for the night, and hopefully in the morning we would be able to acquire transportation to get to wherever James had originally planned for us to go.

I watched as he sauntered into what was left of a kitchen area and set our bags down against the wall, I was drop-dead tired, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep yet. Not until James' wound was taken care of. At this point I was pretty sure nothing but my willpower was keeping me upright.

Bucky bent down, balancing on his toes to dig through the bags. After a moment or two he found what he was looking for and stood back up. Shifting, he turned around to face me, my first aid-kit in his hands along with two lanterns. I stood anxiously in the doorway as he walked around the rickety old table and sat down in one of the sturdier looking wood chairs.

"Come here." His tone was light but I could tell it was more of a demand than anything.

Without a second thought, I moved to comply, coming to stand in front of his knees.

"You're going to dig the bullet out." He informed me coolly, opening the first aid kit on the table with one hand before flicking on both of the lanterns. He positioned one carefully on the table next to him, before leaning over and setting the second one on the counter off to the side of me.

Well, I was certainly paying attention now. He wanted me to.. fucking hell. No way.

"What?!" My eyebrows shot to my hairline and I was pretty sure I was gaping at him.

His eyes slid up from the first-aid kit to look at me, his stare unrelenting and intense. I shifted nervously under his gaze. Digging into James' flesh for a bullet was not something I really wanted to do... Ever.

"Take. The. Bullet. Out." He ground out, slower this time. I rolled my eyes as he outstretched his hand towards me, a pair of medical tweezers in his hand. Of course he'd just repeat himself like usual, not actually explain himself. Ugh! Why me? Fucking fuck. Fuck!

Taking the tweezers out of his hand, I shifted awkwardly. I really, really didn't like this. Not one bit.

"I really don't think I can do this..." I spoke honestly, my stomach twisting into knots.

He ignored me as he reached down to grab at the hem of his shirt with his metal arm, shifting forward in his chair and arching his back as he pulled it up and over his head, a grimace forming at his mouth. My stomach twisting harshly as his wound became exposed to the open air.

It was healing already!? Fucking hell! It had only been several hours?! For some reason, seeing actual physical proof that Bucky's body worked far differently than mine was throwing me for a loop. I knew he was ridiculously strong, and outrageously fast.. But seeing this.. Sure, it hadn't healed much - but I could definitely tell that it had been trying. Shit! His skin was trying to knit back together with the bullet still lodged inside him! I was no medical expert, but I knew that was not something we wanted.

He had dried blood caked all around the wound, and the bruising was dark and ominous. Blues and purples blended with yellows and greens. I hated it. I hated to see him injured. He had always seemed so... invulnerable.

James watched my reaction carefully, almost curiously as he reached towards his belt to pull out one of his knives.

"Look away." He demanded, softly.

I knew it was useless to argue, how else was I going to get the bullet out of him?! I couldn't reopen the wound, I didn't have the stomach for it. He was going to have to do it himself.

Biting down hard onto my lip, I twisted around till my back was facing him. I shut my eyes as tightly as I could, trying to block out what I knew he was doing behind me. I could watch him shoot people all day, even fucking smash some guys face in, but digging a knife into his own chest? Yeah, I couldn't handle it.

My stomach lurched and churned as I bit down onto my lip harder, drawing blood.

"Katarina." His gruff voice had a twinge of irritation - I take it he didn't like having to cut himself open either.

Turning back around to face him, I was met with the sight of fresh blood dripping down his chest. Swallowing thickly, I stepped back towards him, leaning down to get a better angle on his bullet wound.

I could do this, I could so do this! Just like that silly game with the buzzers I played as a kid. What was it again..? Operation?

I didn't feel anymore sure of myself.

Nibbling on my lip nervously, I reached up to put my hand onto his broad, normal shoulder. The heat of him felt like it was burning my fingers as I used him to steady myself. This was definitely going pretty far up the list of unpleasant shit I've had to do.

I could feel his gaze practically drilling holes into the side of my face as I got to work on both trying to pull the bullet out of his shoulder, as well as keeping the contents of my stomach down while I did so. My hands were shaky, and the angle in which I was standing was not the best. I was positioned right in front of his knees, bent at the waist to try and get a better angle. It wasn't going well, my back ached and I didn't feel stable enough to go digging into his god damn chest... But it wasn't like I could say no, there was no one else that could do it. He obviously asked me for a reason instead of trying to do it himself.

I really didn't like an injured James... I wonder if this is how he felt whenever I got hurt? Fuck knows it happened often enough.

A rumble suddenly came from his chest, and I instantly jerked back away from his wound. Had I hurt him?! Panic was quickly overtaking my body as my heart hammed against my sternum. Pulling back must have been the wrong thing to do however, because as soon as I glanced at his face, I found him glaring at me heatedly.

His hands came up, striking quickly as he gripped onto my hips firmly, yanking me forward onto his lap until I was straddling his legs.

"Hey!" I protested instantly, trying to pull back away from him in surprise. He gave me no quarter, his hands tightening on my hips as he held me firmly in place.

"I kept my distance earlier, I won't now." He growled at me, his fingers digging harshly into my jeans. "You'll never get the bullet out if you kept that up." He informed me, impatient with my squirming.

I froze. Oh. He was just.. trying to give me a better advantage point..

"On top of that, you look about ready to fall over." There was anger in his tone, he wasn't concealing it now. I willed myself to look into his eyes, to see the rage and concern there. I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off easily.

"Dig the bullet out, Katarina. Now." That was definitely an order.

Swallowing hard, I put my hand back on his shoulder and got to work. Now was not the time to argue with him, he was wounded and if I didn't hurry the fuck up his wound would close again. His blood was coating my fingers now as I slowly worked the bullet out of him as carefully as I could. I was suddenly thankful that I was used to working on electronics. Despite the fact that I was exhausted and hurting, I knew I still had steadier hands than most would when put in this sort of situation.

Didn't mean I still wasn't completely opposed to the whole thing.

Pulling the bullet the rest of the way out of him, I carelessly dropped it onto the table next to us, giving it a good glare as if it actually gave a shit about what I thought of it. Setting the tweezers down next, I tried not to focus on the fact that they were stained with his blood, just like my hands.

"Now what?" I asked, gesturing towards his wound.

"Clean it, bandage it. It'll heal soon." His breath was fanning against my cheek, he was making it difficult to concentrate. Each exhale had my mind swimming off into the metaphorical gutter.

Nodding slowly, I moved quickly to pull out everything that I would need to finish up.

He remained quiet, his hands resting on my hips firmly as I worked. I cleaned up all the blood coating his skin, and I was proud to say that I had been on my best behavior, even as I had to dip low to clean the drops that had slid down his muscular, and so so deliciously toned abdomen. I was proud of my self control - but I also hated it, which just made my head hurt more.

Making sure his wound was completely disinfected, I bandaged it carefully. I doubt he really needed it, but he had requested it, so I figured he knew better than me. Part of me hoped he had only asked for it because he didn't want me to move yet. Which of course was just a silly hormonal thought, I might as well have been some love-struck teenager.

"All done." I declared, my voice no more than a whisper.

He didn't move.

His gaze was almost a physical thing, I could feel it on my skin as he stared at me. My heart beat picked up in my chest in response as I forced myself to meet his still-angry gaze. Shifting backwards, I attempted to stand up, but he didn't let me. Instead, his hands gripped harder, making me wince as he jerked me closer so that our chests were practically touching. I sucked in a breath as I found myself just inches from his face.

"What hurts?" He inquired, his voice a bit coarse again.

"What?" I asked, dazed. His breath was fanning over my face more so now, enticing me.

"Where are you injured?" He rephrased, one of his hands leaving my hip to trail up my back and play with my hair. I tried hard to focus on his question, but I found myself far too distracted by his proximity. After today, this right here.. this was all I wanted. I didn't even care that while his eyes said 'pissed off' his actions were saying something else entirely.

His metal arm wrapped around my back and pulled me the rest of the way into him, firmly, chest to chest. He tilted his head and dipped forward, his nose running along the side of my neck, I shuddered in his arms. Oh, fuck... This was definitely new for him.. he was.. blatantly showing affection. Had I passed out after the Hydra incident? Was this all a dream up to this point? It had to be, there was no way he'd-

"Tell me." He breathed roughly, far too close to my ear. I could still hear the angry undertone to his voice, but it was laced with something new, something I couldn't be sure of.

This man was going to kill me, I was sure of it! What brought on the sudden affection? Not that I was complaining by any means..

Maybe like me, after such a long stressful day, he just wanted to be close?

I honestly hadn't put much thought into what was hurting the last few hours - asides from the headache that I was doing just fine with ignoring. I found it very difficult to answer his question, even if he wasn't being horribly distracting I was sure I wouldn't have been able to answer him properly. I had ignored my body's aches and pains all afternoon, I had only been concerned for his well-being.

"I don't know." I answered honestly, my voice quivering. I really hope he hadn't heard that.

His chest rumbled, in that displeased growl of his as he pulled his face away from my neck to look at my face. His stare made my abdomen twist slightly, butterflies taking flight. His dark hair was falling in his face again, my fingers twitched lightly.

His arm unwound from my back, moving back down to join it's twin at my hip. He squeezed momentarily, before he shifted, letting his hands slide firmly up my sides and over my back, searching. I tensed immediately, my eyes widening as his hands continued their path. He prodded at my stomach before continuing up, his hands ghosting over my breasts before he slid his fingers across the flesh of my throat, gliding purposefully over the choker.

I hissed as he made contact, pain flaring up instantly. Apparently my sweater had done a number on me earlier when he had used it to rip me out of the truck. I didn't blame him of course, he had saved me from getting blown to pieces. Damn my neck was tender.

"There's one." He commented lowly.

It finally dawned on me what he was doing.. Before, he had always just visually inspected me for injuries.. this.. this was unexpected and I wasn't quite sure how to handle it. What I did know though, was that he was going to drive me crazy. Of that, I was certain.

"James-"

He cut me off.

"Stay still." He commanded, his eyes drilling into my own.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! Talk about walking into the jaws of the wolf...

* * *

Here it is lovelies! I would have gotten this chapter out to you a bit sooner today but I kept reading it over and over again, unsure if I liked it or not. Either way, I hope YOU guys enjoy this chapter and are having a lovely December thus far. To clarify something from my last author's note that a few of you commented on - the smut WILL happen, just not yet, they're not there yet in their relationship. As displayed in this chapter however, their relationship IS evolving - James and The Winter Soldier are growing bolder, more comfortable with the idea of affection towards Katarina. This will continue. It's a fine line I have to walk now between his darkness and fractured mind - and his healing and growing affection for Katarina. It's going to be a back and forth battle. I just hope you guys enjoy how I do this. James is definitely going to be quite the bipolar mess all the way through this story. Anyways, I'm rambling. My brain feels much like Katarina's today, all scrambled n' whatnot. Happy Holidays to all of you, I hope this new chapter helps brighten your day! Read and Review, until next time! ~


	31. Battle Wounds

My mind and my body were quite literally at war with each other. On one hand, I was mentally and physically exhausted. We had gone through a hellish day, and I was injured, sore, and my brain had already been feeling like mush before he started this. On the other hand, James was touching me, he was initiating less than innocent contact... and it was all under the pretense of him checking me for injuries. His hands, each one a contradiction from the other were roaming across my body..

Part of me wanted to throw myself off of his lap and flee the situation, that was my shot-nerves I was sure. The other half wanted to stay right where I was and let him do whatever the hell he wanted.. Even if this was an essentially 'innocent' situation, my hormones didn't give a shit.

Weirdly enough, both my exhaustion, and my need to be in his arms were keeping me in place. I had no fight left in my body, and asides for being nervous at this new situation, I didn't want to be anywhere else.

My mind was going in useless circles. I really wish my brain had an off switch.

Bucky's continued touch pulled me out of my mess of a brain, his fingers continued up from my neck to my jaw. He traced the line of the bone before continuing upwards. His metal fingertips ghosted across my semi-parted lips, while his normal hand kept on moving, the backs of his fingers sweeping delicately across my cheek. His metal fingers did the same to the other not a second later. I was so still, so tensed that briefly thought I might be dreaming. But that was so silly, so stupid, even my imagination wasn't this good.

His fingers prodded at my temples briefly, before they both swept into my tangled mess of orange hair. I sat up a bit straighter as he started to work out the tangles with his fingers, he was oddly gentle about it, but firm at the same time. I could barely breath as he continued for several minutes, neither of us saying a single thing. He just watched me, his eyes never breaking from mine. Who knew that this simple action of him untangling my hair could be so intimate.

I wanted to kiss him.

I wanted to close that gap between us so fucking badly... But he had told me not to move, and he had said it with 'that' tone of his.. That one that promised swift punishment if I didn't listen. That Winter Soldier commanding voice of his... The work he was doing on my hair felt sinfully good... it was ridiculously relaxing. I could fall asleep like this.

Fuck.

He seemed to be satisfied with the state of my hair, because he pulled his fingers from the tresses, much to my dismay. His hands briefly left me all together, only to sweep down my back again. His fingertips following the curve of my spine, I unconsciously arched into him.

His chest rumbled slightly, but the look in his eyes told me that it wasn't in reprimand this time.. Oh boy... my insides fluttered happily.

His hands came around and gripped tightly onto my hips, his fingers digging in just enough to send a jolt of pain through my system. My abdomen clenched delightfully and I flushed bright red immediately. I however didn't have time to dwell and be embarrassed by my reaction before he had us both standing, his hands staying on my hips until he was sure I was stable.

Confusion swept through me.

And then he crouched down in front of me, balancing on his toes. In a knee-jerk reaction, I tried to take a step back from his proximity, but his firm grip on my hips didn't allow it. I swallowed hard as I looked down at him, his eyes locking with mine. My heart was hammering painfully in my chest, it was so loud I was sure he could hear it.

His hands slid down from my hips and then to the backs of my thighs, I tensed immediately and lurched forward slightly as pain flared where he touched. I gripped onto his wide shoulders instinctively, trying to stabilize myself as well as get away from his searching hands.

"There's another." He commented offhandedly once again.

I hadn't realized how badly the backs of my thighs had been hurting.. I had since grown numb, until he touched them. When had I gotten an injury there...?

Oh.

The back window of the truck.. it must have been when he had ripped me out too!

Damn.

I watched as he shook his head lightly, sending his hair into his face, he was displeased. It was written all over his face. I guess I had been right earlier.. We were the same on this front. Neither of us liked when the other was hurt.

His hands continued down my calves, checking. With his thorough inspection completed, he stood up, towering over me. I shakily raised my eyes to look into his. My brain was definitely mush now.. Exhausted, horny, mush. His eyes glinted lightly as he looked down his nose at me.

I could practically see the gears turning in his brain as he looked decisively into my eyes. He was figuring shit out, how he wanted to go about things. Intent seared into his eyes as he reached out and grabbed onto my hips with his contradicting warm and cold, large hands. He pressed forward, forcing me to back up towards the rickety table until my ass hit the edge of it. Releasing his grip on my hips, his fingers slithered up and under the edge of my hoodie, gripping and pulling it up and over my head before I could protest or even question what he was doing. I was left in just my plain black tank top.

"Stay." He breathed his command easily. I huffed at him.

"I'm not a dog, you know?" The sassy eye-roll that came with that statement hurt more than I cared to admit, but I was at least happy I managed some words that were just whimpers for him to touch me again. He said nothing in return. He walked fluidly to the other side of the table and laid out my hoodie. Turning, he grabbed one of his own much larger hoodies from the bags and laid it out right behind me.. He was covering the surface of the table, I realized. I watched wearily and a bit anxiously as he sauntered back in front of me, immediately dropping down to crouch in front of me.

My eyes followed him, he was looking up at me expectantly. Two beautifully sculpted metal fingers tapped my right shoe impatiently.

"Lift." He instructed, firmly.

Swallowing thickly, I raised my foot slightly off the ground, watching with a bit of shock as he pulled my shoe off my foot. He didn't have to ask this time, I raised my other foot as if on auto-pilot.

A half naked Super-Soldier.. was undressing me.. Oh man.. I was so not prepared for this shit tonight. The way the muscles in his shoulders tensed as he shifted before me.. fuck.. Come on, Katarina.. he's tending to your injuries, not professing his undying love and getting ready to fuck you until you can't see straight. Get it the fuck together!

He stood up fluidly, his hands finding my hips so easily it was almost like they belonged there. He lifted me up in his usual fashion of 'you weigh nothing' and set me precariously on the edge of the table. I braced myself with my hands, hooking onto the edge of the table that I was sure was going to collapse any second now and send me toppling gracelessly to the floor.

"Lift your hips." He instructed, his blue orbs searing into my gray ones.

I took a deep, steadying breath and did as he asked. His fingers smoothly undid the button and zipper faster than I could blink before snaking up to hook onto the hem of my black jeans, swiftly pulling them down my legs, tossing them behind him without a care. I could feel the blush burn into my cheeks again, spreading down my neck like wildfire. Oh my god... Oh my god... My brain wouldn't shut the fuck up! I was a mess, a fucking hormonal mess! Sure, I don't go into shock when we almost get blown up and someone shoots at me! But Bucky taking my pants off? Yeah, I just lose it.

Good for me.. Got my priorities straight.

Fuck, I need my head checked.

The corner of James' mouth twitched as he looked me over, dressed only in my tank top, panties, and socks. All black and practical. Fuck, if I had known he was gonna' see me half-dressed I would have worn something lacy or something... hindsight is a bitch.

"So flustered..." He breathed, eyeing my red cheeks pointedly. The switch of his mood as usual left me a little startled.

I scowled at him.

"Wonder how you'll be when I have less than honorable intentions next time?" He mused, his eyes glinting with blatant amusement. The shock that rushed through my system helped jar my brain back into semi-working order.

"You're teasing me on purpose!" I accused. "Why?!" My righteous indignation was winning out against my genuine surprise at the fact that he was being light-hearted after what had just happened with the Hydra grunts.

He hummed in the back of his throat, thoughtfully. "Headache? Slightly nauseous? Trouble focusing? Exhausted?" He checked off, making me pause. Those were all things I was experiencing.. How did he..? My facial expression must have matched what I was thinking. "You need to stay awake." He said simply, shrugging his normal shoulder.

"Oh." I nibbled on my lip, nervously... So that's why he was being this way? Using my body's traitorous actions against me.. reactions he was aware of... Instead of letting the disappointment that he had his own agenda swell up inside of me, I let the fact that he knew of my whiplash sink in.. He knew my head was injured before he had felt me up for anymore injuries.. He was keeping me alert and aware because I couldn't go to sleep just yet. I tried so very hard not to be disappointed. He had chose to use this method on purpose.. He could have kept me awake in other.. not so handsy ways..

"Lay on your stomach." His words broke me out of my thoughts once again. He nodded his chin behind me, towards where he had laid down the sweaters.

Well, this was going to be a bit more than awkward..

Using my hands to help stabilize myself, I lifted myself further up onto the table and twisted until I was on my hands and knees with him behind me. I could feel the blush return full force as I shifted to lay down on the hoodies, stretching out until he was at my feet. I tried very hard not to dwell on the fact that both of us were half naked, and my ass had just been in the air. I heard his rather abrupt intake of air and I wondered if it was for the show.. or if my legs looked like hell.

The floor creaked under him as he shifted to my side, gazing at my injuries intently.. Injuries that had hurt so fucking bad when he had touched them. But were otherwise numb to me right now. I was laying with my head turned to face him, so I got a front row seat to the rage that flashed across his face. His jaw flexed as his teeth ground together, and the muscles in his arms bunched and tightened. Yeah.. I'm guessing my legs definitely looked bad...

"That bad?" I questioned quietly, needing to know.

His eyes snapped to mine, the look on his face was positively glacial... All previous playful banter and flirting gone just like that.

"How did you not feel these?!" He snarled.

I tensed up immediately.. apparently it was that bad.

"I don't know..." I replied quietly, watching the fury on his face closely.. It was amazing how he could flip so quickly with his emotions. He was definitely in full, terrifying Winter Soldier mode now. "I can't even see how bad they are..." I tried to twist around to get a better look, but his hand snapped out and pressed my shoulder back down firmly, forcing me to stay where I was.

He ground his teeth together in frustration, his jaw clenched tightly as his nostrils flared.

"Fuck.." He breathed angrily, clenching his eyes shut for a moment.

Seems my colorful vocabulary was rubbing off on him, I decided to stay quiet about that. I really wasn't feeling much in my thighs.. which I imagine wasn't a very good thing by the sounds of it. With all the life-threatening situations earlier, the adrenaline.. When he had ripped me out of that truck, all I felt was a sharp sting, and then it had been too hectic to put another thought towards it after that.. It wasn't until he had put his hands right on them that pain flared... His silence and anger was starting to worry me.

How had neither of us not noticed? I mean.. dark jeans are kind of horrible to show blood.. but had neither of us noticed that I had ripped the back of my jeans? I tried thinking back to this afternoon.. Everything had been so hectic and crazy.. I hadn't even felt it after the initial sting.. and James and I had walked side by side the rest of the day, he had been overly paranoid, his eyes shifting everywhere.. Everywhere but the backs of my legs it seemed.. I could see his own thoughts swirling around behind his eyes, pain and anger flaring prominently as he grimaced. I wonder if he had realized what I had, his expression twisted again.

He.. oh no.. he felt guilty.

"It's not your fault." The words were flowing out of my mouth before I fully decided to even speak them. His eyes found mine, his eyebrows furrowed aggressively.

"You need stitches." He growled, lowly.

My eyebrows shot to my hairline and my stomach twisted... Oh god dammit... Stitches.. Stitches with no medication.. no lovely numbing medicine.. Fucking hell.

* * *

Happy Holidays everyone! I really hope you like this chapter and I hope each and every one of you are having a brilliant day, and I hope this adds to it. This month has been a bit hectic for me, so I'm sorry for the slower updates. Everything will settle down after the Holidays, I promise. I'm sadly trying to not get sick right now, everyone around me is sick and it's an uphill battle... Add in some extra stress this morning.. and yeah, not my best day, but I'm going to bake some cookies and hopefully just relax for the rest of the evening.

Anyways, here's some continuation of James being extra bipolar with his mood swings.. It's been a long day for both of them at this point.. and it just got a bit more difficult. James is of course being overly hard on himself internally right now.. because he didn't notice that she had cut her thighs on the glass still stuck in the back window. He knew that she might get a little hurt from how he had ripped her out of the truck, but he hadn't expected this.. and he's angry he didn't check her over sooner - angry at her for not noticing. But he of course, had to pull her out of the truck when he did, her dying on him was not an acceptable option at all. He's just a bundle of dark emotions right now.. Winter Soldier and James both are quite upset about this. And poor Katarina.. she just wants to kiss the man senseless and pass the fuck out.

Anyways my lovelies, I really do hope you enjoy this chapter! Read and Review please! Till next time ~


	32. Cruel to be Kind

Sleep deprived panic was starting to set in heavily, it was like a load of lead had settled into the pit of my stomach and my heart had gone into overdrive. I was mentally and physically exhausted, and god dammit a shirtless Bucky wasn't helping my case! I wasn't in the right type of mindset to deal with this situation with a rational, level-headed mind.. This was going to fucking hurt.

Glancing up towards James' face from my position on the table, I found no reassurance. His face was grimly set in stone. He might as well have been made of perfectly crafted, angry, marble. His eyes were a biting, arctic blue in their anger. His mouth was drawn down into a tantalizing frown and I found myself resisting the urge to sit up and kiss him... The man had just told me I needed stitches, and yet here I was.. wanting to comfort him.

Life was full of these small ironic situations it seemed.

His next deep breath momentarily distracted my train of thought, as I found my eyes instantly glued to the way his chest moved as he breathed. The way his muscles tensed and then relaxed as he stood there, lost in his own thoughts. Watching his rhythmic breathing was oddly soothing, and I felt myself calming down slightly as I laid there on my stomach.

Just breathe, Katarina... You can do this.

"James..." I whispered, unsure.

His eyes were instantly on my own, I almost flinched from the intensity of his stare.

"I have to clean them first." He abruptly filled in, his voice coarse like his temper.

Swallowing hard I could do nothing but watch with tensed anticipation as he walked evenly around to the other side of the table, towards the first aid supplies. I watched as he meticulously laid out several items near my head that he figured he was going to need. It almost felt like he was drawing it out...

His eyes were suddenly on mine then, his brow furrowed slightly. He was searching my face for something.. and it took me a few moments to exactly figure out what it was. Clenching my jaw, I jerkily nodded my head and watched as all the emotion drained right out of his eyes.. He was now mostly vacant, but that set of the jaw told me determination was swelling up inside of him.

I recognized the complete Winter Soldier shift easily.

Fuck.

Taking the bottle of rubbing alcohol into his hands he twisted the cap off and laid it aside carelessly. In one nimble move, he extended his metal arm until the length of his strong, cool forearm pressed tightly against the middle of my back, effectively pinning my upper body down to the table.

This couldn't hurt that bad could it? I mean.. I had barely felt anything since it happened? I had been surprisingly, and thankfully numb.

Now that I couldn't twist my torso around anymore, it was hard to see him, I could only see his frame out of my peripherals. I did my best to watch as he steadily held the bottle in his normal hand, I tensed a bit as he dug his warm elbow into the back of my knee.

Another motion meant to keep me in place.

Pain erupted from my legs as the liquid sloshed down into the deep lacerations on my thigh and I couldn't stop my body's reaction. I wiggled and twisted, gnashing my teeth together harshly as a sharp shriek rose up into my throat.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

How deep had those cuts been?!

Both of his arms were unyielding as they held me firmly down onto the table. I could only grip tightly onto the edge of the table and move the leg he hadn't gotten to yet.

Having finished cleaning out the cuts on the back of my left thigh, James moved on to the right thigh. Adjusting only slightly to lean over me more as he brought his elbow down again, this time on the back of my right knee. I turned my head with him, needing to still see him out of the corners of my eyes as he worked. His hair shielded most of his face from my gaze, but I could still see that firm set of his jaw and he tipped the bottle in his hand again, letting the liquid fall and seemingly sizzle into my wounds.

Fuck! I knew he was helping, I knew that it was necessary, but it sure hurt like a motherfucker!

Note to self, don't get ripped out anymore windows!

Thankfully, after a few more seconds, the sharp pain that was racing up and down my nerves started to ease up.. I took a shaky deep breath, trying to calm myself down at least a bit. I had a white knuckle grip on the edge of the table, and I couldn't seem to get my hands to relax.. My body knew the pain wasn't over yet.

Bucky pulled back away from me, removing his steel band of an arm from my back. I twisted a bit to watch him recap the evil-liquid and move to grab the next no-doubt-tortuously-helpful-object. But to my surprise.. he didn't go for any of the supplies, instead his hands went down to the belt strapped around his hips.

My eyes widened as his agile fingers made quick work of the buckle. With one even tug, he pulled the belt out of the loops of his pants and into his hands. I started to open my mouth to question him, but he beat me to it.

"This should help with some of the pain." He stated, bluntly.

I was momentarily confused, what the fuck was he doing?

"It still won't be pleasant." He grumbled as he reached for my leg, looping the belt tightly around my upper thigh. I winced as he abruptly pulled the belt taut. Tourniquet! My brain had finally caught up to his thought process. Cutting off circulation to reduce blood flow and help curb some of the pain...

I could think of much better ways to use his belt..

I nearly smacked myself. I knew I was dreading the pain, and I definitely knew my brain felt like it had been through a blender.. But now was not the time, bad Katarina!  
I was once again filled with stupid, hopeful optimism.. It couldn't be that bad, right? Somehow I knew as soon as I thought that sentence that it was stupid. I tried not to let myself tense up as his hands flittered through the stuff next to my head. It became rather difficult to remain calm as I watched him open a package containing a needle. It wasn't as if I was afraid of needles per say.. I just wasn't fond of the idea of having to get stitches without medication.

I was spoiled with modern conveniences, that was obvious now. Scars literally danced up my entire tattoo covered arm and yet here I was.. a scared, little lamb. I could face down a Hydra guy and stab him in the eye.. Hell, I stared Bucky down all the time. But a few little painful stitches when I was mentally exhausted? I was a wreck just thinking about it.

After he finished up, he returned to his position at my legs. I jumped when I felt the cool metal of his hand settle over the tourniquet, right below my ass. His grip was barely there at first, and then it started to constrict and apply pressure. I suddenly realized that this time around.. he wouldn't be able to use one arm to hold my torso down, he needed both this time.

I swallowed thickly, forcing my breath to come out evenly.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Repeat.

I felt him pause more than I saw it. His metal hand left my leg to reach up and grab onto my hand that was still gripping onto the table. I didn't get a chance to ask him what he was doing before he was moving my arm slowly until it was stretched down next to me, towards his leg.

"Grab onto me." He ordered, his voice rough.

I couldn't stop the shock that flooded my system at the affectionate gesture he had just provided me with.. Before he could scowl at me, or bark it at me again, I reached out and gripped onto the tough material of his pants. My fingers dug into the material harshly as I twisted it in my hand.

He didn't say anything more, even as I slightly twisted at the waist to get a better look at him, my legs were still flat down on the table so I didn't figure it was a problem for him. The angle I was now bent towards made it easier to grab onto the leg of his pants, easing some of the strained tension in my sore shoulders. I really hoped I'd be able to get a good nights sleep... No nightmares, no Hydra men storming into our rundown hideaway.

I tried to focus on nothing but his gorgeous face and chest as he once again placed his metal hand on top of his belt and pressed down on my upper thigh. His hair was tousled as usual, his eyes dark and resolved as he focused on the task at hand. I let my eyes dip down the slope of his neck towards the scarring where metal met flesh. God, he was beautiful... he even wore scars well. They just added to the rugged appeal of him. Gods... those muscles are-

Fuck!

I shrieked sharply as I felt the needle glide easily into my skin under Bucky's handling. I must have tried to shift away subconsciously because his eyes darted to mine briefly as he pressed down harder onto my thigh and kept going. Grinding my teeth I did my best to just keep looking at him, trying to distract myself from tugging of thread being laced into my skin.

"James." My voice was urgent and soft, even to my own ears.

His eyes met mine, but his hands didn't still, much to my dismay and surprise. Of course he could accomplish stitches without looking! My irritation level was growing along with the pain, I realized I was trembling.

"Talk to me, please." I craved the distraction his voice usually provided me with.

"About what?" He grunted.

I scoured my brain for a topic, something that I wanted to know and hadn't got to figure out yet. My brain wasn't working to it's fullest potential but still several topics filtered into my head and I picked the most likely one for him to talk to me about.. Or at least I hoped it would be.

"Why do you-" I hissed through my teeth and groaned loudly as he led the needle through what I guessed was a particularly nasty section. Digging my nails harshly into the fabric of his pants, as well as the edge of the table, I did my best to block it out. "Why do you wear that mask?"

His gaze was back on my leg now as nothing but my pained groans and cuss words interrupted the silence between us.

"It helps." He finally retorted.

"How does it help?" I pressed. Where the fuck was my numbness now?!

He sighed deeply through his nose, gathering the words that he needed.. That or resisting the urge to tell me to shut up, I wasn't quite sure which at this point.

"It makes it easier to do what I need to do. To become a monster." His voice was barely above a whisper and I almost had to strain to hear him correctly. My gut twisted, and my heart clenched in my chest.

"You're not a monster." I couldn't help the irritation that bled into the sentence, I hated that he saw himself that way. The man was stitching me up for fucks sake! Me, an average girl.. he could have just left me to take care of myself.

"Yes I am." I didn't see him with the scissors, but I heard the snip as he cut the thread. One leg down, one to go.

"Not to me." I argued as undid his belt from around my thigh, moving it to wrap around my other one.

" _Especially to you._ " He growled, lowly.

My heart stuttered in my chest. I ignored the obnoxious ache in my leg, knowing it was only about to get worse.

"Why do you think that?" I groaned out quietly as he snapped his belt taut and secured it around my other leg. Slowly, he raised his eyes to meet mine, once he was sure he had my gaze he slowly dragged his eyes down until he was looking at the tattoo sleeve that covered my arm.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, what did my tattoos have to do with anything?

"I remember some old fairy tales, my sisters liked them when they were young.. There was one with a princess locked away in a tower, with a dragon that would kill anyone that tried to rescue her..." He trailed off.

Did he just..? My mind was going in circles as I tried to comprehend what he had just told me... On one hand, I was glad to know he had remembered a bit about his sisters. On the other - James shoved the needle into my skin again, halting my train of thought.

"Fuck! Could you warn a girl!?" I snapped at him, instantly feeling guilty as soon as the pain dulled a bit. I needed to go to sleep.. this day was starting to feel like years.

"No." He deadpanned.

Of course not.

* * *

Well, I got sick the night of Christmas and for the next week after that.. It sucked. But asides from a few stress related things, I'm all better! Just hope I edited this chapter decently well, my brain is a little blah today. Anyways, I hope you guys had a lovely holiday, and are having a very good New Year thus far.

Hope you all enjoy this chapter, we get to see a little more into the mind of James - how he views himself and a bit of how he views her. Bucky sees himself as a villain, mostly because of Hydra.. But also because of who he now is, how fractured he is... How different. Even that normal side, the 'James Barnes' side he views as corrupted and no longer good... Then there's The Winter Soldier part of him. He views Katarina as something so immeasurably 'good', that he views himself as nothing but selfish bastard for keeping her. But he's already decided he won't be without her, so he deals with it, accepts it. But Katarina.. she just views him as lost and broken. They're both fucked up, but that's okay. We're hitting those 'calm before the storm' chapters again.. So be prepared everyone, things aren't going to stay this quiet... They never do. (;

Also, a few of you have been asking about my other stories and I WILL eventually get back to 'Seeing Red', 'Belonging to an Alpha', and 'Frostbite'. But I want to finish this story first. As far as the others go, they all need to be redone because I wrote them so long ago that they're complete garbage. Poorly written and just, ugh! But still, after this story I will be working on my other ones, as well as starting some new ones.

As usual, thank you all so much for being the amazing readers that you are and supporting me with this story. You are all bloody fantastic, and I appreciate you guys so much for continuing to review and show your love for this story. It means the world to me. As usual, Read and Review! Until next time, lovelies! ~


	33. Into the Dark

Most everyone in the world daydreams at one time or another of traveling somewhere far away. Of going on grand adventures and seeing new places, meeting new people. I was of course no different. However, all the times I imagined traveling to Europe - never did I imagine having to be thrown over the shoulder of devilishly handsome, aggressive, possessive, Super-Soldier. All this because he was overly paranoid that I'd tear my stitches... Ugh.

Last night, after James had finished up on my legs he had went off and found a relatively decent spot to hunker down for the night. He had laid out a blanket and came back for me, carrying me effortlessly. Thanks to the fresh stitches in my thighs, that pleasant numbness that I had taken for granted was gone - and boy was I irritable. All I wanted was to sleep for a week and eat a really delicious, hearty meal. I sadly was aware I'd be getting neither of those things.

Grumbling under my breathe, I settled too easily onto the uncomfortable floor. I was suddenly very thankful that I was used to sleeping on my stomach, I really didn't want to agitate my injuries further. Burrowing into the pillow, I barely registered James laying down next to me, covering us both with a blanket that was a bit too thin - but his heat made up for it. His warm body a comforting reminder that I would be safe while I slept.

I was asleep in seconds.

While I fully expected to be woken up at first light, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that he had let me sleep till mid-morning. Of course it didn't feel nearly long enough, with the brand new day came brand new pain. Seems all my aches and bruises had finally set in from our Hydra encounter... Still, the silent gesture to let me sleep in was more than appreciated. He however had rushed me into getting ready shortly after that. It was a pain to change clothes, but I had managed. I chose lounge pants of course, nothing too constricting, along with a long-sleeved shirt and my hoodie. I quickly threw my hair up into a messy bun and was ready to go.

That's when I had learned of his plans for me, that I'd be slung over his shoulder like a fucking sack of potatoes. I bitched and I complained but he didn't relent, the thought of me on my feet, pushing myself while my stitches ached and pulled, he wasn't having it.

So here I was... Tossed over his shoulder, his arm wrapped carefully around me to support my body, while being mindful of my injuries. This really wasn't great on my headache, and even worse on my mood.

"Mr. Barnes, while I am all for being swept off my feet.. This is a bit excessive." I commented dryly as he walked. He was being careful to avoid main roads. No doubt to avoid Hydra tracking us easier.. but I also guessed it had something to do with the fact that he looked like he was carrying me off against my will. Which, I mean.. people wouldn't be entirely wrong about that assumption... Our adventure together had started off with him kidnapping me.. and I was technically being carried off against my will - I didn't want to be in this situation right now, I just wanted sleep.

His chest rumbled at my comment, his displeasure showing before he even spoke.

"Too bad." He growled.

I huffed.

Rolling my eyes I watched the ground beneath us, he was moving quickly, yet I barely felt it. He was keeping a quick pace without running. He really didn't like being out in the open like this.. tactically I guess we were extremely vulnerable right now. Especially with me wounded as I was.

I couldn't help but think back to the encounter yesterday... Up until the end, they had been just trying to kill me. Then that one Hydra agent had took things to the extreme with the rocket launcher.. and another had actually shot James. Worry and realization suddenly swarmed into my chest like an angry group of bees. I suddenly felt like an idiot for not bringing this up sooner.. Yesterday had just been crazy, too crazy.

"James." I worried my lip between my teeth.

"What?" His voice was laced with poorly veiled irritation. All my bitching and sass was weighing on his temper.

"The Hydra men yesterday..." I swallowed thickly.

I felt a slight pause in his steps before he continued on, I clutched tightly onto the material of his shirt.

"What about them?" He prompted, urging me to finish my thought process.

"They tried to kill you." I blurted out realizing how stupid that sentence sounded out loud. This was Hydra after all... but they had been trying to bring James in alive for as long as I knew him. "They've never tried to kill you before."

This time he did stop.

He dropped the bags onto the ground without a care and reached up, gripping onto my hips with both of his hands. He pulled me until I was standing before him. We were close, too close in fact. His ever-present, alluring scent invaded my nose, immediately fogging my senses.

Fucking, fuck, he was like a drug to me. It was ridiculous!

"I know." He deadpanned, dryly, yanking me from my thoughts.

I craned my neck back to look up at him properly. "Aren't you concerned?!" It annoyed me how calm he was about it, I certainly wasn't!

"No." His blue eyes were steely in their resolve.

My headache worsened, thrumming against my temples in a persistent dull ache. I reached up and prodded my forehead with my fingers, trying to ease the tension away.

"They must have removed the No-Kill order." His voice was still flat, as if he was just listing off nutrition facts on the back of a cereal box.

"But why?" I mumbled, trying to wrap my head around it. It didn't make sense to me, they had wanted him alive for so long - wanted their weapon. And now, suddenly just 'fuck that'? What had changed? Had they decided it was too much of a hassle to bring him in alive? Had they found a new replacement weapon, what was it?!

The lack of answers was annoying me. If anything could send me into a panic attack, it was the thought of people trying to outright kill James. That had never been something we had to deal with before. Sure, they had tried to kill me, but James always protected me. Now he had to protect us both...

Things weren't looking good, the odds were stacking against us. My mind was officially filled with doom and gloom.

Insistent, metal fingers on my chin brought my eyes back up to look towards his face, his blue eyes invading my gray ones as he looked at me decisively.

"It doesn't matter." He ground out easily. "If they come for us, I'll kill them." His thumb reached up, sweeping across my bottom lip in a less than tender touch and then it was gone. With no warning, his hands reached down to grab onto my hips again. I yelped in surprise as I found myself quite suddenly back over his shoulder, the world upside down.

Fucker.

Distracts me and then doesn't warn me!

It was a few hours later when things started to take a turn for the worse. We had of course taken several breaks since our talk about Hydra removing the 'No-Kill Order', but this last bit of walking had started taking a toll on me...

"James?" I croaked, my voice quiet and a little rough.

He grunted to show he was listening.

"Can we stop for a bit, please?"

He must have heard the unease in my voice because he stopped immediately, setting the bags down with the same lack of care as usual in order to pull me carefully down from his broad shoulder.

The world spun unnaturally as he did so, my head pounding in time with my heartbeat. I swayed a little on my feet, trying desperately to regain my balance. I felt one of Bucky's hands dig into my upper arm harshly as he steadied me while pulling me closer. His other hand found my chin, yanking it to look up at him.

His face swam into focus and I found myself greatly distracted with the way his facial hair accented his jaw... he really was ridiculously handsome.

"You're paler than usual." He commented, a hint of unease in his voice.

"Pfftt!" I waved a hand in the air, waving the comment away. "I'm fine."

I wasn't fine, I felt horrible.

"What's wrong?" He barked at me, his eyes gaining an angry, sharp edge to them. He was worried.

"Nothing, I'm alright.. Just need a minute." My voice was tired, even to my own ears and we both knew I was lying. Over the last few hours my throat had grown painful and scratchy, I could feel the pressure building in my sinuses as my headache pounded against my skull. I knew the signs of getting sick all too well, and it seems me denying the situation wasn't helping any.

A new onset of dizziness had me stumbling into Bucky's overly warm chest... I hummed my appreciation when he caught me, even if his grip was borderline painful.

"Katarina." He rumbled cautiously. It dawned on me then.. he really didn't know what was wrong with me. Why would he? He hadn't seen a sick person in fuck knows how long, and he himself couldn't get sick at all.

"Sick.. I think." I mumbled quietly into his shirt.

Bucky's metal arm slithered tightly around my waist to support my weight as my legs became increasingly unsteady. His normal hand slid up my arm, over the delicate slope of my neck until he was cupping my cheek in his large palm. Without conscious thought I felt myself lean into the radiating warmth.. I was so fucking cold.

"You're warm." He commented with a weird edge to his voice. "Too warm."

A choked laugh fell from my mouth without my consent, as my world started to twist and blur.

"You're one to talk, Mr. Furnace-" My knees buckled. "Oh fu-"

The world faded into nothing, my last sense of anything was Bucky's strong heartbeat under my palm.

\- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

The next time I regained consciousness, I vaguely felt the familiar rumble of being in a vehicle. It took everything I had just to get my eyes to open, they felt heavy and watery. I found I couldn't really breathe out of my nose, and a cough instantly spilled from my mouth when I tried to speak. This situation reminded me of something... Back when James and I first met and he drugged me after my apartment had been destroyed, when I had tried to run from him.

A smile tugged at my dry, chapped lips.

I felt the car slowly pull to a stop and then James was leaning above me, handsome as ever, his mouth drawn into a tight frown.

"We found a car?" I rasped.

"Yes." His gaze was searching my face worriedly, I wanted to tell him I was okay.. But my eyelids were drooping again.

"Hey.. this time you didn't drug me." I wanted to laugh, but I just coughed instead, a frown pulling at my mouth as the darkness swallowed me again.

\- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

Movement. I was being carried? Heat was scorching my side, arms gripping me tightly... Bucky? I tried so hard to open my eyes, to lift my neck, my head just rolled to the side even as I managed to crack my eyes open. Colors blurred together and made me nauseous, I groaned.

Ugly, floral wallpaper that was obviously old and not well taken care of came into my vision, I couldn't help but concentrate on the flowers. Honeysuckle and Violets? That was rare for wallpaper... normally it was roses... A dark, aged, Grandfather clock entered my vision as the person carrying me continued forward. The hands were stuck at half past eleven... I could fix that, it was too beautiful to remain stuck in time like that...

The world was gone again.

x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

Fucking hell, why is it so warm?! As my consciousness broke the surface of my muddled brain, heat was all I could discern at first. I was practically sweltering. I kicked out my legs, wiggling until I shimmied the heavy pile of blankets off of my torso. The cool air felt wondrous and helped stir some life back into my body.

What the fuck had happened?

I tried really hard to think back, but only fragments surfaced. A long stretch of nothing but back roads, an old beat down car, a grandfather clock.. James' face swirling into focus every so often. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Why couldn't I remember anything?

Opening my eyes was a ridiculously difficult task, and I was pretty sure someone had snuck in while I was asleep and used rubber cement on my poor eyelids. Opening my eyes just a fraction, I was startled to find myself in a room I had never seen before. The walls were an ugly sort of cream color, and the only source of light was coming from a lamp set to a dim setting on the bedside table next to me. Said side-table was one of the only three pieces of furniture in the entire room. The chair next to the bed was empty.

I was alone.

My eyes found the various bottles of medicine next. Each one was precisely set next to the other, lined up on the bedside table evenly. Unease was settling in... That's right! I had gotten sick when Bucky and I had left that run down house after the Hydra attack.

Fucking, fuck. Where was James anyways?

Pushing myself to sit up made my body hurt, I felt like I had been starving in the desert for a month. I was exhausted, famished, and I felt disgusting. I wanted to aggressively throw myself into the nearest shower and just pour an entire bottle of shampoo into my hair. This thought-train brought up a new concern... I felt horribly gross, and super hazy... How long had I been out for?

Anxiety stirred in my chest.

"James?" His name came out no more than small, coarse whisper. My throat felt raw and dry from disuse.

Getting out of the small bed was a harder task than it should have been, the massive amount of blankets got tangled around my feet, my legs felt like jello, and the hardwood floor was stupidly cold.

Shuddering I pushed myself to take a step, ignoring how weak my muscles felt. A floorboard creaked under my foot as I stumbled a few more steps forward.

The door in front of me practically flew open, stopping just before it hit the wall.

 _James._

A calm feeling settled into my bones, like someone had just given me a shot of Morphine. Fuck, he was gorgeous.. and god dammit I knew I looked like a plague victim! He so wasn't fair.

He was in dark wash jeans, a ridiculously tight black t-shirt, and blue and black plaid over-shirt... How was it fair that he was so effortlessly sexy? I groaned as I wavered on my feet.

His frown, furrowed eyebrows, and intense gaze told me he was angry. What had I done now?

"What are you doing out of bed?" He growled, stalking forward.

I tried to keep looking at him as he loomed closer, I felt like I hadn't properly seen him in a week! My neck, however, didn't want to listen to my brain and I instead found myself staring at his broad chest. Briefly, I considered what it would be like to have mind powers. I could just.. make his shirt disappear.. that would be nice. I think I deserve that.. honestly, that wasn't too much to ask for.

His large, comforting hands gripped onto my shoulders as he steered me back towards the bed. He supported my weight easily as I tripped over my own feet; he never broke stride. With him this close now, I could feel all the tension and unease in my brain settling down.. Sick or not, I had missed him subconsciously.

Fuck, I had it bad.

"Where are we?" My voice still sounded like shit.

He shoved me down until I was sitting on the edge of the bed, the cold floorboards tormenting my bare feet. He didn't move back away from me, instead he settled himself right in front of my legs, forcing me to convince my neck to crane up to look up at him. He crossed his arms in front of his chest, the muscles in his arm bunching and flexing as he moved. That tick in his jaw was back.

"Sweden."

Huh, I had always wanted to visit here, guess I can check this off my list..

Wait a damn minute.

"Weren't we just.. in France?" I felt a bit lightheaded.

His jaw clenched tightly as he took in a deep breath through his nose, he definitely didn't look like a happy camper. In fact if I hadn't known any better, I would say that someone had pissed in his cheerios. That's how fucking upset he looked.

"You've been asleep a while." He finally supplied, his tone tight.

"How long is a while?" The more words I said, the easier it was to talk overall. My throat still felt like someone had poured sand down it, but it was better than when I woke up at least.

"About five days."

What?!

"You were pretty out of it, only conscious a few times."

I tried to wrap my brain around his words but I felt like I had just taken a ride on the teacups at an amusement park. I can't believe I had gotten that sick.. I hadn't gotten sick like that in years.. Fucking hell.. He had been taking care of me this entire time?! Five days?! No wonder I felt like shit!

I groaned.

"You took care of me." It wasn't a question, and we both knew it.

He nodded.

"How did-"

He cut me off before I could even finish the question.

"I didn't know what to do." His expression twisted, his eyes looked pained, his eyes far away and weary. Suddenly the stubble accenting his jaw made him look older, more exhausted than before. "Your fever was getting too high-" His normal arm twitched as he let his arms drop back down to his sides. "I finally had to leave you alone long enough to get you medicine."

I glanced over at the various bottles of medicine on the side table.. Well, that certainly explains that. I felt weird, too weird.. I had gotten so sick that Bucky had willingly left me alone to get medicine? The fact that he'd leave me unattended for any period of time means I had to have been in pretty bad shape..

"I'm sorry." The words stumbled out of my mouth in a whisper, but he caught them easily. His mouth shifting back into a frown as he quickly dropped down into a crouch in front of me, making it easier for me to look at him. His harsh blues captured my soft gray orbs.

"Don't." He demanded easily, cutting the head off any worry I would have brought up next. "Steve- " He paused when I flinched at the patriotic Captain's name. I still felt very guilty for that one. "He got sick a lot, I remember that." He informed.

I swallowed harshly. That's right, Steve pre-Super-Soldier-serum had been wrought with illness quite often...

"Do you think that he'll show up again?" We both knew the 'he' in question, and despite that it was a rather abrupt topic switch.. I was curious, and his mention of his long-lost best friend brought the concern up to top priority - even above dramatically throwing myself into the shower while simultaneously drinking a gallon of water.

James' metal arm twitched before it moved to grip onto my pajama-clad knee. Rage had pooled into his eyes, tainting them, his mouth was curled into a half-snarl as he spoke.

"I don't know."

The answer spoke volumes.. Steve was still in a lot of danger from Bucky. If he showed up again.. I wasn't sure I could stop James from attacking him. I wasn't sure he'd even let me interfere this time, to get in the middle of the two of them. Things had been shifting between Bucky and I ever since that day in the snow... A lot of it for the better, but I knew with his newly revealed emotions... a lot of darker emotions had surfaced too.

I just hoped that Steve Rogers was smart enough to heed James' warning.

* * *

So, as some of you know, I like to stay ahead of my story. That way, in case something comes up, like me being sick, or life just being difficult in general I still have some content to post for you guys. This chapter was actually written while I was sick, hahaha - I used how I was feeling and how bed ridden I had been for most of it to inspire this chapter. I know this chapter jumped around a bit as Katarina drifted in and out of consciousness, but I hope you guys liked what I did with this chapter all the same.. I spent most of this last cold passed the fuck out.

I've stated this before, but a few new readers are asking the question: how often do I update? Well, I try to post a new chapter every week, if not every week and a half depending on how busy I get. Though, depending on how many reviews I receive I do sometimes post an early update.

Anyways, things between James and Katarina are about to get a bit crazy, so buckle up my lovelies! You're in for a treat. (; Read and Review! Until next time! ~


	34. Who is in control?

It had been several days since I rejoined the land of the living. I was completely over my cold and officially enjoying solid food and hot showers once more. The best part? My stitches were out! My thighs, while officially scarred, were all healed! My free time was spent being up to my elbows in various mechanical parts, WD40, and tools. Taking apart and fixing up the Grandfather clock in the main room had become my favorite hobby, aside from talking to James that is. The aged clock reminded me of the old one I used to have at my apartment... Before I met James anyways.

Poor thing was probably nothing but itty-bitty pieces, lost in some junkyard. I wonder if they fixed up my old apartment yet?

This clock, was probably my new masterpiece.. If we didn't count the lock around my neck that is. I wasn't sure I could top that one... I had taken the entire thing apart and meticulously cleaned and re-calibrated it. I also gave some serious tender-love-and-care to the wood housing, and don't even get me started on the state of the clock-face itself. But all in all, I say I had done a pretty good job!

I reached forward to press the front panel closed, delighted to hear the steady thrum of the cogs turning and the hands steadily ticking away.

"Done?" Bucky's deep voice questioned from behind me, his breath fanning against the top of my head.

"Yes." I smiled and turned to face him, his eyes caught mine easily.

"Good." He gestured his head towards our bags. "We're running low on supplies."

I nodded, taking in the information. No doubt my less than superb health had made us take a major hit to the reserves.

"So, what's the plan then Sergeant?" It was becoming more and more difficult to not grin stupidly whenever I was looking at him. Today he was dressed in black tactical pants which were tucked into his usual boots. He wore a navy blue long sleeve shirt, and a black sweater over it. Fuck, he always looked so damn good! Did he know how well he pulled off those pants? Is that why he always wore them? Ugh... don't jump the man, Katarina! Now is not the time! Have to be patient.. wait for him to be ready.. jumping the gun could scare him off...

The corner of his mouth twitched as his eyebrows rose at my blatant oogling of his person. Reaching up with his normal hand he lightly tugged on a loose section of my orange hair.

"Get ready."

\- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

It seemed that James' uncanny ability to find less populated areas to lay low in even worked when we traveled to different countries. Just how much interesting information was stored in this ridiculously handsome man's head? Did he just happen to have a 'too much people' radar and avoided those areas? Whatever it was, it was impressive. The grocery store we found ourselves at only had about ten or so cars parked in front, which now included ours. It was a bit older in style, which sadly reminded me of Canada and instantly put a damper on my mood.

However, the crisp cool air and gently falling snow helped me tuck it away to the back of my mind. I was getting pretty good with avoidance. It wasn't healthy by any means, but at least it stopped me from having a meltdown about Steve. I was constantly torn between wondering if he was okay - both mentally and physically or worrying he was currently hauling ass our way and being an idiot. The situation was beginning to remind me of when my parents were killed.

Guilt was a bitch.

I don't think I was ever going to get over how weird it felt to just simply walk into a grocery store with Bucky at my side. Even if Hydra wasn't trying to kill us, and Steve wasn't trying to find us, I severely doubted it was something I'd just get used to... James and normalcy went together about as well as Mustard and Peanut Butter, it just wasn't meant to be.

However, I knew it'd feel a lot worse if I was alone. I needed him, I had for a long time, he had become my rock.. my way of grounding myself. That was just the way things were, the only thing normal left about my life was that I was just an average human woman stuck in the middle of a fight meant for people who were 'Super'.

We hadn't made it very far into the store before I got distracted with a book display, my need for something new to read taking over my brain. I wasn't all that well versed on things sold in Europe, never mind specifically Sweden. But I was very surprised to see some books in English - and interesting ones at that! How long had it been since I had gotten to read something new?

It had to have been back at the Cabin in Canada.. it almost felt like forever ago at this point. Man, if only my guilt over Steve was on the same type of clock.

James followed my gaze to where I was preoccupied.

"Pick something out." It wasn't a question, hell, I wasn't even sure it was a suggestion.

"That's alright, we have a set list." I tried to turn to head further into the store but he easily stepped into my path, blocking the way.

"I've got it, now go." He nodded towards the display, emphasizing his words and taking away my argument.

I stared at his face for a moment, trying to read the emotion shielded behind his eyes, but I wasn't getting anything. I nibbled on my bottom lip thoughtfully.. Well if he was sure...

James turned on his heel and left me where I stood, the look on my face must have been good enough for him to figure out I'd do as I was told... I however caught the look he sent me over his shoulder, he wouldn't be far.

I hadn't realized how much I missed being in the presence of books! I had after all, been a Librarian for a reason! Books were calming.. fun, and most importantly.. a very good distraction for life's hardships.

Oh, and that enticing book smell... No matter how much things had changed with me, it seemed that the smell of ink on pages still brought me some semblance of comfort. I stroked my fingers across the spines, browsing titles before I finally settled on a few that looked interesting enough to take a second glance at. Despite how lost I was getting among these books, I had to remember I really didn't have the luxury of time - I had to judge a book by it's cover before I didn't get to pick one at all.

James may have been kind enough to let me have a 'me' moment and browse for something new to read, but that didn't mean that moment wouldn't end as soon as James was done picking out items. The man wasn't exactly known for being 'slow' at anything. Quick and efficient might as well have been part of his name.

"Find something interesting?" I visibly jumped as the heavy, Nordic accent rolled through the air. I was beyond shocked for three main reasons. The first being that I was sure the person was speaking to me, the second being it was in English, and the third and most worrisome, was that someone was talking to me in general... Which sure, sounded a lot like number one - but I was internally freaking out!

My paranoia and unease was spiking, could this be a Hydra agent?!

Turning, I was met with a smile. The blonde man in question had sparkling dark gray eyes, and a quirky, uneven smile. He was fairly handsome with his lean figure, short cropped hair, and light dusting of blonde stubble around his mouth. His name-tag told me his name was Erik.

He worked here? He couldn't.. be Hydra then, right?

Still feeling uneasy, I willed words to come out of my mouth. If this guy was just an 'average-Joe' so to speak, it would seem pretty word if I couldn't even share some pleasantries.

"Uhh.. yeah."

Real fucking intelligent, Katarina. A+ socializing skills. Your time on the run with Bucky has made you awkward! Come on, just breathe... you can do this! Years of customer service has taught you better than this! Just put on a god damn smile and make him go away.

My less-than-charismatic words hadn't seemed to deter him any.

"Ah! An American!" It must have not been a question, because he continued on, with a smile still on his face, his eyes slid to the book in my hands. "Oh, that's a good one. I'm not one for Fantasy myself, but my sister enjoyed that one and convinced me to read it."

With his polite pause, I realized this is where I was supposed to talk. Shit.

"Well, if you don't care for the Fantasy genre.. what do you prefer?" My voice sounded anxious, shy, even to my own ears. I couldn't help but cringe when I realized how I must have sounded to him. I wasn't some timid little girl, and yet, here I was... floundering under the slightest pressure of socializing.

I must have said the correct thing however, because he lit up like a fucking Christmas tree. I wasn't used to this level of cheerful from a guy anymore, Bucky was all growls and moody stares.. this guy was his polar opposite... it was weird.

"Sci-fi mostly. Though, I do tend to enjoy the odd horror novel now and again."

"Like, Star Trek? Or are you more of a Star Wars person?" I wasn't even sure if he liked either of those.. maybe he was more of an Aliens person.. Or perhaps he liked the Predators? Xenomorphs were cool.. maybe I should have said that. Damn, I wasn't good at normal conversation anymore.

"Yes! Exactly like that. And for the record, definitely Star Wars." His slow, easy smile was almost like liquid.. It flowed so easy, and he gave them away freely - I wasn't used to that. James had never smiled in the entire time I had known him..

Before I could reply, he once again grabbed a hold of the conversation, steering it to a different place to keep the appearance of easy conversation going.

"Are you new around here?" His question was innocent enough, but I found myself wanting to back up away from him. I couldn't give details like this! By no means was I an expert on being on the run, even at this point, but this one was one of those 'common-sense rules'.

"What.. makes you say that?" That ever-present paranoia was creeping further up my spine. Hydra had definitely tainted my ability to trust random strangers.

"Haven't seen you around" He shrugged, casually. "I'd remember a girl like you."

Suddenly, the situation cleared... Like fog dissipating after a particularly cold morning.

Oh my god.

Was he... no, he couldn't.. Was he... flirting?!

Oh my god.

Here I am, worried this man is Hydra or some shit, and he's hitting on me! Had my social interaction skills gotten so low I couldn't even recognize average, normal, human flirting? It's not like I had never been hit on before! I just.. never took them up on their offers..

Bloody hell.

The nervous laugh bubbled from my mouth before I could control it, my anxiety had went from a solid six to a ten in an instant. All it had taken was the realization that this.. this guy, Erik, was trying to flirt with me. Sure he was handsome, I'd have to be blind not to notice, but the only guy I had eyes for was a century old Super-Soldier.

I found with the metaphorical 'light-bulb' going off in my head, I could no longer meet his gaze. This was awkward! What should I say?! My eyes flittered anywhere but his face, and that's when I finally saw _him_ standing there.

Relief flooded my system.

 _James._

And then I saw the expression on his face, the full scale of this situation settling around me.

Oh, fuck.

I couldn't mistake the look on his face, not after all this time with him. That treacherous, vacant look in his eyes, the firm set of his jaw, the perilous frown etched across his face. This wasn't good. His body was tense, poised for violence, his stance alone would tell me everything if his facial expression didn't - but both spoke volumes.

The Winter Soldier wasn't pleased.

"Are you alright?" I heard that well-intentioned Nordic voice question me as I gazed past him. I vaguely wondered how I looked to him in that moment. Frightened? Happy? **Crazy?**

James' unforgiving, wickedly vacant eyes were on me, catching my gaze with purpose. I watched the slight flicker, that momentary disturbance in his unrelenting gaze. The exact moment he turned his calculating stare onto the oblivious male in front of me, and then he was moving.

I tried to will words to come from my mouth, but I was practically choking on them. Despite how innocent this situation was, I knew it looked completely different to James. Skewed and twisted by his own paranoia and darker emotions.

He was sauntering forward, his boots not making a single noise as he stalked forward leisurely. I knew the threat in that walk, knew what it signified and yet I couldn't bring myself to fucking move! It was like his gaze was pinning me down where I stood; promising a worse fate if I tried to flee. If there was one thing Bucky had.. it was one hell of an intimidating stare.

He moved with such agile grace, especially when angry, he looked like a enraged wolf, going in for the kill. Even though he was wearing gloves and I couldn't see the glinting silver - my eyes were instantly drawn to the twitch of that metal hand.

Erik, who hadn't even got to properly introduce himself, must have finally sensed the disturbance in the otherwise peaceful atmosphere, because he turned to meet the stare of my irate Super-Soldier. I had to give it to him, I didn't know the guy, but he was either incredibly stupid, or just extremely nice. The only signs of his nerves was the slight bob of his adam's apple, before that sunny smile crept back onto his face.

"Someone you know?" He guessed, his tone still polite.

James was close enough to interact now, his seemingly casual but swift strides had closed the distance easily. James answered Erik's question for me.

" _Her boyfriend_." He didn't bother hiding the possessive undertone of his gruff voice, the one that promised bloodshed if distance wasn't created between the blonde Swedish male and myself.

"Ah, you're a lucky man." I could hear the slight falter of his otherwise casual and composed tone. He was disappointed... So he had indeed been flirting? I wasn't just seeing smoke where there was no fire.

"I know." James' voice lacked the polite, socially acceptable edge. He was all growls and aggression as he reached his destination; my side. His glove-covered, metal arm reached out and latched onto my much smaller hand, the one that wasn't holding the new book I had picked out. His hand dwarfed mine. I was surprised by the relatively gentle grasp, but then I felt the tremor in his hand.. He was straining to control himself. "Time to go." Bucky growled lowly, aiming his comment at me as he crossed in front of me, a move designed to twist me away from Erik without so much as a casual 'goodbye'.

His method worked, somewhat. We were very rude, but Erik was all manners as Bucky dragged me further into the store - obviously to finish gathering supplies.

"It was nice meeting you!" The Swedish male called to the both of us.

I winced as James' grip on my hand tightened painfully, his control slipping.

* * *

Sorry this is late, really I am. It's been a long and hectic week and some change.. Buuuuut it's dying back down again, thankfully! I'm several chapters ahead in this story - and I had been working on a particularly difficult chapter that ended up being very lengthy.. It was an intense challenge to say the least! Like I said, things are definitely going to get.. 'interesting' in the next several chapters - a very dramatic shift is coming up my lovelies, I hope you are significantly prepared! Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed a situation we haven't gotten to see before - James actually being jealous - actually having reason to be! Wonder what happens next? (; Read and Review you beautiful readers! Until next time ~


	35. Can you feel my heart?

Have you ever had those moments where you're literally just forced to watch something horrible unfold? Those moments were you're not quite sure what you should do to help stop the situation before it happens? Those moments in life seriously fucking suck, and I was having one right now, in the god damn grocery store of all places!

It was like watching a train wreck about to happen. There was nothing I could do, and I couldn't look away.

James was still silently seething as we finished grabbing all the supplies we would need over the next few weeks, he had let go of my hand as soon as we left Erik's eyesight. I tried talking to him idly about supplies, anything to hear his voice - maybe even distract him. But it hadn't worked in my favor. He was ignoring me, quite blatantly. I had a feeling it was so he wouldn't outright lose it in the store... but that still didn't make me feel any better.

It seemed that the longer we spent here, the worse his temper was getting. He had no sort of outlet out here, not when we were in a public place. Sure, the store wasn't overly busy, but he still didn't have the luxury of using his favorite outlets to vent. He couldn't do his work out routine, he couldn't mess with his weapons, he couldn't yell at me, and he certainly had no one to murder.

The quicker we got out of here, the better.

When I quickened my pace to grab the rest of the items we were missing, James didn't say anything. He just followed me diligently, a guard dog at my heels. His purposeful walk perfectly shadowing me as he toggled between looking at me, and scanning the store for any type of threats - including the poor Swedish man that had tried chatting up the wrong girl.

"I'm ready to go." I whispered quietly. Almost worried that if I spoke too loud his control on his temper would slip enough to be disastrous.

He grunted in response, causing my eyebrows to furrow.

I wasn't sure what to do in this situation.. I had never had to deal with this. Sure, he had gotten a bit... territorial when Steve had shown up, but this? This was new.

I made a hasty beeline for the checkout with Bucky just one step behind me. I wasn't sure how I should handle this situation when we got back to our temporary apartment. Should I let him be? Pfftt, that wasn't my style... But how to try and help without pushing him over the edge?

I was teetering on a knives edge once again.

I had just starting putting all of the items up onto the conveyor belt to be scanned when I felt him tense behind me. Turning my head, I noticed his gaze towards the exit. What was he looking at?

"You take care of this." He shoved a wad of bills into my hands before I could protest. "I'll meet you outside."

I opened my mouth to argue, but he was already moving away from me. I could do nothing but stare at his muscled back as he walked away. I couldn't cause a scene... I turned and raised up on my tip-toes to try and see where he was going. Angry Bucky heading off somewhere wasn't something that screamed 'everything will be just fine'. Especially cause he was leaving me by myself to do it.

Oh, hell.

Erik, the 'seemingly innocent Swedish man' was heading out the front doors with James 'murder is my middle name' hot on his trail - he must have just ended his shift!

Panic was setting in like a bowling ball dropping into my sternum. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

I was trying and failing to reel in the panic that was practically vibrating through my entire being as I turned to face the smiling older gentleman that was ringing up my items. I suddenly wished we hadn't needed to stock up on so many things. It seemed like it was taking forever. Every second I spent in here, was a second James was out there doing fuck knows what.

This wasn't a scenario that I was prepared for! I was completely out of my depth here. I hadn't had much social interaction since I had 'joined' up with James, and I certainly hadn't had anyone flirt with me! A horrible thought fluttered across my mind...

If James could get murderously violent with his old best-friend suggesting he be separated from me... What could he do to a stranger?

No, no, I'm being silly!

It was just some harmless guy! He wouldn't go that far off the handle would he? It's not like the guy had been pushy with me or anything.. and he had certainly backed off with grace once James showed up.

Still, I was worried. James Barnes might have once been a reasonable man, but that didn't mean The Winter Soldier was when it came to jealousy.

Suddenly that word was lighting up in my brain like a neon sign.

Oh my god... he had been jealous! Stupid, of course he was!

For some reason, the realization didn't make me feel any better about Erik's chances when dealing with Bucky.

Sure, I knew Bucky wasn't a bad guy - even now. He was rough around the edges, paranoid and a bit aggressive. But he wasn't the monster Hydra tried to train him to be.. But.. he did have darkness in him, and that's what I was worried about. Steve could hold his own.. but a normal, human man? No.

With the transaction finally complete - after what felt like a god damn hour, I had to remind myself not to rush for the door. You need to look like nothing's wrong, Katarina! Everything is fine. There are people walking about, normal fucking people. You have to appear to be normal to!

James is not out there maiming the man, he's not.. He just needed fresh air.

Walk. Calmly.

My pep talk wasn't calming my rushing anxiety any, but it did help slow my feet to what I hoped was an acceptable, casual pace. I just felt awkward - like I was moving on auto pilot, all of my movements blatantly robotic.

The cold air rushed up to meet my face, sending a stinging sense of dread with it. I couldn't see James anywhere. I scanned the parking lot, moving to step away from the store's main doors, but still, I saw nothing. No Erik, and no James. I gripped onto the bags in my hands a bit tighter. That bowling ball in my chest getting heavier by the minute.

All of the sudden, James was at my side - he practically materialized at my side along with the slow falling snow. He looked the same as he had when we had left the store, angry and tense, but otherwise, no worse for wear. No obvious sign that he had been up to no good either.

Before I could get a word out, his metal arm snaked up my back and into my hair to grip onto the back of my neck tightly, steering me away from the store, firmly. The pressure of his fingers wasn't harsh, but it was definitely tight enough to have me at attention.

Without releasing his grip on the back of my neck, or breaking his stride, James twisted and leaned down, pulling the bags out of my hands and into his free hand.. Least he was being nice while manhandling me, suppose that was an upside.

"What did you do?" I kept my voice quiet as he lead me wherever it was that we were going.

"Nothing." Was his simple and complete bullshit response.

"I saw you follow that guy." I was alternating between watching where I was walking to make sure I didn't slip in the snow, and looking at his face, observing his expressions. His jaw clenched slightly when I brought up Erik. His furious blue eyes caught my gaze. "What did you do to him?" I pressed again, not backing down from the warning in those devastating blue orbs.

His chest rumbled with a warning growl, low and feral. The sound sent my heart hammering away in my ribcage and I almost slipped on a particularly large patch of ice as he lead us further and further away from the store. It dawned on me that we weren't heading towards the car.. which meant we weren't headed 'home'.

"Why do you care?" His voice was in the same low pitch as his growl.

I threw caution to the wind, I needed to know what he did. I started with the hard to swallow question, opting to just jump in head first.

"Did you kill him?" My voice was surprisingly even.

"No." His eyes were focused ahead of us now. His fingers, however, pressed into the tender flesh of my neck a bit harder making me wince. Suddenly, he was shoving me forward. My shoes slipped on the ice as I practically skidded into the alleyway he had forced us into.

Scrambling to regain my balance, I managed to turn around just in time to see him calmly setting our bags into the snow that blanketed the fairly clean, empty alleyway. He straightened up to catch my eyes, taking a calculated step forward and then another. I took an uneasy step backwards for every forward step of his... I felt like a cornered rabbit. Something about the way he was looking at me was making me nervous, jittery even.

I expected him to lash out as my apprehensive nerves forced my legs to move backwards as he continued pressing forward, but he remained stoic as he prowled towards me. Whoever had shoveled the snow on the main streets obviously hadn't bothered with this back alley. The layer of snow was thick here, and with each forward step James took, the snow crunched under his boots. A rather ominous soundtrack to the fact that he was closing the distance between us. His strides were naturally longer than mine, and even though he seemed almost lazy in his pursuit, the space between us was rapidly closing.

One look back behind me informed me that I had made a rather grave error. The only way out of his little side alleyway was back the way we had come, behind James. He had cornered me with minimal effort on his part, and I had all but skipped right into the metaphorical trap. Way to pay attention to your surroundings, Katarina. If Bucky wasn't so irritable, I imagined I'd be getting a disapproving stare accompanied with a lecture on paying attention.

Suddenly, the fact that he wasn't bringing up how royally I had fucked up snapped into place in my brain. He had done this on purpose! He took advantage of how easy he could keep my attention, he had used his ability to effect me, combined with my worry to literally corner me into a trap. I was once again stunned with how utterly dangerous this man was, he was so tactical, so god damn lethal...

Cold seeped in through my clothes as I reached the end of the alleyway sooner than I had anticipated, my back colliding with the chilled bricks firmly. I shot a nervous look around me before snapping back to look at James' face, he wasn't stopping. Our game of cat and mouse was quickly coming to an end. I watched as his eyes darkened considerably now that I had nowhere left to go, I had been right.. This is the outcome he had intended.

I hadn't had many of those 'time seems to slow' moments before, but this was definitely one of them. Each step brought him closer and closer, amplifying the nervous energy I had dancing in me.

Four feet.

Three feet.

Two feet.

His arms came up on either side of my head as he caged me in, sending my heart rate spiking dramatically as he looked down at me. I was forced to crane my neck back against the chilled bricks to look at him properly, he was close enough that his scent was once again tickling my nose. His coarse voice broke the uneasy silence sharply, making my tense.

"I'm waiting." He grumbled, roughly. I could practically hear the impatience dripping off his voice.

"For what?" I wasn't quite sure what I had missed, what he was wanting from me. His jaw ticked as he took a forced, controlled breath of air in through his nose.

"I answered your question, you didn't answer mine." He rumbled. "Why do you care what happened to him?" His voice had turned malicious, cutting through the frigid air rather sharply as his anger twisted around him. I had never seen him like this - Sure, I had seen him express a lot of emotions, but jealousy had never been one of them. Now it twisted around him like a gnarled rose bush that had grown out of control.

If there was one thing I lacked, it would always be self preservation.

"You didn't answer my question completely, though!" I argued. "What did you do? All you said was that you didn't kill him! That leaves a whole realm of possibilities with you." I tried to keep my voice quiet, but he had a way about him that always brought out the worse of my temper. It was like he amplified it with his own every time I threw it his way.

His face contorted in a half-snarl as I argued with him, his eyebrows furrowed, his lip curling momentarily to flash his teeth as he sucked in a sharp breath of air, a futile attempt at keeping control of himself. Quicker than I could keep up with, he was moving. His body shifting forward as he changed positions. The fabric of his dark sweatshirt slid angrily across the brick as he transferred his weight onto his normal forearm, slamming it right above my head to hold his weight, his fist clenching tightly. His metal arm snapped up until his silver hand was grasping onto my jaw tightly, his large palm cradling my chin in his grip as he aggressively forced my neck back so that our eyes remained locked.

Momentarily stunned by his sudden proximity, I was brought back down to earth by the sudden realization that he didn't have his gloves on anymore. When had he taken them off?!

He was closer now, too close. The position switch had him practically pressed against me, dwarfing me with his size. It was always moments like this that I was acutely aware just how much bigger than me he really was. His body heat was searing me through my clothes, a ridiculously prominent contrast to the frozen bricks at my back.

"I. Didn't. Kill. Him." He repeated, growling in my face. "He's fine." His grip around my jaw tightened, the dangerous silver digits pressing into my cheeks tightly, but not painfully. "Now answer the god damn question, Katarina."

"I don't!" I snapped back, my heart hammering painfully against my chest. "He was just some stupid guy, he didn't mean any harm!" I tried to jerk my chin out of his palm but his silver fingers just dug in tighter, forcing me to keep his vexed stare.

James clenched his teeth tightly, grinding them together harshly as he tried to ground himself. "Not-" He paused to suck in a deep breath through his nose, clenching his eyes shut tightly as he tried to force his rage back under his control. "-Good enough." He breathed, letting some of the tension roll off his shoulders. His grip however, didn't slacken any - I still wasn't going anywhere.

Despite how calm he tried to make that sentence, all I could hear was how unreasonable it was! I was telling him the god damn truth and he was fucking ignoring it! I couldn't calm the storm of anger that was now raging about in my brain. What else should I have said?! He was being ridiculous!

"What more do you fucking want from me?!" I snarled up into his face, losing the rest of my patience for the intense Super-Soldier in front of me. Reaching out with both of my hands, I shoved hard at his chest, trying to create some distance, he didn't move. Growling in rage, while doing my damn hardest to ignore how good he felt under my palms I twisted and tried a more tactical approach. Twisting my leg, I aimed for the side of his knee, just like he taught me.

He quickly swiveled on his foot, letting go of my face and jerking his leg away from me, avoiding my attack. Faster than I could comprehend he was back on me, anger radiating off of him in intense, suffocating waves as he surged forward to stop my flailing limbs. His large hands grasped onto my hips tightly for a moment, his fingers digging harshly into the denim of my jeans. I tried to scramble sideways, out of his grip, but his hands slipped down quicker than I could follow and gripped onto the backs of my thighs, yanking me up and off the ground.

I shrieked as he shoved himself forward between my parted thighs to pin my body back against the icy bricks, my legs on either side of his waist. Not even pausing for a moment, he released his hold on my legs, letting his lower body support me against the wall as he snatched up my still-moving arms with ease. His hands easily wrapped around both of my forearms, firmly shoving them up next to my head.

This position put us face to face, and fuck was he angry. His eyes were an overcast cobalt, almost molten as his emotions corrupted the normally frigid stare. I did my best to ignore our new position, and more importantly my body's reaction to it. There was no way I was going to let my hormones distract me this time! No, no, no! He was being irrational! I would know! I was very, very good at being irrational! Especially when I was supposed to be angry, and all I could now think about was how good he felt against me, his warmth taking me over.

"You're mine!" He thundered, lowly. His voice coarse and thick with emotion, like broken glass. For a single moment I wondered if we were being too loud while arguing. I mean, sure, he had dragged me to a pretty deserted section of town, but still.. Then I remembered that this was all his fucking fault so if someone wandered over to us and saw him being an ass, that was his problem and he could fucking deal with it.

"You've said that, I know!" I argued back, willing my mind to stay focused. I tried to lift my arms off of the wall, but he was having none of it, his iron tight grip didn't let me move even an inch. I struggled against him, arching my back off the wall in a futile attempt to get some distance, to hopefully clear my head of my increasingly perverted thoughts.

His fingers flexed against my skin in response as he growled in warning, his chest rumbling and distracting me further. My breath hitched at the noise as my heart stuttered in my chest much to my annoyance. Fucking, fuck, Katarina! Are you incapable of focusing when he's touching you!? Get it together! You will not turn into a hormonal puddle of goo this time, dammit!

James quite abruptly froze where he stood against me, his head tipping slightly to the left as if he was listening to something very, very carefully. His eyes were practically glued to his metal hand that was gripping tightly onto my forearm. His sudden tension had my own body tensing up, what was he hearing? A smidgen of anxiety leaked into my veins as I feared the worst. Had we drawn too much attention to ourselves? Had some random civilians heard us, had Hydra found us?! Could he hear them coming?

Bucky's eyes slid slowly to meet mine, ensnaring my gaze instantly, practically shutting my brain down with just that one look. My heart skipped violently in my chest as I stared at him, too dumbstruck to look away or continue yelling. Why was he staring at me like that? He looked-

"Apparently not well enough." He breathed, finally responding to my last statement and successfully cutting off my thought process. His voice was eerily calm, despite the aggression still in his stance. His tone was nothing more than a gruff whisper.

I opened my mouth to question him, to demand he explain just what the fuck he was getting at - but I never got the chance. Lunging forward he closed the small distance between us, swallowing my anger as he crushed his mouth to mine, fiercely.

His kiss was like a switch in my brain, my rational thoughts shutting off the moment his lips met mine. He gave me no quarter, no moment to adjust to the change of the situation before his teeth nipped roughly on my bottom lip. Gasping into his mouth, his tongue plundered and stole my breath away, swirling with my own. He tasted minty and I couldn't help but groan into his mouth as his tongue battled mine into submission.

Pulling back slightly, he turned so that his breath was hot against my ear. "Wrap your legs around me." He demanded, his voice no more than a low, guttural whisper. I didn't even think as I wrapped my legs tightly around his strong waist. He hummed his approval lightly, before turning and once again catching my lips with his.

His grip left my arms, one of his hands sliding down to grip onto the side of my neck, tilting my head where he wanted it as he continued to kiss me breathless. His normal hand wandered down to my waist, sliding past the material of my hoodie and shirt to get at the skin underneath. His heated touch practically branded me when his calloused palm slid up my chilled side and I arched against him. Fucking hell.

His mouth abruptly tore from mine again, but before I could utter any sort of protest, his metal hand was tangled in my fiery hair, yanking it to the side to expose the tender column of my throat. Butterflies erupted in my abdomen and my legs shook on either side of him.

"James-"

He didn't let me finish as he dipped his head and attached his mouth to my neck, nipping at my pulse-point roughly before soothing the tender skin with his tongue as I cried out against him. Reaching down, I tangled my own hands into his hair, pulling hard on the soft, dark strands. He growled in response as he sucked at the now bruised flesh of my throat.

He continued his assault on my neck, easily skipping over my tacking-choker, leaving a trail of bruised skin in his wake as he sent my hormones into overdrive, he didn't stop until he had sunk his teeth in the junction where neck met shoulder, ripping a moan from my mouth as I gripped onto his hair tighter, pulling hard. His nails dug into the flesh of my side as he groaned, his body shifting forward, crushing me even tighter against the wall. My abdomen clenched tightly from the sound, fucking hell... This man.

The rough stubble on his face scraped against the hypersensitive skin of my neck as he lifted his head, turning to capture my lips again. Moving his lips against mine roughly, he unwound his metal hand from my hair, gliding it down my side until he reached the edge of my hoodie. Letting go of his hair, I wrapped my arms loosely around his neck as his chilled, silver hand slipped underneath my shirt to slide up the delicate flesh of my stomach.

My stomach tightened as that lethal, metal hand slid up and under my bra, cupping my breast firmly. I couldn't stop the flush that spread up my neck and covered my cheeks as I shuddered under his touch. He moved to roll my nipple between his thumb and forefinger making me gasp into his mouth. The corners of his lips twitching upwards as his tongue swept against mine once more before he pulled back, leaning his forehead against mine as he turned that purposeful, intense gaze onto me.

His breath was a bit ragged as his normal hand slipped down my stomach to the hem of my jeans, his dexterous fingers flicking the button open easily. His metal hand abandoned my breast, leaving me aching and wanting more as it moved back down my side to latch onto my hip firmly, his fingers digging in tightly as he pinned my hip in place against the bricks.

Shifting slightly, he wedged his normal arm between us a bit better, his fingers pulling my zipper down with a flick of his wrist. Without taking his eyes off of me, his normal hand shifted and slid underneath the hem of my panties. His fingers dipping low until two of his warm digits pressed tightly against my clit sending a spasm of pleasure through my body that had my eyes clenching shut tightly.

The metal hand at my hip was bruising as it tightened quite suddenly.

"Look at me." He demanded. His low, coarse voice cutting through the silence sharply.

Swallowing thickly I opened my eyes to meet his lustful, winter-blue gaze, immediately caught up in how intimidating his stare actually was. His fingers pressed and circled once and then twice against my clit, pulling a sharp moan from my mouth as little sparks of pleasure rolled up into my core. My cheeks stained a deeper pink as his eyes darkened at the sound.

"Eyes stay on me." He commanded. "Understand?"

Taking in a deep breath through my nose I nodded my head slowly, not trusting my voice in the slightest.

Abruptly he dipped his fingers lower until he was cupping my sex, my breath hitched but I forced my gaze to remain on his. His middle finger slid between my folds, testing how wet I was before pushing up into me until his first knuckle. Biting down on my lip, I stifled a moan as I flushed harder under his gaze.

"Good girl." He breathed out, pleased with my compliance, his voice tainted with need. The new and delicious tone caused a shudder to race down my spine, he was going to be the death of me... "Now-" He growled suddenly, his voice taking on a darker edge. "-Let me hear you."

His middle finger suddenly pushed the rest of the way into my pussy, forcing a cry from my throat as I threw my head back against the bricks. It was harder than I thought to keep my eyes locked on to his as he overwhelmed me with his touch. He started at a maddening pace, it was slow, tortuously slow as he worked his finger in and out of me. Every time I tried to stifle my moans, he'd rub his thumb against my clit firmly, forcing a whimper from my throat.

A coil was beginning to tighten in my core as he manipulated my body with his touch, I felt heated and I was aching for more, but Bucky was punishing in his attentions. Every little bit he'd suddenly slow dramatically until he was barely moving, forcing that coil to unwind slightly and leave me more and more frustrated each time. I wasn't going to last under this kind of torture, I was going to lose my fucking mind.

"James-" I whimpered, not caring that I was begging him to show mercy. "-Please."

He stared at me intently, taking in my words with a clench of his jaw. After a moments pause, he growled and pulled back, I couldn't help but whine in protest as his finger left me aching. I wasn't left waiting long however.. as he suddenly thrust two thick fingers back inside of me, ripping a strangled moan from my mouth as my back arched off the bricks, one of my hands clenching onto his sweatshirt. Digging my nails into the back of his neck, I heard the rumble of his approval as he sucked in a sharp breath.

His fingers worked quickly now, his pace furious and unrelenting as I squirmed against him, the coil pulling tighter and tighter inside me. The intimacy of keeping our eyes locked wasn't lost on me, and if anything it was just making me more mad with desire. The metal hand at my hip was bruising as it kept me perfectly still, exactly where he wanted me.

With a firm roll of his thumb against my bundle of nerves, he curled his fingers inside me, brushing up against a spot that had me coming undone. Surging forward, Bucky claimed my lips in a bruising kiss, muffling the scream that would have been his name as wave after wave of orgasm washed over me.

My legs were trembling as he ended the kiss, I was struggling to stay wrapped around him. I felt like jello in his arms. My mind was spinning with thoughts, but I couldn't manage to grasp onto a single one of them at the moment. Pleasurable little aftershocks were shooting up my spine and taking away all of my rational thoughts. Slowly, and a bit hesitantly, I moved my hand up the back of James' neck to brush my fingers into his hair.

With the utmost care, James slowly de-tangled himself, and with a few quick motions, he had my jeans done up again and my shirt and hoodie back into place as if nothing naughty had transpired. Shifting his arms, he pulled me away form the bricks just enough to slip his arms up my back until he was grasping onto my shoulders firmly. Holding me tightly, he leaned forward, letting my weight rest against his strong arms as he dropped his head down until his forehead was resting against my shoulder, obscuring his face from view.

"I'm sorry." His voice was husky and low, laced with emotion.

I was incredibly confused.. he wasn't one for apologies.

"I know I'm not an easy man to deal with." He stated, his voice no more than a whisper against me, I swallowed hard. " _I'm selfish with you._ " He stated firmly, continuing on. "I can't help it, doll." That Brooklyn accent again...Fuck.

James..

I forced myself to remain quiet, he obviously needed to get this off his chest. "You're the one thing that's mine, the only thing Hydra hasn't taken from me." His fingers tensed, gripping onto my shoulders tighter as he buried his face into my neck, inhaling deeply. I realized he was trying to calm himself.

"When it comes to you, I can't keep my emotions in check. I can't use logic." His voice was a bit darker again, as if the fact annoyed him. He pulled back from my neck, to gaze at my face still flushed from his affections. His arms slipped down, settling around my waist to support me against him.

I searched his eyes carefully, they were confusing the fuck out of me. They were open, and vulnerable, but they were also steely in their resolve. He was one hundred percent serious, and it was staggering to think that I caused this intimidating, Super-Soldier to lose his composure. He had basically stated that I was his weakness, and my heart felt like it was soaring.

Clearing my throat, I tried to keep my voice steady. "I can accept that." My voice was barely above a whisper as I spoke. I knew things with James wouldn't be easy, we had covered that already. I didn't care, all I wanted was him.. even when he was an unreasonable asshole.

Smirking slightly, I tried to lighten the heavy mood.

"Plus, if that's how you choose to vent your anger... I'm all for it." Despite my purposeful flirting, I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as I thought about what had just transpired between us.

Bucky blinked once at me, his face momentarily frozen in surprise. After a solid moment of silence, his lips suddenly twisted up and morphed into the most gorgeous _smile_ I had ever seen as he started to _laugh_. My heart leapt into my throat, my eyes widening as the sound of his amusement seared into my brain. He had never laughed before, let alone actually smiled... I was stunned.

 _I knew then that I was damned, because that was the most wonderful sound I had ever heard._

* * *

I'm so incredibly sorry that this is late you guys.. Thanks to my shitty, compromised immune system, I caught not one, but two different illnesses. Right after the other. It was complete and utter bullshit and I'm still having horrible coughing fits. The flu fucking sucks, but I'm on the mend. That being said, I hope this chapter makes up for it. Happy early Valentines Day, my lovelies! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.. and the interesting direction it took. I'm quite rusty with smut.. sorry about that. Until next time! ~


	36. No Rest for the Wicked

The combination of slow falling snow, and my general elation of how the afternoon went, added a particularly noticeable skip in my stride as I fell into step besides James as he carried our shopping bags back towards our truck. I was coasting on cloud nine. Not only had I gotten Bucky to smile and laugh, but I was a bit lost in post-orgasmic bliss.

The afternoon almost felt surreal in a way - when I woke up this morning I never would have pictured the day going like this. His kisses.. his touch.. his smile and laughter, it was burned into my brain and playing on a deliciously torturous loop. Gods, I wanted to make him laugh again. I was pretty sure I was sporting a permanent blush and would be for the rest of the day at least. My mind had played scenario's like that in my head since I had met James, but fucking hell, the real thing was a hundred times better.

"Stay close." He demanded quietly, shooting me a quick look. He had gone back into 'Serious-Super-Soldier' mode as soon as we had exited the alley, he wasn't happy that we had spent so much time out in the open, it was making him extra paranoid. As it was, I was practically glued to his hip anyway. His warmth was comforting as it burned against my side, snow crunching under our boots.

As we got closer to where we left the truck parked, the foot traffic increased. I could hear people talking around us as we carefully navigated through people, some spoke in Swedish, and others in English. I was startled to realize as I overheard a couple of gals talking that it was early to mid December - Yule was upon us, with Christmas fast approaching.

I wonder if James used to celebrate Christmas back in New York with Steve..?

I suddenly ached to be able to do something special for the Holidays. Suddenly craved that small bit of normalcy with him.. I wanted to get him a gift, but what? And how? It's not like I could surprise him with it.. he was with me at all times. Nibbling on my lip, I tried to think of something that I could do for him. Something that he'd genuinely like.. He was a complicated man, and it's not like we had a permanent residence or even stability. It had to be simple.

My thoughts literally came to an abrupt halt as my shoulder collided roughly with someone else walking by, sending me staggering back a step. As I tried to stop myself from sliding on the icy pavement and falling on my ass, I felt a fairly sharp tug on my hair and then it was gone - leaving a dull ache on my scalp.

"Sorry, sweetheart." A deep, dry, raspy voice apologized to my side.

Turning, I caught sight of a fairly tall, muscled back blending back into the foot traffic. He had short cropped, messy black hair but that was all I could see of him in the dim lighting; and then he was gone, dissolving into the crowd like a ghost.

Frowning, I turned to find James staring at me. He had a peculiar expression on his face, as if he was trying to think of something important.

"You alright?" He questioned, shooting a weary look into the crowd around us. He definitely wanted out of here as fast as possible, he was getting twitchy.

Nodding my head, I shot one more glance over my shoulder before hastening my pace next to James, I just wanted to get back already. The run in with the random pedestrian had reminded me how vulnerable we were like this... As happy as I was about how the afternoon turned out - it wasn't safe to spend this much time out and about, not for us.

The ride back to the abandoned apartment complex was mostly silent. When I had tried to sit myself in the passenger seat, James had scowled at me and yanked me into the middle seat next to him. He spent the entire drive back with his normal hand on the steering wheel, and his metal hand on my thigh - his thumb idly stroking my leg through my dark jeans.

He looked troubled, his eyes were a million miles away, as if something was bothering him and he couldn't quite figure out what it was.

"What's wrong?" I breathed, staring up at the side of his face, tracing his stubble with my eyes while I waited for him to decide if he wanted to answer me or not. His eyes slid to mine briefly, before turning back to the road.

"It's probably nothing."

Frowning, I nodded and decided to let it drop for now - he seemed extra edgy.. it wasn't wise to push right now.

It felt like a load of tension had been taken off my shoulders when we arrived back our current 'safe-house'. I hadn't even fully realized how anxious I had gotten being out there in the open during the afternoon rush. Which probably had something to do with the fact that I had been wonderfully distracted with thoughts of James and his wickedly talented fingers.. And that deep, captivating laugh.. Fuck.

It seemed that I really was going to be thinking about it all day - not that I minded. It was nice to know that he wanted me in that way, that I wasn't the only one that was affected by lust and need. I just hoped that next time I'd be able to touch him more.

Having secured the front door again, James moved to put all of our new supplies onto the old dinning room table so that he could sort it into our bags. Wanting to get comfortable so that I could help out, I reached down, grasping onto the bottom of my hoodie to pull it up and over my head. As it slipped past my hair, I felt it brush against a rather tender area near the base of my skull. Fuck, why did that sting so bad?

Discarding my hoodie onto one of the rickety chairs with a quick toss, I reached into my wind-bitten, and semi-tangled orange hair to brush over the spot near the back of my neck. Pulling my fingers away from the area with a small hiss as I irritated the sore, I noticed the smeared red color over my fingertips. Blood? Why was I bleeding?

Frowning, my eyes caught onto the looming grandfather clock in my peripherals. It was odd, but something just didn't feel right about that clock, something was off and just.. wrong. Walking towards the clock slowly, I tried to discern what it was that was bothering me so much.. The wood paneling looked the same, the glass was as clean as I had left it...

Pivoting on my foot, I glanced over to where I had left the wristwatch that James always kept in the bags. I had used it to set the time on the aged Grandfather clock correctly.

Five-forty-three.

Shifting back around, I caught the time on the clock. Six on the dot... It was seven minutes fast.. that wasn't possible. I knew I had set it correctly.. Right after I had disabled the chimes...

I felt like I was moving on auto-pilot as I approached the clock - my brain felt weirdly hazy like I was in a dream. I could hear James shuffling behind me, but all the blood was rushing to my ears - why did I feel so uneasy? Something was wrong..

Opening the clock face I was met with a piece of paper taped to gleaming insides, insides that were now filled with wires - wires that shouldn't be there. There was no ominous ticking, which was the sort of thing I expected in this kind of scenario, instead it was quiet - the only sound being the quiet hum of the clock gears.

 **Dread.**

 **Panic.**

 _ **Hysteria.**_

The writing was done in red pen. It was a curly, but messy scrawl as if someone had been in a hurry when they wrote it.

 _Tick, Tock,_ _'Mrs. Barnes.'_ _-_ **X**

I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, stealing all of my air. I couldn't breathe, I was shaking.

"James..." It took everything I had just to whisper his name and turn my head to look at him, tears were welling up in my eyes, I was frozen in place, dread quite literally weighing my feet down. I couldn't get myself to move..

We had fucked up.. _I_ had fucked up.

Time ironically felt like it had slowed down as he lifted his head to look at me, his gorgeous dark hair swaying around his face, his eyes catching mine worriedly. With a quick flick of his gaze, he zeroed in on the note in front of me, his eyes widening marginally and then he was bolting towards me, his powerful body tensing as he barreled towards me, closing the distance between us in a single breathe. I had never seen such utter panic take over his features before - it was raw and open, and it scared the hell out of me.

His arms wrapped around my waist, hauling me off my feet and back into his chest, violently. Pivoting on his foot, he dashed back the way he'd came - towards the window. Bucky was ridiculously fast, I had seen how quickly he could move - but even he seemed slowed in this moment, like he couldn't quite run fast enough. It was like those nightmares when the monster was chasing you, and your legs felt like they were being weighed down with lead and you were just a _bit too slow._

His metal shoulder broke through the window first, glass glittering around us, I shrieked as we met open air, three stories up. The frozen spell on my body finally wearing off.

We were out of time.

The apartment exploded behind us, launching us forward. The heat was hellish, I felt like I was suffocating in a cloud of hellfire even as James' much larger form shrouded me from the majority of heat and debris.

The world's detail suddenly blurred, I felt the scream tear from my mouth, but I couldn't hear it over the crunching of wood and metal as we crashed through and into the adjacent building. Pain erupted in my skull and up my side as we crash landed onto the floor, I couldn't see anything - it was like my vision had been stolen from me. All I knew was darkness and nauseating agony. James' weight crushed solidly into my own and then it was gone. I could feel myself roll and my shoulder catch onto something - with a snap, I felt my shoulder dislocate, pulling another startled scream that I couldn't hear, but I felt the force of it tear from my lungs.

For a moment I felt the ground slide beneath me, and then everything was still - the ringing in my ears was loud, too loud. I was sure I was crying, I had to be. My cheeks were wet and they burned, throbbing was starting up in at least two of my fingers.. Something warm was leaking near my mouth. Where was James?

I couldn't move, nothing was answering my brain's signals.

I wasn't sure how many moments ticked by, I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, hell I couldn't even open my eyes to try and locate James. Everything felt like it was underwater, even my thought process was sluggish and disoriented. Too slow...

 **Tick**

 _Need to get up._

 **Tock**

 _Have to move._

 **Tick**

 _Dangerous._

 **Tock**

 _Blood on my scalp?_

 **Tick**

 _The time is wrong._

 **Tock**

 _'X' Marks the spot?_

 **Tick**

 _Signed an X, why?_

 **Tock**

 _Message for me_

 **Tick Tock**

 _Crossbones_

 **Tick, Tock, 'Mrs. Barnes'**

 _James!_

I forced my eyes to snap open, I needed James! We had to get out of here, it wasn't safe! My vision was hazy, unclear... their was a bunch of ash and airborne debris floating through the air around us, it made the air feel thick and disgusting as I breathed. Slowly, everything came back into focus.

Bucky was lying across the room from me, his weight had slowed him down and stopped him from rag-dolling across the room like I had.. but he wasn't moving. He was facing me, sprawled out on his stomach on the floor. His eyes were closed, an illusion of serenity on his face. Is he unconscious?! How fucking long had I been laying here? Seconds? Minutes? I wasn't sure.. I had to be concussed.. That's the only thing that would explain why it felt like I was mentally swimming through syrup.

"James..?" I couldn't hear my own voice... I couldn't hear my own voice?! That infernal fucking ringing was too loud, it was overpowering everything. Squeezing my eyes shut, I willed my hands to move, I needed to get up! My fingers twitched and I groaned, I could feel the sound vibrate my chest - my fingers ached something horrible... Opening my eyes I turned my gaze onto them.. they looked fine? Maybe not broken? Fuck knows how bad my injuries were.. but I knew without a doubt they would have been one hundred times worse had James not taken the majority of it all.

Lifting my arm to my face felt like I was trying to lift it out of drying cement, my arm trembled with effort as I touched my ears lightly - trying to discern my problem. My fingers came back sticky and red...

Oh.. the bomb. We were too close... Concussion.. right.

Fuck.

Ringing is going to be there for a while then? Think I read that somewhere... My head pulsed violently as I tried to focus harder.

Catching movement from the corner of my eyes, I slid my gaze back over to where James was sprawled out on the floor. He was moving now, his legs shifting across the floor first, then he tried to move the arm that was almost seemingly stretched towards me. That's when I noticed the break. His arm was bent too far backwards at the elbow.

Oh god.

"James.." I barely muttered it, but his frozen-blue eyes snapped to mine, instantly alert. His eyes scanned over me, his scowl deepening as he took stock of injuries I couldn't see. Furrowing his eyebrows, he clenched his jaw tightly as he grimaced.

Leaning his head down, he braced his forehead against the floor as he slid his legs under him and pushed up with his knees. I couldn't hear his breath, but I watched his chest falls get a bit more rapid as he reached out with his metal arm and grasped onto his normal forearm. Tilting his head slightly, while still bracing it on the floor, his eyes met mine, determined. And then he yanked inwards with his metal hand, snapping his arm back where it should be. I didn't hear the crunch of his bone realigning - but I did hear his snarl as he bared his teeth rabidly. It was distorted, and very muffled.. but I could hear it and it made my insides twist horribly.

Having snapped his bone back in place, he braced himself with his metal arm, the metal arm abnormally shook as he pushed himself up into standing position. Now on his feet, he arched his back slightly, rolling his shoulders backwards and then forewords with a hard-set frown. His metal arm twitched at his side erratically and I could do nothing but stare as Bucky's face contorted into a silent snarl as he snapped his attention to his glitching, metal arm.

Damage... his arm was damaged! Something must be wrong with the insides? I could see no visible breaks in the metal, no structural wreckage.. definitely internal. Fuck, that wasn't good, one arm down, one faulty.

 _Tired._

Could just close my eyes for a moment?

My eyelids drooped slightly as I tried to think of how to fix his arm, but the thoughts were slow and corrupted, it was hard to get a single proper thought finished. Just.. so exhausted, everything hurt. I could sleep, couldn't I?

 _No!_

 _Concussion!_

Forcing my eyes back open, I watched as James clenched his silver fist tightly, he rolled his wrist joint in annoyance and then lifted and rolled his shoulder forward. With one last, dark look towards his metal arm, he headed for me. I still hadn't managed to get my body to move past my arms, and I could only stare at his legs as he approached.

He stopped in front of me, I could feel his gaze roaming over me carefully, inspecting. With a calculated, wider step, he stood over me, one leg on either side of my body as he slowly crouched, keeping his weight off me.

"Don't move." He instructed when I tried to follow him with my eyes - his voice was still far too quiet. It was difficult to keep my eyes locked forward, I needed something to focus on - and a hole in the side of the building wasn't exactly friendly to my eyes. We had made that hole by crashing through it... After a moment of nothing, I felt what I assumed to be his metal hand smoothing down the back of my torn long-sleeve. I grimaced slightly, but otherwise remained impassive.

 _Rolling across the floor._

Lacerations maybe?

 _Boom!_

Burns?

After another second that felt far too long, his cool metal hand smoothed up the back of my shirt, carefully prodding at my spine with his finger tips. I felt it all, which I was pretty sure was a good thing? Pulling his arm out from underneath my ruined shirt, he stood back up, stepping back in front of me again. I felt so fucking helpless laying there, I was a burden and I was slowing him down.

Crouching in front of me so he was balanced on his heels, he caught my eyes purposefully with his, making sure to keep my gaze. Reaching out with his metal arm, he splayed his hand across my sternum, firmly, before pushing me backwards so that I rolled onto my back. I hissed lightly, but didn't protest any. His eyes narrowed as he looked at my shoulder for a heartbeat longer.

"You look like shit, doll." His low voice was music to my ears - despite how hard it was to hear him.

"You don't curse." I mumbled back in what I hoped was a clear voice. He really didn't, I think I had heard him curse once or twice in the entire time we had been together.. I suppose I cussed enough for the both of us.

"Seems you're rubbing off on me." He deadpanned.

I tried to smile, I really, really wanted to, but the action pulled at my lip something horrible and left me gasping in pain.

"Split lip." He informed me, almost robotically.

Grasping onto my chin with his metal fingers, he slowly tilted my head side to side, pulling a low groan from my mouth. I realized it must have been weird for him to be only using his metal arm, especially when it was fucked up, his motions weren't as smooth as normal.

"Concussion too." He checked off, letting his eyes linger on what I assumed was my ears a bit longer. He was listing off the worst of my injuries..

Reaching down he pulled up my shirt again, this time gazing at my ribs. I watched as his frown deepened as he reached to smooth his fingers over a particularly tender section that wrenched another groan from my throat.

"Bruised, not broken." He informed me, which I was thankful for. His voice and retelling of my injuries was giving my sluggish brain something to focus on.

"Shouldn't we be leaving? It's not safe.. people will come." That was right, wasn't it? The explosion would draw attention.. We should have bolted by now, that's what we normally did. Clenching his jaw fiercely, he took a low steadying breath, his eyes were burning with white-hot anger. Had he been trying to keep his anger in check this entire time?

"I know, but we can't yet." He ground his teeth together as frustration bleed into his tone. "Have to set that shoulder first."

"What?" I questioned, weakly. What the hell was he talking about?

Shoulder?

 _Snap!_

Fuck.. it had dislocated, hadn't it?

The memory was almost hazy as I fought to think back just to it. The memory should have been fresh and clear, but my disoriented brain was having trouble finding small details through the bigger details that kept slamming around in my skull.

James ignored my question. With a slow sweep of his eyes, along with a roaming metal hand, he checked for any other injuries he may have missed on my hips and legs, the check came back fine - I had thankfully only managed scrapes and bruises for my bottom half, nothing worth mentioning right now.

"Few jammed fingers." He told me with a chin nod towards my hands. "I'll have to fix that later."

"Fun." I grumbled.

His eyes slid to mine, just staring for several moments. I could practically see the gears turning in his brain as he thought over his next course of action. His eyes shut momentarily as he seemingly steeled himself as well as metaphorically yanking the leash on his rage. With a slow breath, he reopened his eyes and leaned down towards me. Using his metal arm, he wedged it between my upper back and the floor, slowly lifting me into a sitting position.

My head swam as my vision swirled in and out of focus as he pulled me into his chest, letting my head slump against him. Sitting up seemed to be exactly what my body had needed, and yet the opposite of what my head screamed at me. The movement had jarred some of my muscles into working order again, but it just made my head pound and scream painfully, my thoughts clashing worse than before.

Ignoring my aching cranium the best I could, I held tightly to Bucky as he shifted back and lowered himself into a sitting position, his long legs stretching out on either side of me. With a bit more shuffling, he had my back pressed to his wide chest comfortably. Well, as comfortably as we could manage right now.

"You were out.." I mumbled. "When I opened my eyes." I furrowed my eyebrows in annoyance.. had that made sense?

He seemed to know what I was referring to.. He had been knocked unconscious when we got blasted in here, hadn't he?

"Just for a few seconds." He rumbled, his tone still laced with frustration as the muscles in his chest tensed. He was angry about it, I realized. "The blast was bigger than I anticipated." He admitted, bitterly.

Had it only been a few seconds? How did he know? Well, this was James.. he generally knew most stuff - and I imagine if anyone knew if he had blacked out for a moment it would be him.

With a sharp and rather irritated inhale, he lifted his injured, normal arm to wrap around my chest tightly, startling me. The steel band that was his arm held me snugly against him, right under my collarbone, his palm settling before the socket firmly. It was easy to deduce that he was pissed that his arm had broken at all, he had denser bones than I did.. way denser. Lucky him however, it wouldn't take very long to heal. Not that I imagined that improved his mood any.. especially since he was forced to use it now while it was weakened. His pain tolerance had to be through the roof...

"On three." He rumbled.

Tension gathered in my spine as he lifted his metal arm, grasping onto my left elbow tightly to the point of pain. I could feel slight tremors in that silver hand, his grip was fluctuating.. it wasn't much, but it was enough to be noticeable..

Internal damage, my mind whispered at me again.

It needed to be fixed.

I could fix it? Maybe. I could certainly try..

My thoughts still felt choppy and lethargic, and it was annoying me. Slowly, he pulled my arm back until it was outstretched out at my side, his persistent fingers keeping my elbow bent so that my forearm was pointed forward, towards our feet.

"One." He whispered, gruffly, loud enough for me to hear, his breath hot against my ear.

Without warning, he shoved inwards in one swift and fluid, horrible, movement. The sound was jarring, even to my muffled ears. It crunched as it solidly and audibly popped back into position, wrenching a shriek from my mouth from both the intense flare of pain, and the shock.

The pain didn't last long however, just mere seconds and then it was fading. But I was irked.

"That wasn't three!" I groaned through clenched teeth.

"Time to go." He informed, ignoring my irritation at him.

Dropping his normal arm a bit lower, he wrapped it around my midsection securely as he shifted to stand, pulling me along with him. The world tilted and rolled as he did so, and I had to fight to keep the stomach acid down. Fucking hell..

He let go, just for a second, and my knees buckled uselessly underneath me, my head rolling back as I started to fall. I tried to latch onto him, but I shouldn't have bothered, his arms were back around me well before I met the floor - his face swimming into focus in front of me, almost nose to nose. His blue eyes were angrier and beyond frustrated as they burned into my own - but I could see the concern too.

"I'm sorry." I groaned.

My fault... all my fault.

"Shut up." He demanded, coldly, his teeth clenching tightly as he shifted to haul me up into his arms, bridal style. My legs were stretched over his metal arm, as his injured normal one supported my back. "Arms around my neck." He barked impatiently, grinding his teeth.

Stretching upwards, I wound my arms around the back of his neck as tightly as I could.

"Good girl." He breathed, his voice still a bit harsh. Was he angry that I was hurt this badly? That I was essentially incapacitated? Or was he angry that I tried to apologize for it?

"You can't hold a weapon, carrying me like this." I realized. "What if people are out there? Hydra, or Cros-"

"I'll handle it." He rumbled, cutting me off. " _I've got you._ " He affirmed, shifting me just a bit tighter into his chest as my eyelids drooped again without my permission. "You can't sleep, understand me?" His voice was impatient, cutting even.

I tried to listen, I really did, but I couldn't cling to consciousness anymore. The last thing I saw before darkness swallowed me was James' magnificently handsome face, twisted into a furious expression as he stared down at me, his eyes however.. were filled with something I had never seen on him.

 **Fear.**

* * *

Sorry you guys had to wait so long for this chapter.. The last month or so has just been awful... I haven't been sick this often since I was in middle school! Thankfully, I am ONCE AGAIN, on the mend. (Hopefully I edited this chapter okay, I'm still a bit brain-foggy.) I'm hoping I don't suddenly catch another flu or some shit. I'm beyond annoyed with how often I've gotten sick this year already. I would have had this up to you guys a few days ago.. but while still recovering from this last flu, I had a convention to go to. I got to meet Jason Momoa and it was amazing! As it is, I'm going to be working on cosplay for the next month and a half as well as working on this story since I am no longer sick, so I should be updating regularly again.

Anywho, as you can see.. shit has gone to hell in this chapter. Poor Katarina is super out of it, her brain is scrambled and her thoughts are jumbled, fractured, and just.. bad. Lucky for her she's still alive though.. thanks to Bucky. If anyone is curious, I'm going to let you in on a secret. That bomb wasn't intended to kill them, just... a bit of fun from our villain honestly. If it had killed them though, well, it would have been no big loss for him. But there's your little secret tid-bit for this chapter!

Oh, and since some of you are apparently still under the assumption that I'm going to follow Civil War's plot? I'm not. I'm going to use a few elements from it, but I will not be following it directly. Sorry if that upsets anyone, but I have my own plan for how this story is going to go - I have since the beginning. I hope you all still trust and like where I take this. Read and review my lovelies! Until next time!


	37. Madness Returns

Regaining consciousness was slow, like an aged vinyl record player starting up after years of disuse. Everything was sluggish, distorted. The first thing that pierced through the haze was the scent of freshly cleaned linens. That subtle but familiar smell of warm, recently-washed cotton splattered images across my mind. The summer breeze fluttering through the open window to rustle the sheets while Mom made breakfast downstairs. Melty chocolate chip cookies for breakfast in bed on Christmas morning, a tradition Dad and I had...

 _I've got you._

I physically jerked as more of my mind jump-started awake. The memory of scorching heat, pain fracturing across my shoulder like shattering glass, furious, winter-blue eyes freezing me in place.

 _James._

Opening my eyes was almost an overwhelming amount of effort, and I was startled to find myself buried into what I expected to be the comfiest pillow I had ever had the privilege of drooling on. Feathers no doubt. The royal blue sheet under my bandaged hand sent unease blossoming into my chest, this was... fancy? Where the fuck was I? Shifting to sit up, I found that with each minimal movement, dull aches made themselves known all over my body, making each movement uncomfortable and stiff.

I was in a large, plush, king sized bed. The pillowcases and sheets a royal, pristine, blue. The down-feathered-comforter a pure unblemished ivory. The ornate dark-wood frame was beautifully carved, a forest scene carefully designed into the strong headboard, each detail impeccable and awe-inspiring.

 _You can't sleep, understand me?_

Turning my attention away from the bed, I glanced around at what used to be an immaculately furnished bedroom. The wallpaper, once beautifully printed with a base white and a silver repetitive pattern was now ripped in several places and littered with fist-sized holes. The destruction didn't stop there, what I was guessing used to be two end tables were now splintered across the floor, making the otherwise spotless white carpet appear messy and chaotic. The disarray continued across the room against the far wall. Brand new, black dufflebags sat carelessly, filled to the brim with supplies that I had long since gotten used to seeing.

Shifting my gaze to the matching royal-blue decorative rug, I met the worst of the mess. What was supposed to be a cute set-up of twin accent chairs and a lounge table, was now just a scene of unkempt madness. One of the accent chairs had been positively destroyed, it's remains strewn all over the place. Loose pieces of white paper were thrown all across the rug, some with splotches of red obscuring the print. In the center, were two open journals that were too difficult to make out across the dimly-lit room. The lounge table had been shoved to the side and now had various gun pieces and ammo strewn across it's surface. Scratches and jagged grooves had been cut into the surface by what I guessed had been a knife of some sorts.

Turning my attention, I locked onto the most chaotic fixture of the entire room.

Bucky.

He was hunched over in the mostly-intact accent chair, his shoulders tense as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. His normal arm crossing in front of him to grip onto his metal bicep tightly, his knuckles white from the force of his grip. The air around him was ominous and foreboding, his dark hair was drawn like a curtain, obscuring his face from my view.

He was dressed tactically instead of casually, which had been his usual lately. The deep black of his tactical pants contrasting with the rest of the room. His black t-shirt stretched tightly across him, showcasing each sinful, dangerous muscle. There was a black leather, one-armed vest thrown off to the side, but there were no guns strapped to the webbing of his clothes. I could only see the hilts of a few knives, calculatedly placed on his person. Bucky wasn't a person to ever be unarmed.. not completely at least.

The unsettling vibe of the situation wasn't lost on me. Why hadn't he turned to look at me, or even come over? For that matter, why hadn't he said anything yet? He normally heard me wake before I was even fully coherent.. That was just who he was.

And now here he was, seemingly oblivious to my presence in general. Everything about his body language, even from across the room seemed wrong.. off somehow.

"James?" My voice was rough and dry from disuse, and it almost seemed unwelcome in the overly quiet bedroom.

He didn't move, didn't even acknowledge me in his usual way of a grunt or a look. Just.. nothing.

Ignoring the protests of my aching body, I shifted the covers enough to climb out of their warmth. I realized quite suddenly that he had changed my clothes at some point. I could feel the blush staining my cheeks as I looked down at my attire.. or lack thereof.

I was wearing an oversized black t-shirt, too oversized to be meant for me. It hung off one shoulder when I stood up and ended mid-thigh. Realization dawned on me, this had to be a shirt he had picked for himself? Throwing a quick glance over to where the dufflebags sat against the wall I felt confusion swirl around in my brain. I could see clothing that was obviously meant for me.. meaning he had replaced what he lost in the explosion?

But then.. why did he dress me in one of his shirts?

Somehow my cheeks felt hotter than before.

Reaching down, I confirmed what I was already suspicious of - I was in a new set of black panties as well and he hadn't bothered with a bra. Alright... so... he had changed all of my clothes.. I could handle that, totally. Yep. This is fine, I'm fine. My racing heart informed me that I was a liar, and I was flustered as all hell.

Pushing it to the back of my mind I focused on the goal at hand, figuring out what was wrong with James. A no doubt, stressful and probably dangerous mission. I so could do this! Who cares that I had been unconscious for fuck knows how long, I could handle a grumpy Winter Soldier, I had tons of practice already.

Moving forward, I weaved through the debris, taking care not to step on any wood or paper as I made my way across the room. I really didn't need a splinter or a paper cut right now, that would not be helpful.

James didn't move even a fraction of an inch as I approached him, it just made me that much more concerned... I could feel my heart beginning to grow heavy in my chest, despite my attempt at lighthearted musing, something was definitely wrong.

I shot a few quick looks down at the journals as I passed them, one seemed to be filled with nothing but information on Hydra.. the other.. Well, the other seemed to be filled with nothing but memories of Steve and myself. That's what I got from the two pages that were open anyways... Why was he writing down his memories now? What had changed? I would have noticed that kind of habit before.. This was definitely a new thing for him.

Nothing was making sense... What had happened after the explosion? Why was he being so unusual? What had happened when I passed out the day? Was he simply upset about what happened? Or did it go deeper than that?

The closer I got, the more I could pick up on what I hadn't before. The metal arm he was gripping oh so tightly with his normal arm seemed to be twitching and malfunctioning worse than before. Even as he clenched his fingers harshly into a fist, still it trembled and jerked out of his control. That wasn't all either, he was mumbling under his breath in another language. I frowned as I concentrated on the words.. he had spoken that language before.. hadn't he?

Of course! Back when he had horrible, vicious nightmares! He had told me before that it was Russian he spoke during the majority of his nightmares..

Dread pooled in my stomach.

But, he was awake..? Bucky had never spoken Russian or, hell, any other foreign language while he was awake. Not in front of me at least.

Swallowing hard I moved around to the front of the accent chair he was slumped in, still he didn't stir.

"James?" I tried again.

Nothing.

Crouching down in front of him, I found his gaze drilling holes in the wall.. It was like he didn't even notice I was there.. He just kept mumbling in Russian, his expression vacant and cold. I felt my heart twist and my stomach drop. Swallowing hard, I reached out with a surprisingly steady hand to touch his right knee - the one lacking the glitching, lethal metal arm braced on it.

His eyes swiveled to mine so fast it was almost startling, his muttering instantly quieted. His eyes had darkened as he looked me dead on, not saying anything. It almost seemed like he was seeing through me... The look was familiar for some reason, and I found myself searching frantically in my brain for the answer. For some reason, I needed to know what it reminded me of, it was vitally important.

A light-bulb went off in my brain.

The day we met... back in the alley!

Oh... fucking hell. This wasn't good.

Ignoring the twinge of fear that had worked up my spine, I squared my shoulders and moved more into his personal space, he didn't protest.

"What's wrong?" It was the only thing I could think to ask, the only way that I'd get to the bottom of this shit. I knew that it probably lead down an ugly street.. that's just how things went when he bottled up his emotions. And from the look of the room, he was certainly feeling a lot under that cool, indifferent, mask of his.

I was almost afraid he wouldn't answer me, just go on ignoring everything, but he didn't.

"I almost got you killed." Came the deadpan rumble, his words biting. The only noticeably nice shift in his demeanor was that he was actually looking at me now, not just staring at me as if I was a fucking ghost.

Shock registered first.. What? How did he.. I was the one that almost got us killed.

"What?" I blurted the question abruptly, too stunned to think of a better response.

How the hell did he think that was his fault?! It was clearly my fault?! The fact that he wasn't snarling in my face about it right now was actually kind of surprising.

"Ever since we got to Europe, there's been one attempt on your life after another. This time.. if I had been just a second later.." He clenched his teeth and bared them in a rabid snarl that had me rocking backwards on the balls of my feet just slightly. My body instinctively recognizing the change to 'predator' in the way he carried himself. "I ignored my instincts." He finished, his voice barely more than a feral growl.

I needed to reason with him, this wasn't his fault. He was being way too hard on himself for this. It wasn't like this was my first near death experience or anything, I had been having them way before he came into my life.

"Everyone lets their guard down sometimes,-"

The irony of what I was doing wasn't lost on me... I was easier on James than I was myself..

"No!" His words were frigid, spine-chilling, and worst of all, heart wrenching. His face was painted in a furious snarl as he abruptly stood up, hooking his metal arm under the chair to grip and then flinging it to the side dangerously. It cartwheeled off faster than I could follow, slamming into the wall. Some pieces stuck into the ruined wallpaper and drywall, while others went flying in every direction. I couldn't help but flinch at the noise. Raising to my feet quickly, I met his furious gaze as he stared down at me.

"If I let my guard down, you die!" He was positively ferocious as he snarled in my face, towering over me. I felt small standing in front of him while he raged. His chest was heaving with suppressed violence, his eyes dark and stormy. He looked every bit as lethal as he normally did, but somehow standing in nothing but his t-shirt made it feel a bit different. Still, I couldn't just let him spin out of control like this. This wasn't his fault, not at all! He was doing the best he could! Plus, he was freaking out about something that hadn't happened, I wasn't dead, dammit!

"James," I started slowly, It was difficult to keep my anger in check, it always seemed to rise up when his did. You need to be reasonable right now, Katarina. You can do this. "I'm fine,- "

"Don't you dare!"

My own anger went boiling over.

"But I am fine! I am standing right here!" I snarled, clenching my fists. "I'm not dead, James! I survived, because of you!" I shouldn't have yelled, I knew that, but I just couldn't help it. Every time he got like this, we always ended up in a screaming match... If we had anything in common, it was definitely the way we responded to feelings of anger.

Silence.

He glared down at me, not moving and not wavering. His stare was practically searing holes into my face as he stared down his nose at me. I could see the gears turning in his brain, could see him calculating what to say or do next. Taking a deep breath through his nose, he shut his eyes tightly. A technique I recognized easily at this point - he did it to try and gain control of himself, of the more instinctual, primal parts of his being.

"I let myself get distracted." His tone was softer this time, it was definitely still rough around the edges, but he had obviously gained a sliver of self-control. My control however...

"Distracted?" His words twisted and tangled around in my brain, like an overgrown rosebush with too many thorns. "Distracted by what?" My rage spiked, I was seeing red. "Me?!" He was blaming me now?! For letting himself feel for me?! Out of all the the things to blame me for, that was the one that I wasn't okay with! He could blame me for the shit at the store, he could blame me for approaching that clock by myself when I knew something was wrong, but this?! "So it's all my fault now?! Well then, guess I should be glad that you're at least done blaming yourself! For fucks sake, so sorry that I distract Mr. Perfect-Super-Soldier by being an imperfect, flawed, fragile little human!" I sucked in a breath as I continued on my enraged rant full of my own insecurities. "If I'm such a god damn distraction, maybe you should-"

His expression was twisting in anger, I could see it plain as day, could see the snarl come back full force, but I couldn't seem to shut up. Couldn't stop the toxic words from flowing out of my mouth and poisoning the air.

He lunged forward abruptly, his hands grasping onto either side of my waist in a bruising hold, his fingers digging in harshly. I shrieked as he quite suddenly picked me up off of the ground, my weight nothing to him. In less than a micro-second, I was airborne, flying backwards across the room. My brain just couldn't seem to catch up with what was happening until I landed and bounced back on the bed I had woken up on - safe and sound, except for my nerves.

I didn't have anytime to get my bearings before he was on me, silencing me with ease. With one leg braced off the side of the bed onto the floor, he bent the other so his knee rested next to my thigh on the bed. His normal hand covered my mouth, stifling more irate shrieking, his thumb digging into the my right cheek while his other fingers rested on the opposite cheek. With a quick flick of my eyes, I realized his metal hand was braced on the headboard above me, supporting his weight as his fingers dented and splintered into the wood, taking the brunt of his furious emotions.

"You're not going anywhere!" He snapped maliciously, staring me down. His voice was coarse and low, more of a rumble than anything. "Remove that thought from your pretty little head." Somehow the nicely painted words were more venomous than endearing. "You're mine! My girl! Mine to protect from Hydra, the Avengers, from the world, and even yourself!" The possessive twinge to him was surging forward, enveloping the air around us.

He growled suddenly and clenched his teeth tightly, shutting his eyes as he did so. Sucking in a deep breath he visibly shook above me, leaving me with nothing to do but watch him. The absolute rage rolling off of him right now was suffocating.. and yet, I was trembling.. Not just because of that, but for another reason entirely. My body had the worst timing, and it was a traitorous bastard.

"Tell me you understand? Nod your head." His words had regained that softer tone, but this time they seemed to be almost coated with a desperate plea. He needed this... He needed to hear himself say it, needed me to agree.

I nodded slowly, not taking my eyes off of his face for a moment. He had let his stubble get a bit out of hand I realized, and his hair.. it's all tangled up..

I was met with a typhoon of emotions when he opened his eyes, there were so many things swirling in those blue depths, I couldn't keep up. Taking another calculated and controlled breath above me, he continued.

"You almost died because of my mistake. Mine! Not yours!" His voice raised slightly, gaining a malicious tone of self-loathing, the headboard cracked above me under the force of his grip. "I tried so hard to be the man I once was, a man who is worthy of you.." In that moment, his eyes looked sadder than I had ever seen them before... as if he was resigning himself...

The cold crept back into those sapphire depths, freezing it all away.

"But I'm not that man anymore, I haven't been in a very long time. You deserve far better.." He clenched his teeth again, that tick in his jaw showing for a moment. "You're too good... So incredibly good." His tone shifted again, gaining a more decisive, hard edge, almost icy. His mood swings were out of control right now. "I won't let anyone else have you, won't let anyone even entertain the idea of taking you from me. Hydra has painted a target on your back, Katarina. I'm going to kill them. Every last one.. For you."

His words, while chilling, were comforting too.. and I knew it was because I was fucked up and broken. Something had been damaged inside me.. Had it happened when I was younger? Or had I been born like this? Why didn't his words upset me? Shouldn't they? Wouldn't that be a normal response to the promise of mass murder?

It's Hydra, they're the bad guys... Not James.

Instead, I was.. happy. Happy that he was telling me what was going on in that complicated, amazing brain of his. Maybe Bucky had been right, maybe we were always meant to cross paths.. Two broken and damaged people like us... destined to try and fix each other.

Damn.

I'm in love with him.

It's fucked up, and it's wrong on so many different levels.. I know this, I do.. But I don't care.

I am madly, and dangerously in love with James Buchanan Barnes.. a man that shouldn't be alive right now, a man that's broken and fractured, a man that had tons of pieces of himself taken away and replaced with that of The Winter Soldier. A man that's not only unstable, but complicated, and sometimes.. terrifying.

My heart thundered against my rib-cage, threatening to break right out of my chest for him to see.

His head tipped to the side as the silence stretched between us, was he listening to my heartbeat? Was it telling him what I had just realized? His gaze while still dark, softened slightly.

"Tell me you accept it, doll." That old Brooklyn accent was back on his tongue, flowing over his words. He wasn't looking at me anymore, instead staring at the assumed wreckage that he had created in the ornate headboard.

I knew the 'it' he was referring to was his declaration to single-handedly take down the rest of Hydra. Slowly, he removed his hand from my mouth, moving it to rest next to my head on the plush mattress. My emotions were swirling around in my chest and my brain felt like a whirlwind, I was feeling too much, far too much right now. I wasn't sure if it was the lingering concussion from the explosion, or if he just had this type of effect on me, but I couldn't lie to him... Couldn't even bring myself to give a less revealing answer. We were past that type of shit anyway, weren't we?

"I accept you." I muttered quietly.

His eyes snapped to mine, and for a moment I realized he was surprised. But why? Didn't he understand that I felt just as strongly about him? Did he forget that I was nothing more than a ridiculous, flustered schoolgirl in his presence? Did he forget everything that I had said to him up to this point? Had me being unconscious for what I assumed to be a few days made him that insecure about how much I cared.. how much I trusted him?

He surged down suddenly, finding my lips with the utmost ease as he fused our mouths together in a bruising and oh-so-wonderful kiss. I was instantly lost in it, my brain flat-lining. His warm hand moved off the bed to cradle the side of my face as he expertly moved his mouth over mine in a memorized age-old dance. He nipped harshly on my bottom lip and soothed it with his tongue when I whimpered against his mouth. Pulling away seemed to be a hard feat for him, and by the way he shook again, I could tell it took a significant amount of effort for him to do so.

His gaze was heated and sinful, full of dark promises outside his normal of 'murder everything'.

"Thank you." It was just a short, whispered sentence, but it caused my heart to clench in response.

I knew that things weren't perfect, hell, I knew our problems weren't even resolved. I wasn't stupid. Something had shifted inside of James while I was out... and while I ached physically, he ached both mentally and emotionally. But for now.. things were okay with us.. and that's all that mattered right now.

* * *

This chapter is dedicated to gamerchic, and ObsidianPhantom, both who are going through a tough time and need a bit of a pick-me-up. I adore the both of you, get better soon!

So, I wanted to get this chapter out to you guys days ago, but alas.. things have been hectic! It's cosplay season for me, and I'm doing something I've never done before: Foam Armor.. and it's a fucking process lemme tell you. Combine that with the fact that my birthday is Saturday and I've just been non-stop busy, things have just been crazy. I appreciate all of you that have been patient and understanding with me though. After cosplay prep, and the actual con, I'll have a lot more time for this story.

Now, I hope I edited this chapter well enough that you guys enjoy it.. My brain has just felt dead from all this cosplay mess so editing this chapter up was a bit of a struggle, so I really, really hope you guys love it. Cause at this point, I've stared at it so long that I'm having a bitter-sweet relationship with it, haha.

As it is, this chapter was a bit of a challenge for the simple fact is Katarina is a mess after the concussion, and Bucky? Yeah, he's way more than a mess - he's a bit off the deep end at this point... Days, and I do mean DAYS without Katarina(she was out for a while), they weren't good for him. It's clear at this point that Katarina is what grounds James, helps him stay in control, helps him be himself. So neither of them were one hundred percent during this chapter, both of them blame themselves for shit they shouldn't. And yeah, they are both very fucked up. But like I told you guys before, they won't always be alone.. they'll grow - together, with some help of course. But hey, we got to see some very, very vulnerable and honest James in this chapter! (Winky-face)

Anywho, thanks again for everyone who has been patient with me while I go crazy over cosplay! It means the world to me that you guys are so supportive and wonderful! Now, I'm going to shower and head to bed and hopefully get rid of this horrible migraine. Read and Review, until next time my lovelies! ~


	38. Anything you say

Somewhere amongst all the continuous mood swings, the kisses he kept stealing from me, and his absolute refusal to talk about what had happened while I was out, or before.. with the note and the bomb - I fell back asleep for the rest of the night. Somewhere in that time frame, James had freshened up. When I woke up his hair was no longer tangled, and he didn't look like such a wreck.. He was still bordering a very dangerous edge mentally, but there was a bit more life in him overall.

He was still dressed tactically in all black, knives tucked in various places, and today he wore at least one gun on the webbing of his pants, but he looked a bit less ready to pounce if so much as a bird landed on the roof of the cabin. It helped my own anxiety lessen just a bit, and for that I was fucking thankful. Last night I hadn't been one hundred percent all there. Thinking back on it, my brain felt heavy and a little hazy, even when we started to argue.

Today was better.

The aches in my body weren't so bad and the bruising across my skin was healing nicely, only a few purple spots left - the rest having faded to greens and yellows of various shades. My hair, which I expected to be a rat's nest, was surprisingly almost completely tangle free...? Which I wasn't sure how was possible unless Bucky had brushed my hair while I was unconscious...? The thought was almost too odd to even imagine.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I found I had too much pent up energy.. a side effect of being in bed for days. While I knew I wasn't ready to go bouncing off the walls, I at least wanted to get up and out of the room for a bit.. take a shower at the very least.

"James?" I questioned, watching as he fitted pieces of an assault rifle back together.

He grunted to show he was listening.

"Can I take these off?" I wiggled my hands in the air dramatically to emphasis the bandages decorating my hands and fingers.

He gazed at my small, carefully wrapped hands for several moments before looking up at my face. I tried not to seem overly impatient waiting for his answer as I nibbled on my bottom lip and fidgeted under his stare. Finally, he lifted one hand and crooked a finger at me, motioning for me to come over to him.

Sliding off of the bed, I once again made my way carefully around all the mass destruction he had inflicted on the poor and once beautiful room. When I got within grabbing distance, he reached out and snagged my wrist, his overly warm and rough hand wrapping around it completely as he tugged me closer. Slowly, he pealed back some of the gauze-bandages over my fingers, checking the skin underneath.

"Are they bothering you?" he questioned, fiddling with the bandages lightly.

"No, but I want a shower."

He accepted my answer with a silent nod and continued unwrapping my hands for me, checking each inch of skin that was revealed.. I finally figured out why he had bandaged them like he had. While the aches were mostly gone from my hands, the skin was still littered with lacerations and ugly discoloration.. Some of the most prominent of the bruising was around a few of my knuckles. My face must have betrayed my surprise.

"You jammed several fingers." He informed casually, the statement sounded familiar. He had mentioned that before I had passed out, hadn't he? "Hairline fracture in this one." He said, tapping my ring finger on my left hand. Pain zig-zagged through my nerves at his touch.. It wasn't intolerable, but it was definitely annoying.

"I'll take it easy." I promised, knowing it was probably the only way he'd let me go take a shower. I was desperate to feel clean. He had taken very good care of me while I was unconscious, all things considered.. But still, I was going to probably lose what was left of my mind if I didn't get a hot shower as soon as humanly possible.

Giving me a pointed look, he nodded once again. I could tell there was a silent 'you better' that he wasn't saying.

Once I had the 'Wardens' approval to leave confinement, I headed over to inspect the items he had gotten while I had been out. There were tons of new clothes in the bag meant for me, all of it was stuff like I had owned before. Jeans, sweats, shorts, shirts, tank tops, panties, bras, socks.. All the correct sizes too. He really paid attention didn't he?

He had apparently remembered the type of razors and deodorant I preferred too.. Hell, he had even got the shampoo, conditioner, and body wash in the same vanilla scent I always got to share with him... My heart clenched fitfully in my chest, he was so wonderfully weird and attentive in his own way.

Fucking hell, I was getting emotional about soap.

Pulling myself together, I gathered up everything I thought I'd need. Turning to ask Bucky where the bathroom was - he had been anticipating this apparently, as he was already pointing towards one of the doors connecting to the room we were currently occupying.

"Thank you." I wonder if he knew I meant that for more than just directions.

The bathroom was big and spacious, not unlike the bedroom, it was decorated in roughly the same color scheme as well. Ivory and royal blue, and fuck, if everything didn't look way too fucking fancy for me to be standing here.. Talk about luxury. There was a huge garden tub and a walk in shower, and all of it was utterly gorgeous.. Damn, did the tub have jets? How the hell had he found this place?! And why was it unoccupied?! If I owned a place this nice.. I don't think I'd ever leave.

I stood unsurely, the fuzzy blue floor mat tickling my toes as I looked back and forth between the shower and the tub. Shower is quicker.. but come on, it would be a crime to not use that bath.. Plus, James did say to take it easy..

As I waited for the bathtub to fill, I inspected my body a bit more carefully in the grand mirror. My hair lacked tangles, but it also appeared lifeless, it was hanging limply around my body. Which, upon closer inspection, looked sickly and paler than usual. Combine all that with the bruises and the cuts of various shades of red.. I definitely wasn't a poster for attractive or healthy. Hell, I wanted to cringe just looking at me. I looked like I had managed to crawl out of hell.. which I guess was kind of impressive. Though, I suppose that isn't too weird when you go flying out a window and an explosion blasts you into the next building.

The hot water lapped at all my bruises and injuries making me hiss in both pleasure and annoyance as I submerged myself. Once the initial pain wore off, I reclined slowly, letting the water work it's magic. I almost felt weightless after a while. The water was absolutely divine on my skin, it was like a massage I wasn't even aware I needed.. But it greatly appreciated all the same.

I stayed in the bath for longer than I should have, even after I managed to do everything that I needed to. Which including washing my hair, scrubbing carefully at my skin and most of all, shaving. The hot water had chased away the remnants of my aches and pains, leaving me with only a few stiff joints and an overwhelming hunger. Now that I felt human again, I needed food as soon as possible.

Stepping out of the bathroom I was met with the sight of James standing near the table that had until quite recently, contained guns and ammo. Now it was filled with various foods... bacon, eggs, some fried potatoes, buttered bread, sausage.. orange juice. To say I was surprised would have been an understatement.. did.. did Bucky do this? By himself? It had to be him.. There was no one else here.. But.. too cook all this? To take the time...

I met his gaze with a quick flick of my eyes, he was watching me carefully, as if observing my reaction.

"You.. know how to cook?" I questioned. Suddenly remembering all that time he had me cook.

"Only what you cooked." He explained.

Wait, what?

Oh..

Oh!

Bucky had a habit of watching me back at the cabin in Canada.. even when he was avoiding me, he generally watched over whatever I cooked.. he had.. learned through me?

"You don't.." I cleared my throat anxiously as I stepped forward. "You don't remember cooking.. back then?" I probed.

He shook his head.

"I see."

Was there anything he couldn't do, honestly? He could learn to cook by watching me? That type of memory.. fucking hell.. he was so unfair. Unreal, even. It was hard to believe he was real.. even when I could reach out and touch him.

"Sit and eat." He demanded as I skirted the edge of the chair he had occupied the previous night. For someone who didn't remember how to cook and had just put into practice what he watched me do... this looked ridiculously mouth watering. It's like he read my fucking mind while I was in the bath.. He was always a step ahead, always aware of my needs before even I was.

"Wait, if you learned to cook through me, why was I always the one cooking?!" I turned to look up at his face, but he quickly grabbed a hold of my shoulder and shoved me down into the chair, firmly. The corner of his mouth twitched lightly.

"I like it better when you cook." He deadpanned. His eyes flickered with amusement briefly before they once again emptied.

I huffed.

Of course. Of-fucking-course.

"Now eat." He said firmly.

"What about you?" I questioned, gesturing to the food while I picked up the fork.

He rose a singular brow in response.

"I can't eat all of this by myself, it's too much. You need to eat too, James."

He didn't make any move to join me, just stared at me in that intense way of his.

"Pretty please?" I smiled at him and wiggled my eyebrows, trying to lighten up his still darkened mood just a bit. He needed to eat.. Even bad-ass super-soldiers needed nutrients. They needed a lot of nutrients actually.. I had long since figured out how much Bucky could eat if he actually took the time to.

With an almost sigh of annoyance, he joined me for breakfast.

\- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

I had spent the last ten minutes trying to focus on reading one of the books I had found tucked away in the duffle bags... Again, a simple object threatened to overwhelm me with emotions. When James had gotten new supplies, he hadn't just gotten the bare minimum. He had literally tried to replace all that we had lost, even the few items that I had for entertainment. I was beyond touched by the gesture.. if that wasn't thoughtful and sweet, I wasn't sure what was.

The reason I couldn't focus though?

James. Always James.

He was sitting next to me on the bed, eyes closed, seemingly relaxing. I knew he wasn't sleeping, but I was a bit surprised that he was lounging with me. Though, I suppose the mental-hell he went through while I was knocked out must have been hard on him... James didn't do well when he was trapped in his own head for too long.. However, it wasn't just his presence that was distracting my mind from the book in front of me, it was his hand.

The cool, metal hand that was taking advantage of the fact I had chosen to wear shorts by gripping onto my thigh, his thumb rubbing ridiculously pleasant circles across my skin.. Every so often, his fingers would glitch and grip just a bit too hard, biting into the tender flesh of the inside of my thigh, It was maddening, in more ways than one.

"As much as I don't mind sporting bruises on my thighs from you, how about I take a look at your arm?" I kept my voice light and teasing as I spoke, trying to appear more playful than worried.

The corner of his mouth twitched as his eyebrows rose at my comment. He didn't move, just continued rubbing slow circles on my thigh.

Fine then, time to appeal to his logical nature.

"I imagine on your mission of annihilating _all_ of Hydra, you'd be better off with two perfectly functional arms."

He grunted.

"Is that a yes?" I prodded further. I really wanted to take a look at his arm.. I didn't like that he was at a disadvantage.. didn't like him vulnerable when I could do something to help. He protected me, all the god damn time.. I could do this for him.

Sighing, he opened his eyes to meet my overcast gray orbs, with a quick flick of his eyes across my face he removed his hand off my thigh and slid off the bed He almost seemed resigned as he headed for our bags. I watched his strong back as he sauntered across the room, something about watching the way his muscles shifted and moved underneath his shirt always mesmerized me..

He should really consider just.. not wearing a shirt, ever.

Crouching down to balance on his toes, he pulled two items from two separate bags, one of them looked to be a case of some sort? The other I couldn't get a real good look at. Standing up straight, he headed back towards me, his eyes meeting mine decisively. Guess that was a yes.

Sitting up, I stretched to set my now closed book onto the foot of the bed, shifting to sit crisscrossed as Bucky returned to his side of the bed, handing me the items he had grabbed. One was a brand new case of tools for my tinkering, the other was a case of various mechanical parts. Some of them weird and foreign looking, while others were easily recognizable. Had he found a Hydra base while I had been unconscious? Or had he taken these from somewhere else?

Bucky settled down with his back against the once-beautiful headboard, leaving his trembling metal arm to rest leisurely next to him. Shifting slowly, I moved up to sit next to him, both cases within grabbing distance as I moved his forearm into my lap to get a better look at what I was dealing with.

Eyeing his handsome face for one long moment, I turned my attention onto the magnificent creation in front of me.. I had admired it's craftsmanship before, but I never thought I'd get a chance to see how the insides worked. From what I could tell, that was were all the damage had to be. Whatever metal the outside was made of, it was still in pristine condition, not one single fucking scratch on it. It looked just as shiny and foreboding as it always did.. A completely magnificent and perfect reverse image of his human arm. It honestly was astonishing - despite where it came from.

I couldn't help but sweep my hands up and over his metal arm slowly, letting my fingers glide over each smooth plate that made up his perfectly proportioned arm. Whoever had designed this, while probably insane, was a genius. The metal plates were formed with such care and precision that it was utterly flawless.. They formed each and every muscle perfectly to match his other arm.. It was almost so impeccable in fact.. that it was hard to think someone from Hydra had made it. It had been designed for destruction and death, a way to make him better when he had lost his arm.. and yet, they had put such care into it... made it beautiful. Or.. maybe I was biased? Biased because I loved tinkering, and this was absolutely breathtaking work.. Or.. perhaps I was biased because it was a part of James.

Now, the real question.. How the fuck do you get to the inside mechanics?

Opening my mouth, I turned to look up at Bucky. He was already staring at me in a way that had my insides melting and my heart aching, my words catching in my throat. Without saying anything, he reached over and touched a series of metal plates on his arm. Gears whirred underneath my hands and suddenly, several of the plates shifted to expose a small section of the inside of his arm. Whoa.

He must have realized I wouldn't know what to do..

Swallowing hard, I pulled my gaze from his and tried to focus on my task. Come on hormones, now isn't the time. He's had a very hard few days, and we almost died in an explosion.. Before that we...

I felt the heat creep up my neck at the memory of his mouth latched onto my neck and his thick fingers thrusted deep inside me...

Fuck!

Taking a deep and rather exaggerated soothing breath, I shoved the memory of that day as far back into my brain as I possibly could. I had a job to do.. Bucky needed his arm to be in perfect working order. Without it, he wouldn't be one-hundred percent.. And without a one-hundred percent Super-Soldier, chances were Crossbones would get his wish and we'd be dead very soon.

The section he had opened for me, while vastly complicated, was definitely damaged. Fuck, alright, I could do this... I could so do this. No worse than the tracking necklace I was still wearing. That had much smaller tech inside of it.. In comparison, this should be relatively simple, right? Right.

I spent the next several minutes working in complete silence, but I could feel the weight of his gaze on me.. I could feel it like it was a physical entity, sweeping across my face and then down to watch my hands work carefully on his arm. I thought his gaze would be distracting, or even nerve-wracking.. But if it did anything, it only inspired me to not fuck up that much more.

This was something I was good at, I wouldn't let him down. I couldn't.

"Where did you learn to do this?" The deep rumble of his voice made me jump slightly when I reached for another tool. Shifting my gaze, I met his eyes as he stared at me curiously.

"What, this?" I inquired, waving the tool in my hand in the air for emphasis. He nodded.

"Well.. I got my love of books, mainly fantasy, from my mother.. Dad, however, loved to take apart and build things. He had just started to teach me before the accident.." I smiled sadly, focusing my attention back down on his arm. Clearing my throat, I continued on. "I used to love sitting and watching him work... After they passed, I learned everything I could. My Grandparents even helped me sign up for some classes." I shrugged one shoulder as I finished my story.

"And you enjoy it?"

I nodded. "It's relaxing, like reading is."

He hummed in the back of his throat before retreating back into silence.

He didn't ask anymore questions the rest of the time I worked on his arm, just watched me as I did so. Every time I needed to examine a new section of his arm, he'd open the panels for me without me needing to ask, always a step ahead. My eyes felt a little tired once I had finished, but the tremors in his arm were completely gone now, and I couldn't help but feel extremely proud of myself.

Putting all of the tools away, I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. Fuck, that made my brain feel mushy.. I had been concentrating ridiculously hard.

"Katarina." His voice was raspy, deep, and downright sinful in the way he said my name.

Turning to look up at him, his metal arm latched onto the back of my neck firmly, pulling me into his mouth. His kiss was scalding and fierce as he bruised my lips with his appreciation. I couldn't help but groan against his mouth as I reached up and tangled my fingers into his dark hair, immediately submitting to his touch. His nipped at my bottom lip roughly, and then soothed the pain away with a quick flick of his tongue before repeating the process until I was practically dizzy with want.

Far too soon, he pulled away, his nose brushing mine as he caught my eyes with his.

"Thank you."

I could only nod in response.. Hell, if that's how he was thanking me from now on... I was done for.

Pulling away from me, he slid off the bed and flexed his arm. I watched as he lifted and rotated the shoulder and flexed his fingers several times, testing it out. Nothing glitched, nothing faltered. Turning, he met my gaze and his lip quirked in a subtle, pleased, smirk. Fucking.. hell.. That is a panty-dropping smirk.

He's so god damn unfair..

Turning, he walked back across the room to grab one of the heavier looking dufflebags. Shifting on his heal, he dropped it with a rather loud 'thunk' onto the table.

"Come here." He demanded suddenly, his voice back in that 'no-nonsense' tone.

Quirking an eyebrow, I hopped off the bed and headed over to him as he unzipped the large bag. Inside was far too many guns that had been meticulously packed to fit neatly inside.

That's a lot of fire power.

"Pick one." He commanded, crossing his arms over his broad chest, watching me curiously.

Okay, this was new.

* * *

Hello lovelies! I have returned now that con is over! For those of you that were worried I had given up this story.. I had explained previously that I wouldn't really be posting until after all the con-crunch was over and done with. And now that it is, I can go back to giving the majority of my attention to this story like it deserves! Con was fantastic, but I'm glad all the stress of sewing and working with foam is over. I had actually meant to get this chapter out to you guys a few days ago, but I underestimated how much time I would need to rest after con. I was exhausted! As it is, I hope this chapter is okay and that you guys like it. It took me several days of re-working to be semi-happy with it... So I really hope you all enjoy it. As it is, I have yet to eat today so my brain is kind of mushy, so I'm off to get some food and relax my over-worked brain. I have missed all of you! Read and Review, until next time! ~


	39. Can and will be held against you

Moving to sit down in the accent chair, I reached over and started to nervously shift through the guns inside. He had several assault rifles, and way too many different types of smaller guns.. I wasn't even sure what most of them were called? Finally, I settled on a suppressed pistol. It seemed the least intimidating of the bunch if I was being perfectly honest. I held it up for him to see and he nodded.

"Take it apart."

Raising an eyebrow, I shifted the dufflebag out of the way and examined the gun in my hand for a few moments - and then I got to work. It took me under a minute to take it apart and set all the pieces down onto the table. Before I could inquire just what the hell this was all about, he barked a new order.

"Put it back together."

This took me a bit longer, it was far easier to figure out the order to take it apart, than it was to put it back together. But, I managed.

"Good." His tone told me that he was pleased, even though his expression didn't show it.

"James, what are-"

He cut me off.

"Pick another." He gestured to the bag with a nod of his head.

"Demanding, demanding..." I muttered lowly, knowing full well he could hear me.

This time, I settled for one of the bigger assault rifles.

"Take it apart?" I guessed, knowing this was going to be a bigger challenge.

He inclined his head once in confirmation and I got to work. This time it was vastly more complicated. Guns weren't my strong suit.. hadn't had much reason to be near them before, let alone take one apart. Once I had managed to take apart all the pieces, a simple raise of his eyebrow let me know to put it back together. I had no idea where he was going with all of this.. Was he just testing my skills? Or was there more to it? Compared to the necklace around my throat and his arm.. this was a cake walk. There had to be something I was missing. A motive I wasn't grasping.

James didn't just do shit like this on a whim.

"Again." He ordered.

This time, I settled on a weirder looking small gun that I had seen strapped to his back on more than one occasion. Without prompting, I took it apart, and then with a second's pause, I put it back together again.

"Are you going to tell me why I'm doing this?" I questioned as I fitted the last piece into place.

"Pick one out of the three you chose." He rumbled easily, choosing to skip answering my question directly.

Picking up the suppressed pistol, I tested it's weight in my hands again.. It felt better than any of the others.

"Uhh.. How about this one?" I met his gaze, his eyebrow raised, his lips quirking at the corners again as he watched me nervously shift about with the gun in my hands. For a moment, I wondered just how ridiculous I looked with the gun in my hands... I must have looked like a fish out of water.. a child pretending to be an adult.

"Does it feel comfortable in your hand?" He questioned. He either didn't notice my unease, or was choosing to ignore it.

Switching my grip, I held the gun in what I hoped to be the proper positioning. My previous experience with guns was non-existent, I had never even gone shooting before... The only thing I had ever carried in my bag for protection was pepper spray and a pocket knife... and it had been enough. Until James.

"Better than the others." I wasn't sure how a gun was supposed to sit comfortably, but I didn't want to say that to a Super-Soldier that had literally been a trained sniper in a war.

He nodded in acceptance before gesturing towards the bags with his normal hand.

"Get changed, dress warmly." More demands brought more questions... and a little bit of nerves.

I opened my mouth to question what it was we were doing exactly, but the quick look he sent my way told me to just shut up and do as I was told. Sighing, I left the gun on the table in front of Bucky and moved off to find some warmer clothes.

It took me a while to find something suitable to wear, the warmer clothing had been packed in the bottom of the bag. I settled on a pair of faded blue jeans, some thicker winter socks, a black long-sleeved shirt and wonderfully enough, a winter coat. Color me surprised.. it looked like it would fit better than the one I had 'borrowed' from Canada. It too was black with a faux fur trim on the hood.. it looked cozy, and most importantly.. very warm.

Heading into the bathroom, I changed as fast as possible, anxious to see what the hell this was all about.. Part of me wondered if he was going to teach me how to shoot, but that just seemed too weird to even contemplate. James trusting me with a firearm was just not something that happened. Hell, it took me arguing with him to get him to agree to just a few defensive lessons. Not that I had gotten to use them really.. Not to say I wanted to either! I really didn't need or want a legit bad guy testing whether or not I retained any of what Bucky had been trying to teach me. Especially since half the time I had spaced out whenever his skin came into contact with mine.

Deciding to leave my hair down this time, I headed out of the bathroom. Without any delay, Bucky pointed to a pair of boots that I had missed. They looked toasty and of course.. they were black. I was beginning to realize that if left up to James, all of my clothing would probably be on the gray-scale. That seemed to be what he gravitated towards.. only mixing in the odd red or blue into his wardrobe now and again.

I had just finished putting on my new shoes when he moved up behind me, his chest pressing teasingly into my back as his heat surrounded me. The scent of him tickled my nose, kicking my hormones into over-drive.

"Ready?" He whispered into my ear, his breath caressing the sensitive shell creating goosebumps across my skin.

Despite his asking, he didn't wait for my answer as he moved next to me and grabbed onto my upper arm to drag me out of the house, the gun I had chosen in his other hand along with a few small boxes of ammo.

Fucking, hell.. He was going to teach me to shoot, wasn't he? This, without a doubt, was probably one of the worst ideas he had ever had.

"Please tell me we're not going outside to teach me how to fire that?" I gestured to the gun in his hand with a tip of my head.

"I'm going to teach you the mechanics." He supplied bluntly. As if that was any better!

"But why? You've seen me throw stuff before! I have awful aim!"

"You need practice." He grumbled.

I scowled as he unlocked the backdoor and started to drag me out into the frigid snow, my heels digging in helplessly as I tried to slow his pace. The air was crisp and cold, the clouds a light, muted gray in color, snow covered literally everything.. not an inch of ground to be seen. It was breathtaking.. and yet, I couldn't enjoy it.. Annoyance clouded my thoughts. I really didn't want to make a fool of myself in front of James. Especially with something I was sure I was going to be awful at.

"Do you even remember how much arguing it took for you to teach me basic defense?" I huffed as I pulled against his grip dramatically. I honestly didn't even expect an answer.

"Yes." He deadpanned.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"What changed? Now you're just willy-nilly going to teach me how to shoot a gun?" I stressed the word 'gun', as if that was somehow going to make him connect the dots on how awful it would be to trust a firearm in my hands.

He paused once we had gotten a significant ways away from the cabin, turning his head to look at me.. His eyebrows were furrowed, his gaze... complicated.

"You share things you like with me.." He trailed off, his tone almost a bit unsure.. Vulnerable. "It's only fair I do the same?"

The fact that he had phrased it like a question.. as if he wasn't quite sure what he was saying was accurate.. broke my heart. I felt like someone had submerged me in ice water as I froze in place, surprise surging into my brain. He wanted to.. he was trying to...

Oh. Fuck, I'm an asshole.

I swallowed hard.

"You want to teach me, because it's something you like?" My voice was overly quiet even to my own ears, and my heart was stuttering stupidly in my chest. I suddenly felt warm, too warm, like my heart was on fire.

He nodded once, watching me carefully.

Well fuck me.. Here he was, trying to be sweet and I was fighting him! Sometimes it was easy to forget that James didn't always think normally... His thoughts would almost be abrupt, even robotic at times.. He was still so fractured, so out of place that it was hard to figure out what was going on with him, what he wanted.. why he was doing certain things.

I felt guilty, it's not like I'm scared of guns.. Well, I mean, being on the wrong end of one, sure.. But not scared of learning. I was just.. Fuck!

Clearing my throat, I took a deep breath to steady myself.

"This is going to be a disaster." I told him firmly.

"I would expect nothing less." He quipped back as he started to load the gun for me, his movements quick and well practiced.

I scowled at him, annoyed that he had agreed so easily.. He really didn't need to sound so sure. And yet, I was also pleased.. His sassy retort meant that all of my hesitance about this had been forgiven and forgotten.

"Fuck you." I grumbled half-heartedly, crossing my arms over my chest as I waited for him to get on with it.

"Later." He replied lowly, his voice a dark promise as he switched moods, gaining a more serious, hard-set facial expression.

The blush rose to my cheeks faster than I could blink as he twisted on his heel to saunter behind me, I tried to follow his movement by turning slightly to look at him - my head felt like it was swimming and suddenly the cold air was much too warm.

"Did you just?!-"

"Eyes forward." He commanded, not letting me finish my question. I was flustered and a little weak in the knees as I turned to look ahead. He played unfairly..

Had he really just... He had said that, right? Fuck, if this was a dream, I really didn't want to wake up.. I was damn sure that James Barnes had just promised that-

He stepped up behind me, his normal hand settling against my hip firmly, his fingers curling around to grip tightly before pulling me back against his chest.

"Focus." He demanded quietly, capturing my attention.

Easier said than done, asshole. He had to have known that would mess me up!? There's no way he could possibly believe I had that good of concentration! Not all of us were a god damn Super-Soldier that could just phase shit out!

"Left foot forward." He instructed.

Turning me with his hands, he angled me the way he wanted while nudging my foot forward with his boot until I was at a stance he liked, my right foot behind me. I tried to memorize the stance he put me in, it was comfortable and easy... but his warmth seeping into my back was anything but helpful... especially after that quip..

 _Later._

Distracting, distracting.

"Remember, you want your left foot pointed towards what you want to shoot." His voice was barely above a whisper as he leaned down to talk into my ear, his breath ghosting the side of my face.

He brought his metal arm up next to me, his index finger pointing at a tree about fifteen yards out from where we were standing. Target acquired?

"This stance will make it so you don't fall when the gun kicks." He informed.

I nodded in understanding, showing I was listening. I wanted not to fuck this up.. but that tree looked pretty far away and I was nervous as all hell. Guns were not my thing. Not at all.

He shifted forward until he was lined up perfectly against me, his front against my back. I could feel the subtle rise and fall of his chest as he breathed and I had to resist leaning my head back to rest against his strong pectorals. He really liked to test my self control, didn't he? Keeping my composure around James was starting to physically hurt.. I wasn't sure how much longer I'd be able to resist throwing myself at him.

This was getting precarious..

"Now, you're going to keep your arms relaxed, bent at the elbows. Never lock them." He instructed, reaching down to grab onto my wrists with his hands. He quickly slipped the gun into my right hand and raised my arms up with his own, encasing me with his much larger form. His fingers moved to adjust my own before moving to rest over my hands, shifting me just slightly so that I was better aimed at the tree.

"Ready?" He breathed

"I guess..." I had no idea gun training could be such an intimate affair.. But with James wrapped around me, practically caging me in... Why had I been opposed to this again?

"You're going to squeeze the trigger, slowly. Don't just pull it."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves as I focused on the tree in our sights. Slowly, I pulled the trigger back, trying to keep my hands as steady as possible. The kick on the gun wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it still pushed my arms back slightly, but with the stance James had put me in, it wasn't jarring like I had anticipated. The shell flying off to the side, however, was a bit startling. As was the generally muffled noise of the gun. It was still noticeable as it echoed in the clearing, but it was tolerable.

"You managed to miss even with my help." James mused from above me. "Impressive." There was barely concealed amusement lacing his tone as he teased me and I was immediately scowling as I stared at the tree ahead... Fuck, he was right, I had missed.

Right. This is why I had been against this.

"Not all of us are trained snipers, Mr. Super-Soldier." I grumbled under my breath, knowing he'd hear me.

I could practically feel the smirk form above me.

"Try again." He urged, pulling his hands off of my own to move to rest on my hips lightly.

Taking the training wheels off already? Rude.

Miss number two.

I growled, my irritation rising. This went on for a bit, my absolute best shot was me grazing the side of the tree, splintering pieces of bark off into the snow. How was it that even under the instruction of a decorated military man, I was complete and utter garbage at shooting? Like really? Life had a ridiculous sense of humor where I was concerned and I hated it.

"This is stupid." I deadpanned.

I felt him take a large breath from behind me as his fingers dug in to my jean clad hips a little harder.

"Let's try something else."

I would have thought it was a question if it wasn't for the commanding nature of his tone. Great. What else does he want me to suck at?

His grip on my hips turned insistent as he urged me to walk forward, the snow crunching under my boots as we approached the tree. His steps were perfect and careful as he shadowed behind me, never letting much room separate the two of us, and yet not making our steps awkward. He didn't pull me to a stop until we were about fifteen feet from the tree I had been attempting to shoot.

With a quick sidestep, he was at my side, pulling the pistol from my hands to quickly tuck it away into a holster on his leg. Reaching back with his normal hand, he pulled a fairly decent sized knife from a holster on the back of his belt. Once again, I was stuck wondering just how many blades he had on him at a given time... I couldn't help but sweep his form trying to spot them all, I could see a couple, but I knew without a doubt there was probably a few I couldn't see. Some that weren't tucked away so plainly.

"A knife?" I questioned, unsure. "Oh god, you want me to throw it, don't you?" That was the only logical reason for moving me closer to the tree. I didn't see this going well.. Knowing my luck I'd probably either stab myself or accidentally kill a poor defenseless squirrel.

"You couldn't possibly do worse than your shooting." Though his voice was still passive and flat, I could tell he was teasing by the way his eyes glinted with mischief.

"Oh, aren't we funny?" I hissed.

He didn't respond. Instead, he flipped the knife expertly into the air, catching it effortlessly with his normal hand. In one swift, agile movement, he stepped forward with his left foot, heel first. He reared his arm back, shifting slightly as his torso suddenly went from completely horizontal to vertical as he whipped the knife forward The muscles in his back and shoulders were exaggerated as I stood looking at the sinful stretch of the black cotton covering his form. The knife arched slightly, almost too fast for me to see, before embedding into the bark of the tree with a sharp crunch, all the way down to the hilt.

I found myself glaring at his broad back as he sauntered forward to grasp onto the handle of the knife, ripping it out of the tree with ease. He shifted slightly, pivoting just enough to turn to look at me over his shoulder. His dark hair was framing his face in a way that sent my heart stuttering as he stared at me with those brilliant blue eyes. The way his hair seemed to accentuate the stubble across his jaw made my stomach flip like it was practicing for Cheerleading tryouts. Someone so lethal, so dangerous.. really shouldn't be so captivating.

I glared at him.

"Show off."

I made sure to not let any of my emotions leak into my words, I didn't need to sound impressed and turned on.. He didn't need anymore of an ego than he seemed to have right now. Though, if I was being honest, I wasn't actually upset with him. This was a nice change to how he was when I had woken up yesterday.. He had been so far out of reach.. so murderous, so cold and indifferent... Bucky could show the world that side of him all he wanted.. But I didn't want the mask he gave the world, I wanted what was underneath... Even the parts that were.. less than pleasant.

"I'm not doing that." I stated, twisting on my heel to head back to the house. I really didn't need to embarrass myself any further than I already had.

I didn't get even a foot away from where I had been standing before he lunged, his metal arm hooking around my midsection to haul me back against him, knocking the breath right out of me.

"Oh no you don't." He growled playfully, tightening his arm so that it was wrapped snugly across my ribcage. "You're going to try." He demanded.

I huffed.

"You must really enjoy watching me fail." I was pouting, and I knew it.

Choosing to ignore what I said, along with my sulking expression, he slowly pulled away from me. My moment of freedom only lasted a second before he lightly shoved me until I was back facing the tree. At this point, if the tree was sentient, I was sure it would be mocking me mercilessly.

"Remember the stance from earlier?" He questioned, going back into instructor mode.

I nodded.

"Good."

He flipped the knife into the air again, this time catching the blade with his metal hand as he moved to outstretch the handle towards me. Taking hold of the hilt, I pulled it from his hand. There was some weight to it, but it wasn't overly heavy in my grip. Without saying anything, he reached over to correct my grip on the knife until I was holding onto the bottom half of the handle loosely, my thumb supporting most of the weight.

"We'll start with the basics, this is going to be all one continued motion. You're going to step forward with your left foot, rocking your weight forward onto that leg and it's going to be an overhand throw, almost like throwing a baseball." He explained, stepping off to the side to get out of the way.

Well, when he put it that way.. it sounded simple enough. I doubted however that it was going to be as effortless as he had made it look.

Taking a deep breath, I steeled my nerves again and tried to ignore how cold my fingers felt.. I really needed to invest in a new pair of gloves if we were going to be constantly staying in areas that reached freezing temperatures. I knew the cold didn't bother James, but it sure as hell bothered me once I was outside long enough.

Well, here goes nothing.. Let's hope the baseball unit we had in physical education back in high school had stuck with me, at least in muscle memory. Shutting off my brain, I forced my body to just move like he instructed, focusing on nothing but the tree in front of me. Mentally, I wrote Crossbones' name across the bark, pretending it was him I was aiming for. He was faceless in my mind's eye, since I had no idea what he looked like... just a dark silhouette of mystery and hatred.

The knife arched in the same fashion as when James had thrown it, just much slower, I could actually follow it's progress with my eyes. I watched bitterly as the knife bounced off the tree before landing with a muted 'thunk' into the snow. Turning, I was met with a semi-surprised expression on James' face. His eyebrows were raised up to his hairline as he stared at me thoughtfully before flicking his eyes to look at the fallen knife.

Walking forward, he bent down and grabbed onto the knife with two fingers before turning around to head towards me. His gaze was curious and a bit intrigued as he prowled forward, closing the distance between us swiftly. He outstretched his normal hand, pressing his palm against my stomach to guide me back a few paces, ignoring my look of confusion.

"What are you-" He didn't let me finish as he pushed the knife into my hands again.

"Try again." His voice was a thick rumble, an insistent demand that left no room for arguments - it was extreme contrast to the almost, dare I say.. excited look in his eyes.

"If I couldn't hit it before, what's moving me further back going to do?" I groaned.

His eyes drilled into my own.

"Throw the knife, Katarina." He growled, making me sigh.

Only he could go from playful to grouchy in under a minute.

He stepped off to the side again, giving me room to move. With a quick inhale, I shifted forward and threw the knife again. This time, the tip of the blade managed to stab into the bark of the tree just barely. The weight of the knife was too much however, and it promptly fell back into the snow again.

Dammit.

This time, James didn't look at me before he moved forward to pick the knife back up, only meeting my eyes when he headed back towards me. That same dark interest was present in his gaze, lighting them up from the inside out. He said nothing as he quickly passed the knife into my hands once more, leaving me confused at how eager he almost seemed.. Why was he being so pushy about this? What was he seeing that I wasn't? I had failed twice, and yet he looked..

"Again." It wasn't a request.

Grumbling a few choice words under my breath that would make my Grandmother blush, I focused on shoving all but the correct motivation out of my head. Imagining the no-doubt smug looking man known as Crossbones as the tall, aged tree that was my target.

This time, the knife sunk deeply into the wood, all the way down to the hilt. I froze on the spot, shock taking over my brain. I had.. I did it?!

I turned to look at Bucky, my face contorted in surprise. His lips were twisted in a sardonic smirk as he switched between the knife embedded into the tree and me.

"I should have known you'd be better at throwing knives than shooting a gun, what with that display with the table and the window." His voice was still low, but there was undertone laced through it and he sounded.. impressed? Which was almost enough to overpower his mocking comment about my loss of control back in Canada.

I glared at him, annoyance overtaking my surprise and elation.

"Really? Just had to bring that up?"

He closed the distance between us easily, his stride purposeful and predatory as he closed in on me. I resisted the urge to step backwards. He always seemed to have that effect on me... he was just naturally intimidating.. Him and his murderous aura and impressive form of pure masculinity.

He didn't answer me right away, instead he gripped onto my waist and pulled me into his chest, surrounding me with his warmth. He slowly slid his metal hand off my waist, up my back and into my hair, tangling into the fiery strands easily. He pulled just hard enough to make me tip my head back to better meet his gaze, I hissed at the sensation.

"Seems we finally found some form of violence you're good at." His tone was an odd combination of amused and grim, I swallowed hard. "I can't decide whether I'm pleased about that or not." He confessed as he leaned down to plant an enticing kiss at the corner of my mouth, throwing me further off guard.

Why wasn't he pleased? Suddenly, for what seemed like the tenth time that day, my mind flashed back to the argument at the Hydra hideout in the Jewelry store.. Where he had been so against teaching me self defense because he was so sure he could protect me all by himself. Things were fitting into place, but weirdly, like an abstract puzzle.. He wanted to protect me, that much was obvious.. But I was beginning to think that he needed me to need him.. to look to him for protection.. My mind felt dizzy from the implications of this realization.

"This was your idea." I reminded him as I lifted my hands between us to glide over his abdomen and then up his broad chest, before hooking around his neck. If he was giving out affection, I was going to take it. His body heat seared my chilled hands, making them sting from the temperature change.

He hummed a noncommittal sound in the back of his throat as he pressed another purposeful kiss to the side of my mouth, moving away when I tried to catch his lips with my own.

"You're being cruel." I breathed.

The corners of his lips twitched lightly as he caught my eyes again, stepping fully away from me now. I couldn't help but glare at him once again.. He was intentionally leaving me wanting.. leaving me aching for his touch. Bastard.

"What now?" I pressed, a bit grumpy at being teased in such a way.

"Now, I teach you something more challenging than the beginner's throw." He explained evenly, moving away to grab the knife.

Oh, splendid.. Just.. great.

I could almost hear my mom's voice when she used to tell me: 'Careful, your face might get stuck like that', whenever I was throwing a particularly lengthy tantrum.

The rest of the early afternoon was spent much in the same fashion. James was demanding and pushy, but I didn't take to the different ways of throwing a knife quite as well as I had with the first throw.. The others were harder, they put more strain on my muscles - muscles that felt locked up and achy from the cold. He was patient though.. well as patient as Bucky could be anyways. Which, when compared to normal people.. Wasn't that patient at all.

Apparently I had a natural talent for throwing knives.. I just needed practice to compensate for my shitty aim. According to James anyway, who was ridiculously amused by my hidden skill. I was kind of surprised that I was doing as well as I was.. Even if I had missed the tree a couple times now that we had advanced further into his lessons.. Still, I felt much more comfortable than I had with a gun in my hand. And hey, if this helped me survive whatever the hell Crossbones was going to throw at us, I was happy to learn. Happy to be less of a burden for Bucky.

The sun had come and gone, leaving us with only the light reflecting off the snow to work with.. But that was the good thing about snow, it made night time much brighter for normal humans like me - which was good, since sunset was at an ungodly early time of the day in Sweden. Still, the semi-dark atmosphere made things a bit more challenging overall. I was pretty sure my inability to see well in the low lighting was effecting the lessons.

By the time we turned to head back to the Cabin, it was late into the afternoon and I was absolutely frozen and ridiculously hungry. My boots had accumulated an absurd amount of snow stuck onto them, which I swear was adding at least five very unnecessary pounds in our trek back to the cabin.

When we reached the door, I was huffing and puffing with exhaustion. All I wanted was a hot meal and an even hotter shower.

Stopping before the door, I bent down to remove my boots. James, forever vastly unfair had managed to dislodge all the snow from his own boots without any trouble at all.. He hovered next to me in his usual protective manner until I was done.

I was thinking soup.. Hearty, deliciously warm soup.. It sounded like ambrosia and it was quick and easy.

Bucky ate with me, insisting I make an extra two cans along with a bowl of strawberries for his own meal before he headed off into the bedroom. No doubt to put away the guns we had left out. He was very insistent on remaining packed at all times in case we had to make a hasty escape. That seemed to have only gotten worse now that we went through our stuff literally being blown up.

Sighing in exhaustion, I walked to the backdoor to grab my boots, intent on beating them on the porch to remove any remaining snow if I had to. I was done with the snow, for at least a couple of days. I was lacking feeling in my fingers and it was making me extremely grouchy... I was pretty sure I needed a nap.

Opening the door, I came face to face with a wide-eyed Steve Rogers for the second time in my short life, both of us quite shocked to be staring at each other.

Oh.. fucking hell.

* * *

Hello my lovelies.. I apologize for such a long wait on this chapter.. My kitty that I had for ten years passed away, and it's just been really hard.. I haven't wanted to do anything for weeks.. and this story has suffered for it. I am however trying to get back into things now. It's slow, but I'm trying. I just miss his cute little face so much, there's a void in my life without him.. I want to thank you all for being patient with me during this tough time, and I also want to thank you guys for your love for this story, it means the world to me. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, it was a bit hard to edit, I feel like my brain got a little mushy these last few weeks.. Hopefully that's not the case and I'm just being hard on myself. I look forward to reading all of your reviews, as I am in dire need of a pick-me-up. Read, Review, and take care of yourselves, until next time ~


	40. Big Bad Wolf

Time seemed to have come to an abrupt stop, and I was pretty sure I stopped breathing. My heart was stuttering painfully in my chest as panic lodged in my throat. Steve Rogers, a beacon of hope for most of the world was a symbol impending anxiety and violence for me. What was he doing here?! What the fuck do I do? Bucky is going to lose it!

For what it was worth, Steve looked just as shocked to be staring at me as I was to be looking at him. His chiseled, handsome, boy-scout features were pulled into a look of surprise, curiosity, and deep concern. I wonder if it was because of the bruises that still littered my exposed skin, or just because neither of us expected to see each other on the other side of the door.

He had come here for a reason though, but what? I mean, obviously, duh, he was looking for James... but why? After what James had done the last time they met.. why would he risk it? And he was alone, again. How the fuck had he found us? Too many questions..

My lungs screamed painfully, my head swimming with oxygen deprivation. I hissed in a breath of surprise and that was it, that was all it took.

James was behind me in an instant, seemingly materializing out of thin air, so quiet I didn't hear him approach until he was right at my back. The heat of him scorching, his rage palpable and blistering.

 _Damn._

Before I could take another breath, hell, before I could blink once, James' arms wrapped around me, lifting me off my feet and hauling me into the air. In one dizzy, rapid movement, he twisted at the waist to deposit me behind him, safe and sound. His normal arm reaching backwards to land on my spine firmly, pressing me into his strong back, keeping me close and steady as he turned his sights onto his once-bestfriend.

Steve shifted quickly, almost as quickly as James had moved. Throwing his hands into the air in the universal gesture for peace, he held his ground, not daring to move anymore than that.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" His tone was low and soft, but also a little anxious. "Easy, Buck." He kept his hands up near his head, palms open and empty - his Shield strapped to his back, harmless for now.

Reaching up, I clutched onto the back of James' shirt, digging my fingers into the dark cotton in a futile effort at helping him keep his anger in check. I wasn't keen on watching him beat the shit out of Captain America again.. I had a horrible feeling that if it came down to it, Steve would just let him do it again. He was one hell of a loyal friend, that was for damn sure.

"Heard you have some Hydra trouble." Steve explained, trying to pacify James as to why he was at 'our' door. His cautious blue eyes shifted to glance at me as I peaked out from behind James' normal arm. James' hand pressed against me tighter, shoving me into his broad back, forcing me further into his protective stance. Steve turned his gaze back onto Bucky, who's dangerous metal hand was clenching tightly at his side.

"I'm not here to try and separate you two." He explained further, trying to ease down James' paranoia and murderous tendencies. The fact that James had not tried to attack Steve yet was either progress on his part, or it could just be that he recognized Cap as a foe that needed to be analyzed before he made his move.. "I learned my lesson." He stated rather firmly, staring James down directly. "She's your girl, right?" The tone of his inquiry seemed both quizzical and affirming. Like he wasn't quite sure if he was speaking the truth or not, but he was pretty sure he was.

James' fingers were biting as he pressed me impossibly closer, making it very difficult to look past his arm to stare at Steve. His chest rumbled in acknowledgement as what his long-lost best friend was saying and with a stiff nod, he answered non-verbally, effectively staking his claim in front of a witness.

Steve's features lightened slightly, he obviously saw this as progress too. My heart ached for the patriotic Captain, he was trying so hard.

I recognized what he was doing, he was trying to approach James on his own terms. Appealing to him on his own playing field so to speak.. By acknowledging what James was so worried about, he was easing the tension Bucky felt with having him try and interact with us - at least enough to hear him out without maiming him. He was showing James that he understood how things were where I was concerned.

It was weird to think that I was a subject of such importance that I literally had to be addressed before they could perhaps communicate civilly. It was oddly flattering.. especially between such powerful, influential men such as The Winter Soldier and Captain-Fucking-America.

"How did you find us?" James rumbled, flatly.

I had no doubt that he was sporting a rather impressive scowl.

The corners of Steve's lips twitched lightly, and his blue eyes danced with amusement as he shifted slightly, his hands still in the air where James could see them.

"With enough explosions and Hydra bases being cleaned out, it wasn't too hard to connect the dots." Steve explained rather cheekily. Bucky didn't find it as amusing.

His body tensed slightly but he didn't move more than a minor twitch to his fingers splayed on my back. I doubted he was very happy that Steve had been actively trying to track us down.. Or that he had seemingly left a good enough trail to be followed by said other Super-Soldier again.

"I told you to stay away." James deadpanned.

Steve nodded lightly, showing that he did remember the ominous order his best friend had given him.

"I wouldn't have come if I didn't have a good reason. You two have caught the attention of some rather ugly individuals." His voice was sincere and perturbed.. He was concerned for his best friend and the girl he was trying to protect.

I could practically feel the unease flowing off of James as I clung onto him, he was more than a bit edgy.. But as I glanced up at the back of his head and saw the slight tilt of his head, I knew he was also curious. He wanted to know what Steve knew.. He just didn't trust him enough to ask, or believe what he said for that matter.

"Who's the female with you?" Bucky questioned warily, almost abruptly.

Steve's eyebrows shot up just slightly towards his neatly groomed blonde hair.

Who was he talking about? Steve was alone...?

I'm not sure if it was because of my look of confusion or not, but Steve reached up towards the ear that was away from me and tapped it lightly with his finger.

"Natasha Romanoff. You two have met before, you've shot her twice." Steve's voice remained lighthearted, despite the frown attempting to tug at his mouth.. While he obviously didn't hold any grudges towards Bucky for shooting said female.. he definitely didn't like it. Why was that name familiar? Natasha Romanoff... I had heard that somewhere, hadn't I? "She's more commonly known as Black Widow." Steve continued, which I was pretty sure was for my benefit alone.

Oh!

Well, that's certainly unexpected.. Should have guessed that though. Least Steve kind of came with back-up this time. Guess he had learned his lesson.. sort of.

Still.. hard to believe she was willing to help Steve on his mission to gain his best friend back if said best friend had shot her.. twice. Though, I guess if Bucky had wanted her dead - she'd be dead.

There was a chilling thought.

"I don't need your help." James stated firmly, no doubt glaring at the blonde. His patience and curiosity had obviously reached it's limits.

Dammit! Why must he do this?! Out of anyone, you think he'd trust Steve Rogers for fucks sake! We needed help.. neither of us know who this 'Crossbones' is! Know thy enemy was a common phrase for a reason!

"James, please listen to him. He's your friend." I kept my voice soft and barely above a whisper as I attempted to reason with him.

James tensed against me, I knew he was angry at my verbal interference.

"We don't need him." He snarled, still looking at Steve.

Huffing angrily, I stepped away from the protection his back offered me, creating space between us. Which in hindsight, was a horrible idea.. but fuck knows I don't always do the smart thing when frustrated with James Buchanan Barnes. You think I'd learn, but nope!

"We don't even know who Cross-"

He cut me off, all snarls and teeth as he whipped his head around to look at me, his metal arm still poised to stop Steve from getting any closer to us if he needed to. Said Super-Soldier didn't move a single muscle, he was almost statue-like as his gaze flickered between the two of us.

"No! I'm not trusting your safety with anyone else! _You're my priority!_ " His normal arm snapped out before I could back away further, his large hand coiling around my wrist tightly as he ripped me back into range.

Steve had obviously figured out that this was going downhill, fast.

"Bucky." He interjected slightly, staying perfectly still. "Just think on it, alright?"

James had turned his head to stare at the boy scout as he spoke. Steve, making sure to move with almost an unnatural slowness, reached into the jacket he was wearing to pull out a small black flip-phone. Keeping his eyes on our resident loose-cannon he slowly bent down to set the phone on the floor before nudging it with enough force to slide it towards Bucky's boot. Raising slowly into standing position, Steve nodded his chin towards the phone lightly in emphasis.

"If you choose to, you can get a hold of me with that phone. I'll be in town."

We were near a town?

Steve took a small step backwards, retreating away from the doorway.

"I won't come back here unless you call, I promise. It's your choice Bucky." He took step after step backwards, creating distance between us and with a small nod in my direction, mixed in with a look of curiosity, he turned on his heel and started towards the forest line.

With a quick sweep of his foot, Bucky sent the small little flip phone off to the side, quickly shutting the door. He hadn't let go of my wrist, in fact, his grip was getting tighter as we both just stood there in silence. Even with his head tilted down to stare at the phone he had just swept aside, I could tell he was seething.

His jaw was firmly clenched, his stubble only accenting just how grim his frown looked. He kept his head slightly tilted, not looking at me.. He was listening carefully, I realized.. Straining to hear any movement outside of the Cabin.. Whether from Steve, or not. Looking for any form of deception, any type of immediate danger.

Finally, his stormy, heartbreakingly blue eyes snapped up to mine to glare at me.

"We need to go." He growled dangerously.

"What? No we don't!" He was already turning around to head towards the bedroom, dragging me behind him. Digging my heels into the floor the best I could, I fought him every step of the way as he pulled us both into the still-destroyed-and-messy bedroom. Once he got me into the middle of the room, he let go of my wrist , heading towards our bags.

I was running out of time.

"We're fine James! He just wants to help us!"

Apparently 'he' wasn't the word to say. Bucky rounded on me swiftly, stepping into my space easily, a duffle bag clenched tightly in his normal hand. I tried taking a step backwards, but his metal hand lashed out and grabbed onto my wrist, keeping me in place. I was forced to crane my neck up to keep eye-contact with him.

"We. Are. Leaving." He snarled low. A warning that I was approaching a place of no return.

Still, I couldn't let him do this. We needed allies... I had accepted his mission to kill all of Hydra.. just like I accepted most everything he did.. But this, this was stupid. James had been shot since the last time we had seen Steve. Hell, we had nearly gotten blown up! I knew he was amazing on so many levels, and without a doubt he was the most dangerous man that I had ever come into contact with, but we were running blind. If Steve knew something, we should at least hear him out if we weren't going to outright accept his assistance. Information on our enemy was better than nothing!

"No!" I snapped back, throwing all caution and general good-sense to the wind.

Staring down his nose at me, he leveled me with a positively arctic stare as I defied him.. My stomach knotted as he glared at me, and I was instantly reminded of predator and prey again.. I wanted to run, the energy pouring off of him was unstable at best.. and fatal at worst.

I knew that I hadn't just crossed a line he had drawn in the imaginary sand.. I had vaulted several feet passed it.

Clenching his jaw tight enough that that tick returned, he took in a deep and even breath through his nose.

"No?" He questioned, threateningly.

"No." I repeated, firmer this time as I squared my shoulders, trying to appear braver than I felt.

Like a tectonic plate shifting underneath the Earth's crust, James' control slipped slightly at my open display of defiance. Rearing back his arm, he threw the duffle bag out of his hand and across the room in a fit of rage - whatever had been in that bag, it hit against the wall, hard. He hadn't taken his eyes off of me, even when I noticeably flinched in surprise.

"It's not up for discussion, Katarina." He snarled, severely. "We're leaving."

I tried to rip my wrist out of his grip, but he held on tighter, his grip bruising as he suddenly jerked on my wrist, pulling me against his warm chest.

"We can do this the easy way, or the hard way." He warned. "Your choice, doll." His words were malicious as they dripped off his tongue.. Like fine honey hiding deadly poison. His Brooklyn accent while normally a welcome and rare occurrence was now a very clear warning. This threat wasn't just from The Winter Soldier, but from James Barnes as well.

In a surge of fight or flight instincts, I ripped my arm out of Bucky's grip - and he let me.

I hadn't expected for him to let go of me without so much as a fight, and the extra force I had used to try and get away from him sent me stumbling backwards. Once I regained my footing, I caught his eyes again, they were dark and perilous. Stormy waters with monsters lurking beneath the surface.

And then he was advancing towards me. Each step slow, almost lazy as he prowled toward me, fully intending to close the distance between us once more. With each of his steps, I took another back, trying to keep the distance between us.. But he was corralling me, and I was quickly running out of room to go.

"We don't need to leave!" I snapped, desperately. I just knew that if he got his hands on me, that'd be it.. In a matter of minutes we'd be out of this cabin and we wouldn't be back in Sweden for a very long time, if ever.

"I won't compromise when it comes to your safety!" He barked, taking another solid step towards me.

As I went to take another step backwards, my heel hit the wall, stopping me in my tracks.. I was only about a half of a foot away from the wall.. If I moved back against it, I would be successfully fucking myself over. Which I knew was what he wanted.

With another solid step towards me, Bucky was close enough that his body heat started to circle around me again.. If this was chess, I'd be losing.

Too close, too close!

"You're not!" I argued. He was in my face now, invading my personal space as he stared me down, crowding me. "Out of all the people in the world we could trust, I think it's a safe bet with Captain America!"

Why couldn't he understand this? The guy was a literal poster boy for everything good left in the world! He was a good guy for fucks sake! A hero! We could really use one of those on our side!

Visibly tensing, he lifted his metal arm eerily slowly, as if afraid to spook the poor little rabbit cornered by the big bad wolf. Furrowing my eyebrows, I almost felt like I was in a trance as I watched that beautiful silver-colored hand get closer to my body. With an almost feather like touch, his palm splayed underneath my collarbone, resting on my sternum gently. Turning to look up at Bucky, I watched as his expression twisted from careful to dark in an instant.

Before I could fully comprehend just how badly I fucked up with letting him distract me with his unusual behavior, he struck quickly. His body language went from tense to aggressive as he slid the final touch of his trap into place. His hand pushed against my chest, slamming me back against the wall as his large form shifted forward to cage me in. His normal hand didn't stay idle, he used it to grasp onto my chin and keep me focused on his face, the grip of his fingers biting as he cradled my chin between his thumb and pointer finger.

Reaching up, I tried to pull at his hands, but they didn't budge. The growl resonated through his chest and seemingly into me, freezing me in place. Oh yeah.. he was livid.

 _Check mate._

* * *

Happy Pride Month lovely readers! My laptop bit the dust just recently.. hence the lack of updates. Thankfully I managed to save all the chapters and notes I currently have for this story, so that's a relief. While I'd like to give you guys more content more often, life doesn't always give us enough time to get everything done and a lot of the times it tends to be an asshole that fucks with you several times in a row. I swear it's just been one thing after another lately. That being said, thank you to everyone that has continued to support me through reviews and messages in a **positive** manner. I love all of you, so much. The frustration of my laptop dying on me was very stressful, and a lot of you helped me get through it.

I was in a bit of a rush to edit this chapter and get it out to you guys so hopefully it's decent and you guys enjoy it as much as you have all the others. Since I couldn't write for a few weeks and gain some ground to stay ahead like I normally do, I'm scrambling to catch up on missed work for this story. So please be patient with me like so many of you have been thus far. I have absolutely no plans to abandon this story - nor do I plan to leave my others unfinished. I'm simply focusing on one at a time at the moment as to not stretch myself too thin and get burnt out and upset.

Until next time my lovelies, Read and Review! ~


	41. Darkness Consumes

"You trust him, why?!" The words were ground out harshly through his teeth, his expression rabid.

The tone of his voice, the slight glint in his eyes reminded me of that day in the alleyway, before the explosion.. Was he.. Was he upset I was defending Steve? Really?! I was just trying to be reasonable! Steve was a good guy! Or at least, he seemed to be.. and with the whole world looking up to him, and these two having been best friends.. I was pretty sure there was more than enough evidence to back up my claims! James was just being a stubborn idiot!

Deciding not to say that, I tried to gather my thoughts - which was difficult with Bucky trying to burn holes in my face with his rage. Come on, Katarina.. Think of something good to say! Sighing, I steeled my resolve.

"You saw something in him a long time ago worth becoming his best friend over. I trust your judgement, even if you don't."

The only indication that I had surprised him was the marginal widening of his eyes as he looked at me. Everything was still for several seemingly long seconds.. Various things went through his eyes after that, I was light-headed trying to analyze them all.

 **Wrath.**

His metal hand tensed on my chest momentarily before he moved, sweeping his fingers up and over my collarbone delicately. The back of his fingers swept up the slope of my neck and then over the line of my jaw, the metal was cool as it slid over my cheek and temple softly.

With the utmost care, his fingers swept into my thick, orange hair, gliding through the strands easily and with an almost deceptive sort of gentleness. I couldn't bring myself to speak, to question what the hell he was doing, for some reason I knew it was dangerous to speak right now, like the very foundation of who we were together was sitting on a precipice... teetering precariously on the edge of something monumental.

His fingers slid through my hair, parting the wind-bitten-tangles easily until he got to the back of my head, his fingers pausing briefly.. His expression darkened and twisted grimly, his chest rumbling a warning growl. With a quick twist of his dexterous metal hand his fingers knotted into my hair viciously, pulling hard enough to make my back arch into him and a cry to leave my lips.

 **Distress.**

Now chest to chest, with me bowed to his will, he stared down at me, steel in his gaze, his eyes dark and searching as he stared hard into my own widened eyes. I wanted to say something.. do something... but I knew I couldn't.. He was lost in thought, trying to figure something out.. I didn't even know the question to ask, only James did.. and he was brutishly trying to figure out the answer. My small hands were still holding onto his normal forearm, trying to keep his fingers from pressing too intensely into the tender bone of my jaw, not that my grip could really do anything to him, let alone deter him.

His warm thumb gripping onto my chin suddenly lightened marginally, sweeping over to caress the underside of my bottom lip. Furrowing his eyebrows in what seemed to be confusion, Bucky tore his gaze from my eyes to look down at his hand that seemed to have moved of it's own will. The storm in his eyes got worse as his thumb backtracked to settle where it had been, gently gliding across my plump bottom lip once again.

With a clench of his jaw and a hard swallow, his fingers left my chin to trail down the column of my throat, his touch sent tingles up and down my spine and I couldn't help but shift nervously in his hold, which only made the fingers clenched tightly in my hair pull harder.

His fingers finally settled on the sapphire adorning the front of my throat, the sapphire he had used to decorate the tracking choker he had forcefully placed on my person.. A symbol of his protection and affection, even way back then. The rough pads of his fingers slid over the glinting, multifaceted surface over and over, sometimes dipping to caress the tender flesh of my neck. His eyes were a million miles away, his thoughts no doubt scrambled and jagged.

 **Frustration.**

Seemingly without any trigger, his body tensed and froze in front of me, his fingers stilling on the precious ore sitting on my throat. That anxious look in his eyes melted and was replaced with a dizzying look of annoyance as he quite suddenly glared down at my neck.. But he wasn't really looking at me, that much was obvious. Something in his head.. a thought, or an idea, had irritated him.

I might as well have been a ghost in that moment, stuck in his grasp but unable to move and incapable of speech.. He couldn't even see me in that moment, he was so far out of my reach that it was terrifying.. The way his breath quickened, his chest rising and falling a bit more rapidly as whatever he was thinking about twisted around like gnarled vines in his mind.

With an abrupt and violent shake of his head, his jaw clenched again, his teeth grinding. The fight behind his eyes was impressive and captivating, I couldn't look away. I was reminded then, why blue had become my favorite color.. Why the Sapphire, heavy on my neck as it was, made me happy.. Because it reminded me of those all-consuming blue orbs of his.. The eyes of the man I loved.

 **Resignation.**

With a deep inhale, he dropped his gaze away from the gem at my throat to hang his head. The way he had my body arched into him caused his hair to tickle my chest as he let his head dip close to the source of my heartbeat. His eyes were closed tightly, his lips drawn into a tight frown as seconds passed us by, his forehead inches from touching my sternum.

It was hard to see him from this angle, with my hair pulled so sharply backwards that I was pretty much forced to look at the ceiling.. If it wasn't for the vast differences in our heights, I doubted I'd be able to look at the turmoil playing across his face at all.

The normal hand still resting idly on my choker moved, even as the rest of him didn't. He pulled his arm out of my grip easily, I hadn't even realized I had still been holding onto his wrist... His warm fingers trailed up and over my left hand in an almost ghosting motion. Without any warning, his fingers wrapped all the way around my wrist, and suddenly jerked my arm down and back behind me, twisting it and locking it against my lower back, forcing me to bow into him further - pulled taught like a bow.

I groaned as my muscles protested, finally deciding that whatever this is, I needed to speak up and question him. Before I could, however, he opened his eyes, meeting my startled gaze with a look of such heart-wrenching finality I was stunned stupid. What.. the... I couldn't recognize the look in his eyes, I had never seen it before.. It was something new, something heavy and formidable.. Something so raw.. that I was both in awe and frightened. He hadn't lifted his head to look at me directly, choosing instead to just lock his eyes onto mine, the effect made his eyes look darker than normal - almost villainous in their determination.

 _Whatever James Barnes had been thinking so hard about, he had his answer._

 **Jealousy.**

James' lethal metal fingers twisted tighter into my orange strands, pulling hard on the strands wrapped in his fist. Wimpering, I pushed my body further against his, trying to escape some of the tension of his grip. My free hand snapped up to grip onto the metal coiled into my hair, which didn't help in the slightest.

"James!" I cried out in protest, startled by the sudden turn of aggression.

"Do you trust Captain America more than me?" The words were no more than a snarl ground out between tightly clenched teeth. It wasn't lost on me how he had chosen to refer to his once-bestfriend as 'Captain America' instead of using his name.

Meeting his eyes, confused, I saw how much tension had gathered in his face and shoulders.. How volatile his eyes were. How could he even ask that?! Hadn't I just explained that I trusted him?!

"What?!" I blurted out. "Of course not!" I couldn't help the distress that colored my tone. My spine was arched uncomfortably, and even though his warm, muscled body was pressed tightly against mine as he towered over my form, I knew that I couldn't let myself get lost in my hormones right now.

This was a perilous situation.. I needed him to see things my way. We needed Steve. And if that meant letting him pull my hair to make himself feel better and ask me all the questions weighing him down.. Well, so be it.

"Do you think he can protect you better than I can?" The words were malicious and cutting and I was once again floored by such a question.. Was this something that he was seriously worried about? All because I was standing up for Steve? All because I knew Steve Rogers could be trusted? Fuck! The only reason I knew that without a shadow of a doubt was because of James! They had been inseparable since childhood! Until Hydra had fucked everything up!

"No!" I spit out the words in a hurry, before his grip could constrict any further.. Sure, the grip in my hair was a bit painful, but it wasn't unbearable.. and if I was honest with myself, rough times like these were only bad because they made my mind go promptly into the gutter.. A little bit of pain plus James had a way of making my core tighten and my mind turn into mush.

"Are you certain?" He pushed, making sure I knew exactly what I was telling him.

"Yes." My voice didn't waver in the slightest as I pulled against his tight hold to properly meet his frigid stare.

"I'm going to make you prove that." He promised, his tone foreboding and resolute.

 **Yearning.**

The darkness displayed in those blue depths was staggering and I felt my heart clench painfully in response. That stare told me years and years of nothing but pain and emptiness. That stare held so much veiled violence and conviction that I felt cold even with his warmth seeping into my bones. That stare was a direct window to the shadows that had melded with his soul, tainting it. That stare reminded me just how formidable this man was before me, but it also showed me just how afraid he was of himself.

That look while both threatening and vulnerable, turned my entire world on it's axis once again.

James, while of course.. a Super-Soldier, was still human at the end of the day. Despite how much he himself believed he was nothing but a monster. In his head, I was the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. I was his humanity.. I was the only good he had left.. and he was afraid someone was going to take me away. Right now, he was afraid that person was Steve Rogers.

Steve was an exact physical representation of something Bucky could never be again - a hero, a good guy. At least that's how James seemed to view it. He was still full of so much self loathing.. I hated it. I wanted him to see himself like I did.

The silver hand gripping onto my hair loosened, relieving the pressure on my scalp. Twisting his hand, his finger pads starting rubbing out the tension that he head created. Surprised by the change, my breath hitched in my chest as his fingers worked magic across my scalp. Sighing slightly, I felt my body melt into his touch without my consent. It was both annoying and amazing how easily he could make me melt in his embrace... especially right after such blatant displays of hostility.. I was more than a little fucked up.

 **Need.**

Slowly, almost leisurely, James pulled his fingers from my hair, my hand still gripping onto his wrist. With a subtle twist of his hand, he caught my hand in his securely, pulling it down and behind my back like he had with my other. Squirming in his hold a bit anxiously, I couldn't help but wonder where his head was at - was he going to have another abruptly aggressive moment? Or was he calm now? It was hard to tell him him..

Once he had my other hand within reaching distance of the first, he shifted to catch both of my wrists with his large metal hand, easily pinning them against my lowerback. Shifting to stand up straight so that he once again towered over me impressively, he pushed forward until I was firmly against the wall once more, my wrists forcing me to slightly arch into him still.

For several lengthy moments, he just stood there against me, his front pressed tightly into mine, his hips bracing the majority of his weight as he leaned into me, just studying my face. I couldn't bring myself to look away from that dark stare, couldn't stop looking at him even as his eyes searched my face as if it was the first time he was seeing me. Truly seeing me.

 **Exhaustion.**

James raised his now free, normal hand to rest his forearm against the wall next to my face, his fist clenched above the top of my head as he leaned his weight onto his diagonally-rested arm, taking most of his weight off of me, while still effectively caging me against him.

Sighing deeply, he leaned forward to rest his forehead onto his clenched fist, shutting his eyes, cutting off the world around us. As his body relaxed against mine, the tension draining from his broad shoulders, I was once again startled by just how utterly exhausted he looked. It reminded me of those weeks in Canada, when he had been ignoring me and neither of us had been sleeping.

He looked drained and weary.. He looked very much like the nearly one-hundred year old soldier he was. He was a man that had seen too much, been deprived of too much, and had too much stolen away from him - including his former life and the memories of said life.

Slumping back against his hold and the wall, not caring that my hands were now digging uncomfortably against my spine, I let out a exasperated sigh as I dropped my head back to rest against the wall. This man was complicated.. ridiculously so. He looked as tired as I felt.. which could only mean he felt utterly fucking depleted...

Nibbling on my bottom lip lightly, I searched my brain for something to say, to help ease the unrest in his thoughts... The fact that we were still sitting here despite the fact that Steve had showed up meant that some of what I was saying was making sense to him.. He was just being difficult because he was worried.. A lot of it having to do with the fact that he didn't trust Steve around me...

"I'm not going anywhere you know? I'm with you." My voice was barely above a whisper, sincerity coating over my words like fine wine - I needed him to believe me, because it was true. I didn't want to be anywhere else.

 **Hunger.**

James' eyes snapped open sharply, his gaze intense as he stared hard at the wall between my head and his fist, practically burning a hole straight through it. His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes darted to entangle my own, my breath catching in my throat at the surprised and fierce look in his eyes. What the hell? I hadn't said anything he shouldn't have known already? Why was he looking at me like that?

" _Till the end of the line..._ " He whispered it under his breath, his tone a mixture of several things all at once. A complex and unstable cocktail of so many emotions that I was beyond baffled.

I wasn't sure if he was asking a question or not, but I nodded slowly all the same...

Bucky's grip on my wrists was gone in an instant as he pulled himself off the wall in one lighting fast motion. Before I could blink, hell, before my eyes could even settle on his face again he pounced. His normal hand was on my cheek, warm and secure, while his cool, metal one settled on the other side of my neck, the lengths of his fingers insistent on the back of my neck.

Using his grip on the back of my neck to keep me in place, he stepped forward, eliminating the space between our bodies as he dipped low. His lips found home on my own in a brutal clash of teeth and tongue as he angled my head where he wanted it. His kiss was punishing and domineering as he stole the breath right out of my lungs. Shifting, he nipped harshly on my bottom lip, drawing blood. With a quick stroke of his tongue, he soothed the wound he had created, moving to lap at the blood as I whimpered in his hold, grasping onto the front of his black t-shirt.

With a quick swipe of his tongue he pushed passed my lips to tangle his tongue with my own, and I had to remind myself to breath as the taste of iron and strawberries assaulted my senses. With every stroke of his tongue a little more of my rational mind left, leaving nothing but James Barnes behind. The way his large, muscled, physically imposing body seemed to run at a higher temperature than normal, the way he always smelled of fresh snow, gun powder, and vanilla body wash. The way his touch seemed to brand my skin, forever marking me as his.

He was intoxicating.

Pulling away abruptly, he left me to catch my breath as he angled me back against the wall, his metal hand tipping my head to the side while his normal hand slid tantalizingly down my neck, and across my shoulder to find purchase on my upper arm, gripping tightly. Moments later his mouth started placing hot kisses across my jaw and down onto my neck. On a particularly sensitive patch of flesh, just below my jaw, he bit down, sucking hard to keep the pleasurable sting of pain at a gasping-level, pulling a forced mewl from my mouth as I arched in his grasp, gripping onto him tighter.

He continued his assault on my neck while keeping me firmly in place against him, leaving sizable love bites and bruises all the way down past my choker, onto the juncture where neck met shoulder. The stubble across his jaw scraped against my now-hyper-sensitive flesh, making me groan as he licked across my collarbone, pulling a shudder from my spine.

He met my eyes then, just a quick upwards glance of those turbulent blue orbs, my heart stuttered in my chest in response. I wasn't sure what brought on this surge of aggressive affection, but I wanted it all, anything he was willing to give me.

Standing up straight, he slid both his hands down my sides, tracing my curves. Dipping slightly, he wrapped his hands under the backs of my thighs, lifting me up off the ground. Startled, I reached up and wrapped my arms around his strong neck, not willing to teeter unevenly in his grip.

I watched in annoyance as his sinful mouth twitched at the edges, showing his amusement at my worry. Before I could bark some annoyed quip at him, he was sauntering across the room with me firmly in his arms, halting my train of thought as his fingers dug into the tender flesh of my thighs.

Frowning at him, I decided that fair was fair. Narrowing my eyes and sending him a mischievous smirk which I was sure he caught, I leaned to place small little kisses on the corner of his mouth before trailing them across his jaw, my pace deliberately slow. Twirling a small section of his exceedingly soft hair between my fingers, I nipped firmly on his stubble-covered jaw. I felt the rumble of his chest before I heard his low growl - his composure slipping.

Before I could tease him further, his hands shifted off my thighs, snapping up to my hips. Quicker than I could comprehend I was airborne, my grip on him gone. The bed was plush and comfortable as I landed on it, bouncing slightly. James wasn't far behind, and by the look on his face, I was glad I had gotten the birth control implant before I met him.

He was on me in an instant, his powerful thighs straddling my legs as he gripped onto my shoulders and shoved me down onto the bed. Faster than I could gain my bearings his large hands slid off of my shoulders to grip the collar of my long-sleeve. Before I could protest, he pulled hard, shredding the fabric right down the middle, exposing my black bra to his ravenous gaze.

"Hey!" I protested, annoyed at his blatant lack of care for my clothes despite how my abdomen clenched in excitement.

He ignored me, only sending a quick and rather pleased glance my way.

Sitting up and angling back with his knees on either side of me, he shifted to toe off his heavy boots. Reaching down, he gripped onto the hem of his shirt and pulled it up and over his head, tossing it off to the side without a care, revealing his wickedly sinful chest to my gaze.

"Lay up on the pillows." He demanded, his voice husky and low with need.

Swallowing hard, I shifted to crawl out from under him and further up the bed, settling against the pillows nervously. Laying comfortably on my back, I watched each one of his muscles tense and bunch as he crawled his way up the bed towards me, his stance that of a predator stalking prey.. and holy fuck was it both intimidating and mouth-watering.

Once he was close enough, he shifted to grasp onto my ankles, moving slow, he slid his hands up the length of my calves, his touch firm and decisive, but tender at the same time, almost teasing. Sliding over the bend of my knee, he shifted his hands to glide up my inner thighs, spreading them effortlessly. I couldn't help but blush as he slide into place between my legs, his hips tightly wedged between my trembling thighs.

Before he could continue his assault and complete his mission of turning me into a moaning mess, I moved my hands in between us to glide up the delicious planes of his abdominal muscles. Feeling each dip and ridge of his abs with my fingers. He stayed perfectly still, letting me touch him, allowing me to explore. His heated, impatient gaze the only indication that I didn't have long before he took back control of the situation.

Splaying my palms flat, I enjoyed sliding my hands up and over his strong pectorals before exploring the vast expanse of his broad shoulders, feeling each rigidly tight muscle underneath. Taking the opportunity, I slid my right hand down to trace the scar tissue that merged flesh and metal together. He tensed under my fingers, and for a moment I was worried he didn't like me touching this particular area.. But the positively feral gaze that he turned onto me told me otherwise. Maybe he liked that it didn't bother me?

Before I could contemplate this idea any further, he surged forward, claiming my mouth with his own. His kiss was vicious as he gripped hard on my torso, pulling me up and into his body so that his arm could snake behind me. A quick flick of his fingers at my spine and my bra loosened on my shoulders. Tearing his mouth from mine, he practically ripped the garment from my body, I heard some of the stitches strain and pull as he threw it off the bed.

His mouth was back on me in a micro-second, once again surprising me with just how fast he could actually move when unrestrained. This time his lips wrapped around one petal-pink nipple, scraping his teeth against the tender nub. I groaned sharply in surprise, gripping tightly onto his shoulders as he tortured the sensitive peak with his teeth and tongue.

His other hand didn't stay idle long. Cupping my other breast firmly, he rolled my nipple between his fingers, pinching sharply. My hips rolled and lifted against his own unconsciously, making him growl into my breast as he moved away from the now aching peak to leave more of his love bites across the tender flesh of my breast.

Grinding my teeth together, I tried to control the wanton noises spilling from my throat, but it was no use. He was tactical in his assault, taking advantage of each weak point on my body. Some that I wasn't even aware I had.

Groaning harshly, I dug my nails into his shoulders, ripping another growl from his mouth as his hips rolled into mine, creating delicious friction between our bodies as he finished making a trail of bruises across my chest. Not allowing me to protest, his mouth left my skin as he moved to sit up on his knees, giving me another lovely eyeful of his impressive physique.

Moving his hands down to my hips, he undid the button and zipper of my jeans quickly. Lifting my hips to accommodate him, I watched as he gripped onto the heavy material, shifting back to pull them down my legs. He carelessly tossed them off the bed like every other article of clothing I had lost so far.

Sitting up to meet him halfway, I did my best to ignore the slight tremor of my hands. I wasn't sure if they were shaking from nerves or anticipation.. All I knew was that I wanted James, and I wanted him right now. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anything before.. His gaze was smoldering as he watched me reach for his belt, quickly undoing it - the small jingle of metal sounding overly loud in the near deathly silent room.

With a quick twist of my hands, I managed to get the button of his black tactical pants undone. With a deep, anxious inhale, I slowly lowered the zipper - the slight clicking of the metal teeth audible to even my own ears. My heartbeat hitched in my chest as I met his scalding gaze. Without a second thought, I pushed his pants down past his hips watching the heat in those arctic depths burn brighter.

My pace was obviously far too slow for Bucky, who promptly snatched my hands into his own and pushed me back until I was once again laying on the blankets, this time with my hands up by my head. With a quick and rather lustful sweep of his eyes, he pulled back away from me.

"Stay." He growled.

I forced myself not to move, only allowing my head to turn and follow his movements as he moved and stepped off the side of the bed. In quick, dexterous movements he rid himself of his pants and socks, leaving him in black boxer briefs that fit his toned thighs a little too nicely.. I couldn't help but trail my eyes over the muscles of his chest, down the slope of that dangerous looking 'V', to the evidence of his arousal still hidden behind black fabric.

 _Fuck._

Forcing myself to meet his eyes, I realized he had already been watching my face, waiting for me to look at him. I felt the blush heat up under my freckle-covered cheeks, spreading down my neck towards my chest as he reached down and hooked his fingers into the waistband. Holding his gaze like this was almost too much for my stuttering heart to take, and yet, I couldn't manage to look away from him either. Slowly, almost tortuously so, he pushed the fabric down his legs.

Letting the fabric pool at his feet, he stepped back towards the bed, stepping out of them. All the while, I kept my eyes on his, even as he started crawling up the bed towards me. Stopping just before my legs, he ran his hands up and over my thighs, letting my skin sizzle back into hypersensitivity by the feeling of his palms ghosting across my skin, one rough and warm, the other smooth and cold.

When his fingers gripped onto the hem of my panties, I lifted my hips without hesitation, giving him a rather pointed stare. I wasn't willing to let him ruin these too. I was already down a shirt, and possibly my bra depending on how mangled it was when I finally got to take a look at it.

With a subtle twitch of his mouth, he pulled my black panties down and off my legs, tossing them aside to join the mess of clothes scattered across the room. I couldn't help but let my eyes drift down as he moved to situate between my legs again. If there was any doubt left in my head that James didn't want me as much as I wanted him, it was long gone now, pushed out of my head by the state of him. He was hard and ready, his size impressive enough to send a bit of anxious anticipation surging up my spine. A nervous thought fluttered through my brain, I'd be lucky if he didn't split me in half. I should have known he'd be well endowed, the rest of him had been indication of that. Everything about James was imposing.. from his large form, to his abrasive, unyielding personality.

Settling over me, his hips were back between my thighs, but not as close as before. He used his normal forearm to prop himself up next to me, angling most of his body to my left. I wondered if I was allowed to move yet? He must have caught the subtle twitch of my hands because his eyebrows furrowed as he locked his eyes onto my own.

"No." He commanded, easily guessing I wanted to move out of the position he placed me in.

Grinding my teeth, I huffed at him in impatience.. I just wanted to touch him, and here he was, being overly domineering and controlling.. not letting me-

His metal hand slide up my inner thigh, tickling the tender flesh with the wintry metal of his fingers, halting my thoughts. I was almost frozen in apprehension, my thighs shaking on either side of him as he trailed those fingers over my core, testing how wet I was for him already.

His chest rumbled in a pleased sort of growl, his eyes making me writhe under his gaze as my heart thundered erratically in my chest, tattooing it's shape into my rib-cage. His metal finger circled my entrance, once, than twice, before pushing all the way past my folds, leaving me gasping and my hands clenching by my head as I tried to remain still. Hazily, my mind clouded in pleasure, I watched as his eyes narrowed on my face, his own control pulling taught as he started an excruciatingly slow pace, preparing me for him.

The slow coil tightening deep in my belly had me shifting against him, my hips rotating without my consent as I whined in need. Anytime my eyes trailed away from his own, he'd slow even further, forcing me to look back at him and keep his hungry stare. After several long minutes of torture, his thumb brushed over my clit as he pulled his hand back away, forcing my knees to clench around his hips as I fought the groan of protest by biting down on my already cut lip.

He didn't leave me wanting for long, a second finger joined the first, thrusting inside me, pulling a sharp moan from my mouth as I was left shaking in his hold. The coil of my impending orgasm wound up tighter and tighter. His pace was quicker now, but still far too slow as he worked those fingers in and out of my moist heat, pulling strangled moans from my lips as I pleaded to him with my eyes to end this torture of his.

The veiled aggression behind his eyes didn't scare me, I knew it wasn't violence behind those glacial depths, it was full on primal lust tangled with dark promises. And they were all for me..

"Please." I whispered, my mind cloudy with desire.

His eyes fell shut as he took a deep breath through his nose, shuddering against me. My begging apparently effecting him in ways I hadn't anticipated as he did his best to hold himself in check.

"James." I whined again, lifting my hips against his hand.

Eyes snapping open, he met my gaze again, eyebrows furrowed and irritated. He obviously had figured out that I knew exactly what begging seemed to do to him.. With a rough grind of his teeth, he picked up his pace, curling his fingers inside me to hit that perfect spot of bliss over and over again, his thumb torturous on my bundle of nerves. With a sharp cry, I arched my back into him, lifting my hips as my orgasm washed over me.

As soon as I came down from cloud nine, he was moving, shifting to settle over me, his larger, muscled form dwarfing my small frame as he poised above me, his hips wedged tightly between my clenching thighs, keeping them spread even as they quaked on either side of him.

Ensnaring my eyes again as he balanced on one palm, he reached down between our bodies to line up his length against my pussy. His eyes, while still dark, now glinted with intent. His tightly leashed control snapped in one painfully pleasurable movement as his hips surged forward as he buried himself to the hilt inside of me, snarling as our hips connected savagely, making me scream for him.

My thoughts felt like they had been ripped out of my head, all I knew was James - all I cared about in this moment was Bucky. _My Super Soldier._ My complicated, and overly attractive man. We were alone in this moment, just us, back in our Winter Wonderland.. The rest of the world far away as we took solace in each other, abandoning ourselves to finally be together.

His fist clenched into the sheets next to my head as he shook above me, holding himself in check as he waited for me to adjust to his rather impressive size. I felt unbelievably full, and oh-so-fucking-good, just a bit more than a sliver of pain tingling up my spine as pleasure coursed through my body. Slowly, I shifted my hands next to my head, anxious to see if he would bark at me not to move them, but no such order came.

With almost agonizing slowness, I raised my hands to grip onto his biceps, my fingers digging into his normal one as I shifted my hips against him, testing how it felt. The sensation made me jolt and clench down around him as my nerves went wild. He growled against me as he dipped his head down, his back bending slightly as he nipped at my collarbone. Smirking slightly, I repeated the motion, shifting and rolling my hips the best I could while trapped underneath him. My nerve endings felt like they were on fire, he was so god damn deep and every time I shifted, my whole world felt like it was shifting.

Apparently, that's all the incentive he needed. With a rough intake of air, he pulled back away from me, retreating almost all the way before slamming back inside of me, ripping a shriek from my mouth as he wrenched the control away from me. I watched through half-lidded eyes as a full blown, and rather dangerous looking _smile_ crossed over his mouth. His pace was vicious, his thrusts hard and quick, pulling moan after moan from my lips as he mercilessly claimed me in the most ancient and primal of dances. I could do nothing but hold on and do my best to meet each of his violent thrusts as the tension began building up in my abdomen again.

This continued for what felt like hours, the stamina of a Super-Solder really wasn't an exaggerated thing, and I just knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that I was going to be damn sore tomorrow.

His teeth found purchase on every patch of skin that he could reach, his metal hand attentive and insistent as he mapped my body, committing it to memory, learning every curve, attacking every erogenous zone that I had. My hands didn't stay idle either, they just couldn't. I trailed my fingers across all the hard muscles of his torso, scratched when the sensations became overwhelming, and pulled hard on his hair when he bit too harshly into my skin, his own control having not returned. He _fucked,_ with reckless abandon, and yet.. precise and assured.. It was maddening. I was pretty sure I was never going to be the same again, he had taken my mind and he had warped and corrupted it.

My legs were quivering on either side of him, when suddenly, quicker than I could follow, James pulled from my grip, my hands gripping nothing but air as he sat up, still fully inside me. He re-positioned me quickly, managing to get my legs over his arms so that my calves dangled over his elbows as he pulled my legs apart lewdly. Blushing fiercely, I wanted to protest.. My own insecurities surfacing... But then he moved, resuming his relentless pace, this time, even deeper, hitting that one spot just right.

My mind was gone as he pistoned his hips, his force brutal enough to have me reaching up to twist one hand in the sheets next to my head, and the other bracing flat against the headboard above me. I couldn't keep his stare anymore, my eyes were practically rolling in the back of my head as my toes curled tightly. James' expression turned savage, his movements bordering erratic, his pace no longer even and precise in it's onslaught.

With a scream, I came undone in his hold, unraveling at the seams as I arched and tensed, screaming his name. My world was in shattered fragments, but vaguely I heard his feral snarl as he came with me, tumbling over that edge just a few thrusts after I did, our hips practically glued together.

He was still, almost statue like as we both slowly descended from our violent orgasm.. The sounds of our ragged breathing the only sound in the otherwise muted atmosphere. I felt.. bruised.. Bruised and utterly satiated.

"Katarina..." His voice rumbled low and surprisingly gentle, though labored with his harsh breath.

Forcing my eyes back open from post orgasmic bliss, I registered that he was still very much hard and ready inside me. He was sporting a rather smug and otherwise satisfied smile as observed my flushed and fatigued features.

"W-what?" I questioned, my voice hoarse and my body aching in the absolute best of ways.

"We're not done yet, sweetheart." He promised wickedly, making butterflies twist about and take flight in my stomach, even as my body protested.

I was in for a long night.

* * *

Well then... Hahahaha! Hopefully this chapter makes up for the fact that I made you guys wait a really long time for this update.. I'm sorry for that by the way.. Life is just.. crazy. I have my own computer again, no more borrowing my cousin's laptop. It took a while for all the parts to get here.. and then the set up was frustrating as all hell, and just.. UGH. Add in my depression getting the better of me lately and things have just been a bit mad. I have missed all of you guys though! And I want to thank you all for your continued flow of reviews and support! They honestly helped me keep going on some really tough days.

This chapter took me literal DAYS to edit, I've been a little over-critical with it I think.. I just wanted it to be perfect, and it took me quite a while to get to a place where I was semi-pleased with it. I'm curious if you guys will guess just what James had figured out towards the beginning of this chapter.. We shall see I suppose. Anyways, I really hope you guys love this chapter and find that the wait was worth it! Again, I love all of you! You're amazing! Until next time my lovelies, Read and Review! ~


	42. Ruined

You know one of the best things about having a Super-Soldier for a boyfriend?

The stamina.

Thanks to James Buchanan Barnes, I hadn't gotten a lot of sleep. The few times I did manage to fall asleep for a bit, I was woke back up by a very aroused, and an incredibly handsy Bucky. Not that I'm complaining really.. Several orgasms in one night does wonders for a girls mood - even when sleep deprived.

But god damn, I'm definitely feeling the strain of being worked by someone twice my size.. Not that it's a bad sort of pain, more of a pleasurable dull ache than anything else.

I was definitely figuring out that I had some masochistic tendencies.

The sun had yet to peak up over the horizon, leaving the early morning hours eerily quiet as the snow outside muffled most of the noise from the surrounding forest. Bucky was laying down on his stomach, half of his face obscured in the plush pillow under his head. The blankets stopping just above his delicious, toned backside, hiding it from view. He was still very much tantalizingly naked.. just tempting me to reach out and stroke down the strong muscles of his back.

I had rediscovered a bit of modesty a bit ago and pulled James' large t-shirt over my head. It fell down to mid-thigh and hung off one of my slender shoulders, leaving the slightly cool air to nip at my skin as I sat up next to James, watching his face.

He was resting peacefully, so peacefully in fact I was almost convinced he was sleeping.

Almost.

He was just relaxing though.. Waiting to pounce and ravish me all over again.. Making me scream his name, over.. and over.. I couldn't help the shudder that raced down my spine, tickling my senses and making heat pool into the apex of my thighs once more.. And just from the mere thought of it...

Fuck, he's ruined me. Now I'm sex-crazed for him. Fantastic.

"James?" My voice was soft, but still too loud in the muted atmosphere. I was almost afraid my words would violently break the peaceful silence, like shattering glass.

He hummed in the back of his throat in response, I took it as an okay to continue, though, I was still slightly afraid to. I didn't want to mess up this moment, to ruin what we had going on. This was a rare occasion for us.. We were both so relaxed and at ease with each other. I didn't want it to ever go back to the way it had been before. Not now that we had crossed the intimacy line. Hell, we hadn't just crossed it, we had vaulted over it and kept on going.

Despite my fears, I knew I needed to buck up and grasp onto my courage. You've got this, Katarina! Don't be a coward, that's not who you are.

"Do you think.. " I swallowed thickly. No, that's not right.. ughh.. fuck! Just blurt it out, gods! "Are you going to give Steve a chance?" The sentence was practically one very long word with how quick I rushed the words out of my mouth.

I felt like I was waiting on baited breath as the silence one again stretched between us. Seconds feeling more like minutes. I couldn't help but wonder if he was honestly mulling over his answer or trying to figure out what the fuck I had even said. Good job Katarina, A-freaking-plus.

Finally, his gorgeous blue eyes opened to look at my face as I sat there, half tucked under the blankets next to him.

"For you, yes." His voice was nothing more than a gravely relaxed grumble.

Holy shit, I had fucked the Winter Soldier into being reasonable!? This was one of those moments of the ages, I was sure. Honestly kind of glad no one was around to document it.. This would be a weird section in a history book.

Smiling, I shifted closer to him, watching him closely for any signs of movement. He stayed perfectly still, his eyes following to watch me close the gap between us. Swinging my leg over, I straddling his ridiculously amazing ass, my hands instantly finding purchase on his broad back. The muscles were tense, his flesh heated. I caught the curious look he sent me over his shoulder, but ignored the silent question. I was going to let my actions do the talking this time. I wasn't going to let my knack of rambling ruin this time together.. This.. change between us.

For as long as I had known James, I had, had the insatiable urge to just touch him.. And now that he had all but vaulted over what I was officially calling 'the intimacy line' and thoroughly fucked my brains out - I was going to touch him all I wanted.. within reason of course.

After all, the man is still a loose cannon.

 _My loose cannon._

Pressing my fingers firmly into the curve of his lower back I started kneading the taught muscles, easing the tension and strain slowly but surely. I just barely caught the slight hitch in James' breath as he realized what I was doing and I couldn't help but grin broadly, fully pleased that I had obviously surprised him.

As much as I wanted to enjoy the moment, even gloat a bit and ask him if he was enjoying himself.. I didn't want my cheeky sass to make him stop me. I was more than content to just massage his overworked muscles and enjoy the closeness of his body. This was an entirely different level of intimacy, and I craved it as much as I craved the feeling of him thrusting into me.

As I worked further and further up his back, I noticed the slight change in his posture and overall aura that he always seemed to give off. He was relaxing under my hands, practically sinking into the mattress as his eyes fell shut once again. This was better than I could have hoped for and my heart practically stuttered in my chest. He.. he trusted me enough to relax with me... Holy shit.

It seemed that today was a day full of surprises.

The realization that James trusted me was staggering.. and I was a bit awestruck. This powerful, paranoid, vulnerable and broken man.. _Trusted me_. My head felt like I had gone ten rounds on a roller-coaster with lots of loops. Attempting to focus, I turned my attention to the important topic of the early morning.

"When are you going to call Steve?" I probed softly, trying to keep the mood light.

Without any warning, James suddenly rolled, sending me toppling off of his back and back into the center of the plush bed. Before I could right myself and send him a well deserved glare for startling me, he was moving. He was off the bed in one swift and fluid movement, baring his gorgeous and very naked form to my eyes once more. When he moved like that, he reminded me more of a jungle cat than a man. Turning, he met my gaze, his hair tousled, and his stubble looking a bit more pronounced than it had the day before. He looked.. _wild._

James' eyed me, slowly, making me shift under his gaze and forget the fact that I was going to yell at him. What was he thinking? He was looking at me as if we hadn't just fucked like rabbits, but he really, really wanted to. I decided I really liked that look.. It made me feel beautiful and wanted. Like I was on top of the fucking world and nothing could possibly tear me down.

Moving forward, he scooped me off the bed and into his toned arms easily, leaving me nothing to do but obediently wrap my arms up and around his neck.

"Where are we going?" The air was a bit too chilly for my tastes. It was biting at my bare legs and arms, making goosebumps appear across the pale expanse.

"Shower." Was his simply stated answer.

Wait. Hold the phone..

We were going to shower.. together?! Like.. Together-together?! Right now?!

Fucking, fuck.. My brain officially felt like it had been turned upside down.. I was way happier than I should be by the news. A shower with James?! Sign me the fuck up.

I don't know what I exactly did to rack up so many good karma points in a row, but whatever I did.. I'm really glad I did it.

I tried not to let my overly eager feelings show on my face.. Instead opting to keep what I hoped was a cool, neutral expression on - much like James' adorned all the time.

In a matter of seconds, James had the both of us in the bathroom and I was once again standing on my own two feet. The expensive tile was icey under my feet and I had to resist the urge to shift from one foot to the other as James gathered towels and turned the water to what I hoped was a very hot temperature.

The shower was definitely big enough to fit the both of us, and quite comfortably considering James' large bulk.. Suddenly, I was hit with fresh nerves as he closed the space between us once again, his naked form both enticing and intimidating. It wasn't because I didn't want it, or I didn't want this moment with him.. It was just the realization of how far we had come and how much I now had to lose...

How far I could fall...

The irony of my thoughts just a few minutes prior wasn't lost on me.. One look had sent me soaring to the top of the metaphorical world.. And now, now my own insecurities were sending me plummeting back down to Earth.. To reality.

We had come a long way from James trying to kill me in that back alley in Washington D.C.. We had crossed mental and physical barriers.. We had crossed oceans together. And now here we were, in some upscale cabin in Sweden.. about to share our first shower together.

Things were definitely getting a bit surreal. It had been far past my hopes to even kiss this man.. let alone share a bed together.. and now... Now we were doing normal, average, couple stuff. All the while, being hunted by Crossbones who just a few days ago had used explosives as some weird-ass version of foreplay and James had promised to kill all of Hydra. For me.

Fate had a strange sense of humor.

James' hands smoothing up my thighs sent every thought that wasn't of him flying out of my head. Shifting, I met his intense, burning gaze with my own startled eyes. The subtle quirk of his mouth told me that he knew I had been lost in my own thoughts.

"As much as I like how you look in my shirt..." His fingers played with the hem of said shirt lightly before he pulled it up and over my head before I could even somewhat prepare myself. The playful tone of his voice sent my heart hammering against my ribs, threatening to split my chest open in front of him.

The cold bit into my skin from every direction, my nipples tightening from the air and the look on James' face as he once again drank in my appearance almost languidly. His eyes darkened as lust overtook those sapphire depths once more.

Oh boy.

With a subtle, but sharp intake of breath, Bucky took a hold of my upper arm and guided me into the shower ahead of him.. I couldn't help but smile at him, always manhandling, always pushy.. Realizing that some things wouldn't change, despite how things progressed between us, was oddly comforting and it helped ease my nervousness at being naked in very exposing lighting. Though, to be fair, I doubt the dark bedroom had hindered James' vision at all. I wasn't sure if that made me feel better, or worse.

He certainly had nothing to be ashamed of, the man was a Super-Soldier, he was built like some dark-haired fucking Adonis. Me? I was average.. I had too many freckles, several new scars and.. I stopped short as I caught a glimpse of my hips.

 _Oh._

I had a few new bruises to add to my fading collection.

Love bites littered my chest and I imagined my neck and shoulders as well.. Hand shaped bruises decorated either side of my hips and thighs. Meanwhile, I hadn't left a single lasting mark on him. My scratches had healed and faded already, my own bite marks long gone. He really wasn't fair... not at all.

I sent him a quick, playful glare, which he caught as I pointed to the particularly fun bruises on my hips. Smirking, he moved forward and pushed me under the surprisingly strong shower spray. The water was nirvana.. Just hot enough to jar my senses and immediately start easing the tension in my back. Closing my eyes, I tipped my head back, letting myself unwind and forget my insecurities as well as my fears. I could do this... I could do this! This was James.. The man that had seen me at some of my all time worst moments. The man that was so fucking tough and yet.. he managed to be vulnerable with me. I could be vulnerable with him too.. Not just emotionally.. But physically too.

James' arms wrapped around my midsection as he slid up against me, joining me under the over-sized shower head. I didn't quite think it was possible for Bucky to feel any warmer than he already did, but the water heated up his already ridiculously hot body temperature, practically making him scalding as he fit so perfectly against my own frame.

Bucky didn't stay stationary for long, forcing me to open my eyes to figure out what he was doing.

Grabbing the shampoo bottle, he poured the liquid into his large palm before he shifted his eyes to catch mine in a purposeful gesture.

"Step forward."

Too curious to argue, I did as I was told.

Bucky shifted around to stand behind me, his chest molding against my back as he nudged me completely out of the spray with his body. All the while, tangling his hands into my hair, working the shampoo into the fiery strands with precision that was honestly surprising. His fingers felt ridiculously good as he massaged my scalp and worked through tangles he had created earlier in the night. Letting myself relax, I leaned back against him, tipping my head back for easier access. Oh gods.. a girl could definitely get used to this.

Biting my lip, I willed myself to remain still as he shifted me backwards to rinse my hair. He was very careful, and I found that this was another one of those things that James was just naturally good at.. much like everything else. His fingers worked through my hair like it was second nature, he was methodical and worked with the utmost care.. His actions settled hard into my chest, finding a home with everything else he did, into the deepest, darkest parts of my heart.

Once I was sure all the shampoo was out of my hair, I stepped out of his arms, willing the surge of almost hysterical emotion back down into the depths it had come from. Now wasn't the time to get all lovey-dovey and mushy. I would not ruin this.. I would not push too hard too fast. I was going to take whatever he wanted to give me.. whenever he wanted to give it.

Turning around to look at him, I shot him my own purposeful look, trying to show him with my eyes what I wanted.

"My turn." I demanded, itching to be able to run my fingers through his hair in a more casual setting. Sure.. I had pulled said strands enough in the last several hours.. but I wanted more. A lot more. I was greedy for him, I wasn't going to deny that.

He raised an eyebrow at me, amusement flashing in his gaze.

"And how are you going to accomplish that?" He gestured between the two of us with a finger, drawing attention to the blatant height difference as I stared up at him.

Shifting to the side, closer to the shower wall, I gestured for him to switch positions with me. Slinking forward, he did as I asked, moving forward while I moved back until the spray of the shower was once again beating against the tired muscles surrounding my spine. His eyes were locked onto my own as he gazed down his nose at me, a Soldier at the ready.. just waiting for my next command.

"Bend." I tried to keep the bossy tone, but the unspoken 'please' practically bled into my voice.

Sending me a rather mischievous look, Bucky slowly kneeled down in front of me.. a lot lower than I expected him to. His large hands caught my hips as his face leveled with my sternum, his warm breath fanning against my skin causing my brain to short-circuit. I knew then with almost ridiculous certainty, that James was a fucking tease... and a good one when he set his mind to it.

He smugly caught my eyes once more as he lifted the shampoo bottle to hand to me, his stubble scraping across the seemingly overly-sensitive flesh of my stomach as he leaned to press a kiss to the bottom of my rib-cage, purposely scraping his stubble-covered cheek against my skin. Swallowing hard, I gathered an adequate amount of shampoo into my palms, moving to lather it into his dark hair.

All the while I worked, trying to put as much care into the task as I could, while being mindful of getting any on his face - James worked twice as hard to distract me. He placed too-soft of kisses across my rib-cage and in between my breasts, almost ghosting before suddenly taking a quick nip with his teeth, sending me hissing and shifting forward against him.

"James." I growled in warning.

He chuckled in response, not the least bit apologetic.

Narrowing my eyes, I stepped out of his reach and pointed at the water.

"Rinse." I demanded, trying to ignore the fact that I was once again wet and aching for him.

Standing up smoothly, he leaned forward just enough to invade my space.

"Yes ma'am." The ghost of his Brooklyn accent tickled the shell of my ear as he brushed passed me, sending me shivering and struggling to contain my groan of want.

Fucking hell! This man was literally going to kill me.. Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.. The Winter Soldier.. secret fucking lady killer.. Bet he used to get all those dames back in the day. Honestly, at this point, it wouldn't be surprising.

I sent another glare his way as he tipped his head back under the water. I couldn't help but follow the trail of water as it slid down the strong chords of his neck, down onto his firm, broad chest... Over the sinful ridges of his abdominal muscles and -

Tearing my eyes away I focused on the opposite wall, trying to will my mind from wandering back to the naked and wet God standing behind me.. Thor be damned.. I had seen the supposed straight-up-out-of-Norse-Mythology God on television back during the battle of New York.. and Bucky definitely gave him a run for his money.

Large, heated hands suddenly gripped onto my shoulders, pulling me carefully backwards until my back was resting against his chest. Adjusting slightly, he suddenly had our vanilla body wash in his hands, he idly waved it in front of my face so I could see his intentions.

"Don't move." He breathed, his voice thick and hot as his breath tickled the shell of my ear once more.

Swallowing hard, I nodded.

Oh yeah, piece of cake. Noooo problem.

Confident that I wasn't going anywhere, he poured the soap into his hands, rubbing them together to create a rich, foamy lather. He moved slowly and teasingly.. Starting on the slope of my neck, he followed the natural curve of my body. He glided down my shoulders, over my arms, and then back up my sides before gliding across my stomach and up to my breasts, cupping them firmly.

Tensing lightly, I willed myself to stay perfectly still as he toyed with my nipples, twisting and pulling until standing still became a chore. Groaning, I shifted lightly, trying to ease the growing ache between my thighs. It was barely a move - but he noticed. With a reprimanding twist, he harshly pulled on the hardened peaks, pulling a surprised cry from my mouth. Pleasure bled with pain, and my confused body just grew more heated. I liked him rough.. I liked him demanding.

"What did I say, Katarina?" His voice was a low, amused rumble. His low tone vibrated through his chest into my spine, sending a new surge of arousal straight into my core.

"Don't move." I repeated, breathlessly.

Humming in the back of his throat, he shifted us back just enough that we were both under the hot spray of the shower once more, rinsing the soap from both our bodies. Once he was satisfied, he moved the both of us forward once more. The shower had grown foggy with the steam, it created an almost other-worldly atmosphere. Everything was so muted, so isolated out here in our snow covered cabin that the added in thrum of the steady shower beating down behind us and the swirling steam surrounding us.. This moment was almost dream like..

If this was a dream, I never wanted to wake.

His metal hand glinted in the soft light as his fingers ghosted down my sternum, over my stomach, and between my thighs, cupping me firmly, ripping a strangled groan from my lips.

"Are you going to behave?" He questioned mercilessly, no doubt feeling how slick for him I was already.

Not willing to risk my voice shaking, I simply nodded again, arching into his touch almost wantonly.

"I can't hear you." He teased, nipping at my ear.

"Yes!" I rasped, my voice huskier than I thought it would be. I was practically shaking with the effort to remain still, every nerve ending felt too sensitive.. my skin just too tender. I was attuned to his touch, and I god damn needed more of it.

Parting my folds, he slid a single metal digit deep into my pussy, stroking the sensitive walls almost lazily, sending my knees shaking and my lust soaring. A second finger joined the first as his teeth sunk into the juncture of my neck and shoulder, sending me wobbling back against him. Sliding his other arm around me for support, he gripped onto my opposite shoulder, holding me steady and upright against him. His thumb swept idle little patterns against the skin of my arm, making my mind dizzy as his metal fingers worked a different tempo on my insides.

My hands shook at my sides, gripping at air as I resisted the urge to reach up and grip onto the strong forearm across my chest. His onslaught of attention didn't stop there, his mouth.. as dangerous as any other part of him started peppering kisses across the length of my shoulder and onto my neck. Humming thoughtfully, he bit down onto the slope of my neck, leaving a perfect impression of his teeth in bruise form pulling a hiss from my already clenched teeth. He soothed with his tongue, licking almost lewdly up my neck before adding a small little nip to my earlobe as he sunk his fingers particularly deep inside me sending my head crashing back against his strong, supportive shoulder.

With an amused chuckle, he pulled back away from me, leaving me frustrated and shaking in his absence. Oh hell no.. No, no, no!

Growling, I whipped around, grabbing ahold of his firm length before he could so much as take another step backwards away from me. Hissing through his teeth at my rather bold move, his intense, almost feral gaze found mine. His gaze was like a maelstrom of emotions, his gaze was heated, but the color was all but gone from his eyes, taken over by the empty black of his blown pupils. Pure, unadulterated lust burned like a city on fire behind his eyes, but there was a sense of desperation there too.. and a shine of surprise at how I had turned things around.. The tick in his jaw was back as he clenched his teeth hard, accenting the strong line of his jaw and the more pronounced shadow of facial hair.

Narrowing my eyes slightly, I stepped closer, stroking the length of him as I did so. My thumb firmly stroking over the head of his arousal in a slow, circular pattern, brushing the sensitive underside firmly with every downward turn.

I watched as his stormy, cobalt-blue gaze darkened further as a violent sort of longing spiraled through his gaze. With another pump of my hand, I moved into action - choosing to just let my instincts guide me before I lost the courage to do what I wanted. Dropping to my knees in front of him, I glanced up to see his reaction, the slight widening of his eyes proved that I had once again surprised him.. But that slight hitch in his breath told me that he wasn't displeased with this new direction.. the twitch of his hands told me he was getting impatient with me being in control, however. Gathering my courage, I leaned forward and swiped my tongue on the underside of his cock, dragging slow and firm.

His metal hand surged upwards, tangling into my hair and gripping hard. The grip was meant to both pull me away, and move me closer, as if he was conflicted about what he wanted more in that moment.. To be in control, or to have my mouth wrapped around his length, letting his length sink to the back of my throat.

Stamping down the last bit of my nerves, I took him into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the tip before scraping my teeth just barely across the sensitive head. The grip he had on my hair was almost painful as I relaxed my mouth and throat to take more of him, humming just lightly to create what I hoped would be a nice vibration as I gripped onto the base of him harder, eager to see him unravel.

James growled lowly, his control snapping.

With a rough yank, I was up and off my knees, facing down a very aroused Super-Soldier that had lost his patience with our foreplay. Guess that's the end of today's experimenting.. His impatient and dominate nature just couldn't let me be in control for long.. even if it was all for him.

His hands found the side of my face as he pulled me up onto the tip of my toes and crushed his mouth against mine, stealing the breath straight from my lungs as his tongue swept over my bottom lip before his teeth sunk into the tender flesh, pulling a gasp from my mouth and offering him what he wanted. Without quarter, his tongue swept into my mouth, curling against my own, pulling mine into a dance of dominance - one I was sure to lose. He nipped and plundered, taking what he wanted. His fingers were bruising as he curled around to the back of my neck, keeping me in place. He was all teeth and tongue, all desperation and hunger.

Flicking his tongue playfully against mine one last time, he ended the kiss, turning instead to pepper kisses down my jaw and towards my neck. Moving quickly, he bent low and took a nipple into his mouth, sucking sharply. Arching my back into him, gasping, my hands wound into his hair before I fully comprehended what I was doing. With a low growl, he scraped his teeth against the sensitive peak, pulling a sharp moan from my mouth as my knees weakened and wobbled.

Pulling back slightly, he gave a quick nip to the underside of my breast before turning and letting his nose skim along my sternum as he found his way back up the side of my neck to my ear.

"Arms around my neck." He demanded huskily.

Reaching up, I wound my arms tightly around his neck as his hands came down to grasp the back of my thighs, fingers harshly digging in. In one swift motion, he had me up and off my feet and against the shower wall, holding me firmly in place. He met my gaze evenly, a certain edge of dark mischief present in his gaze - a look I had come to know very well over the last several hours. A look that meant nothing but sweet, delicious, torture.

I wasn't having any of that! Not right now! Not after all of this. I wanted him inside me, and I wanted it now.

Carefully, I unwound one arm from around his neck, being sure to hold steady with the other as I reached down between our bodies and grabbed onto his length. He seemed to know exactly what I was doing as he angled his hips back just enough for me to to line the head of his dick up against my entrance, but he wouldn't give me what I wanted, just kept me poised right above what I needed most in this moment.

His dark gaze was heated and primal, and I almost had trouble meeting him as I begged with my eyes. The Winter Soldier was merciless, even like this. Especially like this.

"James." I breathed, my voice barely above a whisper as I wiggled my hips against the wall.

"What, doll?" That frustrating, rare smirk was back on his features. The back and forth of his varying moods affected him even now, in these kind of situations. The constant tug-of-war between the two vastly different sides of who he was.. It was something you had to get used to in every sort of interaction with him.. The crazy degree of just how fast things could change in less than a second.

I scowled again.

"You know what!" I snapped impatiently, my own control dimming down low.

"Tsk, tsk.." He teased, leaning in to run his tongue over my bottom lip and then down my jaw, nipping lightly. He had long since figured out that I liked when he bit me.. whether playfully or more firmly.

Shuddering in his arms I groaned and grasped onto him harder, pulling a hiss from his clenched teeth as he shot me a frustrated look. Steeling his shoulders, he gripped the back of my thighs a bit more roughly, his fingers digging hard into the soft flesh.

"Tell me what you want." He baited.

I bit my tongue, glaring at him.

This man was going to be the death of me, I was sure... That is, if it was possible to die from being sexually frustrated. Then again, if that was true.. I would have died many, many weeks ago.

"Come on, Katarina.." His deep voice grumbled, sinfully. "Do you want me to make love to you?" He whispered lowly, an eyebrow raising in question. "Or do you want me to fuck you?" His tone had dropped extra low, turning into gravel as he studied my face with those maelstrom-like eyes.

Fuck.

Now there was a sentence I had never expected to come from his mouth... Who knew that this quiet, stoic man was capable of such.. tempting vulgarity. Swallowing hard, I clenched my eyes shut tightly. Taking a long, deep breath through my nose, I tried to sooth my racing heart before I once again looked up through my lashes to meet his eyes.

"Fuck me, please."

I didn't care how wanton I sounded, I didn't care how utterly debauched this entire situation was.. I just needed James. I was so fucking wet I was sure I was ruined. Ruined for the rest of eternity, ruined in the best and worst possible way. I had an ache that I was sure was never going to leave, an ache that only he could fill and satisfy. A deep rooted sort of need that didn't leave and grant me peace until he was pushed so deep inside of me that I was sure he was hitting my cervix, until I was seeing stars and every nerve ending in my body was burning, until I wasn't sure where he began and I ended. And if the way he was grinding his teeth was any indication.. he was suffering the same fate I was.

Growling in appreciation, he grasped onto my wrist and pulled it up and back onto his shoulder, until I was gripping onto him tightly. Once he was sure I had a good grip, his normal hand wandered back down to my thigh, grasping to mirror it's metallic twin. With a sharp intake of breath, he moved impossibly quick, his hands left my thighs to bruise my hips once more as he quite suddenly pulled me down onto him as he surged upwards, burying inside of me in one smooth stroke - ripping a shriek from my mouth as my senses were suddenly overloaded with nothing but him as he filled me so completely I felt like my brain was going haywire.

With a long, drawn-out pull of his hips, he manhandled me like I was nothing more than a doll as he pulled out of me once more until nothing but the head of his arousal was left inside of me, leaving me aching and whimpering.

I didn't have to wait for long.

For as slow and leisurely as he pulled out, he thrust back inside of me brutally, bruising my insides in a way that blended pleasure with pain and set my nerve endings on fire. Without proper thought, I tipped my head back, exposing my throat to his ravenous mouth. He nipped and sucked, creating more of a war-zone on my throat than I already had. All the while he kept his pace. He pulled out slow and easy, leaving me both wanting and full of anticipation as I waited for the hard thrust of his hips as he buried back inside me. Again and again, until I was sure his intention was to make me forget every word except his name.

My toes curled as the coil deep in my core pulled tighter and tighter with each passing moment. Digging my nails into his shoulders, I held on the best as I could - even as my legs startled to tremble as the aches from before amplified. I was thankful then for how light I must feel to Bucky for him to be able to keep the both of us upright and semi-comfortable as he fucked me hard against the shower wall, my back scraping against the wet, warm tiles as he drove into me over and over - stealing my sanity away one thrust at a time.

His name spilled from my mouth more times than I could count, it had become my mantra in that moment, the only thing that I knew inside my brain asides from the overwhelming pleasure he onslaught my body with. He left me so undeniably full every time he pulled me back down onto him that I had a feeling I was always going to be left wanting when he wasn't inside me. Always anxious for the next time we could be connected like this again.

He had certainly corrupted my world with his touch - he had practically branded me with it. We weren't healthy, neither of us screamed 'functional human being', but like this.. together.. together we could feel whole.. Feel alright with the world that had tore bits and pieces away from us. Feel alright with the fact that we were so utterly broken that this was the only time we felt so high on life that nothing could touch us.

Bucky's thrusts turned erratic, he had lost the patience to be slow and teasing when he pulled out of me. Instead he was thrusting with reckless abandon as he neared his peak, pulling me right along with him. For the first time since our long night had started, we reached orgasm at the same time, both of us stumbling over the edge together as we came undone at the seams. I wasn't sure where I ended and he began.. With one last pull of his hands, he practically snarled as his release washed over him, pulling a sharp scream from my throat as my own followed quite suddenly.

My legs felt like jello as he slowly pulled out of me, releasing me to stand on my own two feet, his hands helping to stabilize me. His gaze was soft, relaxed even as he gazed down at me with a sort of fondness that he had never granted me with before. Sure, I could blame that momentary blip of tender emotion on the fact that we had just quite literally fucked ourselves silly - but I wasn't going to. Unless James' emotions were out of control, he never showed anything he didn't want to in those heart shattering-blue depths of his..

That look he gave had been purposeful, and for my eyes only. In this moment, I wasn't on Hydra's most wanted list, and James wasn't some ex-Hydra asset. He was James Buchanan Barnes, The Winter Soldier, a man so far out of time it was almost ridiculous. And me? I was just Katarina Elaine Rosewood, an orphan, and an average girl with a foul mouth and a talent for tinkering.

And for right now, that was enough.

* * *

I would like to apologize firstly, for how long this has taken me to post. I got a new job two months ago, and the transition was difficult to say the least. I have spent the last two months trying to get used to working as I had been previously unemployed for quite some time. It's a shitty excuse, but I did think about you guys and this story often. I'm hoping to balance my schedule a bit better from here on out with regular updates once again. Thank you to everyone who continued to support me even though I left you guys hanging for a while. I won't be giving up on this story, so don't think for a moment that I've abandoned it or you guys. That isn't going to happen. I love this story so much, and you guys are fucking spectacular.

On another note, anyone been watching Netflix's 'The Punisher' Marvel series? It's sooooo good! I want to watch it again and again, I need more! I've been waiting for this show since they had him appear in Daredevil season 2, and fuckkk, I am not disappointed! Anywho, rambling about Frank Castle aside, I hope you are all enjoying the Holidays thus far. As always, read and review. I really do hope you enjoy this chapter.


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